The Night Beat

by Gini Koch

  “All subordinates of Hitler’s?” I asked while Black Angels One and Two swept up Hitler’s dust into a container of holy water. Tidy and smart.

  “Yes. On the plus column, I believe we’ve finally destroyed what’s left of the Third Reich.”

  “Better late than never.” I was touchy about human wars. Because we weren’t allowed in them. “Anyway, Martin, this is Benny the Fence, or, as they know him here, Bill Bennett, realtor. The bag he’s clutching is filled with nastiness. Ergo, once we leave, I’d like to ensure that Benny remains in the most alert and nasty protective custody known to man, beast or undead.”

  “I’d like to mention that the nasty shouldn’t be focused on me,” Benny added.

  “Right. Benny good. All others bad.”

  “What are we going to do with the humans?” Ralph asked as Black Angel Two flanked Benny with the same expressions they used when they flanked Martin.

  “That’s why I asked for all the black and whites. We’re taking them with us.”

  “Are you serious?” Ralph actually yelped.

  “Do I look like I’m funning around?” I motioned to Johnson and, as she was insisting we call her, Helen. “We’re going to leave our unmarked police car here, mostly because we don’t have the keys and we’re all tired of hotwiring it. I’m going to take a wild guess and ask if you had your car stolen the other day, only to find it in the church parking lot.”

  They both nodded. “You took it?” Johnson asked.

  “All in the line of duty. We’re taking it again. I just want to make a quick call, and then we’re all piling into the luxury mobile. I’m driving.” Johnson opened his mouth and I put up the hand. “It’s not optional.”

  “I wish it was,” Ralph muttered.

  “Can I drive with Martin?” Benny asked. “Or really, anybody else?”

  “Actually, no. The angels can fly. You and the bag I want up close and personal. You’re coming with us. Trust me, there’s plenty of room in that car.”

  “It was covered with animal fur,” Johnson mentioned. “Does the city reimburse for auto detailing?”

  I gave him a long look, turned into werewolf form, then wolf, then back to human. “Wanna ask again?”

  “Not at all. I love animals!” Johnson seemed to realize his faux pas, possibly due to Ralph’s growling. “I mean undeads. Whatever you people are!”

  “Beings. Beings with souls, just like you. Now that that’s all cleared up and Hitler’s ashes are all cleaned up, let’s get moving.”

  Black Angel One ensured the rest of the humans got into their respective cars while I threw the P.D. a bone and checked in. “Darlene, how goes it?”

  “Detective Wolfe! You’re alive.”

  “Yes.” Well, in that sense. “What have you got for me?”

  “Every available squad car is waiting at the south entrance to the Estates. The Chief says he hopes you know what you’re doing.”

  “Not as much as I do.”

  “Sorry about Detective Wagner.” She sounded sympathetic but also a little angry.

  “Ah, just what did you hear?”

  “Variety of rumors. I’m sure the more lurid one is the closest to reality.”

  “Possibly.”

  I heard the radio band click and all the background noises disappear. “We’re secured now, Detective Wolfe. The story around the precinct is that Wagner wooed you, suggested a polygamous relationship, and when you said no, he ran off with Susan from day dispatch.”

  “Wow, in a nutshell, accurate. In that very high-level, doesn’t really get to the gist way, I mean.”

  “Per the Chief, Wagner tried to lure you to the Prince’s side and if we’re able to dust him, good, though chances are that you’ll beat us to it.”

  “How long have you known?”

  Darlene chuckled. “Oh, a while. I got it out of the Chief.”

  “How?” In my experience, no one got anything out of the Chief he didn’t want to let out.

  She cleared her throat. “Let’s just say I see him in the off hours and let it go at that. For now, at any rate. From what we’ve heard, your time would be better spent stopping the forces of evil from destroying all the realms of existence.”

  “Succinctly put. Please advise the black and whites that I have about twenty cars, luxury through to POS. I want funeral procession, but the fastest funeral procession ever, and I don’t want any of the civilian vehicles other than mine allowed out of police protection. Someone tries to make a break, shoot out the tires and handcuff anyone in the car, children included.” I heard Cain sharing these instructions with the humans.

