Her Heart for the Asking

by Lisa Mondello

  "Anyway, while we were riding, Hank didn't say a word. I was sure he was going to ream me at some point and was just torturing me with his silence."

  Mandy couldn't help but chuckle at that. Hank had a good way of letting you know what he was feeling just in a single look. He was also a true cowboy. Words were only spoken when necessary.

  "But he never did," Beau continued. "And then I did something really stupid. I asked him why he stole my father's property. It was a stupid question because it was never my dad's to begin with, but Hank didn't make me feel stupid. He just said that my dad could have had it if he'd have wanted it bad enough. Hank had wanted it bad enough and that's why he got it."

  She tried to think back on that time. When Beau was ten and she was only six. That was right about the time Hank had come into her life.

  "I asked him what made him want it that bad. He told me about traveling around with the rodeo and not having a home, living in run down motels and eating when you could in the front seat of a dusty old pickup. It's no life for someone who needs a home. But someday, you want to stop roaming and find that home. Someday, no matter how much you love the road, something makes you stop and want to settle down.

  "So one day after school I came by when I should have been home doing chores. Hank had just finished riding a wild young bronc. I was so amazed. He said that if I wanted to ride, I had to want it bad." Beau shrugged. "I didn't know anything about getting on a horse that wasn't broke. But Hank said to come on over and he'd teach me everything I needed to know."

  She smiled at that, trying to imagine a ten-year-old Beau riding for the very first time.

  "Wait, you said you were ten? I thought you started training with Hank the year we met?"

  "I did. I went back to the Double T after school the next day and Hank gave me the afternoon. I must have seemed pathetic but he never said a word. I was so excited when I got home and told my parents about it. My mother got real quiet, but my dad...well, I ended up with a broken arm."

  "Oh, my God, Beau. Because you were with Hank? Your father should be brought up on charges for what he did to you."

  He shook his head and chuckled bitterly. "I told Hank the next day that I couldn't come back. Didn't tell him why but I'm sure he figured it out. He took one look at my arm and told me, no matter what, I'd always have a place here at the Double T. I never forgot that. I tried working at my dad's ranch. I thought I could be happy. But after a while all I could think about was Hank Promise and rodeoing. I wanted it bad. So I came back to the Double T the year I met you. Even I knew I was too old to start training for rodeo, but I had to try.”

  "You were a natural," she said, thinking about all those times she'd seen him practicing with Hank, remembering the first few rodeos they'd gone to together.

  Beau shrugged. "Even though I haven't been around the Double T much it's been like a second home to me, a sort of haven to hang my hat every now and then. I have Hank to thank for that."

  "I can see how you'd feel loyalty to Hank, but Beau, you lied to me. You said you didn't want me in your life."

  "Yeah, I did. You may not think so but at the time it was the right thing to do. There were days I regretted leaving for missing you, and days when I knew it was absolutely the right thing to do. You'd have hated it. And while I can't change how I hurt you then, I can tell you that I've been thinking how things could be different for us now."

  "I-I don't know, Beau. I just can't think of anything other than what's ahead for Hank. My head is swimming with all this."

  He dragged her into his arms and held her. "I know. You've had a lot to absorb over the last couple of days. I don't want to put any more on you. I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

  And he was, every step of the way. During the long hours of waiting at the hospital, when every noise, every tick of the clock seemed so much louder than it really was, Beau was there for her. She never thought just the mere touch of his hand to her shoulder or the brush of his wide hand across her back could say so much. But it did. So much more than words could ever say.

  Mandy realized with absolute certainty that the hardest thing ahead of her was not Hank's recovery, but living without Beau. Again.

  # # #

  Chapter Ten

  Once Hank was out of surgery and Dr. Cookman assured them he'd made it through the worst, Mandy felt safe enough to leave the hospital and go back to the Double T. Hank was sleeping peacefully, but her aunt couldn't bear the thought of leaving in case he woke in the middle of the night. She stayed by his side, assuring Mandy that she'd call as soon as Hank was awake.

