Here to Stay

by Catherine Anderson

  “Ah. Well, it’s great to hear from you. What’s up?”

  “I, um, just, you know, wanted to tell you I really had fun going for those walks with Rosebud at your ranch.”

  Zach was disappointed that it was Luke instead of Mandy on the phone, but he could tell from Luke’s stammering that it had taken a lot of courage for him to call. Zach needed to hook in. Forget about Mandy and her irrational reaction to the wine. Forget about his personal feelings. The guide horse issue was about Luke. Period.

  “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

  “I did,” Luke said. “And, I was wondering. ... Well, I know you’re really busy, but is there any way I could take a walk with Rosebud today, to the park maybe? It would only take an hour or two. I’d really like to be with her again, just for a little while.”

  Zach frowned. “Does Mandy know you’re calling?”

  “No, she’s doing a burn. It’s the booze thing. She’s weird about it.”

  Zach tightened his hand over the phone and almost disconnected by keying a button he didn’t intend to press. “The booze thing? I’d really like to understand that, Luke. What is the booze thing, exactly?”

  “Long story. We’ve got a fucked-up family. You know? I’ll tell you a little about it on the way to the park if you want.”

  Zach squeezed his eyes closed. He almost told Luke to watch his mouth, but given that he sometimes used the F-word around other men, that would’ve been hypocritical.

  “You’re kind of putting me on the spot, buddy. If your sister doesn’t want you to go out, she may get pissed at me. I’d rather not step on any toes.”

  Luke groaned. “Hey, dude, I’m nineteen. Most guys my age are partying and screwing chicks. Do they ask permission? Why do I need my sister’s to go for a walk?”

  “I don’t suppose you do. It’s just ...” Zach frowned. In Oregon, Luke was legally an adult. His being blind didn’t alter that fact. “Mandy’s gone, isn’t she?”

  “It’s errand day,” Luke admitted. “She hires a sitter for me and takes one day every two weeks to go shopping and do other crap. She’s usually gone about five hours.”

  “So you’re wanting to sneak off while she’s gone?”

  “Okay, yeah. I want to sneak off. It’s a first for me, man. Don’t burst my bubble.”

  Zach grinned. For once, Luke sounded like a normal kid. At the same age, Zach had been doing a hell of a lot more than taking afternoon walks. He’d been in college at the time, and his father had essentially been paying out a small fortune in tuition so his son could be a party animal. Zach had definitely earned the handle hellion of the family. In retrospect, he wished he’d done many things different, but he also felt his wild years had made him a better person. Sometimes you had to make mistakes, deal with the ramifications, and live with the regrets before you changed your ways.

  Zach had been a slow learner, and he didn’t have any high ground to stand on with Luke. “Okay, you’re a consenting adult. If you want to go to the park, you got it.”

  Luke released a blast of air that nearly punctured Zach’s eardrum. “Thanks, man. I need a walk, not just with Rosebud, though. I, uh, kinda need to talk, if that’s okay.”

  Zach knew better than to ask what about. A smart older person kept his lip zipped and let the kid pick the moment. “What time is good for you?”

  “Mandy’s already been gone about an hour. Can you come now?”

  Zach glanced around the arena. Cookie and his employees could handle it for a few hours. He’d need to get Rosebud haltered up, but otherwise, there was nothing to hold him back. “I can be there in forty minutes. How much time will that give us?”

  “Three hours unless she does one of her superwoman trips. She doesn’t waste time. Sitters cost a lot.”

  And why, Luke, do you need a sitter? Zach refrained from asking that question. “See you in forty. Have your walking shoes on.”

  Normally Mandy raced through Safeway, grabbing items and scratching them off her list with a speed born of necessity. Sitters for Luke were expensive, so she wasted no time comparing prices. Any amount she saved by being thrifty was canceled out by the charges she racked up at home. The tab today would be even worse than usual. The sitter that Mandy and Luke liked and normally used had undergone rotator-cuff surgery, and the only alternative, a coarse, rather unpleasant older woman, charged five dollars more an hour, didn’t get along well with Luke, and ate Mandy out of house and home.

