50 Hidden Desires

by Jessica Lemmon

  His hand wrapped around her waist. “My mom,” Aiden repeated. “Since you can’t meet her yet, I wanted you to at least see her.”

  Oh no. There it was again. The emotion that stretched her skin too tight, made her feel all gooey and boneless and…

  Stop it. Just be in the moment.

  Sadie closed her eyes and took a quiet breath before opening them again to watch the woman in the yard. She bent to her knees and fussed over a rose bush, snipping leaves and, every so often, cutting a rose off by the stem and stacking the red buds into her basket. She took her time examining each stem before pruning it back, or leaving it be. And even though Sadie couldn’t see her expression, she could feel the joy radiating from the peaceful scene. Aiden’s mother was a woman who had learned to enjoy life thoroughly.

  “She’s happy,” Sadie said, her voice thick.

  Aiden tightened his arm around her and kissed her neck softly. “I’m happy,” he murmured.

  They stayed like that, huddled together on the worn floor, and watched Aiden’s mom finish her pruning, fill the bird feeder, and water her flowers. They didn’t speak. They didn’t need to. Sadie could feel the significance and weight of the moment saturating the air around them, even if she couldn’t name what, exactly, it was.

  Why try? She closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest. She listened to the cicadas buzz, and felt the hot summer breeze brush her face and the steady thump of Aiden’s heart against her back.

  Maybe, just for a little while, she could stop trying to figure everything out and just be.

  Chapter 4

  The sun shone bright, but the temperature was more mild than scorching, which made for perfect riding weather. Since it was a Saturday, Aiden found himself weaving around about a billion people who had flocked to the Brink to enjoy the weekend.

  The water sparkled, looking more like an ocean than a huge creek. The boats were out in droves, causing waves to beat the shore in a constant rhythm while small children splashed and squealed in the mini white caps. The trucked-in sand on the man-made beach looked like the real thing, dotted with umbrellas, sun worshippers, and coolers.

  Aiden parked Sheila and slipped his jacket off, leaving it on the back of the bike. A group of bikers lounging in a circle looked up when he arrived. The most dangerous-looking one of all rose from his bike to greet him.

  “Holy shit.” Strom lumbered over, slapping Aiden’s back in a hardy hug and giving him a shake. “Look at you!”

  The guys sitting in a circle held out hands and offered back slaps as Aiden said hello to each of them. It’d been a while since he’d been to the Brink, and for good reason. Harmony worked one of the booths, selling jams and hemp bracelets, and pot, most likely. Because, really, how much money could she make selling jelly?

  “What brings you out?”

  Because I’m restless as hell. He hadn’t seen Sadie since the day they visited the tree house. Aiden mentioned when he’d dropped in on his cousin Shane today that he had a date with Sadie tonight…more wishful thinking than anything. She’d worked all week and claimed to have plans with her family this weekend. Aiden fully intended to call her later today and convince her to see him. Until then, and since he hadn’t been able to wedge Shane out of his house, Aiden was at loose ends.

  After catching up with the guys, Strom mounted his bike. “We’re going to grab a beer over at Zeke’s. Interested?”

  Before Aiden could open his mouth, Harmony appeared in his peripheral, the breeze blowing her red hair and undulating the loud pattern of her dress. She held a hand over her eyes to shield from the sun and waved with the other, a trail of woven bracelets sliding up her arm.

  “Catch up with you guys in a bit,” Aiden promised. Then he headed over to talk to Harmony, Shane’s words from this morning echoing in his brain. Be careful. No worries. Aiden was about as likely to get snagged up in Harmony’s drama as he was to don pasties and dance on a bar.

  “Hi.” Harmony said. “I saw you pull in. I’d know that ponytail anywhere.”

  Aiden crossed his arms over his chest, unsure he had the patience to deal with her today, if ever again.

  “How is everything? Everyone?” she asked.

  “Fine.”

  “Your mom?”

  “She’s fine.”

  “I’ve been thinking of her lately.” She rubbed her fingertips together, as if picking up psychic vibes, something Aiden would have liked to dismiss on principle, but he couldn’t deny she had a knack for seeing very accurate visions of the future. That was probably why he nearly laughed when she said, “Danny and I broke up.”

