Every Time We Kiss

by Christie Kelley

“Oh, Jennette,” he said, holding her tightly. “You have never told anyone this, have you?”

  “How could I? I killed him. For all I know, I did it on purpose.”

  He pushed her away from him and stared down at her. “Never say that again. You did not kill John on purpose.”

  “How can you be sure? I’m not even certain. Everything that happened that day is a blur.” She combed her hair back with shaking hands. Tears still fell like a summer storm from her beautiful blue eyes.

  He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a gentle shake. “I saw what happened. Your foot slipped. That was all. John couldn’t react in time because the grass was slippery.”

  Matthew hoped he was making some semblance of sense to her.

  She stared at the bedcovers as if unable to move. “Do you think he could have forgiven me?”

  “If he had survived, I have no doubt that he would have absolved you of all guilt.”

  She nodded.

  “Come here,” he said, bringing her back into his arms. “He was my best friend, Jennette. It would tear him apart to know how you’ve lived with this guilt.”

  “It doesn’t seem quite right that the man whose life I ruined is the one trying to help me with my life,” she commented, wiping a tear away.

  “Who better?”

  For the first time in days, he heard her laugh. The sound warmed his heart and made it ache at the same time. He wanted to hear her laughter for the rest of his life.

  “Jennette,” he paused for courage, “I—”

  “Blackburn, where the devil are you?”

  “Dammit!” Matthew exclaimed. “Wait downstairs, Somerton.”

  Jennette’s lips twitched. “He does seem to have the worst timing, doesn’t he?”

  “Unbelievably poor timing.” With the moment to confess his love gone, he yanked his trousers up his legs and then found his linen shirt. “Damned poor.”

  “And what should I do?”

  “Stay here. I shall get him out of the house.” Matthew tugged on his jacket and walked to the door. Looking back, his heart ached again. She looked like a waif with her hair covering her breasts and tears still on her face. He wanted to go back and comfort her, not talk to Somerton.

  Matthew cursed once more before opening the door and heading down the stairs. He searched the salon only to find the room empty.

  “Where the devil are you?” Matthew complained.

  “I’m in some filthy, dusty room with no light and a desk.”

  Matthew walked down the hallway to the study. He hadn’t bothered to open the heavy velvet curtains this morning, so he did so now.

  “Thank God. This place is a disaster,” Somerton commented.

  “Why are you here?”

  “I actually have something for you.” He handed Matthew a heavy invitation. “Seems we’re both moving up in the world of Society.”

  Matthew stared at the invitation to a fancy-dress ball at the Marquess of Ancroft’s home tomorrow night. “Why?”

  “I believe he heard how we saved Lady Jennette from a most unfortunate event.”

  “Of course.” If Selby hadn’t told him, Jennette most likely had.

  “Will you be attending?”

  Since Ancroft was such a good friend of the Selbys, it might be a perfect time to announce an engagement. If he could only get Somerton out of the house, giving him a chance to propose to Jennette in peace.

  “I believe I shall,” he replied.

  Somerton poured a glass of port and leisurely sat in the cracked-leather chair. He looked as if he did not intend to leave anytime soon. “So, have you screwed up your nerve to ask her yet?”

  “I haven’t seen her since the party,” Matthew lied.

  “Well, I’m quite certain she will be attending Ancroft’s ball so talk to her then.”

  Matthew glanced around the room and wondered what he had to offer her. Not his name, not a fortune, not even a decent home in which to live. He did have a title making her a countess but that was about all.

  “Have you decided how you will tell her brother?” Somerton asked.

  “No. The man threatened to go to court to have her grandmother’s will turned over if she married me.”

  Somerton drained his glass and slammed it on the table. “Damn him. I will talk to him.”

  “No.”

  Somerton thrummed his fingers on the arm of the chair. “I know him better than you. I can convince him that you love her, not her money.”

  “I do not need your help with this,” Matthew said, feeling a twinge of anger.

