Every Time We Kiss

by Christie Kelley

  No. He was part of the reason she was in this horrible position. Even if none of this was his fault, he would try to convince her that she was wrong about everything. But she wasn’t. She had to find someone to assist her.

  Avis and Elizabeth were here. Jennette closed her eyes in thought. Avis couldn’t help her because Banning had barely left her side the entire party. There appeared no other choice but Elizabeth.

  Jennette slid into her gown, struggled with the buttons, then crouched down to pick up her stays. She stilled her movements as Matthew stirred on the bed. He rolled over and continued to sleep.

  After waiting a minute to make certain he had truly returned to sleep, she slipped out the door. She glanced in both directions and thanked God no one was about, and then raced to Elizabeth’s room.

  Only the dancing flames of the fireplace lit the room and spread its warmth, but it mattered not. Elizabeth hadn’t returned yet. Now Jennette was stuck here waiting for a friend who had a bad habit of staying up late.

  She lay on the bed, staring at the coffered ceiling and wondering how she could have created such a mess of her life. Her actions both that day and tonight would have horrified John. Tears burned her cheeks.

  If she hadn’t been attracted to Matthew, none of this would have happened. John would still be alive. Matthew would still have his place in Society. And she…?

  She would be free of this damned guilt that ate at her every day of her life.

  “Jennette?”

  Jennette blinked her eyes open and briefly wondered where she lay. Until Elizabeth stepped closer and the memories flooded back. “Elizabeth, I need your help.”

  Her friend eyed the bed and nodded. “I believe you do. What happened to you tonight?”

  She should keep her secrets, but she’d been holding them in for so long she just blurted out, “I slept with a man tonight.”

  Elizabeth’s mouth dropped. “You did what?”

  Jennette cringed at the condemning sound of her voice. “I slept with—”

  “Who?” Elizabeth moved to stand directly in front of the bed.

  “Blackburn,” Jennette whispered, staring at the coverlet.

  “What would possess you to do such a thing? And with him?”

  Obviously, Elizabeth had never fallen victim to lust. “I’m not certain. I went to his room to—”

  “You went to his room! His room!” Elizabeth’s voice rose with each sentence.

  “Shh, you shall wake everyone.” Jennette sat up on the bed and then patted a spot for Elizabeth. “I needed to apologize to him.”

  Elizabeth sat on the bed and stared at her. “Then why didn’t you wait until morning?”

  Staring at her hands, she replied, “I couldn’t. You were in the room. You heard how horrible Mr. and Mrs. Marston were to him. I knew he would try to leave the party.”

  “That’s no excuse. You know better than to go to any man’s room.”

  “Elizabeth, you sound like my mother, not my friend.”

  Elizabeth sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just that my mother always warned me about what happens when a lady does such a thing.” She leaned in closer. “But what was it like?”

  “Different,” Jennette replied with a frown. “He didn’t know I was a virgin until it was too late.”

  “He thought you had done that with another man? What type of lady does he think you are?” Elizabeth bristled.

  “John and I were engaged for over two months. Perhaps he assumed we had been intimate.” She couldn’t tell Elizabeth what Matthew had said about John. Jennette wondered what would have possessed John to tell Matthew such a dreadful lie about her.

  “But how did it feel?” Elizabeth pressed again.

  Jennette bit her lip. “Once I became used to him being in there…it was really the most wondrous sensation I’ve ever felt.”

  “So when are you two announcing your engagement?”

  “Our what?” Jennette exclaimed. She couldn’t marry Matthew. Wedding him would ruin them both.

  “Why do you look so surprised, Jennette? You laid with him, now you marry him. That is the way these things work.”

  “Not for me.” Jennette rose from the bed and paced the room. “I have no plans to marry him.”

  Elizabeth reclined on the bed with a slight smile. “Of course, just as Avis never intended on marrying your brother.”

  “And she didn’t until she realized she could overcome her fear of marriage. I have no fear of marriage but wedding Matthew would be a colossal mistake for both of us.”

  “Why?”

  Jennette looked away. “The gossips would just love to tell everyone how they knew Matthew had killed John so we could be together.”

  “But that was five years ago, Jennette.”

  “It makes no difference. Besides, he’s a gambler.”

  “Indeed? I have heard none of that. Certainly his father and brother gambled, but not Blackburn,” Elizabeth said, shaking her head.

  “It makes no difference. I cannot marry the man,” Jennette insisted.

  “If you say so,” Elizabeth said in a singsong tone.

  Frustration seeped into Jennette. “You believe everything your mother told you. If you make love with a man you must marry him.”

  “That is how it’s done, Jennette.”

  “Not for everyone…not for me.” She pointed a finger at Elizabeth. “Someday you shall find a man attractive but perhaps not marriageable, and you’ll wonder. And you will contemplate what he looks like without his clothes. And before you know what happens, you will be in his bed and you won’t care about the consequences.”

  Elizabeth laughed. “I hardly think that will ever happen. I am five and twenty—”

  “As am I.” She grabbed the bedpost. “And one day, you will start to wonder just what you’ve missed.”

  “I will not!”