  “How will the officers know which car is yours and so allowed to drive erratically and fly in the face of all the traffic laws?”

  Geez, it wasn’t like I was that bad a driver. “I’ll be in a black S-Class. They’ll recognize it, it was recently stolen and recovered.”

  “We do admire your style and dedication to the suggestion, versus the letter, of the rules and regulations, Detective Wolfe.”

  “I unlive to serve, and so forth. Oh, and Darlene?”

  “Yes?”

  “In case…well, we don’t actually make it? I just wanted to say it’s been a pleasure bantering with you all this time and, having just had the opportunity to compare you to the day shift, there is no dispatcher anywhere that’s your equal. And I thought that before I hated Susan on a variety of personal levels, too.”

  “I appreciate the kudos, Detective. Same to you, in that sense. I’ll pass your thoughts along to the Chief, however I’d like to mention that we’d all prefer it if you succeeded. Just saying, and all.”

  “Thanks, Darlene. I needed that little bit extra pressure to turn into a diamond.”

  “Good. They’re pretty much indestructible. Go with that.” The radio went dead. I heard another click, and the standard background bands were live again.

  I clicked to All-Band. “Guys and gals of the Night Beat, this is Detective Wolfe. We’re all about to go hunting very bad things. I’d like you all to remember why you’re on this particular shift in this particular town. I’d also like to remind you that what we do tonight will affect everyone we know and care about.”

  I took a deep breath and continued. “So, let’s win one for the home team and all that jazz. Sure, most won’t appreciate it and they’ll whine about our destroying a little property or shooting some very bad things dead without reading them the shortest version of their rights. But in the long run, we don’t do this for the congratulations or the adulation -- thankfully, right? No, we do it because we’re cops. So, let’s go do what we do best -- protect and serve…and kick bad guy butt.” I hung up and went to the S-Class.

  The Johnsons were in the backseat with Ralph in between them. Benny had shotgun. He gave me a weak look. “We drew lots. I lost.”

  “Good grief! I do not drive that badly!”

  “You have my harness on, right?” Ralph asked Helen.

  “Yes. We have a big dog and this keeps him nice and safe.” She patted his head, then yanked her hand back. “Sorry.”

  “I’ll let it slide.” Ralph looked at Johnson. “Seriously, buckle up. You’ll be happy for it in about thirty seconds. You might want to close your eyes, too.”

  “How are the…angels protecting Mister Bennett if they aren’t in the car with us?” Johnson asked as he put his seat belt on.

  “They fly overhead, and we’re all being watched over. Routine.”

  “I think that means they can save us before the car crash,” Benny said.

  “Ha ha, I am so not amused.” I checked to make sure everyone else was ready to roll. “Which car are Freddy and Sexy Cindy in?”

  “They went with Bobby’s wife and kids. Since they know them. I think most of the alleyway relations are in that car. She’s got a huge, extra-long Suburban, so they all fit as near as I could tell.”

  “Always nice to be with folks you’re comfortable with during a high-speed chase. I hope someone’s
kicked Cindy’s ex in the balls, though.” I revved up the S-Class and ensured we squealed out of the parking lot. Hearing Johnson’s gasp of horror was worth it. Not that he seemed a bad guy, even without Benny’s endorsement. He was just a little on the stuffed shirt side for me.

  We barreled down and out of the Estates, the other cars keeping up nicely. Hit the street and were joined by our police escort. There were a lot of cars on Night Beat. Night shifts were always more active in any city, and in Prosaic City it paid to have a car every half-mile. And they were all here.

  They’d taken the wise precaution of clearing the fastest path to what was fast becoming my least favorite block in the entire city. Lights were flashing, but no sirens were going, which was a relief. Police sirens are hard on werewolf ears, and a whole fleet of them blaring creates the kind of pain that makes you dust yourself to get away from it.

  “Do you have a plan, beyond running the major minions over with our mighty cars?” Ralph asked.

  “I seriously liked you better all mopey and mooning. Yes, I have a plan.” Sort of.

  “Would you like to share said plan?” Johnson asked as we hit a bump and sailed through the air.

