50 Hidden Desires

by Jessica Lemmon

  She pulled in a breath and answered, “Are no more,” with so much finality, her chest constricted. Yep. That hurt. “It had to end sooner or later.” She hadn’t inhaled yet, and her deflated lungs ached, burned.

  Thankfully, Crickitt was interrupted and blurted that she’d talk to Sadie later. Sadie dropped the phone and considered putting her head between her knees. Or in an oven.

  Armor up, girl.

  Forcing a breath in and another out, Sadie shut her eyes and concentrated on not hyperventilating. Maybe she could talk Aiden out of it. Maybe she could remind him how good they were together, how much fun they’d had—how much more they could have—how they went together like a black enamel oil tank on a vintage 1937 Knucklehead.

  Sadie dropped her head in her hands. Pathetic. Weak. She was supposed to be walling herself up, caging her heart in chain mail. Not figuring out a way to get Aiden not to leave her.

  You could tell him how you feel.

  She could.

  She lifted her head, renewed by the tiny spark of hope. She could confess everything. How she pictured her future with him. How she wanted to see him every day. How much she…cared about him.

  Tell him you love him.

  “I do love him,” she whispered in her cubicle. She put her fingers to her lips and turned to make sure no one heard her. The only sound was rustling paper coming from the far back corner.

  She would tell him, she decided. The best defense is a good offense.

  And he deserved to know what he was walking away from…and maybe, just maybe, then he would stay.

  * * *

  Aiden hadn’t expected to be on a flight to Oregon come Sunday morning, but apparently his parents had made more plans than they’d divulged to the rest of the family. After spending most of the day flying across the damn country, and touring and spending the night at the facility his mother wanted to call home, Aiden was convinced.

  It was the right place for her.

  The Holistic Care Center was known for alternative treatments and medicines. They offered on-site apartments for long-term stay, and his father wanted to move her there for as long as she needed to get well.

  Their meeting with a head care director was optimistic. He didn’t make empty promises, but he didn’t squash his mother’s hopes, either. Whether there were really healing powers in the surrounding springs and mountains, Aiden couldn’t be sure, but seeing his mother’s eyes filled with life and hope again was good enough for him.

  At the airport, Aiden left his mother to read at the small café. The flight delay was horrendous. Six hours. He looked at the time on his cell phone as he strode to an empty seating area. Just after five. He’d promised Sadie he’d call her today. He thought he’d call to say he was coming over, but that wasn’t going to happen. After what he had to tell her, she’d probably never want to see him again.

  He missed Sadie so bad, it hurt. When she’d called Saturday, it killed him to break their date. But with his family packed in the house, and his mother telling him she had something to discuss with him after everyone left…well…Aiden couldn’t leave.

  That was the night she’d told him about Oregon, about how his father couldn’t make the trip to see the care center because of work. She wanted Aiden to go and he hadn’t hesitated to say yes. So he spent the day packing and helping his mother pack.

  Had he escaped to see Sadie, he knew he wouldn’t be good company. What nerves Harmony hadn’t frayed, Evan had, making smarmy remarks in her presence that Aiden had to curb before the rest of his family found out about the divorce. And Angel had dropped a bomb on Aiden—asking him to keep it to himself, of course—that she was in a serious relationship with one of her coworkers back in Tennessee. She’d intimated that there’d be invitations to a wedding coming soon.

  After digesting all of it—the diagnosis, the family drama, the future nuptials rushed for his mom’s sake…Aiden realized he’d put off Sadie as long as he could. Now he was at the airport, with plenty of privacy and enough time on his hands to solve world peace.

  He was out of excuses.

  He dialed Sadie’s number.

  * * *

  “The Electric Slide” echoed from the depths of Sadie’s purse. She dropped her keys and bag on the couch and riffled through it until she located the ringing electronic, her heart hammering. And not in a good way.

  You have to answer it.

  “Hi.” The fear quaking in her gut made her voice sound thin.

