by S. H. Kolee
We went to the hospital in two separate cars; Simon and I went in Ryan’s car and Grant drove his with Marcus and Sarah.
“What are you going to tell them?” Ryan asked from the backseat. Simon was driving since he knew the way to the hospital.
“I don’t know,” I whispered, staring out the window. “That’s the least of my worries right now.”
Ryan leaned forward. “You won’t just have Sarah, Grant and Marcus to answer to. The police will question us too. We have to get our stories straight.”
I wanted to yell at him, to tell him to shut up. I didn’t want to think about any of that when all I could think about was Jenny. But as much as I wanted to, I didn’t. I could tell by Simon’s white knuckles on the steering wheel that he was feeling the same thing, but he also knew it was inevitable.
“You left her a message on her voicemail so we have to work that into the story,” Ryan said. He was silent for a few moments before he spoke again. “The only way I can think of spinning this is by saying you had a dream about Jenny drowning in the pool. We can say you had a premonition. I’m sure the police have heard crazier things. You called her to see if she was okay, but when she didn’t answer you got even more worried so you decided to check the pool. Simon and I went with you because we didn’t want you to go on your own. When we got there, she was already floating in the pool.”
I wanted to throw up as I listened to Ryan, but I had no better story to give. The thought of lying about the circumstances of what had happened to Jenny was repugnant, but they would think we were crazy if we told them the truth. They would already think we were crazy with the story of the premonition, but not enough to lock us up.
“Fine,” I whispered, not turning to look at him. Simon glanced at me and then took my hand in his, gripping tight. I felt numb to his touch. The only thing that felt real was the fear running through my body.
We were told to go to the waiting room when we arrived at the hospital. We sat there nervously, silent until Marcus spoke up.
“We should call her parents,” he said, his voice strained. His eyes were red and I wondered how much he had cried on the drive over to the hospital.
“What do we tell them?” Sarah asked in a panic. “We don’t even know yet if she’s alright.”
The doctor chose that moment to approach us. “Are you friends of Jenny McAllister?”
“Yes,” I said, bracing myself for the news.
“Does she have any family nearby?”
“No, all her family is in Florida,” Marcus answered. “I’m her boyfriend.”
“We’re her family here,” Sarah said, her voice thickening with fear. “Is she okay?”
The doctor studied us for a few moments and then finally spoke. “I’m Dr. Phelps. We tried to revive her but she was without oxygen for too long. She passed before she got to the hospital. We weren’t able to resuscitate her.”
I stared at the doctor while he continued to speak, barely hearing his explanation of what had happened. I heard wails surround me but I couldn’t process the grief of those around me. All I could think about was that I had failed. I had failed Jenny and because of me she was dead.
“What happened?” Marcus demanded once the doctor walked away, his voice trembling. His voice suddenly grew louder until he was shouting. “What the fuck happened?”
He was looking straight at me and I forced myself to spill out the lies I had agreed upon.
“I–I had a dream,” I started shakily, trying not to let the anguish I saw in Marcus’ eyes break me. “I dreamt that Jenny was in trouble in the student pool. It seemed so real that when I woke up I called her to make sure she was okay. When she didn’t answer her phone, I got even more worried. I thought I was being irrational but I couldn’t shake the feeling so I decided to go to the pool to check. Simon and Ryan went with me, even though they thought I was being crazy.” I took a deep breath, apologizing to Jenny in my mind. I’m so sorry, Jenny, I pleaded. I’m sorry I didn’t save you and I’m sorry for lying about how you died.
“Then what?” Marcus rasped, his face ashen.
“It was already too late by the time we got there,” Simon answered for me. “She was in the pool and not moving.”
Marcus shook his head in despair and confusion. “I don’t understand! What the hell would she be doing in the pool in the middle of the night? It’s not even open then!” He gripped his hands in his hair like he was trying to keep a grip on his sanity. “And she’s a strong swimmer. How could she drown?”
He sank into a chair in the waiting room, his body wracked with sobs. Sarah had already collapsed into a seat when the doctor had told us the news and Grant was standing over her, trying to calm her from her violent crying.
She looked up at me and I saw the distrust and doubt on her face. Nothing was said but both Sarah and Grant looked at us with accusing eyes, condemning me along with Ryan and Simon. But they were wrong. It was solely my fault; my responsibility. I had failed in destroying Jenny’s vardoger with my first attempt and that had cost Jenny her life. All the past successes, all the strength I had gained from destroying all the other shadows seemed meaningless when I couldn’t even save the ones I cared about.
We were silent, although Sarah and Marcus continued to cry. I wished I could cry, to find some release, but the guilt wouldn’t let me.
I jumped, startled, when I heard a voice behind me.
“Caitlin Kile?”
I turned around to see a uniformed police officer behind me. Two other police officers were standing behind him and my heart started thudding against my ribcage.
“Yes, that’s me,” I said, but the words were barely audible. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I’m Caitlin Kile.”
“I’m Officer Merren. You were the one that found Jenny McAllister?”
I nodded, watching him warily. Simon spoke up before the officer could ask another question.
“I was there too.”