  This afternoon Mandy couldn’t seem to kick herself into high gear, though. Troubled and distracted by the thoughts that kept circling through her mind, she pushed the cart slowly and often found herself staring blindly at a product for seconds on end. When she came to the dog-food section, she stared sadly at the image of a golden retriever on one of the bags. Because of his fear of canines, Luke would never consent to getting a guide dog. A service horse was the only practical alternative.

  And I’m ruining that for him.

  Mandy released a sigh. She couldn’t continue on this course. Zach Harrigan had been incredibly generous to consider offering Rosebud to Luke for free. Her brother and the mini had been forging a strong friendship. How could she allow her personal feelings about alcohol to stand in the way? Rosebud could open up a whole new world for her brother. That was the important thing, the only important thing.

  She needed to call Zach and apologize. The very thought made her stomach clench. What would she say? I’m sorry about my behavior at the barbecue. I have this fear of alcohol. In the future, would you mind not drinking around me and Luke? That would go over like rain at a picnic. She had no business telling Zach what he could or couldn’t do at his own home. So how should she handle it?

  Maybe, she decided, the solution was to mend her fences with Zach and henceforth arrange for all Luke’s visits with Rosebud to occur at her place. That way she would be in control, she could monitor the situation, and she could also make sure Zach was never alone with Luke, with no opportunity to put bad ideas in her brother’s head.

  As soon as I get home and have all the groceries put away, I’ll call the man. No excuses, no procrastinating. It wouldn’t be easy, but she had to do it for Luke’s sake.

  En route to town, Zach barely noticed the passing landscape, washed with early March sunshine. Instead he did some soul searching and decided he didn’t like himself very much sometimes. When his cell phone had rung and he’d seen Mandy’s name, he’d been focused on making her squirm before he agreed to let Luke see Rosebud again. That had been horrible of him, and Zach felt ashamed of himself. This wasn’t about Mandy’s reaction to the wine or about Zach getting his feelings hurt.

  It was about Luke. The kid had been kept in a protective bubble all his life. Rosebud offered him freedom that he’d never dreamed of having. Anyone who could forget the joyous grin that had lit up Luke’s face the afternoon of the barbecue didn’t have a heart. That was what Zach needed to keep front and center. Whatever happened between him and Mandy shouldn’t factor into the equation.

  As Zach drove up Maple Street to the Pajeck house, he pushed all negative thoughts from his mind, determined to make this a pleasurable outing for Luke. Because Mandy was out shopping, he parked on the street so the SUV wouldn’t be blocking her driveway if she got back early. Rosebud, eager to unload because she recognized the house, hopped out onto the grass median. As Zach accompanied her up the walkway, he breathed deeply of the air, crisp with a bit of winter chill, but starting to smell like spring. It was nice enough not to wear a jacket, a perfect day for an outing.

  A large woman wearing stretchy black slacks that were too small and a pink sweater that was too large answered the doorbell. When she saw Rosebud, her nose went up in the air. “I will not allow that creature inside the house,” she informed Zach. “You’ll have to leave it on the porch.”

  Well aware that Luke had difficulty navigating by himself, Zach said, “Luke is expecting us. We’re going for a walk to the park. You can either bring him to
the door, or we’ll come inside to collect him. Your call.”

  Luke was slumped on the sofa. Zach wondered yet again if the kid spent his whole life there. The sitter huffed under her breath but allowed Zach and Rosebud to enter.

  “He doesn’t have his sister’s permission to go,” the woman said. “But he insists that he’s going anyway. I’m being paid to watch him, and I’ll not be party to this in any way.”

  The lady’s attitude was starting to piss Zach off. “He’s nineteen. Last time I checked, that makes him an adult. If he wants to go for a walk, I guess he can.”

  Luke didn’t raise his head. He was wearing jeans, sneakers, and a blue fleece sweatshirt, which was as warm as most jackets. “Hi, Mr. Harrigan. Thanks for coming.”

  “I’m happy to be here,” Zach assured him. “You about ready?”

  “I need to use the restroom first.”

  “Your sister took you right before she left,” the sitter objected. “Why do you need to go again so soon?”

