A Mother's Sin

by Mia Henry

  ‘Ooh’, said Viv, ‘let’s go to the drug store and pick up a pregnancy test’.

  Later that afternoon, Viv and Ella, sat at Viv’s dining table, eyes peeled on a little white strip, hardly allowing themselves to blink. Two blue stripes would mean a positive result. It didn’t take long before both stripes began appearing.

  ‘They look too faint’, said Ella, with a kaleidoscope of butterflies swarming in her stomach.

  ‘Look Ella, those stripes just keep getting darker!’ said Viv, screeching with laughter.

  Rob didn’t want to believe it. He quipped, ‘I don’t trust home pregnancy tests’.

  They were leaving soon for Pittsburgh and would be meeting a gynecologist friend there.

  ‘When we get to Pittsburgh, I will get Sean to check you out’, said Rob.

  Ella also started to doubt the accuracy of the pregnancy test, as there were no obvious signs of feeling pregnant. Although her breasts did feel slightly tender, she had no nausea.

  However before she even got to Pittsburgh, the nausea started. By then Ella knew, even before Sean finally confirmed the result.

  Ella wasn’t feeling at all comfortable at having a friend give her the ‘full monty’ examination and then sharing a meal with him and his wife later that day. Of course, Rob just chuckled, but he was over the moon with the news. He had been a little apprehensive about getting too excited before it was properly confirmed – a skepticism born from the harsh realities of medical practice.

  The nausea didn’t go on for very long. All goes well with the pregnancy.

  As the months passed, both Rob and Ella remained undecided about staying in Canada or returning to their roots. They needed to make a decision before the baby was born.

  It was Eduardo and Nancy’s first grandchild and Ella’s sister Linda begged them to return and have the baby at home. They decided to return to Africa, but not before a two month holiday, touring the west coast of Canada and the USA. A close friend, with her two young children, who were visiting them from Africa, joined them.

  At thirty-two weeks pregnant, in June 1987, a very excited Rob and Ella returned home to the abounding joy of the family.

  The pregnancy had progressed well. Despite all the travelling and long flights, it was uncomplicated and hassle-free. Ella needed to find an obstetrician and start planning for the birth as soon as she returned home. It was only upon their return that an ultrasound, revealed the sex of the baby. They were elated at the news that it was to be a girl. Everything was on track and the baby was growing well. The obstetrician’s only concern was that the baby might be too big for a normal delivery, so he suggested x-rays to determine Ella’s pelvic size.

  They had only been back five weeks, but within that time, they had purchased a home and excitedly looked forward to starting a new chapter in their life, in their new home and as a new little family. They would however stay with Eduardo and Nancy until all their building alterations were complete in their new home.

  Rob had returned to work at the local hospital in the pediatric ward and had come home one afternoon feeling a little unwell.

  Two days later, early Friday morning, Ella started experiencing a fair amount of pain. She eventually called Rob. ‘I don’t think it is labor pains’, she whimpered.

  The pain became unrelenting. Nancy rushed Ella off to the doctor who admitted her immediately. The obstetrician was concerned that the pain could be due to placental abruption. A very dangerous condition whereby the placenta separates too early from the uterus prior to delivery. The pain just got more intense and unendurable. Ella tried explaining to the sisters and doctor that the pain was also in her chest; severe stabbing pain that made her breathing unbearable. This vital bit of diagnostic medical information was discounted and Ella was rushed to theatre where an emergency caesarian was performed.

  Tara-Lee was born, late Friday afternoon. She was a beautiful bouncing baby girl and the picture of health. The obstetrician was puzzled at the pain Ella had experienced. There had been no features of placental abruption at caesarian section. The very next day, all was going well with mom and baby. Sunday was a happy day. Ella and Rob were so proud of their new bundle and loved being constantly surrounded by lots of family and friends.

  By the end of the day, baby was a little niggly. ‘I think she is feeling a little overwhelmed from all the visitors and fuss,’ suggested Ella to Rob during the evening visit.