  “Didn’t see that coming, huh?” he couldn’t keep from asking. He hoped if he was rude, she’d get pissed and stalk away from him. No such luck.

  “Listen…” She looked around, for what, he had no idea. “If you ever need anything, you know you can call me, right? I mean, I’m guessing you didn’t tell your family about the divorce.”

  Something he regretted more every damn day. He clenched his jaw. “Not yet.”

  “I’m here for you, Aiden. I know you probably hate me, but we were one once. I wouldn’t deny you if you needed me.”

  He cringed. Literally felt his face pinch like he’d eaten a live grub worm. They hadn’t been “one.” Not ever. He thought of his connection with Sadie, the tangible, palpable cord strung between them. That was what “one” was supposed to feel like.

  “I have to go.” He turned his back on her.

  “Take care of yourself!” she called.

  Aiden didn’t respond, jumping on his bike and firing it up before she could say any more.

  He, need Harmony? That would be the day.

  * * *

  After a tense brunch with her mother and sister, Celeste, Sadie trudged along behind them at the mall trying to think of a way to get the hell out of there.

  That’s when her phone rang.

  Celeste stopped sliding hangers on the rack in front of her and frowned. “Is that ‘The Electric Slide’?”

  Sadie’s mother rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Sadie,” she said, looking around to see if her eldest had managed to thoroughly embarrass her in public.

  “I’m going to grab a coffee anyway. Meet you out there,” Sadie said, shuffling away from her flesh and blood as fast as her high heels would carry her.

  “Hey, you,” she answered as she left the store and angled toward the food court.

  “Hello, beautiful.”

  Her heart hit her toes. She missed him so much. Which was sheer insanity, since she was with him a few days ago. When they’d parted company that evening, Aiden asked if he could see her the next day. Sadie had begged off, listing a few random excuses. She was too afraid to see him every day. Their time together was intense, and not in a scary way.

  Which scared her.

  “I miss you,” he said, evidently comfortable blurting out what she couldn’t.

  “What are you up to?” she asked, instead of echoing his sentiment.

  He blew a breath into the phone. Or maybe that was the wind. “I saw Harmony today.”

  Sadie stopped walking in the middle of the mall. Just froze under the skylights, between the huge, potted live trees and a splashing fountain. People milled by, dodging her as they passed, but she couldn’t get her feet to move. “Oh?”

  “I didn’t want you to find out later and think I was hiding something.”

  Hiding. Like Trey had with Celeste, keeping their clandestine relationship a secret until they decided together to let Sadie down easy. But this wasn’t the same, she reminded her racing heart. Aiden wasn’t Trey, and Harmony wasn’t Celeste. Sadie supposed she should respect Aiden for his forthrightness, but the old wound suddenly felt fresh, and Sadie not as magnanimous as she should.

  “Anyway,” Aiden said. “I want to see you. When are you free?”

  Right now. Despite her concern about what had happened between Aiden and his ex, Sadie longed to feel his arms wrapped around her. The
connection between them was so strong that even when she was without him she wanted to be near him. She could picture him now, leaning against his motorcycle, wind tugging a few random strands from the ponytail low on the back of his neck. She wanted to spear her hands into his hair. She wanted to kiss his firm, full mouth.

  Had Harmony done the same with him today?

  Sadie blinked out of her daze, moving to a bench where she sat, phone to her ear. There was no reason for Aiden to see Harmony. Unless they were trying to be friends again. And if that was the case, how long until friends turned to lovers? Until the wife of his not-so-distant past, who Aiden had shared a bed with—a life with—wormed her way back in permanently.

  Where would that leave Sadie?

  “This week is crazy for me,” she said, her voice wavering slightly. Most likely, she was being paranoid, but the vision of Harmony and Aiden together was too real, too possible for her to let go of it. She searched for an excuse, any excuse, to put off seeing him for a few more days. Just until the idea of being with him didn’t fill her with jealousy. Or worse… Her boss had asked her to attend a motorcycle supply conference in Cincinnati, she remembered. And Sadie promised to think it over and give her an answer tomorrow. It was as good an excuse as any. “I’m going to be out of town this week.”