  “I just want to be sure I won’t need to go on the way to the park,” Luke explained. “Can you help me, please?”

  The woman turned toward the kitchen. “I want no part of this, I told you.”

  Luke sighed and said, “She’s an old witch.”

  Zach chuckled. “Come on, Luke. I’ll lead you to the bathroom.”

  Leaving Rosebud by the coffee table, Zach guided Luke through the house to the bathroom door, which opened off the kitchen. While he waited, the sitter said, “Ms. Pajeck has no cell phone with her, so I can’t call to tell her about this. If she gets upset, it’ll be on your head. I’m washing my hands of all responsibility.”

  Zach almost tried to mollify the woman by inviting her to go with them, but he agreed with Luke. She really was an old witch.

  Seconds later, when Luke emerged, he said, “This is embarrassing. I have to be taken to the restroom like a baby.”

  Zach decided to let that remark pass until they were outside on the sidewalk. He got Luke situated with Rosebud, and then they moved into a walk, the shuffle of Luke’s sneakers creating a rhythmic backdrop for the clop of the mini’s hooves and the tap of Zach’s boots. A breeze rustled through the denuded maple trees that lined the street.

  Zach gave it a couple of minutes before he returned to the comment Luke had made outside the bathroom. “I know only one blind person, but she needs very little help to do anything. I can only wonder why you’re so different.”

  Luke said nothing for almost half a block, his hand white-knuckled over Rosebud’s halter handle. Finally, he blurted, “Why should I learn to do things by myself? It’s Mandy’s fault that I’m blind. If I become self-sufficient, she’ll be totally off the hook.”

  The kid’s response startled Zach. Zach knew, deep in his heart, that Mandy would never purposely do anything to harm Luke. So why did the youth blame her for his blindness? Zach refrained from asking, and Luke didn’t enlighten him.

  “You think I’m a horrible person, don’t you?”

  That was a loaded question. Zach was glad they reached a crosswalk just then so he could collect his thoughts. In truth, Zach thought Luke was a spoiled brat, but he had also caught glimpses of a young man who yearned to change.

  Rosebud signaled Luke that they had reached the curb. Looking on, Zach guided the kid through his first street crossing, explaining the cues the mini gave him.

  “There’s no streetlight here,” Zach told him. “You need to listen for traffic and tell Rosebud when you feel it’s safe to cross.”

  Luke tipped his head. “I don’t hear any cars.”

  It was a quiet residential street. “You’re right. There’s no traffic.”

  Luke let Rosebud know it was okay to move forward. The young man faltered at first, but after handling the first curb, he gained confidence and lengthened his stride.

  When they were safely across the street, Zach adjusted his pace to Luke’s again. “In answer to your question, Luke, I don’t think you’re a horrible person. Shit happens. People get into ruts, and sometimes they can’t set their feet on a new path. Even worse, sometimes they can’t even see another path.”

  Luke laughed bitterly. “That’s me. I can’t see my own hand in front of my face.” Moving along beside Rosebud, the kid got tears in his eyes. As they slipped onto his cheeks, which were peppered with tiny scars similar to pockmarks, he wiped them away with his free hand, clearly angry and embarrassed. “I love Mandy,” he said fiercely, “but a part of me hates her, too. She made me blind. Even our dad said it was all her fault.”

  Red alert. Luke was obviously angry and hurting, and because of that, Mandy was paying a horrible price. Her devotion to Luke bordered on the abnormal. Clearly she felt guilty, blaming herself for the accident that had robbed Luke of his sight. Luke had flung out the accusation with an expression and tone that signaled he meant what he’d said. He hadn’t spoken out of anger or pique. He believed it.

  Zach considered asking how the accident had happened, but Luke was crying so hard he decided the timing was bad. When Luke wanted to tell Zach more, he would.

  Instead of pushing, Zach chose to change the subject. “Mandy is really upset with me. I suspected the night of the barbecue that it was over the wine, and you confirmed that today on the phone. I don’t want to pry for information, but I’d really like to know what the ‘booze thing’ you mentioned is all about.”