“So was I,” Ryan said.
“Can I get your names?” Officer Merren scribbled in his notepad when they obliged, but then he honed in on me again. “Can you tell me exactly what happened?”
“She just found out her friend died,” Simon said, his voice cold. “Do we have to do this now?”
Officer Merren’s expression turned slightly sympathetic but his voice was still all-business. “I’m sorry for your loss. We’ll just quickly go over what happened, but I’ll need you to come down to the station in the morning to go over details.” He looked at Simon and Ryan. “You two as well.”
I quickly told him what happened, ignoring how his eyebrows rose when I told him about the premonition. He was silent until I was done telling my story.
“And these premonitions—do you have them often?”
I shook my head. “No, this was the first one. But it seemed so real that I felt like I had to make sure it wasn’t true. I have no idea how I was able to see in my dream what happened to Jenny.”
This all felt so familiar. I remembered lying to the police about Claudia’s death, not being able to tell them that she had been overtaken by her vardoger and Simon had killed her to save me. Once again I was fabricating a story. I was starting to feel like my whole life was a fabrication.
I was relieved when Officer Merren seemed satisfied with my answers, although he once again reminded me that I needed to come to the police station in the morning. The officer had pulled us away to a corner of the waiting room and we walked back over to Marcus, Sarah and Grant when we were done. Marcus was just hanging up his cell phone when we approached.
“I told her parents,” he said wearily. “They’re flying up from Florida. Obviously they’re devastated. I think her mother collapsed from the shock.”
We were all silent for a while as we just stared at each other.
“Let’s go home,” Simon finally said. “There’s nothing else to be done here.”
Simon was right. The doctor hadn’t even let us see Jenny one last time
since we weren’t family. I didn’t speak on the drive home and just stared out the window. I felt bitter as I watched morning arrive, the sun seeming to mock me with its bright cheerfulness. Failure, it taunted. You’re a failure and that’s why Jenny’s dead. Because of you.
Sarah didn’t follow Grant back to his apartment and instead walked up the stairs. I had a feeling the only reason Grant wasn’t coming up to our apartment to question me was because he didn’t want to leave Marcus alone.
I sat on the recliner heavily once we entered, waiting for the questions. Simon’s presence next to me, as he leaned into me, normally would have been comforting but nothing could make me feel better today.
Ryan leaned against the wall nearby as Sarah sat down on the couch opposite me.
“Tell me what happened,” she said, staring straight at me. Her voice turned steely. “The truth.”
My voice was quiet and steady as I told her everything that had happened. She started crying again during my explanation but she didn’t interrupt. She took a long shuddering breath once I was finished.
“What went wrong?” she asked, her voice choked with emotion. “Why didn’t it work? If you destroyed her vardoger, she should have been saved.”
I felt powerless and just as confused as Sarah. “I don’t know. Maybe it was because I wasn’t able to destroy her vardoger on my first try.”
Ryan spoke up. “Most likely Jenny’s soul was on the cusp of leaving her body. She was on the edge of death, the moment when normally the vardoger would slip in and take over. But it was too busy attacking Caitlin so Jenny just ended up dying. I knew it was too late by the time we got her out of the pool.”
I remembered how Ryan had given her mouth-to-mouth, not letting up until the ambulance had arrived. He had tried so hard to revive her, even when he knew it was too late. It spoke volumes about his character.
“Another question is, why were we thrown back when we tried to grab Jenny the first time?” Simon asked. “I felt like I was electrocuted.”
“I felt the same thing,” Ryan said. “I’ve never experienced anything like that before. I don’t have an explanation.”
No one said anything for a while until Sarah finally spoke again. She shook her head, her face red and splotchy from crying. “I can’t believe she’s gone. It just doesn’t seem real.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I should have been able to save her.”
Simon’s hand on my shoulder tightened. “You did everything you could. This wasn’t a normal situation. Something was different.”
“He’s right,” Ryan said, his face hard. “This was no normal vardoger. There’s no way an ordinary vardoger would have been able to survive your first blast of power. Something else is at play here.”
My mind immediately went to one place. “Do you think my father’s involved somehow?”
Ryan’s expression was grim. “I don’t know, but it’s not a far leap to think he had something to do with this.”
“That’s it,” I said fiercely. I welcomed the anger that pushed my guilt aside. “I can’t just wait around for my father anymore. I need to find him and put a stop to this.”
I was surprised when Simon agreed with me. “You’re right. We’ve been playing his game for too long. It’s time for us to take the offensive.”
I looked at Ryan to see what he thought. He nodded grimly. “You’re strong enough for your father now. It’s time.”
Even though my mind was full of purpose and determination, I knew I had to settle things with the police first. I didn’t need them chasing after me as a possible suspect.
We went to the police station early in the morning, just a few hours after we had arrived home from the hospital. Simon, Ryan and I were questioned separately and it seemed to take forever. I was insulted by some of the questions they asked, such as whether Jenny and I had any conflicts, like dating the same guy, but I answered all of them. I was desperate to get it over with. The police officer asked about my premonition a dozen times, each in a different way, but I stuck to my story. Hours later, we returned home exhausted but the police seemed satisfied and said we didn’t have to come back for any further questioning.
