A Mother's Sin

by Mia Henry

  Tiny fingers are beginning to form on my hands. Funny how small they are! I’ll be able to stroke my mother’s hair with them

  16th January 1990

  It wasn’t until today that the doctor told mum that I am living under her heart. Oh, how happy she must be! Are you happy, mum?

  21st January 1990

  My mom and dad are probably thinking about a name for me. But they don’t even know that I am a little girl. I want to be called Tammy. I am getting so big already

  6 February 1990

  My hair is growing. It is smooth and bright and shiny. I wonder what kind of hair mum has?

  10th February 1990

  I am just about able to see. It is dark around me. I now weigh 30 grams and am 75mm long. When mum brings me into the world it will be full of sunshine and flowers. But what I want more than anything is to see my mum. How do you look, mum?

  20th March 1990

  Today my mum got all excited because she felt me move inside her. Oh, she sounds so happy! I felt her heart beating fast with excitement

  3rd April 1990

  My mom had an ultrasound today. Hello mum! And she found out that I am a girl. She is so happy!

  21st May 1990

  I now weigh 1kg! I am starting to feel quite cramped in such a small space

  18th June 1990

  I am all ready to come into the world. But I heard doctor say NO, not for another 8 weeks. Poor mum has to lie in hospital

  14th August 1990

  The day finally arrives and at 11.17 am, into this world I have been born. It all looks so interesting and exciting!

  HELLO WORLD –BABY ME, PRE-SCHOOL AND FRIENDS

  I was born on the 14th August 1990. My mum delivered me by caesarian section. I weighed 2.93kg and I was 50cm long. On the 18 August 1990 I was discharged from the hospital.. Unfortunately I was born with a condition called ‘Goldenhar Syndrome,’ so my first months into this world involved a couple of surgeries, one in the Bay and some in Cape Town. I am still left with a heart and lung problem, which will require me having a heart and lung transplant sometime.

  My milestones were: 1st tooth at 5 months, started crawling and siting at 6 months, my first word was DADA at 7 months and I started to walk at 12 months.

  When I was three I went to a little playschool twice a week, called Edu-Thatch. My teacher’s name was Carrie. She was a lovely person. Unfortunately she died of brain cancer two years ago. She was 40 years old. My best friend at Edu-Thatch was Carrie-Lee. She had a twin brother called Matthew. When I was 4 years old I went to Hillell Pre-primary. I did not like that school so my mom moved me to Linkside Pre-primary. There I met Melissa and Ashleigh and Ross who are all now at primary school with me. My best friend was Aimee who started Grade 1 with me but immigrated to Australia when we were in Grade 3

  A highlight at Linkside Pre-primary was a camp to Loerie. My dad came with me. We had great fun! We had to go on an obstacle course. At the end of the course we had to swing on a rope over mud. Nobody made it across so we all landed up in a mud bath. It was so funny. I loved Linkside Pre-primary and was sad to leave there in December 1996.

  MY PRIMARY SCHOOL CAREER, TEACHERS AND FRIENDS

  Grade 6: My teacher this year is Mr. Blunt. My best friends are Marijka and Lara. The play this year was ‘School & Crossbones.’ I was an islander in the play this year.

  Grade 1: My teacher in Grade 1 was Miss Sneyling. We all called her Miss Snail because we couldn’t pronounce her name. My best friends were Melissa, Jessica, Kirsty and Sandiswa. Kirsty and Sandiswe both left our school at the end of Grade 5. One of the funniest moments I remember in Grade 1 was when we were doing swimming lessons. Miss Sneyling was standing by the pool explaining something and stepped backwards ….into the pool! Bag, cellphone and all.

  Grade 2: My teacher in Grade 2 was Miss Iverson. She was a cool teacher. My best friends were Melissa and Jessica.

  Grade 3: My teacher was Mrs. Theron. My best friend’s in Grade 3 was Amy, Melissa and Gordon. That year we had the Victorian Tea Party, which was a lot of fun.

  Grade 4: My teacher was Mrs. Andy. My best friend that year was

  Melissa and Lara. That year I was a fairy in the school play, ‘Kids Summer Nights Dream.’