  Ella and the baby had been given the go ahead to go home the next morning.

  ‘Can’t wait to have my family home’, said Rob, as he kissed Ella goodnight before leaving the maternity wing.

  However in the morning, Ella felt a little unwell. When the doctor did his ward rounds, he noticed that Ella’s heart was racing and she had developed quite a bad temperature.

  ‘We don’t want baby also getting sick now, so she will need to stay in the nursery until we can establish what is wrong with you, Ella,’ said the apologetic obstetrician.

  Ella’s condition deteriorated considerably during the course of the day, yet the doctors and specialists that were called in, could not quite determine what was causing the illness.

  ‘Perhaps due to a very quick emergency Caesar, sterility was compromised resulting in an infection’, said a perplexed obstetrician.

  Even though desperately wishing to, Ella felt too ill to visit or attend her newborn. Tara-Lee was kept in the nursery. The next day, Tuesday, Ella remained on drips and was being administered high doses of antibiotics. Although far from feeling well, she was feeling considerably better than the day before. Clad in a mask and gloves she was allowed to visit her baby in the nursery. When she got wheeled into the nursery she was informed that her baby had not wanted to feed since the night before so they had inserted a feeding tube.

  ‘Her temperature is also up so we’re waiting for the pediatrician to come and see her,’ said the nurse who was attending to the baby.

  Ella sighed and looked down at her baby, lamenting to herself, ‘I would not be able to carry on living if anything happened to you’.

  By the Tuesday evening, baby’s condition had deteriorated so badly that she had to be transferred to the intensive care unit. It was a downward spiral from there. Something was ravaging her organs and from a healthy bouncy baby she had developed serious health complications. The pediatrician took two days off from his practice, in order to spend with Tara-Lee. He wanted to do everything in his power to save her.

  By Thursday things had deteriorated even further. Baby’s heart was showing signs of strain. She was going into liver failure and was oozing a frothy blood from her mouth and nose. The pediatrician did not think she would survive the night. Ella was devastated and the world around her became one big haze. She did not want to see the baby she had fallen head over heels in love with, suffering, let alone dying. Ella spent every moment crying and praying for a miracle. She begged God to intervene.

  ‘You must go and spend some time with your baby’, urged the pediatrician.

  Ella was mortified and too terrified to even just look at her baby.

  He further pleaded, ‘One day you’re going to look back and be sorry that you didn’t’.

  With a heavy heart, emotionally drained and a feeling of total despair sweeping through Ella’s soul, she allowed herself to be taken to ICU to spend time with her beautiful baby girl. Ella refused to say goodbye to Tara-Lee as her little faint blue body laid there, helpless, bruised in so many places. She begged her to keep fighting.

  That night was a sleepless night for Ella. Despite taking a sleeping tablet, every movement or noise Ella heard had her anxiously thinking, ‘they’re coming to tell me my baby is gone’.

  Then to everyone’s surprise, Tara-Lee survived the night. Her condition improved quite dramatically the next day, Friday. She was a fighter. At that point in time, the doctors had tried to fit all the pieces of the puz
zle together, and were convinced that she had contracted a Coxsakie virus. It was all starting to fall into place. It is a virus that causes pleurisy, which would explain Ella’s severe chest pain the day they wheeled her in for an emergency caesar. With anything from a two to seven day incubation period, it explained the baby getting ill a few days later. A Coxsakie is a flu-like virus, not life threatening to an adult or older child but life threatening to a newborn. Rob, working with children in a hospital, had not felt well two days prior to Ella getting the severe pains in her chest. So the doctors were now finally convinced that they were dealing with a virus, one that is easily spread.