  Rosebud stopped suddenly and tapped the sidewalk ahead of them with her right front hoof. Without Zach saying a word, Luke felt the cement in front of him with the toe of his shoe, located a crack in the concrete that had lifted at one side to form a trip hazard, and stepped carefully over it.

  He clicked the mini and gave her a treat. “Good girl, Rosebud,” he said. “Good girl.” Then to Zach, he said, “Mandy’s way over-the-top about alcohol, and for someone outside our family, it’s probably hard to understand. But she really does have every reason to detest the stuff. Our father was an alcoholic. When he drank, he ... he did really bad things. That was what made our mother take off, and then Mandy was left holding the bag. It wasn’t easy for her. Our dad is a really mean person.”

  Zach itched to inquire about the “really bad things.” Obviously that was a mild version of what Luke had intended to say before he caught himself. But he couldn’t force the kid’s confidence. “Mandy told me that he’s no longer a part of your lives.”

  “Nope.” Luke took a few more steps, then stopped and dragged in an unsteady breath. He turned to Zach with a swift movement that suggested a sudden decision.

  “He’s in prison for trying to kill her.”

  Chapter Eleven

  “What?”Luke���s revelation had roughly the same effect on Zach as an M-80 firecracker detonating behind him. “Can you run that by me again? I don’t think I heard you right.”

  Just then, Rosebud warned Luke of another trip hazard. Instead of replying to Zach, the kid clicked the mini, gave her a treat, and doled out praise, making Zach wait to hear more. Maybe it was just as well. Zach had a few seconds to sort his thoughts.

  “You heard right,” Luke said as they resumed walking. “Our dad tried to kill her.”

  “Why?”

  “Payback. Mandy kept quiet about the beatings until she was seventeen. Then I guess she had enough. Or maybe it was because he tried to hurt me the night before. I dunno. But she made a bunch of phone calls the next morning and turned him in.”

  Zach could only imagine how terrified Mandy must have been.

  “The cops brought two ladies to our house. Case-workers, I guess. Mandy told them everything. They took her to the bathroom to see her bruises. When they came out, the ladies talked with the cops, and the next thing I knew, Mandy and I were in the backseat of a police car. Not a regular car, because I heard a dispatcher on the radio.”

  “So your father was arrested?”

  Luke nodded. “The cops went straight to his office. Cuffed and stuffed him in front of his important friends.
He was in jail for a lot longer than anyone figured. Took a while for his fancy lawyer to get him out on bail. He was the mayor of Crystal Falls then, and the scandal ruined him. They made him resign as mayor, and all his fancy friends didn’t want any more to do with him. He ended up selling our house and moving to another town. Mandy and I were stuck in foster care. Dad’s parents wanted no part of us. We didn’t hear from him after that and had no clue he was keeping tabs on us. But he was.”

  “And eventually he came back?” Zach asked.

  Luke nodded. “When Mandy turned eighteen, they kicked her out of foster care. She wanted me with her, but the judge said no, not until she was twenty-one. She got a job and an apartment in Crystal Falls. Our dad found out where she lived. He broke into her place one night, beat the hell out of her, and left her for dead. When she came to, she managed to call for help. He’ll be in the slammer for a lot of years this time.”

  Zach recalled his first phone conversation with Mandy and how the Pajeck name had seemed vaguely familiar. Now he knew why. Tobin Pajeck. He’d been the mayor of Crystal Falls for years. Zach barely remembered the scandal that had forced him to resign. He had just finished college and been starting up his own ranch. Newspaper headlines about the city mayor had been of no major importance to him. And at that point in his life, headlines were about all he read. His interests had been booze, women, and horses, the order of importance varying with his mood.

  “Oh, man,” he said softly. He thought of the dark look in Mandy’s eyes and how she’d grown pale when he offered her the wine. He’d known then that she felt repulsed, but he hadn’t understood why. He waited until Luke and Rosebud successfully negotiated another crosswalk. “Has your dad always been an alcoholic, Luke?”

  The boy fed Rosebud a treat. “For as far back as Mandy can remember, yeah. He started drinking hard not long after he married our mom.”

  Zach’s throat felt raw. He swallowed to steady his voice. “Did the bastard beat on Mandy all her life?”