  “Nice shocks on this baby. And, Johnson, you I’ve never liked, so really, button it unless you have something helpful to add.”

  “This is just like those movies with the chase scenes,” Benny offered as we skidded around some corners. “Only we’re inside the car. I think it’s better if you’re in the movie theater.”

  “You know, I could have left you huddling in your house, surrounded by the Servants of Evil. But no, I rescued you.” Another bump, another flight, another reasonably comfortable landing.

  “True. I didn’t really have time to think it through, of course.”

  “You and the rest of us, Benny.”

  Helen cleared her throat. “Um, are you going to share your plan, Detective Wolfe?”

  “Victoria. Or whatever nickname, and so forth. We’re about to face the Big Evil Ones, you can feel free to be informal.” I felt the rest of the car’s occupants waiting. “I want to keep this car for future Necropolis Enforcement and Prosaic City P.D. undercover work.”

  “That’s your plan?” Ralph barked.

  “If you’d let me and Helen out here, and Mister Bennett as well, without crashing the car or killing us, I’ll happily sign it over to you.”

  “Johnson, I heard you were Mister Personality from the pulpit. Why so negative now?” Did a fast rearview check -- all cars flying along behind us still. So, clearly, I wasn’t driving so dangerously that the others, including Bobby’s wife, in a Suburban loaded up with at least a dozen beings, couldn’t keep up.

  “Shutting up back here,” Johnson said. “Carry on not telling us what you’re planning.”

  We rounded another corner and once both right wheels were back on the ground I got a clear look ahead of us. Maurice hadn’t been kidding. The convergence chasm was out of control. It was at least four times bigger than when we’d been here last and it glowed.

  “That looks pretty,” Helen said cheerfully.

  “That’s how Hell gets here.”

  “Oh. Then, that looks pretty evil.” Helen seemed reasonably unfazed.

  I did another fast rearview check. She seemed relaxed. “You seem to be handling this rather better than anyone else, other than myself.”

  She shrugged. “It’s so nice to be able to say, ‘see that?’ and have someone else honestly say ‘yes’.”

  Johnson reached across Ralph and took her hand. “You could have told me, you know. You didn’t have to bear the burden alone.”

  “You had more than you needed already. And once Jerry went…bad, there didn’t seem to be a point to mention your wife was sort of crazy only not really.”

  “I honestly hate to interrupt this, and I hope you two get to continue in a little while, but we’re pretty much at the Evil Zone. Ready for my plan?”

  “Yes!” Chorused by all four of them. Cool. I truly wished I had one, they were so eager for it.

  I saw our troops. Interestingly, they were spread out on the side of the block that The Pleasure Palace, Killjoy’s, and the Sanctuary Center were on. The Three A’s were opposite them. Jack was there, separate from the Adversary. I didn’t see any other major minions, but there were more fallen angels than I thought good for our health. They were all in the big parking lot.

  I considered my meager options. Well, why not? We had a lot of cars to park, after all.

  Chapter 70

  “Vic, what are you doing?” Ralph asked as I aimed the S-Class at Jack. Pointedly at Jack.

  “Parking. It’s the good driver thing to do.”

  “That’s your plan? Parking?” Ralph was barking. I was pretty sure sighing and the non-sexy growling weren’t too far behind.

  “Only part of it. Once we park, we’re going to cut off their escape and attack from the rear.”

  “Their escape is into the chasm.”

  “We’ll see.”

  Jack smirked and waved in that “come and get me” way and I pushed the pedal down hard. Yep, there was a little more the S-Class could give me. It leaped forward, a little faster than Jack had been expecting. We slammed into him and he went flying over the car.

  I didn’t pause. I knew he wasn’t dead. Probably wasn’t even hurt. However, I’d still enjoyed it.

  The Adversary jumped in front of us. Ploughed through Dear Old Dad, too. He chose to cling to the car and bellow. “Hellion child! Have you come to join us?”

  “Meet my father, one of the big baddies. We’re estranged.”

  “Good for you,” Johnson said.

  I put the car into a spin which took a variety of fallen angels by surprise. Some jumped or flew out of the way, but there were a few satisfying bumps before we finally came to a halt.

