Here to Stay

by Catherine Anderson

  So it was okay. He knew. She shuddered as the pressure within her mounted, pushing her higher and higher, until finally her body convulsed with shivers of pleasure that eclipsed her vision with spirals of color and left her muscles quivering. Cries she vaguely associated with herself beat in her ears, but the only solid reality was the hard, secure grip of Zach’s arms. The loss of control might have alarmed her, but he was there, kissing her throat, whispering reassurances, the heat of him cocooning around her. He held her until the spasms subsided and she could breathe normally again.

  He rose to his knees, stripping his shirt the rest of the way off and casting it aside, then unfastening his jeans. In the glow of the lamplight, his rippling flesh looked like seasoned oak rubbed to a high sheen. After some shifting and tugging, his jeans and briefs were discarded. He slicked a condom onto his erect manhood with an ease born of long practice. Bracing his weight on his well-muscled arms, he moved over her, his gaze locked on hers.

  “This first time may hurt,” he whispered. “I’m not sure how much.”

  Mandy realized he was reluctant to cause her pain, and that touched her as nothing else could. Pleasure. He’d given her so much. Now it was her turn. What did a little pain matter? In the past, she’d been kicked in the ribs repeatedly and survived. She smiled at him in invitation and saw his eyes darken with passion. He rubbed himself back and forth in her slick, wet cleavage of flesh for a moment, and then she felt the tip of his shaft nudge into her. He hesitated, and she tugged at his shoulders, urging him forward. She bit down on her lower lip at the sharp stab of discomfort, but he had prepared her well, her passage slick to ease his way, and with one smooth thrust, he was deep within her. He went still.

  “Do it,” she whispered urgently. “Do it, Zach. I want you. I need you. Please.”

  He groaned and began to move. With each thrust, Mandy felt an explosion of tingling delight deep within her. She caught and matched his rhythm, tightening herself around him until he cried out and lifted her hips toward him. He drove her on until together they climaxed. He bucked and stiffened in her arms, his face contorted as she gasped his name and dug her fingers into him.

  Incredible. It was the most incredible experience of her life and he’d given it to her.

  Afterward they rested, arms wrapped around each other, her pelvis riding his hips. Mandy drifted in a cloud of contentment, feeling safe, happy, and utterly satiated. As long as Zach remained beside her, she didn’t care if she ever moved again.

  “Hey,” he murmured. “How about taking a shower with me?”

  Mandy smiled sleepily, her lips curving against his neck. “Do we have to? I’m happy right here.”

  He trailed kisses along her eyebrows. His voice, louder this time, was husky and thick. “You’ll be even happier in the shower with me,” he promised.

  “Not possible.”

  A hint of laughter edged his reply. “Oh, yes, it is. Come on.”

  She crawled off the bed and grabbed her nightshirt, holding it to her breasts. Narrowing an eye at her, Zach bent to get something out of a pocket of his Wranglers. He seemed to feel absolutely at ease with his nudity, and Mandy could understand why. His body was so sculpted and perfect it could have been a work of art.

  “Drop the shirt,” he told her. “Covering that body with anything should be a criminal offense. Besides, I’ve already seen everything.”

  Mandy didn’t think her body was all that great, but if the gleam in his dark eyes was any indication, he seemed to think differently. Reluctantly, she tossed the nightshirt on the foot of the bed. “I have small breasts.”

  His gaze dropped. “You have beautiful breasts.”

  “And my thighs are fat.”

  He grinned, his teeth flashing white in the lamplight. “I’m a leg man. Trust me when I say your thighs are gorgeous.” He came around the foot of the bed and grabbed her hand. “Come on. It’s time you experienced a shower Zach Harrigan style.”

