Memories of Gold

by Ali Olson

  “The soup will help you gain strength,” she said to him in her lightly accented English.

  He looked over at her and watched her pour the broth into a bowl and bring it to him, and he realized that he had not thanked her or spoken to her about anything other than his desire to leave. Embarrassment washed over him. She had evidently saved his life and nursed him for however long he had been unconscious, and he didn’t even know her name. Had never bothered to ask.

  When she set the soup beside him and helped him slowly move into a sitting position, he truly looked at her for the first time. She was quite young, probably in her early twenties, but it was clear she had worked hard for many years. Her hands were calloused and knotted, though gentle, and her arms were strong and appeared accustomed to labor. She also seemed quite unafraid, despite the fact that she had a strange man in her house, where she apparently lived alone.

  Not that he could do anything to her even if he had designs upon her, Jimmy thought wryly as he grimaced from the ache in his shoulder. In this situation, he was the defenseless one.

  He tried to reach for the spoon, but she shooed his hand away and began feeding him. After the initial embarrassment of the situation, he realized how little mobility even his uninjured arm had and gave himself up to her nursing with only a small amount of chagrin.

  “Thank you very much, for everything,” he said, looking earnestly at her, trying to rectify his previous behavior.

  She nodded and said, “You are welcome. It is not often a nearly dead man washes up on my side of the river,” then continued to spoon the warm broth into his mouth.

  He chuckled and shrugged. “If it happened more regularly, would you have just walked past or something?”

  She laughed. “Possibly. I would get very behind on my housework if I was saving strangers all the time.”

  He nodded, enjoying the small reprieve from his pain. After a few more spoonfuls, he said, “I don’t even know your name.”

  Her smile widened a little. “Guadalupe,” she responded.

  “Hi, Guadalupe. Name’s Jimmy.”

  She was silent for a moment, then asked, “What did you do to cause these wounds?”

  “I was helping some lawmen find a few thieves and ended up in the middle of a shootout,” he explained, grimacing when he shifted his position.

  “I was a little worried when you washed up that I was bringing an outlaw into my home who had been shot and left for dead, so I’m glad to hear you were on the right side.”

  He was amused by her words. “I could be lying. I imagine a deranged killer would avoid saying that fact outright.”

  “I can tell when people lie to me most of the time. You seem to be telling the truth. Even if you were lying, you can hardly sit up and you have no gun. I have one and know how to shoot. I doubt I should be worried.”

  Jimmy nodded. “That seems enough reason to be unafraid.”

  He was only too aware of his infirmed state, and his lack of a firearm had been very aware of not very long ago.

  “If you were only helping the lawmen, they should have tried to protect you,” she commented, shaking her head.

  “We didn’t expect to find the thieves; there was really no time to do anything when they came out firing. To be fair, I was paying little attention to my surroundings. My thoughts were … elsewhere.”

  She nodded. “The same person you must leave to find. Maria?” she asked, her voice matter-of-fact, as if she was confirming something she already knew.

  The shock of this stranger knowing Maria’s name reverberated through him. Before he could manage a reply, she continued, “You said the name when you were sleeping. Many times. Is she your amor, your love?”

  His heart beat faster at he recalled the thoughts of her that had been swirling through his head as he rode.

  “Yes. I love Maria.”

  It felt heavenly to say it aloud. He had the urge to push himself out of the makeshift bed and return to her, but restrained himself. As Guadalupe, had made clear, he was simply too weak. He would never make it out the door, even if she was not there to stop him. And there was nothing he could do about that.

  She fed him the last of the soup, her eyes holding a tinge of sadness he could not understand. “That is enough talk. You need rest.”

  He nodded slightly, his eyes feeling heavy now that he had eaten, and his pain was no more than a quiet growl so long as he stayed immobile. He closed his eyes and thought of Maria, picturing her one last time before he drifted into sleep.

  Chapter 9

  Maria sat at the table, holding onto the cup of tea as if it was a life preserver keeping her from drowning. She leaned her forehead against the lip of the cup, unable to do more than focus on the warmth of her hands, the steam curling up into her hairline. Her body was torn between an intense feeling of the necessity of action and one of complete lethargy.

  “What should I do? What can I do?” she finally asked the older woman sitting across from her.

  Angelina looked at her, confused. “What do you mean, what can you do? You started working there when you were a poor, uneducated girl from the mining camps. You had nothing else. Now you are a refined woman that knows how to read and write splendidly, and you even have a passable amount of French. You have a bit of money saved up. Why not take your sister and leave town, find someplace new, and set yourself up as a tutor? If you let an inexpensive home with a garden, you can make enough teaching others to keep you living just fine.”

  Maria considered the idea. She had been living such a different life for the past year that it would be a big change to wear calico instead of silk and work with her mind and her hands instead of her body, but all those changes sounded wonderful to her, and helped her soul lift a little. It wasn’t the life she had dreamed of while in Jimmy’s arms, but that died with him. She and Emma would be on their own. If she couldn’t be with Jimmy, alone was all she had.