  Beau drove her back to the ranch in silence. Every once in a while, he'd whistle and then stop. She was sure he was thinking it would drive her crazy to hear it now, but it didn't. He'd gotten under her skin again. She'd gotten used to him whistling out of tune, tapping his foot like a hillbilly. Being there for her. She gotten use to the sound of his voice and the feel of his comforting hand.

  Mandy fought back tears that she'd held in for most of the day. Tears of fear for Hank's wellbeing. Tears for herself because she was going to miss her cowboy when she had to leave. Now that Hank had his surgery and was going to be okay, there was no reason for her to remain at the ranch, no reason for Beau to stay either.

  As the truck pulled up to the front of the farmhouse, Mandy wondered how she was going to be able to leave here and go back to Philadelphia, to the life she had before she'd come to Texas. Beau had asked her if she was happy in Philadelphia. With her work? maybe. But she knew she'd been the happiest she'd been in a long time during her stay this past week at the ranch.

  She could stay in Texas. That was always an option. She was grown up now and her parents weren't forcing her to come and go as they had when she was a child. It would shatter her father to learn she knew the truth about Hank, but now that she knew she couldn't ignore it. And someday her father would have to understand that she was a grown woman with a heart and mind of her own.

  Philadelphia wasn't the only place she could get a job. She could certainly use her skills in advertising to get work in Amarillo or Fort Worth. Both would be a hike to commute, but it was doable. Anything was doable if you wanted it bad enough.

  Bad enough. Beau had wanted rodeoing bad enough to leave her once before.

  The heaviness in her chest multiplied tenfold. Even if she stayed in Texas, it wasn't going to change things. She'd be with Uncle Hank and Aunt Corrine, but as soon as they were assured Hank was on his feet and strong, Beau would be leaving Steerage Rock again. Once again without her.

  The sound of passenger side door opening pulled her from her thoughts.

  Beau stood outside the truck holding his hand out to her. She slipped her hand into his, feeling the rough calluses abrasive against her softer skin. It grounded her.

  "You look exhausted," he said.

  "I am."

  "The house is empty. Will you be okay by yourself in there or do you want company for a while?"

  She knew what he was asking. He didn't want to go down to the bunkhouse. He wanted to stay with her. After the day they'd had, she wanted so much to have Beau hold her again until all the indecision and unrest she felt was washed away. But no matter how much she wished it away, it wasn't going to change the truth. Beau was going back to the rodeo circuit in a few days and she would be going back to Philadelphia, to her job. Alone.

  Mandy held his hand tight as she tugged him toward the house. "Come in for a little while?" she finally answered.

  They crept through the living room in the dark and settled on the sofa together. Beau enfolded her in his arms. It was like coming home, Mandy thought. Suddenly all the missing pieces of the puzzle were magically there and fit perfectly into place. She knew without a doubt she could stay here like this forever.

  Beau stroked her hair gently with his fingers and she burrowed herself deeper into his warmth.

  They must have fallen asleep holding each other when an hour later the phone rang, rous
ing them.

  As she became aware of the telephone ringing, Mandy rubbed her eyes and frantically ran to the phone expecting it to be Aunt Corrine. Expecting the worse. Her pulse hammered in her ear as she picked up the phone.

  It wasn't her aunt.

  It was her father.

  * * *

  Beau arched his back to get the kinks out, his eyes peering in the direction of Mandy's voice. He'd vaguely heard the blare of the telephone. There was no telephone in the living room, so she had to run to the kitchen to answer it.

  Lord, he hoped it wasn't the hospital. During the hellacious day of waiting for Hank to make it through surgery, the doctor assured them all that Hank would have a peaceful night if there weren't any complications from the surgery.

  When he reached the kitchen door, he saw Mandy leaning her hip against the counter with her back to him.