  Within three minutes, Mandy’s body was slick with soap and water, and Zach’s hands were coursing all over her, teasing, caressing, and possessing her in a way that made her head spin. So much to learn, so much she didn’t know. She’d never dreamed he could use his fingers to bring her to another climax while the hot, soothing water beat down over them. Her knees jellied, and his powerful arms locked her tight against his hard torso. He held her erect until the last quake subsided and then eased her onto a built-in slate bench while he put on some protection. Then he gathered her into his arms, lifted her against the shower wall, drew her legs around his hips, and thrust deep inside her. The shock and pleasure were so great she gasped, arched her back, and whacked her head against the wall. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but the sensations. With each push, he sent a thrill of feeling spiraling through her. She cried out, unable to believe this time with him was even more wonderful than the last. She rode the waves, so lost in the electrical swirl of delight that the only word she could remember was his name. Zach. Over and over, that word trailed from her lips, sometimes a whisper, other times a high, keening wail of need.

  Before he satisfied himself, he made her climax again and again, taking her to heights she’d never dreamed existed. Dimly she felt him stiffen. The hot surge of his release ignited her at the center and pushed her toward another crest. They tumbled over the edge together. Mandy felt as if she were free-falling without a parachute, but with Zach’s arms around her, she didn’t care. He’d catch her. He always would.

  He supported her against the wall with the press of his hips until their breathing returned to normal. Then he gently bathed her, his big hands moving tenderly over intimate places that were now sore. He wrapped her in a bath sheet and carried her back to bed. Mandy wanted to protest that her hair was wet and would soak the pillow, but she was so limp with exhaustion she couldn’t speak. Instead she just closed her eyes, wishing for his arms to be around her again.

  He left her there. She heard the shower come on again. A weary smile curved her lips. As soon as he got cleaned up and dried off, he would return to her. She’d be okay without him for only a few minutes.

  Zach adjusted the water temperature and stepped over to the wastebasket to tug the condom from his still-erect member. What he saw made him freeze and sent his heart into overdrive. The prophylactic was torn clear to the rim.

  He groaned and planted a hand against the wall. Several expletives exploded inside his mind. He gave voice to none of them, afraid Mandy might hear him cursing. Oh, God. He’d spilled his seed directly into her. He remembered how fabulous her slick heat had felt around him, and now he knew why. He’d been making love to her with no protection, and he’d been too caught up in the incredible sensations to stop, to check, to think at all.

  A dizzying rush of panic sent a chill down his spine. What the hell would he tell Mandy? Sorry, sweetheart. I may have just knocked you up. She grew frantic at the very thought of marriage. To her, it was tantamount to a lifetime sentence in the downtown business section of hell. She’d made it clear from the start that their relationship had to be a no-strings deal. She was already financially strapped, trying to support herself and Luke. A baby would be an additional expense she couldn’t afford. And he wasn’t at all sure she’d allow him to help ... or even be involved. Oh, he’d screwed up royally this time. Great job, Harrigan.

  Zach pulled off the condom and let it fall into the receptacle. He stared at it with loathing. If he’d made her pregnant, he’d step up to the plate; no worries on that count. And if he were totally honest with himself, he had to admit that having a baby with her would make him the happiest man alive. What worried him was what Mandy might think when he told her. Would she see it as a trap and freak out, thinking that he was trying to trick her into marrying him? Probably. She was already plenty wary of men.

  Zach didn’t know what to do. As he stepped into the shower, he seriously considered just buying a new case of condoms and praying she wasn’t pregnant. That way, he’d never have to te
ll her this had happened. Not. His father had raised him better than that. Not telling Mandy would be the coward’s way out, and dishonest, to boot.

  Mandy felt a tug on the towel that Zach had wrapped around her. She blinked awake to see him leaning over her. She rolled off the damp terry without opening her eyes again and reached for him. He wrapped his arms around her. She sighed and snuggled close, loving his hard strength and wishing the night would never end. She was tired, but she felt more secure and at peace than ever before.

  Peace. Safety. They were things she didn’t know much about, but she was learning. And Zach was helping. Vaguely she became aware that his body was tense, and she made a small inquiring sound. He rose up on one elbow.

  “Mandy.”

  “Mm?” She kissed his arm and tried to pull him back down beside her.

  “Mandy, look at me.”

  She opened her eyes a crack, saw his expression, and started to sit up. “Zach? What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “I need to tell you something,” he whispered. “If I wait until morning, I’m afraid I’ll chicken out.”