  Grade 5: My teacher was Mr. Liston. My best friend was Kirsty. I was sad when she left at the end of that year. That year we went to Bolton Farm.

  Quite a tough walk on a very hot day!

  MY FAVOURITE THINGS

  Best friend: Justine. Fav male singer: Heinz Winckler. Fav female singer: Nelly Furtado. Fav male group: Blink 182. Fav female group: Atomic Kitten. Fav mixed group: S Club 7. Fav movie: Bend it like Beckham. Fav actor: Freddie Prinze Jnr. Fav actress: Sarah Michelle Gellar. Fav TV program: Survivor & The Amazing Race. Fav food: macaroni cheese. Fav dessert: apple crumble & custard. Fav chocolate: Crunchie. Fav candy: chocolate eclairs. Fav cooldrink: Mountain Dew.

  Fav hobby: surfing and boby boarding. Fav colour: blue.

  GREAT MOMENTS (AND NOT SO GREAT) IN MY LIFE

  I will start with the greatest moments in my life. In 1994 I went overseas with my mum and dad. We went to England, Canada and the USA. I was only 4 years old but I still remember quite a lot about it. I remember feeding the ducks in a park in St Albans, west of London. In Canada, I remember the Niagara Falls and going to a restaurant at the top of the CNN tower. I remember all the snow on the Rocky Mountains and falling in love with the drink, Mountain Dew. In Jasper my dad took a photo of me holding snow but it was so cold I couldn’t hold it. Also in the Rocky Mountains I went up to the top in a cable car. In Vancouver we stayed with friends who had a small baby. In America I loved watching all the planes in Seattle. All I remember about San Francisco besides the trams was walking for hours. I don’t remember much about Los Angeles. I believe I had to see a doctor there at the UCLA Hospital. Guess that’s why I have blocked LA out of my mind. I remember Hollywood very well though and having a picture taken to look like I was dancing with Tom & Jerry.

  We stayed with some very good old friends of my mum and dad near Santa Barbara. From there we flew in a small plane to Las Vegas. In Las Vegas I remember us being fetched in a limousine. It was huge! It had a TV and a tray with whiskey and glasses. I remember lots and lots of lights and my dad walking with me on his shoulders. From there we went to Cincinnati. I remember nothing of the place. In St Louis, Missouri, I spent some time at the hospital. Thank goodness I remember nothing about that! Our trip ended in Disney World, Orlando, Florida. I have so many memories about Disney World, but my greatest was my dad sneaking me (as I was not the right height) into Thunder Mountain 8 times. I remember the beautiful parades in the evenings and the fireworks.

  When I was seven years old in 1997 my dad, mum and my brother went to England and France. I remember millions of people in London, weird mimers, punks and strange looking people in the streets of London. Much to my mother’s disgust I walked the streets of London barefoot because my sandals were hurting. I also remember Buckingham Palace, the changing of the guards, the subways, Harrods and Hamleys – the biggest toy store in the world. We went to a place called Bath where we saw some old Roman baths. We also did a lot of walking around Oxford and Cambridge. I would love to go study at Oxford University one day.

  In Paris I remember a lot of walking in the rain. We saw a terrible car accident there. I also remember seeing a drunken man walking his dog in the streets of Paris. Euro Disney was great fun. Thunder Mountain was a big hit again!

  Another great moment was when my sister Amy was born. I remember my aunt waking us early to tell us that she had been born in the middle of the night. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to see her. Other great moments have been the holidays I have had with my family and friends. We often go to the Beacon Isle in Plettenberg Bay as a family. Going there is always a highlight. Other great holidays have been Pine Lake
Marina, my holidays in Durban with my aunt, uncle and cousins, and many other holidays.

  Now for some not such great moments in my life: One was when my dad nearly died of pneumonia. Another terrible moment was when my aunt, uncle and cousins left the Bay and moved to Durban. I think I cried all night. The day they left was my birthday. It was the worst birthday of my life. But the very worst moment of my life was when my gran got cancer. That was the utmost worst! Also one of my not so great moments was when my best friends, Shannon and Jessica moved to England. I also was very sad when my grandpa left us and moved to Johannesburg.

  I am happy though, that I have had a lot more great moments than not so great moments in my life.