  Somerton shrugged. “Of course you don’t.” He rose and tilted his head. “I shall take my leave now.”

  Thank God. “Good afternoon, Somerton.”

  Matthew walked Somerton down the hall to the door. As soon as the heavy wood door shut behind him, Matthew raced upstairs to Jennette. He entered the room and frowned.

  “Jennette?”

  No sound came in return. Her clothes were gone, the sweet smell of her had departed, too. As he sat on the end of the bed, he noticed a note on the pillow.

  It was getting late and my mother would have started to worry about me. Thank you for talking to me. Your words were a great comfort. I didn’t have a chance to tell you that I have found you a bride. She does not believe your name is a problem and is old enough not to need the consent of her parents. She will be dressed as Aphrodite at Nicholas’s fancy dress ball. Please attend so I may introduce you both.

  Yours,

  Jennette

  She found him a bride? He ripped the note to shreds and tossed them in the dying coals of the fireplace. Bloody hell. After all they had been through, she still wanted him to marry another woman.

  Well, that wasn’t about to happen. He would go to her mother’s house and insist she marry him. Didn’t she realize they had not done anything to protect against a child? She could be carrying his baby in her womb at this moment.

  Matthew combed his hair and strode down the cracked marble stairs, careful to miss the steps in the worst condition. After pulling on his greatcoat and hat, he walked to her house on Bruton Street. In his anger, the biting wind had no effect on him.

  He banged on the front door and waited for the butler or footman. The door opened slowly.

  “May I help you, sir?”

  Matthew handed the older man his card and waited.

  “Yes, my lord?”

  “I am here to see Lady Jennette.”

  The man’s fluffy white eyebrows drew into a frown. “I am sorry, my lord. Lady Jennette is out.”

  “Where is she?” he demanded.

  “It is not my position to ask,” the butler replied.

  “Where is she?”

  “Is there a problem, Grantham?” Lady Selby asked from behind the door.

  “Lady Selby, I must speak with your daughter.”

  “Open the door, Grantham,” Lady Selby insisted.

  The door opened fully to reveal Lady Selby standing with her hands on her hips staring at him. “Lord Blackburn, my daughter is not at home. She did tell me if you called upon her to tell you that she will not speak to you until tomorrow night’s ball.”

  Matthew stood there staring at the older woman. Jennette wouldn’t even speak to him? Perhaps she really had found him a bride and this was her way of being done with him. After all, he was nothing but a fortune hunter like John.

  Chapter 22

  “This has to be the most uncomfortable costume I have ever worn,” Jennette complained to her maid.

  “Yes, ma’am. It’s the shell,” Molly replied, trying one last string to keep her shell attached to her gown.

  Aphrodite rising from the sea. Perhaps not her best idea for a masked ball.

  “How am I to sit in this?” she said with a laugh.

  Molly chuckled with her. “Very carefully or the sheer will rip.”

  “No, I shall stand all night. Hmm, dancing may be out of the question, too.”

  Molly tied th
e mask with white feathers sticking out of the side. “Can you even see?”

  “Barely. This costume is mad.”

  “But it is beautiful, ma’am.”

  Even with all the issues with her dress, excitement rippled through her. Tonight, she would tell Matthew she loved him and she was the perfect woman to be his bride. She would do her best to right his reputation. Several of her friends were influential amongst the ton. Hopefully, she could count on them for support. It didn’t matter what the others thought or believed because her family supported her and they always would.

  “That’s the last of the ties holding the shell in place, ma’am,” Molly said.

  Jennette turned to the mirror and immediately knew the reason she’d chosen this costume. Aphrodite rising from her clam shell was the most beautiful thing she’d ever worn. The pale, pink sheer fabric of the shell against the white flowing Grecian gown created an elegant effect.

  “Have a wonderful night, ma’am.”