  Maria nodded slowly as her mind began to come back to life after its long stupor. She would need to begin gathering her things, making decisions, and planning her future immediately, and she had no time to curl in a ball and mourn her loss any more than she already had.

  Her heart still ached within her, every swallow felt as if it was working around a lump of sobs waiting to escape, and her eyes felt tired and sore, but she knew that there was no time to waste. For now, she had to be strong and active, whatever her heart felt.

  She started to get up, forcing herself to begin preparations. Angelina forced her back into the chair. “Mary—“

  “It’s Maria,” Maria interrupted almost fiercely. “I ain’t going to pretend I’m someone else any longer.”

  Angelina smiled. “Good. I like that better. Maria, you are definitely not going out there this second to begin this huge plan. You’re worn out, sad, and can barely lift your head. You shall stay here tonight and wait until morning before starting to make your preparations.”

  Maria wanted to protest. She was strong and had faced issues head-on for her entire life, but her head was still bowed low to the table and she knew that the will was simply not in her right now. Even though it was early in the afternoon, she allowed Angelina to lead her to a bedroom and she sank onto the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

  Maria awoke slowly, enjoying the feeling of strength in her limbs and the happiness that lingered from her dream. Then she remembered the events of the previous day and all the pain and sorrow crashed back down on her. She breathed deeply, refusing to let the sorrow take control.

  The time for rest was over, and now it was time for action. She knew what she had to do, and she had no time to waste wallowing in self-pity. She had slumbered through the evening and night, and it was now morning, a new day to set her on her way. Maria stood and took stock of her possessions. She had left all her clothes back at Daisy’s, and the dress she wore was torn and dirty from the events of the previous day.

  Even if it was clean and pressed, she knew that silks and other f
ine materials no longer matched her future. She would need to go back and retrieve her simplest calico dresses to take with her for her new life. She had left in such a panicked rush the day before that she never told anyone about her resolve to leave, and now she felt a measure of guilt. Daisy had always been good to her, and Josie had been a close friend for a long time, and she just up and left without a thought for them.

  She would go back, talk to them, change her clothes, and then begin to make her way out in the world with Emma.

  Maria stood, gathered her items together in her bag once more, and left the room quietly. She was unsure of the exact time and she hoped not to wake anyone, so she tiptoed down the short hallway. Her precautions proved unnecessary, however, for Mrs. Swenson was sitting once again at the table with a cup of tea in her hands, as if she hadn’t moved since the previous afternoon.

  “Well, good morning! I trust you feel a little better after your rest. You look better, at any rate, no longer like you will fall down at any moment.”

  Maria was anxious to get started on her tasks, and the ache inside her was still so overwhelming that chit-chat seemed impossible, but she resolved to sit for a few minutes with this woman who had helped her so much. She moved towards the table and the older woman reached over for a mug and the tea kettle.

  “Thank you again, Angelina, for your help yesterday. I do feel a bit better.”

  “I can see you still hurt, but you’re strong and will do what needs to be done regardless, eh?”

  Maria nodded, wiping away a few quick tears. Angelina put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, and Maria nearly collapsed into a bout of weeping, but there was no time for that. She took a deep, quavering breath and set down the still-full mug. “I have so much to do today, I don’t know how I can get everything ready. I would like to leave town tomorrow if possible.”

  “Tomorrow? That’s not enough time! Why rush yourself?”

  “I need to get out of here, and if I’m going to do it, I want to do it now.”

  Angelina looked at the young woman’s face, a picture of near-despair. “A new location isn’t going to take away your pain, you know,” she murmured.

  “Maybe not, but at least I shall be doing something. I cannot sit around here and think—“ she broke off and cleared her throat.

  “Well, then, where are you going to go?”

  “I think I’ll go to Redding for now. It’s a big enough town to need a tutor. I shall find some work there.”

  Angelina nodded glumly. “Redding is a good idea, but be careful. It may be a short trip, but it will take you a day or two nonetheless. Fred will drive you and Emma in our cart. Don’t refuse—“ she could see that Maria was about to protest the generosity “It’s not much, but it’ll get you where you need to go. He has some supplies he has wanted to get that he cannot get here, and this will be the perfect opportunity for him, so don’t you fret yourself about it.”

  Maria nodded and smiled at her friend, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes or her heart.

  After leaving Angelina’s house, Maria first went back to Daisy’s to gather her things. The moment she walked in the door, the commotion was nearly deafening.

  Josie stormed up to her the instant she saw her. “Where have you been, Mary? We’ve been looking high and low for you for hours now! I come back and your things look ransacked, and you’re gone without a word. We were all so worried!”

  Maria felt guilt rise in her chest. It hadn’t occurred to her in her pain and panic of the day before to leave a note or explain to someone where she had gone. “I’m sorry, Josie. I needed to leave, and I didn’t think of telling anybody. I just came back for a few things.”

  “You’re leaving? Just like that? Did Jimmy propose or something’?”

  Maria’s eyes filled with tears. She didn’t think she could bring herself to explain everything that happened. She looked at the ground and took a deep breath, then replied softly, “Jimmy’s gone, Josie.”