  "It's been so crazy, Dad, with Hank's surgery and all. I haven't even had a chance to unpack my sketch pad much less work on any of the ideas I've had," she said.

  He waited at the doorway, not wanting to listen in on the conversation, but needing to hear. As much as he dreaded the inevitable, he needed to hear her say the words.

  "I'm sorry you couldn't reach me. I...no, I can charge the cell phone tonight so you can reach me directly. If I work on some sketches tonight, I can have them out to you by tomorrow afternoon the earliest."

  There was a moment of silence while she listened to the person on the other end of the phone. Beau could only hear his heart beating in his chest and the creek of the floorboard under his bare feet.

  "If all goes well, I should be back in the office next Monday. Tuesday the latest. But that's the best I can do. I want..."

  Back to the office. The words echoed in Beau's head. Mandy was going back to Philadelphia. It shouldn't have thrown him as much as it did. He'd known all along she would be going back to her old life and he'd be going back to the circuit.

  Funny how the thought of packing his things and throwing them into his pickup to head out on the road didn't appeal to him quite the same way it had when he'd first come back to Steerage Rock. He'd forgotten what it was like to sleep in the same bed every night, wake up looking at the sun coming through the window and bouncing off the same walls and eating breakfast at the same table.

  There was a time he'd thought that was boring, that he couldn't live his life tied to the Silverado Cattle Company. And maybe that was still true. He hadn't mended fences with his father since he'd come home, although he'd had ample opportunity to just drive over and say his peace.

  Beau hadn't been bored at the Double T. Here he'd found a kind of peace and contentment that had been missing from his life. Sure, he missed rodeo in a bad way, but he'd been missing something else just as important for the last eight years. Something he'd found again being back in Texas at the Double T. Being back with Mandy.

  But she wasn't staying. And pretty soon, no matter if he decided to forget about the World Championship and stay on to help Hank, she'd still be gone.

  Beau leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb, watching Mandy fiddle with a long lock of her blond hair, watching how the light from the small French lamp by the telephone changed her hair all sorts of golden colors. And wondering how on earth he was going to be able to live without seeing her smiling face every day.

  He reached his hand up and rubbed the spot in the center of his chest where his heart squeezed. He ached for what he was about to lose. But there was nothing he could do to stop it.

  Mandy hung up the phone and he immediately stiffened. He had the vague feeling he wasn't going to like hearing what came next.

  When she turned around, her face said it all. Her smile was so bright and radiant it stole his breath away. He couldn't breathe.

  "We got the account!" she said, running to him and throwing her arms around his neck. "Hill Crest Industries loved my presentation."

  "Congratulations. That's wonderful," he said, trying to keep his voice steady, not wanting to steal away any of her excitement.

  "They want me to re-do some of the aspects of the campaign, but here's the best part, they want me to lead the account. Can you believe it? You should have heard my father on the phone just now."

  "He must be really proud of you," he said, forcing himself to smile.

  "Yeah, he is."

  She kissed him square on the lips and he kissed her back. Her lips were soft and moist. He drank in all that he could, feeling her soft body pressed against his, breathing in all her life and excitement. All the while, trying to feel it himself.

  But try as he may, he couldn't.

  Mandy finally pulled away and sighed. "I have a lot of work to do tonight. Dad wants some new sketches and I haven't done anything at all in days."

  Beau's spirit plummeted. "You're going to work now?"

  "I have to. I need to get something to him by tomorrow afternoon."

  She hadn't had to tell him that part. He knew from hearing her end of the conversation and figured she'd probably be working tonight to get it all done. He squashed down that selfish feeling of wanting to hold her all night like they had before the phone rang, knowing that he wouldn't be now that she would be working.

  Mandy went up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I don't want to disturb your sleep, so I'll go upstairs to work. I know you must be tired after today."

  "So are you."

  She shook her head. "Not anymore. I couldn't sleep now if I tried."