  “Hi.” Aiden was silent for a second. “I’m, um…I’m in Oregon.”

  Okay. Wow. That wasn’t…she had no idea what to do with that. “Oregon? Like…the state of Oregon?”

  “Yeah. I can’t get back to Ohio by tonight,” he said. “I wanted to tell you in person but…”

  “This is about Harmony.” Sadie paced, realizing she was blurting out words she shouldn’t be saying. “You’re getting back together with her, aren’t you? I knew it.”

  “Sadie…”

  “I knew it the day you called to say you saw her. I mean, I didn’t know but I suspected—”

  “Sadie.” His tone was so firm Sadie shut her mouth. “Mom’s cancer is back. They gave her three months.” His voice was tight, like he was trying to keep from crying. Which was what Sadie felt like doing right now.

  Sadie sank into her living room chair. “I’m so sorry.”

  “My family came into town and she told us. Mom expected Harmony to be there. It would have been weird if she wasn’t since…”

  He didn’t seem to be able to finish his sentence. “Since your mom believes you’re still married,” Sadie said.

  “Yeah.”

  He explained the holistic facility, mentioned something about herbal treatments, acupuncture, and meditation classes. “Mom’s fighting it on her terms this time around.” He took a steadying breath and blew it out.

  Sadie’s own breaths were shallow. Something else was coming. Something worse. How was that possible?

  Aiden lowered his voice. “Sadie, I’m going with her.”

  She recognized that sound. The sound of her entire world splintering and crashing down around her. The last time this happened she’d turned her wedding invitations into confetti. “Why?” she whispered, knowing she shouldn’t ask. She didn’t care. She needed to know why the man she loved was moving across the country.

  “Dad can’t stay here because of work. I’m the only one of my siblings not working right now who can afford to take off for three, six, or eight months.” He added quietly, “However long it takes.”

  Eight? Eight was a lot of months, she thought, vaguely aware of the selfish bend of her thoughts.

  “Odd how things work out,” he said, suddenly introspective. “Maybe things happen for a reason, you know? Maybe Harmony cheated on me so I’d leave my business. So I’d be free to do this for Mom.”

  Somewhere deep in the recesses of her bleeding heart, Sadie knew what Aiden was doing for his mother was noble. But what about her? What about this was “meant to be” for Sadie? Why, when she’d just taken the enormous step of opening herself up, was the universe ripping her to shreds?

  “I never meant to hurt you.” Aiden spoke with such finality, Sadie pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped herself into a ball with her free arm.

  Careless of how needy she was about to sound, Sadie spoke her next thought aloud. “Please don’t do this.”

  “I’m sorry, Sadie.” The strength in his voice only hurt her more. “I have to concentrate on what Mom needs. This…us…it’s too much.”

  He meant Sadie was too much. He didn’t say that. He didn’t have to. She knew the truth about herself, how she’d always been a little too hard to handle. She thought Aiden was different. She’d thought wrong.

  Her shoulders buckled as silent, traitorous tears slipped from her eyes. She sniffed and Aiden must have heard her.

  “Sadie.” The tenderness in his hushed tone reminded her of the night she stayed at his house.

>   The night he held her in his arms. The way he’d cherished her. The way he loved her. And now he was letting her go, because she was inconvenient right now in his life. She was the piece that didn’t quite fit. The piece that needed to be discarded.

  “If things had worked out differently…,” he was saying.

  But Sadie couldn’t listen. Couldn’t listen to him dismantle their relationship, reducing every amazing moment to some universal plan, the fate of the stars, or bad timing.

  She pulled the phone away from her ear and covered the speaker with her thumb, muffling his words. A tear splashed on the display and she mopped it with one fingertip, sliding down to hit End on the touch screen.

  Eyes filling with tears, she felt every emotion at once. The pain of losing Aiden. The guilt of crying over her own losses while his mother was about to begin another fight for her life.

  And anger. So much anger. She didn’t even know where to direct it. Anger at the world for intruding on her and Aiden’s safe, oh-so-fragile bubble of happiness. Anger at herself for losing her heart to a man who’d discarded her instead of fighting to keep her.