  MY HOPES & DREAMS FOR THE FUTURE

  I’ve got some hopes and dreams for the future. My hopes are things I know I can accomplish and my dreams are kind of impossible. My three biggest dreams are to get rid of my heart problem, and that my granny could still be alive and the other one is having my cousins move back to the Bay.

  My hopes, is to get high marks, for the rest of my school career. I would also like to get more into my bodyboarding and surfing. To go on holiday to Portugal and one day work in Europe.

  When I grow up I would like to be a Pediatrician, because I have always wanted to be some kind of doctor and I love little kids so being a pediatrician would be the best job for me. As a pediatrician I would like to offer my little patients something special, like an environment full of fun so that they will be happy when they visit, for after all, Happiness is the best medicine!

  MY FAMILY

  Let me introduce you to my mum, dad, brother and sister.

  My dad was born in Durban on the 14th of June 1956. He finished school at Kearsney College in Natal and then went to the University of Cape Town where he qualified as a medical doctor in 1980. My dad loves all the water sports and loves the sea. I reckon he is a surfer of note! He also loves kayaking on the ocean. Some of his favorites are: Best Male singer: Bob Dylan, Best Male group: Bread, Favorite Actor: Morgan Freeman, Favorite Actress: Julia Roberts, Favorite TV Program: CNN & National Geographic. His favorite food: Sole and Chips, and everything that is sweet. Best book: Six Easy Pieces.

  Now I will tell you about my mom. She was born in Angola on the 30th of January 1961. She moved to Johannesburg when she was a little girl. My mom completed her schooling at Victoria Park High School and then went to college and did Accounting. My mom’s choice of music is all the old stuff, like Elvis Pressley, Abba, and The Beatles. Her favorite CD at the moment is, ‘The 60’s Ultimate Collection.’ Her favorite song at the moment is ‘Something Stupid.’ Best movie: Chariots of Fire, Favorite Actress: Natalie Wood, Favorite TV Program: Medical Detectives. Her favorite food: prawns. Her favorite book: All biographies. My mom’s favorite pastime is playing scrabble. I reckon she is a world champ! She always beats everyone.

  My brother’s name is Troy and he was born in Port Elizabeth on the 1st November, 1991. His favorite things are: Favorite Group: Backstreet Boys & Atomic Kitten. He loves James Bond movies and his best actor is Sean Connery. Best actress: Cameron Diaz. Troy never goes anywhere without his tennis ball and he loves fishing.

  My sister Amy was born on the 15th December 1995. Amy loves dancing. Her CD player is always playing in her room. She loves listening to Cliff Richard. She is crazy about his music! Her favorite female singer is Britney Spears and her favorite song is, I Love Rock & Roll. Amy loves all the wrong foods, like KFC, McD’s and pizzas. Bad news is that it seems her favorite pastime is to always wanting to go out with me, and MY friends.

  I love my family!

  END.

  It helped Ella tremendously to read Tammy’s thoughts that she had penned herself. Although only twelve, she had already experienced so much in her short life. She was balanced and mature beyond her years, and despite all her challenges she never stopped dreaming. That was a great source of comfort and peace for Ella.

  Her dream to go to Portugal was realized. The Kennedy’s went to Portugal and Spain on a family holiday in 2005. Tammy was enthralled to meet her Portuguese family and get to know more about her history.

  Moving into her adolescent years brought along more challenges. As she grew older she would be more aware of the importance of her looks.

  ‘If there is anything that really bothers you, we can get it fixed,’ Ella would continuously remind Tammy.

  Ella was positive modern medicine could achieve the desired results. It would be Tammy’s choice. She would need to request it.

  It nevertheless was a difficult period for all. There were conflicts and as Tammy started becoming more independent, the influence that Ella and Rob could exert on her was waning. It was difficult for Tammy to fully comprehend the true reality of her condition and how it might affect her later on in life.

  It was even more emotionally difficult for Rob to convey it to her. One of the most difficult moments Rob faced was to shatter her dream of bearing children. She needed to know that pregnancy would be lethal to her.