  Stark misery lurked in his eyes. A chill swept through her. What in the world could have gone wrong? “Zach, what is it? Can I help?”

  “The condom tore. In the shower. It tore clear to the rim.”

  “What . . . ?” It took a second for the words to connect. Her lips parted in wordless shock.

  “When I came inside you, I didn’t have any protection. It’ll probably be fine. But there’s a possibility I could have made you pregnant.”

  Mandy jerked bolt upright and shoved him away from her. Her eyes snapped all the way open.

  “What?” Even through her emotional turmoil she felt astounded at the condemnation that rang through the single word she flung at him. “What?”

  Chapter Twenty

  Panic coursed through Mandy. Still groggy, she stared at Zach, who lay on his back, arms folded under his pillow. In the lamplight, he looked incredibly sexy, his body hard, his skin glistening from his recent shower. There was a wary darkness in his eyes.

  He couldn’t have said what she thought he’d said. No way. No, she’d heard wrong. “Did you say the condom tore?”

  He dipped his chin in what she took to be a nod. “It’s my fault. I’ve had the box for ages, and I should have replaced it. I just didn’t expect—” He broke off and swallowed. “Well, until tonight, you never hinted that you were ready to become intimate, so I wasn’t prepared.”

  Mandy did some rapid mental calculations and felt the tension ease off. “Well, I don’t think I’m ovulating right now. I could be wrong but I don’t think so.”

  He expelled a breath so carefully that she realized he must have been holding it. He drew a hand from under the pillow, cupped it around the back of her neck, and whispered, “Come here.”

  As she gave in to the tug of pressure and rested her head on his shoulder, she said, “Only to cuddle, right? I can’t risk getting pregnant. It would be a disaster.”

  “If you’re pregnant, and I stress the if, it won’t be a disaster. I’ll step up to the plate. I’d never let you face it alone.”

  Mandy closed her eyes. She didn’t want to say it aloud, but Zach’s stepping up to the plate was neither in question nor was it the point. Having Zach’s baby would place her in an awful position. He would not want his child to be born out of wedlock, and she could never marry him. For her, that was impossible. She couldn’t even think about it without feeling breathless. And it wasn’t a good breathless.

  “Fortunately I don’t think it’s that time of the month for me, so the mishap tonight shouldn’t be a problem. I just don’t want to push our luck.” Mandy pressed closer to him, craving his warmth even though she wasn’t cold. “Hold me, Zach. Please?”

  He shifted and drew her into his arms. Kissing her forehead, he whispered, “You need to rest, sweetheart. Close your eyes, think happy thoughts, and go to sleep.”

  Think happy thoughts? Today she’d seen irrefutable evidence that her father had killed her mother, and now there was a chance, however remote, that she might be pregnant. For the first time, she felt a sense of sisterhood with the many women she’d heard utter, “Men!” She doubted she could fall asleep. The events of the day lurked like black shadows in her mind, and on top of all that, the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy was now front and center. She couldn’t be pregnant. She just couldn’t be.

  That was her last conscious thought.

  Zach lay awake long after Mandy drifted off. As beautiful as their lovemaking had been, he worried that she would have regrets in the morning. He’d broken one of his own rules: never to make love to a woman when she was upset and vulnerable. He should have waited until Mandy had recovered from the shock of finding her mother’s remains. It didn’t matter that she’d essentially pleaded with him to do it. He should have found other ways to comfort her and held fast to his resolve.

  He pressed his face against her hair, breathing deeply of her scent—clean feminine skin, traces of soap, and an essence that was apparently all her own, a light, airy fragrance that reminded him of roses even though he knew she wore no perfume. Oh, how he loved her. He thought back, trying to recall the precise moment when he’d taken the plunge, but there had been so many special times he couldn’t pinpoint only one. The first time he met her, a strange feeling had come over him, and he guessed he’d known, even then, that she was the one. He smiled, remembering the night he’d found her with Tornado and how she’d reamed him out for mistreating the horse. Zach admired anyone who threw caution to the wind in defense of an animal. Maybe that had been the moment when he’d lost his heart to her.