  “The Electric Slide” ringtone played again and the song took Sadie back to the nightclub where she met the sexy Adonis who’d asked her to dance. They’d been an anomaly from the start. The way they’d confessed their deep, dark secrets to each other that very night. The way her hand fit into his in an undeniably right way. The way she’d slept next to him after he allowed her to gracefully redress.

  More tears came. She didn’t stop them.

  Sadie turned off her phone and pressed her closed fist to her lips. Her stomach tossed. She’d lost him. Her reward for letting her guard down. For believing she might be entitled to a happily ever after. For setting herself up for the biggest fall since her failed attempt at walking down the aisle.

  Would she ever learn?

  She tucked her chin and held her knees to her chest, compressing herself as tightly as she could. For the first time in a very long time, Sadie allowed herself to feel every broken shard of her splintered heart. She mourned the loss of her newfound hope, the loss of the future she’d imagined with Aiden at her side, and the elusive happiness she could never quite capture.

  But mostly, she cried over losing Aiden. The one man who’d seen something in her no one else ever had…who’d seen all her flaws and faults. Who called her on it and rose to the challenge.

  At least at first.

  Sadie dropped her forehead and the tears dripped from her arms to her skirt, a seemingly endless stream. Even in her grief, Sadie made herself a pact. She’d give herself twenty-four hours to feel every ounce of retched, heinous emotion tearing her apart inside. After that, she would cut it off. Wall it up. Protect herself with a vengeance. She’d survive. She’d recover. She’d come back better than ever.

  A sob racked her body, belying the strength of her inner speech.

  Twenty-four hours.

  Then everything would be back to normal.

  As good as new.

  She was sure of it.

  THE BILLIONAIRE BACHELOR

  Playboy Reese Crane will do anything to become CEO of Crane Hotels…even propose a marriage of convenience to Merina Van Heusen.…

  Merina will do anything to get her parents’ boutique hotel back—even marry cold-as-ice-but-sexy-as-hell Reese Crane.

  It’s a simple business contract: six months of marriage, total secrecy, and they both get what they want. But when the sparks fly between them, suddenly this facade of a marriage starts to feel very, very real…

  An excerpt from The Billionaire Bachelor follows.

  Chapter 1

  The Van Heusen Hotel was the love of Merina Van Heusen’s life. The historical building dominated the corner of Rush and East Chicago Avenue, regal and beautiful, a living work of art.

  Her parents’ hotel had once been the Bell Terrace, home away from home to celebrities such as Audrey Hepburn, Sammy Davis Jr., and more recently, Lady Gaga and the late Robin Williams. The original structure perished in the Great Chicago Fire of 1871, only to be resurrected bigger, better, and more beautiful.

  There was a life lesson in there.

  Latte in hand, Merina breathed in the air in the lobby, a mix of vanilla and cinnamon. Faint but reminiscent of the famed dessert invented in the hotel’s kitchen: the snickerdoodle. On her way past Arnold, who stood checking a guest into the hotel, she snagged one of the fresh-baked cookies off a plate and winked at him.

  The dark-skinned older man slid her a smile and winked back. Having practically grown up here, the VH was a second home to her. Arnold had started out as a bellman and had worked here for as long she could remember. He was as good as family.

  She dumped her purse in her office and finished her cookie, holding on to the latte while she meandered down the hallways, checking to make sure there were no trays outside the doors that needed collecting. At the end of the corridor on the first floor, she saw a man outside one of the rooms, drill whirring away.

  “Excuse me,” she called. Then had to call again to be heard over the sound. When she came into view, he paused the drilling and looked up at her.

  He wore a tool belt and navy uniform, and the antique doorknob was sitting on the floor at his feet along with a small pile of sawdust.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, bending to pick up the heavy brass. Her parents had done away with “real keys” the moment they took over, installing the popular keycard entry hotels now used, but the antique doorknobs remained.