  There was conflict, emotional fireworks and misunderstandings. Ella was happy that Tammy’s bond with her friend, Grace, had continued from birth. She had someone she was able to confide in and who would provide her with the needed support.

  There were many happy and memorable moments, family time and family holidays. Tammy had an optimistic outlook to life. She was kindhearted, caring and witty. Her quirky sense of humor would often have the family shrieking with laughter. If there were to be a best laughter award in the family, it would go to her for the perpetual loudest bursts of laughter. The family heard her laughing more often than not, whether it be whilst she was watching TV, reading a book or talking to friends.

  Once Tammy finished with school her roots were well established and she had been well grounded. Ella and Rob provided her with a foundation of security and stability. She was now ready to use her wings and soar.

  CHAPTER 14

  DIVORCE & BEYOND

  Divorce proceedings between Richard and Amber, was a never- ending battle that went on for years.

  Ella no longer had any direct dealings with Amber but kept hearing how abusive and controlling she continued to be, using the children to get what she desired.

  In the interim, until the divorce was finalized, a court ruling was made that Richard could call the girls on a Wednesday and could have access to them every second weekend. Often he would try calling on a Wednesday, but to no avail, only to be told by Amber that they had no cellphone signal. Monica would vouch for the fact that there was no problem with signal in that area. Then many a time just prior to the weekend that Richard had access to the girls he would be sent a message containing an excuse as to why he could not have them that weekend. She would then tell the girls that Richard had cancelled.

  Disputes escalated into a long-term, high conflict situation. Amber was reluctant to agree to anything out of fear that she was not extracting the maximum benefit from the situation. In the end she felt she had won. Her comments to friends once the divorce was eventually finalized was, ‘I won my private lotto.’

  With the settlement money, Amber together with her parents bought a smallholding, which would allow her to pursue her love for horses. Part of her settlement was also a brand new BMW. At first life seemed to be going well for Amber, Chad, Stella and Gina.

  After the divorce, Richard’s contact and visitation with the girls improved remarkably. But it was not long before signs started revealing Amber’s deterioration in her emotional state.

  She had admitted to her sister-in-law that her and Chad would smoke the odd joint.

  ‘We go and sit outside and smoke once the kids are in bed,’ Amber would tell Monica.

  ‘Well don’t do it when I’m around either. I am not interested in that shit’, replied Monica.

  ‘The other day I made some dagga cookies and put them in a Tupperware’, said A
mber, cackling with laughter. ‘Gina got hold of the Tupperware and thinking it was a muffin ate one!’

  Amber now in hysterics and cocking her head back in laughter carried on,

  ‘It was hilarious watching her. She went all weird and even fell off her bed.’

  ‘That’s quite irresponsible! The outcome could have been a lot worse,’ replied Monica, totally unamused.

  ‘O, it was very funny, but please swear you will not tell a soul’, urged Amber.

  Pedro, Amber’s son was a wreck. He had dropped out of school and no school wanted him. He had been pushing drugs at the school from which he had been expelled. He was a lost child. He was a young teenager and with no direction in his life. Turning to drugs was an escape for him. He was continuously at loggerheads with his mother, so he moved in with Frank & Betty.

  One day Betty returned home and found Pedro lying on the floor. He had tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose. He was rushed to hospital where his stomach was pumped and then he was put into rehab.

  Once he got out of rehab Amber shipped him off to his biological father, Aldo. Not too long after he arrived to stay with his father, he disappeared. They frantically started looking for him. They found him passed out on the side of the road. He was slumped, next to the 4 wheeler that he had been riding. He had been sniffing the gasoline.

  Amber’s behavior, mood swings and weight loss was becoming increasingly more evident. Monica knew she regularly smoked joints, but was becoming convinced that Amber was using harder drugs. However, it was all suspicion but no hard proof.

  Amber had tried to call William a number of times but he wouldn’t take her calls. She would send him text messages, but he would just ignore them. He refused to have any dealings with his sister.

  Betty called Monica.

  ‘Amber is in a terrible state! She cannot stop crying. All she wants is to speak to her brother again’, said Betty, her voice anxious and sounding tearful.

  Monica tried to convince William to just merely reply to Amber’s texts. He wouldn’t need to physically talk to her, but he blatantly refused.