  Beau pushed her rumbled hair away from her face with both hands. "I'm going to go back to the bunkhouse. If I'm here with you, I'm liable to do everything in my power to drag your attention away from what you're doing."

  She smiled sheepishly.

  "I don't want you to leave--" She caught herself, as if saying the words out loud made her see that leaving the Double T was imminent for both of them.

  Beau gathered up all the strength could, trying to keep the desperation he felt from creeping into his voice. It wasn't fair to Mandy.

  "I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you again, Mandy. And I don't want to stop. So if you're strong enough to keep your mind on your sketches while I'm doing that, then sure--"

  "I see your point." She bent her head and gave him a coy grin.

  He kissed her forehead. "Sleep in tomorrow morning. I can see to breakfast for the hands. I don't think Corrine will mind if me and Mitch have at it in the kitchen while you get some rest."

  Giggling, she said, "Alice might mind, though."

  Beau left her then, not bothering to look back. He'd only end up making a fool of himself by dragging her into his arms and kissing her again.

  When he stepped off the porch, he saw the light in her room was already on. It would probably remain on all night. Glancing across the yard at the bunkhouse, he saw the lights were still glowing there as well. Another poker game no doubt.

  Beau didn't want to play poker. He didn't want to be with anyone right now. Unsettled, he tried to think back on the times when he was younger, when he felt so dejected when his dad pushed him away. He and his brothers always took off to the cabin in the hills. Except this time, Beau knew that wouldn't rid him of this feeling of longing he had, this sudden feeling of loneliness invading his senses. It would only remind him about Mandy and how much he wanted her in his life.

  Instead of turning in as he should have, he climbed into his pickup, needing something to do other than walk over to the bunkhouse and crawl into a cold bed alone. He needed to get away by himself for a while. Every broken man needed a night of torture once in a while and this would be his. He'd head out to the hills where memories were abundant and painful at a time like this. And he'd drown himself good and deep in them.

  Something caught the corner of his eye as he went to shift the truck into gear. A slice of moonlight shone into the cab and reflected off something on the floor. He reached down and gripped the small pearl comb he'd pulled from Mandy's hair the other day when he'd kissed her again for the first t
ime.

  Memories of their time alone in the hills invaded his mind. Staring long and hard at the comb, he gripped it in his hand until its teeth bit into his palm. The door to the house was still open. He could easily slip in and place it on the table for Mandy to see in the morning. He opened the glove compartment, and brushing his thumb along the ridges of the comb one more time, he tucked it inside.

  Mandy was leaving Steerage Rock in a few days. All he had was a pearl comb to hold on to.

  Beau gunned the engine and headed for the hills.

  * * *

  Mandy heard the sound of truck tires spitting gravel outside. Lifting her bedroom curtains back, she watched the red taillights of Beau's truck pass the bunkhouse and head up the narrow road leading to the hills. She let the curtain fall back into place.

  She hadn't wanted Beau to leave. The phone call from her father was worse than awful in the timing department. But then, she and Beau never had timing on their side. He'd said he'd had no other choice since he wasn't able to reach her by cell phone. Still, she had to wonder why her father had chosen tonight of all nights to call the ranch instead of waiting until the morning.

  Probably because he knew Hank wouldn't be here, she decided as she pushed herself away from the window.

  She had to get to work. Despite the adrenaline rush from hearing the news from her father, she was exhausted. She wished Beau were still here. Oh, what she wouldn't do to curl up in his arms again.

  As she pulled her sketchpad out of her bag, she realized it was probably for the best. Monday or Tuesday, she'd told her father. It was going to come quick. Probably faster than she wanted it to, despite her wanting to plant herself into her old life in Philadelphia again.

  Mandy was still toiling over a sketch when she heard Beau's truck pull in sometime the next morning. He climbed out of the truck, looking worse for the wear.

  She couldn't help but sigh.