  The rest of our entourage followed our lead. I was particularly impressed with Bobby’s wife. She aimed right for Apollyon and did a spin at the same time. I was pretty sure she wiped out at least one fallen from the weight of the loaded Suburban alone.

  We waited until all our cars were parked, or at least close enough for government work. “Johnson, you’re going to need to pray, but in a specific manner. No naming bad guy names, including the Devil or Satan or Lucifer. Especially not Lucifer. You need to pray for the Gods and Monsters to save us, do you understand?”

  “No, not at all. However, I’m clear that, per Martin Luther, Father of the Reformation and Angel Superior, I’m to do what you say, period. What do I say, other than that?”

  “Nothing. I want you and all the other religious types to say that phrase, and that phrase only. ‘May the Gods and Monsters save us.’ Got it?”

  “Yes. Anything else?”

  I turned and looked right at him. “Yes. Remember this -- when it comes down to it, it’s just your soul against the Prince. You can’t save anyone else if you aren’t saved yourself. You, more than many others, know this. You need to remember it now. You’ve been used, so you’ve been tainted. They’ll try to take you again. And no one can save you but you. Yahweh helps those who help themselves.”

  He nodded. “Got it.” Johnson leaned over Ralph and kissed Helen. “You’ll help with the others?”

  “Of course.” Helen released Ralph’s harness. “We’ll be fine, Gerald.”

  “Ralph, guard Benny. Benny, guard Ralph. You’re both going to be targets, big time.”

  Ralph put his head next to mine. “You be careful. You’re more of a target than I am now.”

  I nuzzled my face into his fur. “No worries. Just look at it as my side of the family being a bunch of back mountain wacko polygamists with scary religious views. I escaped the compound, they’re unhappy about my career and romance choices, the arranged shotgun wedding didn’t work out, and now I’m trying to run off with a long-haired militant.”

  He barked a laugh. “It’s scary how accurate that assessment is.”

  “Any other suggestions?” Benny as
ked.

  “No. But I do need one thing out of the bag of wonder.” I took the bag and rummaged through it. “If I touch the totem, will that harm me or anyone else?”

  “No, at least as far as I know.” Benny sounded worried. “Let me stress that I don’t know for sure.”

  I wrapped my hand around Adlet’s image. It felt as icky as it looked. “Well, what’s unlife without a little risk? Everyone ready?” Nods all around. “Great. Then let’s go rock the baddest guys in the baddest part of town.” I couldn’t help it, I started humming “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown”.

  We all got out of the car. The rest of the civilian humans did the same. The Night Beat cops were already in typical standoff positions.

  I stepped away from the car. Ralph and Benny, holding tight to the bag, flanked me, with Sexy Cindy and Freddy flanking them. “You guys aren’t supposed to go to the front lines with me.”

  Sexy Cindy snorted. “Girl, as if. We came in with you, we go out with you.” She put her hand on Ralph’s head. “Like your dude says, a pack together can never be defeated.”

  “What she said.” Benny smiled. “We survived the car ride. Clearly the Gods and Monsters are on our side.”

  “Hilarious. Freddy, Ralph, any comments?”

  “Once more unto the breach, dear friends,” Freddy said.

  “Watch each other’s backs, fight for right, and bite your enemy where it counts.” Ralph looked up at me with the doggy grin on. “That was Black Wolf’s favorite.”

  “Then it’s good enough for me.”

  The Three A’s were back in formation. I checked out their minion support aside from Jack again. It was still light. A little too light, all things considered. But that confirmed which being I was pretty sure was waiting to make an impressive entrance now that we were here to see it.

  I thanked the Gods and Monsters I’d had Jude put the block in my mind. I also hoped Jude was monitoring my thoughts. The glow from the convergence chasm was so bright I could barely see the other side of the street, but after a little squinting and scanning I could just see him, in front of the Sanctuary Center.

  But Jude wasn’t who I was here to see. The Three A’s and Jack weren’t either. I took a deep breath and we sauntered over. “Yo, boys, how goes it in Evil Land?” I asked as we walked past them.