  With the meaningful improvement in Tara-Lee’s condition, gave the doctors a flicker of hope. The pediatrician, in consultation with other pediatricians, made the decision on the Friday evening to transfuse Tara-Lee with blood. It was administered to her in the early hours of Saturday morning. Tara-Lee’s condition rapidly took a turn for the worst. It was downhill from there. Rob couldn’t help but to think:, ‘had they unintentionally interfered with her own fighting mechanisms? Blood transfusions are known to have immunosuppressant effects on recipients. Had this well meant therapy dealt a critical blow to Tara-Lee’s immature immune system, just as it had begun to gain the upper hand in it’s battle against this vicious virus?’

  Ella once more, broken and emotionally spent went to ICU. It was just after lunch on Saturday afternoon. As she gently held her baby’s hand she was surprised at how strong her little hand gripped her finger, but Ella whispered, ‘Stop fighting, if you can’t anymore’.

  The pain watching her baby suffering was the worst pain Ella had ever felt. She could not bare the sight of blood gently streaming out of her baby’s mouth and nose. It was no longer just a bloody froth. A broken, Ella, was taken back to the ward.

  Five minutes after Ella left Tara-Lee, and just after two in the afternoon, her heart rate suddenly started to drop rapidly and almost instantaneously, it just stopped. Rob was still with her. He sat there stupefied. His little girl had fought until she could no more. Her death was abrupt. It was all over. The nursing staff sobbed as they watched Rob do his last deed for his baby girl, with tears streaming down his face. He slowly disconnected her from all the monitors, removing the ventilator and all the tubes that were invading her little body. For a little while he was able to hold her, just her broken little body against his. It was a heartbreaking father’s goodbye.

  When Rob a little while later arrived at the ward, bearing the worst news, Ella wanted to be crushed by the pounding waves that were tossing her in a raging sea of emotions. She did not want to come up from the waters. Her little girl had been robbed of her life, of all her hopes and dreams; so why should she even be allowed to breathe, thought a grief stricken Ella about herself. A part of her had also died and she could not imagine life ever being the same again. For months, not only was the nursery at home empty, so was Ella’s heart. Her heart would never again be the same.

  Nancy was crushed. She had lost her first grandchild and her daughter was a broken woman.

  There it came again: She could not help being haunted by her past and consumed with guilt.

  CHAPTER 6

  RICHARD

  Richard had recently qualified as a chartered accountant. He had grown tall in stature with dark hair and grey/blue eyes. His career had become the prime focus of his life, and any spare time he did have he would spend with friends at the local pub.

  His wife had left him. An expeditious divorce! Richard was still grappling with the question of why his wife had filed for divorce, totally oblivious to the fact that she had been haunted by loneliness.

  He would pay the terrible price of losing two marriages because of his battles with-in, and the inability to recognize his selfishness and excessive ambitions. It would take many years and a life threatening accident for Richard to eventually find inner peace and allow himself, to live a more rich and fulfilling life of happiness and contentment.

  Not too long after his first divorce was finalized, he started spending more time with his friends in their favorite local pub. He was always irresistibly drawn to a woman’s physical traits, so was quick to notice a drop-dead gorgeous blonde walking towards the bar counter. A ramp model figure, dressed to kill.

  Suddenly Richard was intoxicated by her looks and her scent, as she walked right past him.

  Their eyes locked, Richard uttered a soft yelp, ‘Hi’.

  He thought she hadn’t heard it, and could not decide whether he was relieved or disappointed. Desiring to fill the void that had arisen in his life, he uncharacteristically threw all caution to the wind, so different from his work ethic. Without calculating any risks, he allowed himself the excitement and gratification of idolizing this new trophy, Amber.

  Although most women feel uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of stares, peeks and glances, Amber thrived on it. Yet Richard, very trusting by nature, was convinced that all intentions directed at himself, were as noble as his intentions towards her. This allowed him to dismiss any thought of the prize before him being capable of acting in bad faith. Letting go of that fantasy would continue to be a challenge for years to come.

  Amber now moved over to where the barman was standing but before ordering her drink deliberately glances at Richard. He responded.

  ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ he asked.