  “Thank you, Molly.” She planned to have the most magnificent night of her life. When she returned to her room tonight, it would be as the future Countess Blackburn. Tomorrow she would start her wedding plans. A simple wedding at Selby House. Avis would love to be the hostess for her wedding breakfast.

  As she walked down the steps, she smiled at her mother waiting below.

  “You look positively radiant,” her mother stated. “Any special reason?”

  “Do you think Banning will accept him?”

  “Yes. Once he sees how much you love Blackburn, he will understand. Plus, Avis will make certain he gives his approval.”

  Jennette nodded. “Shall we?”

  Her mother’s eyes welled with tears. “My little girl,” she mumbled softly.

  Jennette squeezed her mother’s hand as they walked into the carriage. “How am I to sit in here?” she asked with a laugh. She finally managed to sit and wondered why they even bothered to drive when Nicholas’s home was only two blocks away.

  When they arrived, she scrambled out of the carriage eager to enter the house and find Matthew. Walking into the ballroom, she scanned the room and realized the flaw in her design. It was a masked ball and she had no idea what he planned to wear.

  After discounting all the men with hair either too light or too dark, she found him. He wore the same highway costume he’d worn to her birthday ball when he found her in the garden. His lips slowly tilted upward as she walked toward him. The mask he wore hid most of his face but she had no need to see his visage. She knew the structure of his face, the small lines that formed when he smiled at her, and the way his brows creased when he frowned. And after they married, she had every intention of painting him nude.

  “Aphrodite, I assume?” he asked when she reached his position by the door.

  “A highwayman. Hmm, I believe I might have seen this costume at another time.”

  “Are we to wait for Jennette to introduce us, then?” he said with a chuckle.

  “I don’t think that will be necessary,” Jennette replied.

  Her heart swelled with love. This was the man she’d wanted and needed all her life. She couldn’t wait to start their life together. After seeing his town home, she wondered if his estates needed as much work. She certainly hoped so. She hated to have nothing to do with her time. His estates would keep her busy for years.

  “There is a waltz starting, shall we?” He held out his arm for her.

  “Yes.” At least she would be close to him. She desperately wanted to sneak away with him to a quiet room where she could kiss his lips, feel his tongue rough and velvety against hers. The thought of losing herself in his arms brought warmth to her cheeks and elsewhere.

  The music started and they floated across the room. His hand burned through the layers of her clothes. She yearned for his kisses, his touch.

  “Hmm,” he said. “I thought Aphrodite was without clothing as she arose from the sea.”

  Her lips twitched. “I thought the ton might find that just a bit too scandalous.”

  “Jennette, we need to talk in private,” he whispered so no other dancers would hear him.

  “Yes.”

  “Does Ancroft have a room in which we could meet?”

  “Perhaps his study. It’s down the hallway on the left. Third door.”

  “Meet there in an hour,” he said softly. “It’s imperative that I speak with you.”

  “An hour?” She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. She wanted to speak with him now.

  “If we’re caught slipping away immediately after dancing—”

  “Of course,” she said, but didn’t really understand. If the purpose of their meeting was to agree to marriage, what did it matter if someone saw them?

  She wanted so much more than a conversation with him, but there was an odd tone to his voice tonight. Almost as if there was something wrong. Perhaps he wanted to propose to her properly and felt a little nervous. She could understand with the amount of butterflies in her stomach tonight.

  As the dance ended, he walked her over to her mother and bowed formally over her hand. Jennette’s nerves prickled watching him stroll away from her.

  Something was wrong.

  The urge to chase after him became tangible. Her mother’s hand clasped onto her arm. “Is something amiss?”

  “I am not certain, Mother. He acted strangely with me.”

  “Nerves, my dear. Nothing more. Men like to pretend they are the stronger gender but in truth, we are.” Her mother’s gaze went to the dance floor. “Do you think any of these men could handle childbirth?”

  Her mother always had the ability to make her laugh. “No, I suppose not.” Jennette glanced around and noticed both Avis and Elizabeth across the room. “I need to speak with Avis.”