  It didn’t really matter. He loved her, and God help him, somehow he had to make this work. She was so wary, his Mandy. That shallow grave in the backyard of her childhood home pretty much summarized her life experience, and it had ingrained in her a fear of being dominated by a man.

  Zach didn’t see marriage that way. To him, it was a partnership. But she wasn’t buying his version, and he couldn’t blame her. Over time, he hoped Mandy would come to trust him enough to become his wife. If and when she did, he’d do everything in his power to make her happy. All he needed was the chance to prove that to her.

  Sunlight slanted through the guest room windows, dappling the gold walls and ivory coverlet with splashes of bright yellow. Mandy’s lips curved in an appreciative smile. She didn’t want to budge. She wanted to stay right where she was, in Zach’s arms. He stirred and groaned softly, running his hand into her hair.

  “Mmm, I like waking up this way,” he whispered. “I could become addicted.”

  Mandy shared the sentiment and shifted her head back to study his face. Wrinkles in the pillowcase had left creases on his jaw. His eyes had a sleepy, unfocused look. In the morning light, his lips shimmered like polished satin.

  He arched a dark eyebrow. “How’re you feeling this morning? Any regrets?”

  Mandy considered the question and decided that nothing would ever make her regret their lovemaking. It had been sweet and wondrous, the most incredible experience of her life. If she was pregnant, which she seriously doubted, she’d deal with it somehow. Granted, she preferred not to be put in that position, but she wouldn’t be the first unmarried woman to have a child, and she had every confidence that Zach would help her out financially.

  “My only regret,” she told him, “is that we couldn’t go back for thirds.”

  He gave a startled laugh, kissed her forehead, and then rubbed noses with her. “How about going back for thirds this morning?”

  “We can’t. We have no reliable protection.”

  He trailed light kisses over her cheek. “There are ways around that.”

  “There are?”

  He tickled her ear with the tip of his tongue. “Oh, yeah. I didn’t take it there last night, but I will this morning if you’re feeling frisky.”

  Mandy felt like a child in a candy shop with only a pebble in her po
cket. “I don’t think I’m ovulating, Zach, but I can’t be certain.”

  “Trust me. What I have in mind won’t put you at risk.”

  She believed him. Weird. He’d told her once that he would never harm her, and she believed that as well. Already aroused by the things he was doing to her ear, she said, “Take us there, then.” His teasing grin made her shiver in anticipation.

  He rolled her onto her back and trailed his lips from her ear down her neck. The caress made her breath catch. Her skin grew so warm and sensitive that even the touch of the sheets sent tingles up her spine. He bent his head to her breast, his lips searching for the peak. She gasped when his hot mouth closed over her throbbing nipple. The teasing drift of his tongue brought the already turgid tip to a pulsating erectness, and it felt to her as if every nerve ending in her body convened there. He caught it between his teeth, torturing her with light tugs. Every flick and pull sent a jolt of pleasure streaking to the pit of her stomach. She dug her heels into the mattress, arching toward him. She clutched his shoulders, never wanting him to stop.

  “Zach,” she whispered. “Oh, Zach.”

  Her thoughts streamed in a dizzying swirl. Last night had been wonderful, but this ... She felt as if her body had suddenly come alive after a long sleep, instinctively wanting things from him that she couldn’t even name. Intoxicated, she lifted her hips, yearning for his hand at the apex of her thighs. Instead he stopped teasing her breast and moved down to pleasure her there with his mouth.

  Startled, Mandy cried out and tried to push him away, but he’d wedged his broad shoulders between her legs, grasped her hips, and settled in for a long stay. With only two passes of his tongue, he put an end to her protests. With three, he pushed her beyond all thought. She felt like a stringed instrument being played by a master. Every pull of his mouth sent vibrations of delight through her. She opened her legs, rocked up with her hips, and allowed him to possess that part of her completely. Her body went into spasms, and still he worked her, suckling, flicking with his tongue, pushing her higher, giving no quarter. After she climaxed the last time, he gentled the assault, soothing her swollen flesh with soft caresses.