  “When do you leave?” he asked.

  “Um…not until Thursday, but—”

  “Can I see you tomorrow?” She could hear the confusion in his voice, his insistence daring her to argue.

  She did. “I have to pack, get things wrapped up at the office…”

  “Sadie,” Aiden said sternly. “Are you blowing me off?”

  Kind of. “No! I’m not, I promise. What about dinner on Saturday night?” Yes. By Saturday she’d have had time to wrap her mind around where the two of them were going. What all of this meant. Saturday wasn’t that far away.

  Aiden didn’t sound happy about it, but he agreed. If Sadie thought she’d pulled the wool over his eyes, she knew a second later she hadn’t when he said, “Nothing happened between Harmony and me. Just the same old crap.”

  “I know,” she said in a small voice, guilt needling her. Was she being overly protective of her heart? Then she recalled the crushing, thousand-pound weight that smashed her flat the day Trey called to dump her for Celeste, and thought, maybe, a few days to herself to get some distance wasn’t the worst plan ever.

  And frankly, it was “the same old crap” that worried Sadie most. A week away would give Aiden ample time to go back to Harmony if that’s what he wanted. And if he did, she could cut her losses—already an idea that made her rub the sharp pain above her breastbone—but it would be much worse if she and Aiden were really entrenched. Sadie couldn’t compete with the history Aiden had with his ex-wife. And chances were, nothing would happen. Aiden would show up on Saturday and then…then…

  Well, she’d figure that out Saturday.

  “I’ll pick you up some cool freebies at MotorCon,” she promised, desperate to change the subject.

  Aiden didn’t let her do it. Instead, he laid her heart out like a piece of meat and tenderized it with his next five words. “All I want is you.”

  Maybe, she thought as she watched the people milling around the crowded mall, that’s what scared her the most. Because “all” was a lot to ask. And Sadie wasn’t sure she would ever be enough.

  Chapter 5

  To say Aiden was worried about losing Sadie was the understatement of the year. But just when he would have worried himself sick about it, or worse, shown up on her doorstep and demanded to know where he stood, Shane had called and asked him out for a beer. In the middle of the week.

  He’d been so shocked that his billionaire cousin was taking a mid-week break, he’d said yes and rode out to meet him.

  He reasoned on the way over that throwing back a few beers while watching sports on television wasn’t the worst way to get his mind off the petite blonde knotting his gut like a soft pretzel. Sadie was dodging him, and yeah, he understood why. He’d seen Harmony and that scared Sadie down to her sexy hot-pink toenails. But not telling her seemed worse, and defending himself would make Sadie think he was protesting too much. So his plan was to play it cool. Which was working on the outside.

  On the inside, he was doing a piss-poor job.

  Just when he’d relegated himself to guy time and compartmentalized his worries—Shane would give him hell if he found out he was this into a woman so soon—Aiden got a phone call from his mother that stopped his world on a dime.

  “It’s just a checkup,” Kathy had reassured him while he idled at a stoplight across from the bar. He’d asked her to hang on as he pocketed the phone, maneuvered into the bar’s parking lot, and shut off the engine.

  His heart beating like a wooden spoon against a copper pot, he’d dug the phone out of his jacket pocket and asked the question he didn’t want the answer to. “Are your symptoms the same as before?” He waited for her response, gripping the phone so tightly his hand hurt.

  “We don’t know anything yet,” she’d said, ignoring his question.

  He let it go, and promised to meet her at the doctor’s office the next day. Before he hung up, her final request clenched his heart and squeezed the guilt into his stomach until it was a festering pool. “Bring Harmony,” she’d told him. “Just in case.”

  Just in case.

  Since a doctor’s appointment to find out whether his mother’s cancer was back wasn’t exactly the venue to drop the “Oh, by the way, I’ve been divorced for six months” bomb, Aiden had an unpleasant call to make. A phone call to Harmony. Admitting he needed her after all.

  Folding her into the fray was the last thing on the planet he wanted to do. But he knew the score, and told Shane as much when he’d ordered a beer and brooded about it right after. If his mother was sick again, Harmony would have to show up on occasion, or his mother would know something was up. Harmony had been there for Kathy’s last two bouts with chemo. Harmony had brought her healing herbal tea and driven her to appointments. Harmony had a lot of flaws, but she’d always been there for his mother.