  Jennette shook her head. “Please just help me lace my stays. My mother is going to have my head for staying up this late with you.”

  Jennette slowly opened the door to her room, praying her mother was asleep.

  “If you think you can sneak in, you are sadly mistaken, my dear.”

  Damn. She opened the door and walked inside feeling the guilt of her actions again.

  “Where have you been?” her mother demanded. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked every bit the angry, worried mother.

  “I was with Elizabeth, in her room talking.”

  “And exactly where were you when she was in the salon playing whist with Avis?”

  “Waiting for her in her room.” Jennette pulled at the few pins holding up her hair. Thankfully, she’d snatched some of Elizabeth’s pins.

  “Did you go to him?”

  Jennette turned and stared at her mother. “What?”

  “I know what happened in the salon. Did you go to him?”

  “Why would I do such a thing?”

  Her mother shook her head. “Jennette, I know how softhearted you are. I also know you feel guilty because of the way Society treats him.”

  “It isn’t right,” Jennette said, sinking to the bed. “It was an accident.”

  “But not the first for him.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “Lord Blackburn ran with a fast set after Eton. One rainy night, he made a wager with a friend that his horse could best his friend’s. It was dark and wet and Lord Culpert wasn’t the best rider and took a dreadful fall. He died two months later from his injuries.”

  Jennette looked away so her mother would not notice the tears welling in her eyes. A wager. He’d bet on a race and the other man died. “I had no idea.”

  “And you know the ton. There is no such thing as two accidents.”

  She stifled the urge to run to him and beg for his forgiveness again. After what they did tonight, she didn’t believe she could ever face him. It felt as if they had both betrayed John with their actions. That was bad enough, but she’d already been disloyal to John b
y agreeing to marry him when she was attracted to his best friend.

  “Mother, thank you for explaining what happened. But I wasn’t with him tonight.” She kept her eyes locked on the fireplace, afraid her intuitive mother would discover her lie.

  “As I have told you before, he is a good man. But after the Marstons’ outburst, marrying him might ruin you both.”

  “I know that, Mother.” And she couldn’t do anything to hurt him again. She had done far too much already.

  Matthew rolled over leisurely as he awoke. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this sated. It almost felt as if he had been dreaming. Reaching over he patted the empty space next to him.

  Had it been a dream?

  Had he imagined everything that happened last night? It couldn’t have been his imagination because she’d been here, standing at the door. The anguish of her guilt stamped upon her face.

  What had started as an attempt to comfort her ended with her sensual, long legs wrapped tightly around him as he rutted with her like an animal. God, she’d been a virgin and he’d taken her as if she was a common strumpet.

  She must hate him for what he’d done.

  Guilt slid its tentacles around his heart and mind, constricting tightly. It was John’s fault. John had led him to believe that it wouldn’t be her first time. Matthew covered his face with his hands and groaned.

  John must have suspected Matthew’s feelings for Jennette. What better way to keep him away from her? Matthew should have known better than to believe his friend about Jennette’s virtue. Never had he heard a word about her being anything but an honorable lady.

  She hadn’t even awakened him when she left in the middle of the night. If someone had seen her wandering the halls with her hair down and her dress disheveled, her reputation would be ruined.

  Unless she’d been seen leaving his room, then he would save her with marriage. That might be for the best after all. If only that would absolve his guilt for his mistreatment of her last night. Or relieve his conscience for bedding the woman John had professed to love.

  “This is a damnable mess,” he muttered.

  Sitting up slowly, he looked at his valise and wondered if he should just quit the party and return to London. But doing so would keep him away from her. He should just compromise her publicly and be done with it. Selby would force a marriage and that would be the end.

  Except it would only be the beginning of a lifetime of more remorse. Matthew swore softly. He was damned sick of all the guilt. He shouldn’t have told her how he felt five years ago. He shouldn’t have threatened to blackmail her into marriage when he knew he’d never be able to go through with it. He shouldn’t have kissed her in the billiard room at Lady Elizabeth’s house.

  And he never should have seduced her last night.

  But he had. His honor demanded that he marry her now regardless of the guilt, no matter her objections. He would stay and find someone to walk in on them as they kissed. It was a simple solution to a dreadful situation. Then he would spend the next forty years trying to gain her forgiveness.

  And Matthew knew just the man to help him with his problem—Somerton. Somerton could convince someone with influence to accompany him to a room where Matthew and Jennette were kissing. The outrage would be enough for Selby to accept him as a brother-in-law without causing enough of a scandal for a duel.

  With a plan in place, he quickly performed his morning ablutions, dressed, and readied himself for the gossips in the breakfast room. As he walked toward the door, hairpins crunched under his feet. Each pin he stepped on brought the guilt of his mistreatment of her back in full force. He’d be damned lucky if she ever spoke to him again, much less entered a room alone with him.

  Pushing away the shame, he walked to the morning room determined not to let their petty talk bother him any longer. Several people looked up at him as he entered. Everyone glanced away from him and most appeared embarrassed.

  “Glad to see you didn’t run off,” Somerton said from behind him.

  Matthew turned his head and smirked. “Now, why would I do that?”

  “Good man.”