  “Very well, my dear. Just don’t be long when you meet Blackburn. We would not wish to cause more talk.”

  Her mother’s intuition amazed her. “Yes, Mother.”

  Jennette sauntered through the crush until she made her way to her friends. A footman with glasses of lemonade and wine stopped in front of the group. Jennette immediately picked up a glass of white wine and slowly sipped it.

  “Well?” Avis asked as soon as the footman departed.

  Jennette shrugged. “We danced. That was all.”

  “He didn’t pledge his love in the middle of the dance floor?” Elizabeth said.

  “Of course not,” Jennette replied in a hesitant tone. “I am to meet him in the study soon.”

  “But…?” Avis said, then sipped her lemonade.

  “I wish I knew. Oh, I wish Sophie had attended. She could let me know if I’m worrying for naught.” Jennette grabbed a glass of wine from a passing footman.

  “Why?” Elizabeth asked.

  “I just have the strangest feeling something is wrong. He didn’t act or speak with me as he normally would. What if I am wrong about his feelings for me? What if he only bedded me because I was convenient? What if this was just the best way for him to get me to marry him, so he could have my money?”

  Avis smiled condescendingly at her. “Jennette, you worry overmuch. Besides, Banning told him that he would turn over your grandmother’s will if he attempted to marry you.”

  “Banning said what?”

  “Shh,” Elizabeth warned. “People are looking.”

  “Banning was bluffing. He wanted to test Blackburn’s love for you,” Avis said.

  Jennette held her stomach as it began to roil. “Oh God, I think I am going to be sick.”

  “No, you will not,” Avis said sternly. “There is nothing to worry yourself over. Blackburn loves you.”

  “But he’s never told me that,” Jennette whispered. “He has never spoken those words to me.”

  Jennette drank her wine down quickly and wished for more. Not that the wine seemed to help either her stomach or her nerves.

  “He needs my money, Avis. Without it, he cannot help his tenants. He can’t pay his father’s gambling
debts. He shall have no ability to refurbish his homes.”

  “Jennette, if he loves you, none of that will matter,” Elizabeth said softly.

  “Elizabeth, don’t be so romantic. He has to marry a woman with money,” Jennette answered coldly. She suddenly felt as if her world were splitting apart into pieces too small to ever put back together again. She leaned against the wall, afraid she might faint.

  He would never offer for her now.

  She had to find him and tell him the truth about her money.

  Matthew watched Jennette from across the room. Never in his thirty years had he felt this nervous about anything. Somehow, he had to convince Jennette that marrying him wouldn’t be a mistake. Even though he had nothing to offer her but his love, it would be enough. God, that sounded so sanguine. While in truth, he had nothing.

  She appeared more beautiful than he’d ever seen her. The white silk of her dress shimmered like pearls in candlelight against her skin. He shouldn’t feel so tense. She told him his potential bride would appear as Aphrodite.

  She’d worn that dress as a message to him. Encouraging him to propose and she would agree.

  And yet, he couldn’t eradicate the feeling that something was going to happen tonight. Something dreadful. This heavy mood just would not lift.

  “Are you ever going to get up your nerve and ask her?”

  “Good evening, Somerton,” Matthew replied with barely a look sidewise to him. “Are you ever going to keep your nose out of my business?”

  “Not with this.”

  “And why not?”

  Somerton smirked and raised an eyebrow at him. “Let’s just say I have a vested interest in seeing you two married.”

  “Oh?”

  Somerton shrugged nonchalantly. “I think you two belong together.”

  “Am I supposed to believe that? Everyone knows you don’t care about anything.” Matthew glanced down at his watch—twenty more minutes of this inane conversation.

  “Perhaps you found my fatal flaw,” Somerton said with a grin.

  “A hopeless romantic?”

  “If you need to think that to propose to her, then believe it.”

  “And yet, I don’t see you working to improve your reputation in order to find an appropriate bride,” Matthew said.