  Josie immediately wrapped her arms around her friend, but Maria broke out of the embrace after only a few seconds. She wanted to sit and cry on her friend’s shoulder, but there was just too much to do.

  “I’m fine, Josie. Really.”

  Josie looked at her skeptically as Maria wiped her bloodshot eyes with her hand; Maria looked anything but okay at the moment, and she knew it, but she had to keep going.

  “I just need to get out of this town,” she continued. “I came back to grab a few more things, and then Emma and I are leaving. We’re moving to Redding. I’m going to get us a place and start working as a tutor.”

  Josie said nothing. Her thoughtful silence unnerved Maria a little, and she began heading for the stairs. Josie followed her into their shared room. Finally, as Maria was sorting through her dresses for the plainest and most suited to her new life, Josie spoke up again. “You know, you don’t need to leave.”

  “Yes I do,” Maria responded almost fiercely, feeling the panic rising within her again. “You don’t understand. I can’t do this anymore. I must get away from here.”

  “Daisy won’t be happy.”

  Maria’s stomach wrenched. She had no inclination to explain the situation to Daisy, to fight against the indomitable woman’s bargaining and convincing. It exhausted her to consider it, and she was so tired already. “Would it be awful if I asked you to tell her?”

  Josie’s deep sigh broke through the fog in Maria’s brain. It was far more than a sigh of resignation or burden. More a sigh of confession. Josie’s voice was quiet. “I don’t work here anymore, either. I told Daisy yesterday, before I realized you were missing.”

  Maria looked to her friend’s open wardrobe and recognized the truth in the words. “Your dresses are gone,” she stated, dumbfounded.

  Josie shrugged. “Yep. I sold them to the tailor yesterday. That’s why I was there when the earthquake hit.”

  Maria turned to Josie, whose face was drawn and tired. “Why? What’s going on, Josie?”

  Josie shook her head. “Let’s discuss it another time. You have too many worries now as it is.”

  Maria knew it was true, but she also saw the desperation in Josie. Something was very wrong. “Tell me.”

  Josie looked down, shaking her head. “I’m sick, Mary.”

  “But when you get better—“

  “I won’t get better,” Josie said, cutting off Maria’s words. “The doctor told me yesterday morning.”

  Maria sat on the bed, her head swimming. There was too much for her to absorb. She couldn’t lose someone else so soon.

  After a long while, she turned to Josie. “How long…”

  “I have a couple months yet, but the doc said I’ll get much worse right at the end.”

  Maria was astonished. Josie seemed so collected, so calm about the whole thing. “Why aren’t you more upset, Josie?”

  Josie shrugged. “I’m tired, I guess. Tired of fighting, tired of pretending. I’ve been here for years, you know? Ever since I was sixteen and left alone with nobody to help me. I made a decent go of it, but now I want time to relax and see my daughter a little before I’m finished.”

  Maria didn’t know she had more tears to shed, but they streamed down her face. “You can’t die, Josie. Not you, too.”

  Josie seemed surprised. “What do you mean? Who else died?”

  The thought of repeating the words aloud tore at her, but Maria said them anyway. “Jimmy. He was shot yesterday.”

  Josie jumped up, a cough racking her skinny frame. “No! When you said he was gone, I thought you meant … oh, Maria, I am so sorry. I should never have said anything.”

  The two women wrapped their arms around one another and hugged for a long time.

  When the two women finally separated, Maria took her friend’s shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Come with me,” she said.

  Josie shook her head. “That’s ridiculous, Mary. You have enough to do taking care of yourself. I can’t have you take care of me as well. And I need
to be someplace with Alice.”

  Maria recognized the merit in her friend’s statement, and Josie didn’t even know about Emma yet, but that didn’t change what Maria knew to be right. “Josie, you are my dear friend. Is there someone you plan to spend these months with, except for Alice?”

  Josie’s expression told Maria all she needed to know.

  “Then please come with me, and bring Alice. I could use the company.”

  Josie nodded reluctantly. “Fine, I will. But please, Mary, don’t let me be a burden on you. I can give you the money I have for my care, and for Alice’s when I’m gone. I received a fair amount for my dresses and things.”

  Maria nodded, not wanting to argue. She just prayed nothing else would go wrong.

  She stood, feeling the weight of exhaustion in her bones. “I need to find Daisy.”

  “What are you going to tell her?”

  Maria shrugged. “I’m just going to say that I’m leaving for Redding. She can make of it what she wants. I can’t—“

  Maria stopped, not sure what she wanted to say; Josie nodded. There was no need to say anything more.

  Jimmy awoke, his shoulder itching terribly. He bit the inside of his lip in frustration. He couldn’t leave, couldn’t move much on his own, and now he couldn’t even sleep, all because of a little hole in his shoulder. He knew of plenty of men who had gotten shot and continued on with their lives without a problem, but the pain was still excruciating if he shifted his weight around much and he felt helpless against it.

  And now this itch, his new irritation that he could do nothing about. He pressed his head back and groaned as quietly as he could, trying not to wake Guadalupe. The smallest strip of light could just be seen on the edges of the mountains outside the window, and he knew that the sun would not rise for an hour or more.