  Amber fluttered her eyelashes, knowing all too well the power she had over most men. She was dangerous. She reveled in the carnal delight of being placed upon a pedestal. She had been taught to exploit her looks in the hope that this would lead to the ultimate find, a super rich and good looking guy.

  This is how Richard and Amber met, and less than a year later they were married. Richard thought he had once again found happiness and immediately embraced the new role as father to Amber’s firstborn son, Pedro.

  Amber was enjoying her comfortable, complacent and carefree lifestyle in her new married life. She flourished in the glitzy, lavish and extravagant functions and holidays that were an integral part of Richard’s work.

  Barely a year after their marriage, their beautiful daughter, Stella was born. Before the arrival of their newborn, Richard was given an opportunity for a business venture in a neighboring country.

  ‘There is not a chance in hell, my daughter will be born in a foreign country’, Amber announced.

  So with promises of a life of further grandeur, Amber agreed to join Richard in the new country but only once baby had been born. Two weeks after Stella’s birth, a new life started in Beline, for Richard, Amber, Pedro and Stella.

  Pedro was denied any contact with his father, Aldo. Any letters or birthday cards that were sent to him from his father were immediately discarded. The only father, he knew, was Richard.

  The family set up their new home with all the bells and whistles, but Amber just could not get accustomed to their new abode, in a foreign country, lacking most of the luxurious amenities she was used to. There were no great malls, shopping spree opportunities or classy coffee shops. Despite the luxury of a beautiful home, Amber was becoming increasingly exasperated with her life in Beline.

  As a form of recreation she returned to horse riding but that was not enough to gratify her hedonistic nature.

  ‘Please can’t I live in River Bank with the children?’ she begged Richard.

  ‘No, why would you want us to live in separate homes?’ responded Richard, baffled that she would even suggest it.

  “Because you’re never around anyway. You’re married to your job’, her voice instantly rising with anger.

  ‘You up to your theatrical tactics again!’ Richard fired back.

  Now burning with rage, Amber hurled her toddler’s empty juice bottle at him. Throwing objects, slamming doors, and screaming obscenities were her natural reflexes, especially when she couldn’t get her way. When the whining became endless, and even destructive, Ric
hard would retreat to his ‘man cave’, his study.

  Next morning, as if nothing had happened, Richard suggested,

  ‘Maybe we can buy a place in River Bank and go there for weekends.’

  ‘Whatever’, she replied abruptly.

  As soon as Richard left for work Amber called her mother.

  “I can’t believe what an asshole of a man I married’ muttered Amber with a sigh.

  Mouthing a half-truth, she continued, ‘I suggested getting a home in River Bank. He gets all pissed off with me and says an outright no. Then, he changes his mind in the morning’.

  ‘Maybe he had a bad day at work, so wasn’t thinking straight,’ Betty responded, trying her best to console her daughter.

  Amber already had her eye on a smallholding she had seen advertised, so the next call was to the real estate. Two days later she drove to River Bank. She would be meeting her parents there, so they could go and view the property together.

  It was a quaint country house, with rolling lawns. It was a beautiful heavenly place, peaceful, and away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, yet close enough to civilization, she thought.

  Frank hinted that he and Betty could move in with Amber and the children.

  ‘This would be ideal’, suggested Frank, referring to a small cottage on the property where he and Betty could stay.

  The more Amber thought about it, the more ecstatic she became with the idea. It was also the perfect smallholding, which would allow her to keep her own horses.

  It was another shockingly humid early evening and Richard had just stepped out of the pool where the warm water was hardly even refreshing. Amber handed Richard a tumbler with his favorite whiskey packed with ice and with an eager smile she remarked, ‘You will love the place’.

  They both sat by the pool, waiting for their houseboy to finish preparing dinner. Amber was now just elaborating on the finer details as she had already excitedly called Richard at work immediately after having viewed the property. She was still feeding him the idea that they would go there just on weekends. The suggestion that Frank and Betty could live there and look after the property during the week pleased Richard.