  “Installing the fingerprint entry.” From his pocket, the uniformed man pulled out a small silver pad with a black opening, then went back to drilling.

  “No, no, no.” She placed the doorknob back on the ground and dusted her hand on her skirt. “We’re not doing any fingerprint entry.” She offered a patient smile. “You need to double-check your work order.”

  He gave her a confused look. “Ma’am?” He was looking at Merina, but his voice was raised.

  Merina’s mother, Jolie, appeared from behind the hotel room door, her eyebrows raising into hair that used to be the same honeyed shade of blond as Merina’s but now was more blond to hide the gray.

  “Oh, Merina!” Her mother smiled, but her expression looked a little pained.

  “Can you give me a minute with my daughter, Gary?” Like she was Gary’s mother, Jolie fished a five-dollar bill from her pocket and pressed it into his palm. “Go to the restaurant and have Sharon make you a caramel macchiato. You won’t be sorry.”

  Gary frowned but took the cash. Merina shook her head as he walked away.

  “Sweetheart.” Jolie offered another smile. A tight-lipped one meaning there was bad news. Like when Merina’s cat, Sherwood, had been hit by a car and Jolie had to break it to her. “Come in. Sit.” She popped open the door and Merina entered the guest room.

  White duvets and molded woodwork, modern flat-screen televisions and artwork. Red, gold, and deep orange accents added to the richness of the palette and were meant to show that a fire may have taken down the original building but couldn’t keep it down.

  Jolie gestured to the chair by the desk. Merina refused to sit.

  “Mom. What’s going on?”

  On the end of a sigh that didn’t make Merina feel any better, her mother spoke.

  “Several changes have been ordered for the Van Heusen in order to modernize it. Fingerprint entry is just one of them. Also, the elevators will be replaced.”

  “Why?” Merina pictured the gold decorative doors with a Phoenix, the mythical bird that arose from the ashes of its predecessor, emblazoned on them. If there was a beating heart in the Van Heusen, it was that symbol. Her stomach turned.

  Instead of answering, Jolie continued. “Then there’s the carpeting. The tapestry design won’t fit in with the new scheme. And probably the molding and ceiling medallions will all be replaced.” She sighed again. “It’s a new era.”

  “When did you take to day-drinking?” Merin
a asked, only half kidding.

  Her mother laughed, but it was brief and faded almost instantly. She touched Merina’s arm gently. “Sweetheart. We were going to tell you, but we wanted to make sure there really was no going back. I didn’t expect the locksmith to arrive today.” Her eyes strayed to the door.

  Merina’s patience fizzled. “Tell me what?”

  “Your father and I sold the Van Heusen to Alexander Crane six months ago. At the time, he had no plans on making any changes at all, but now that he’s retiring, the hotel has fallen to his oldest son. Evidently, Reese had different ideas.”

  At that pronouncement, Jolie’s normally sunny attitude clouded over. Merina knew the Cranes. The Crane Hotel was the biggest corporate hotel outfit in the city, the second biggest in the nation. Alexander (better known as “Big Crane”) and his sons ran it, local celebrities of sorts. She’d also read about Big Crane’s retirement and Reese’s likely ascension to CEO.

  But none of that mattered. There was only one newly learned fact bouncing around in her brain. “You sold the Van Heusen?”

  She needed that chair after all. She sank into it, mind blanking of everything except for one name: Reese Crane.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Merina stood up again. She couldn’t sit. She could not remain still while this was happening. Correction: This had happened. “Why didn’t you talk to me first?”

  “You know we’d never include you in our financial difficulties, Merina.” Jolie clucked her tongue.

  Financial difficulties?

  “Bankruptcy was not an option,” her mom said. “Plus, selling gave us the best of both worlds. No financial responsibility and we keep our jobs.”

  “With Reese Crane as your boss!” Her mind spun after she said it aloud. My God. They would be answering to that arrogant, idiotic…“No.” Merina shook her head as she strode past her mother. “This is a mistake.”