  “I need to speak with you in private.”

  Somerton eyed the table. “Follow me.”

  Matthew followed Somerton into the music room. After closing the door, he walked toward the pianoforte. Skimming his fingers up the keys, he rethought his plan. Perhaps this wasn’t the best idea. Maybe there was a better way to find a woman to marry him. But he didn’t want another woman. Last night proved the inevitable—he only wanted Jennette.

  “Well?” Somerton said, impatience threading through his voice.

  “I need your assistance in a private matter.”

  “Who doesn’t?” Somerton muttered with a curse. “Let me guess, since Mr. and Mrs. Marston didn’t exactly give their blessings, you have decided to compromise the chit. There are far better women than Mary Marston.”

  “Yes and no,” Matthew stalled.

  Somerton shook his head. “What do you mean?”

  “I do want to compromise a woman…but not Miss Marston.”

  Somerton’s lips slowly turned upward. He took a seat by the small fireplace and crossed his arms over his chest. “Then who?”

  “Jennette.”

  Her name hung in the overly quiet room. Matthew glanced over at Somerton, who appeared to be struggling to keep from laughing.

  “I am quite serious, Somerton.”

  “I believe you.” He covered his mouth and coughed. “Do you honestly think Selby will allow it?”

  “I’m beyond caring. He won’t want his sister’s reputation ruined.”

  Somerton nodded, still looking as if he were trying to contain laughter. “Very well, what will you have me do?”

  “Tonight, I will take her to the greenhouse. You bring the dowager Lady Selby or Lady Aston and find us kissing.”

  “What time?”

  “Eleven. By then dinner will be finished and the gaming in full swing. No one will notice us slip away.”

  “All right. I will bring one of the ladies in just after eleven.” Somerton rose and smirked. “Don’t be late.”

  “Of course not.”

  Somerton departed from the conservatory, leaving behind a silence that overwhelmed the room. Matthew glanced around the room then sat in the chair by the fireplace. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Now that he had Somerton’s assistance, the hardest part of his plan would take the forefront.

  Somehow, he had to get Jennette to agree to meet him in the greenhouse tonight. She might be embarrassed by what they had done and thus not comfortable talking to him yet. Perhaps he should write her a note—tell her he wished to apologize for his actions last night.

  Although, the only thing he needed to apologize for was taking her so roughly. Had he known of her innocence, it wouldn’t have stopped him, but he could have made the experience so much easier on her.

  He opened his eyes and rose from the chintz chair. He had to do this. She was his only hope at saving his life.

  Chapter 15

  “What are you doing lying about in bed as if you are an invalid?”

  Jennette sighed, looking over at Avis, who stood in the doorway with her hands over her chest in a most intimidating manner. “I have a headache.”

  “No, you do not,” Avis replied, then shut the door and walked toward the bed. “The only thing wrong with you is embarrassment.”

  Jennette covered her face with her hands. Elizabeth must have told Avis about what happened. How was she to face everyone after what she’d done last night?

  “Well,” Avis continued. “I will not allow it. That woman was a shrew.”

  Woman? What woman?

  “Furthermore, she had no right to include you when she was reprimanding Blackburn. I have to admit, I was shocked that you stood there and let her malign your name.”

  Jennette felt the bed sink where Avis sat down. Perhaps her friend didn’t know everything that had happened. �
�I was so stunned by her venom, I didn’t know what to say,” she replied from behind her hands.

  Slowly, Jennette let her hands drop from her face. “What am I to do, Avis?”

  “To do? You will get out of this bed and dress. Then we shall saunter down the stairs for dinner as if nothing out of the ordinary occurred last night.”

  “I can’t face them,” she whispered. Or him, she added to herself.

  “Of course you can. Besides, I heard a few moments ago that they were leaving before their precious daughter became infected by the vice of this party.”

  Jennette laughed. “Now I know you are jesting with me.”

  “Actually, I am not. Mrs. Marston is dreadfully concerned about the influences here.” Avis rolled her eyes.

  Jennette shook her head. “The same influences Mary will have to face every time she attends a party of the ton.”

  “Exactly.”

  Jennette looked away from her friend. Even though the Marstons were leaving, it didn’t change the fact that she couldn’t face the people downstairs. Or at least one of them.

  “Now, tell me the real reason you cannot seem to leave this bed,” Avis said.

  Jennette turned her head toward her friend. “What do you mean?”

  Avis shook her head. “We have known each other forever, Jennette. What the Marstons said to you last night would never have kept you from breakfast or anything else.”

  “I was embarrassed!”

  “Of course you were.” Avis sent her a disbelieving look. “But when has that stopped you?”

  “You don’t believe me?”

  “No,” Avis replied casually. “Something else is making you remain in your room.”

  Jennette sighed. “You know, don’t you?”

  “I do now.”

  “Did he leave the party?”

  Avis shook her head. “No. I believe most people were quite surprised by that fact. He entered the morning room as if nothing had happened last night. Do you realize that your being at the same party as he has elevated his position? Most people assume that if you can be in the same room as Blackburn, he cannot be as terrible as the rumors say. In fact, I heard several people commend him for staying.”