“The campus is going crazy,” Sarah said when we got back. “Everyone is shocked about Jenny’s death.” Her expression turned pained. “Rumors are flying about how it happened. Some people are saying it was suicide while others are saying it was murder.”
It was all over the news and I was dismayed that I was featured in all the stories as the one who found Jenny. Many of the news channels linked it up with the incident of me killing Claudia in self-defense and speculation seemed to be running amok about my involvement in Jenny’s death. Not only did I hold myself responsible for her death, but it seemed as if the media did as well, although in a totally different way. Fortunately, the police had deemed it an accidental drowning and they kept my premonition under wraps, but that didn’t stop the news shows from reporting the police findings with skepticism.
Simon turned off the TV angrily. “We’ve seen enough of this crap.”
“I need to get out of here,” I said quietly. “I have a feeling that the reporters are going to descend upon me soon. Either that, or a mob is going to come for my head.”
“It’s because no one knows the truth,” Simon said grimly. “If everyone knew what was really going on, they’d lock themselves in their houses in fear.”
“What are you going to do now?” Sarah asked.
“First, I’m going to call Marie,” I said. “I just hope she’s found another seer who can help us. At this point, we can’t afford the luxury of waiting until we can find one that we can trust. I’m willing to take a risk at this point.”
Simon looked unhappy with my answer but he didn’t object. Ryan was expressionless and Sarah looked worried, but I ignored all of them as I dialed Marie’s number.
“Marie, it’s Caitlin,” I said when she answered. “Any news of finding another seer?”
“There’s one, but I’m not sure we can fully trust her yet,” she answered. “I’m trying to get some more information about her before bringing her in.”
“We don’t have time.” I quickly told Marie what had happened. “I think my father’s involved somehow. We have no time to spare. I can’t wait around for a seer who’s entirely trustworthy. The one you found will have to do.”
After we discussed what our next steps would be, I hung up the phone. Everyone was watching me expectantly.
“We’re going back to Connecticut. Marie found a seer who can help to put me under hypnosis.”
“Does she think the seer is someone we can trust?” Ryan asked.
“Almost, and that’s good enough,” I answered. “We need to get moving.”
“Wait, you’re just leaving?” Sarah asked in dismay. “Jenny’s parents will be here soon. Marcus said they’re taking her body back to Florida. We should all go down there for her funeral.”
Sarah didn’t seem to realize the significance of what had happened. As much as I wanted to be there for Jenny’s funeral, I had impending disaster looming. Besides, I was sure her parents would hear the rumors about my involvement and I didn’t know if they would welcome me.
“Sarah,” I said gently, trying to make her understand. “I’m pretty sure my father was involved in Jenny’s death somehow. We need to stop him before he kills anyone else. We need to stop him before this gets too big for us.”
Sarah took a deep breath before answering. “I know. I guess I just feel like it can’t get worse than Jenny dying.” She looked at me grimly. “I guess things can get a lot worse before this is over.”
I was relieved that she didn’t seem to think badly of me for leaving. I already felt like she was holding me responsible for Jenny’s death, but I didn’t blame her.
Simon, Ryan and I quickly packed for our trip to Connecticut, making sure to only take essentials. I slipped the palladium coin into a small compartment of my bag. Ryan had asked me a few t
imes where I had put the palladium, but I had told him I hadn’t felt comfortable sharing details about it with anyone. The only person who knew I was taking it with me was Simon.
Sarah stopped me in the bathroom as I was gathering my toiletries.
“I never asked you if you’re okay,” she said. “How are you doing?”
“I’m surviving. More importantly, how are you doing?”
“I’m still kind of in shock.” Sarah’s expression turned concerned. “I’m worried about Marcus. I went downstairs while you were at the police station and he’s not doing well.” She hesitated before continuing. “I told Grant what really happened, but not in front of Marcus.”
“I think it’s best to keep Marcus out if it,” I said. “He has enough to deal with. I don’t think he can handle any more.” I bit my lip, trying to find the words that would convey my feelings. “I’m sorry. I know I failed Jenny, but I promise I won’t let anyone else get hurt.”
Sarah frowned. “What are you talking about? It’s not your fault.”
I looked at her, not wanting to bring up the fact that I knew she blamed me, so I just nodded.
“Wait,” she said, grabbing my arm before I was able to leave the bathroom. She took a deep breath. “I did blame you at first. And I’m so sorry for it. I was just so grief-stricken over Jenny’s death that it was easier to blame someone. So I blamed you because it was easy. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I blame myself. You were right to put the responsibility on my shoulders.”
“Don’t,” Sarah said fiercely. “Don’t carry the guilt around. You tried to save Jenny. Your guilt will make you do something stupid. Don’t sacrifice yourself because you think you’re at fault. Because you’re not.”
I reassured Sarah that I would be careful, trying to cover the fact that she was right. I was willing to do anything to avenge Jenny’s death and destroy my father, even if it meant the end of my life. At least it would be for something worthwhile.