  Aiden had called to tell her about the doctor’s appointment, and Harmony agreed to meet him at the doctor’s office.

  The appointment was two hours ago.

  Aiden was still reeling from the shockwave when he and Harmony returned to his parents’ house and joined the rest of his siblings and parents in the living room. The air was thick with sorrow, the way it felt immediately preceding a funeral.

  The news hadn’t been good. The cancer had spread to several organs and her lymph nodes. His mother was filled with it; dying of it. Again.

  Kathy and Mike sat side by side on the couch clutching hands as they addressed their children. Aiden became vaguely aware of Harmony’s hand on his back, of how wrong her touch felt, of how lost and incomplete he was without Sadie next to him.

  “Think of all you can do in three months,” Kathy said, a shaky smile on her pale face. “Three months is a long time.”

  Angel choked back a sob. Aiden’s brother, Evan, put an arm around his sister and pulled her close.

  Aiden’s father, Mike, stroked Angel’s hair. “There, now. Come on you guys.” His voice wavered, fighting tears with every ounce of strength he possessed. Mike flinched, the scar on his face puckering. “This is the hand we’ve been dealt,” he said. “We have three months to make the best of things. To share a lifetime of memories in a short span of time.” His voice cracked and a hot trail of tears ran down Aiden’s cheeks. He ground his molars together to keep from losing it.

  To keep from reeling from the unfairness of it all.

  Even Landon, his stoic older brother, had tears balanced on his eyelashes. Aiden could see them magnified through his black-framed glasses. His fiancée, Lissa, pressed her palms together and smiled serenely. “Kathy, I think it’s beautiful you and your family are embracing the life you have left.”

  Every head in the room snapped to the su
permodel, who apparently was the only one who didn’t get just how inappropriate her comment was.

  Harmony rose from the arm of the chair. “Lissa, let’s check on Lyon,” she said, referring to Evan’s four-year-old son, who was playing in the other room. She cast a knowing look back at Aiden. She had her flaws—namely in her skewed morals—but Harmony knew when to make herself useful. Lissa followed her upstairs.

  With only family in the room, Landon launched into his practiced pragmatism. “When are you starting chemo treatments?”

  Angel wiped her face and looked at her mother with hope.

  Mike and Kathy exchanged glances.

  Evan frowned, taking the silence for an answer they hadn’t needed to give. “You’re not getting chemo, are you, Mom?”

  She shook her head.

  “Dad.” Landon sat forward, resting an elbow on his suit pants. He’d left Chicago this morning, had flown in straight from work.

  Mike held out a palm to halt any argument. “This is what she wants.”

  “Mom, you have to fight,” Aiden said, feeling his insides crumble into dust.

  She gave him a sweet smile. “I knew you two would be the hardest to convince,” she told Aiden as she palmed Landon’s knee. “That’s why I waited for the follow-up appointment, Aiden. I wanted you to be there. To hear for yourself from the doctor.”

  “Follow-up appointment?” he muttered. So she’d lied to him. She and his dad weren’t there to learn the results; they were there for a follow-up appointment? “You knew?”

  “We’ve known for a week,” she said, smiling tightly.

  Angel put her head in her hands and cried. Evan continued shushing her. Landon’s mouth went tight. And Aiden…Aiden stared at his mother, at a complete loss, his heart aching from betrayal.

  Kathy stood, and Mike stood next to her, like he always had. Her supporter through it all. “I made my spinach lasagna,” his mother announced. “Homemade sauce. And my chocolate cream pie. We’re going to sit and have a family dinner and share stories. And we’re not”—she wiped a stray tear from her face—“going to mourn. Not today. We’ll put off the sad part as long as we can.” She bent and gave Angel’s shoulder a gentle shake. Angel lifted her red face and swallowed down her tears as she mopped her cheeks with both hands. Kathy kissed Evan, who, other than their father, was the only one in the room who’d managed to keep from crying. She kissed Landon on the cheek and he reached for her hand. “Go help your father set the table,” she urged. Landon obeyed. “And Angel, can you get the bread in the oven?”