A Rancher to Remember

by Patricia Johns

  “I know the feeling,” Olivia said, and she licked her lips, trying to control her emotion. “I left and I never meant to come back—”

  “Those rumors.” Irene nodded. “They were vicious.”

  “Yeah...” Olivia sucked in a tremulous breath. “I was so young...why did they do that me? Why did anyone believe any of it? I was just a girl who was doing her best to get some good grades and become a nurse. I mean, the boys who told the lies—yeah, I’d embarrassed them. But the rest—what had I done to them?”

  Irene shook her head. “People do stupid things when they get caught up in groups.” She shrugged. “People do stupid things on their own, too.”

  “I don’t trust the people here any more than you do,” Olivia said softly. “But this isn’t about the town, Irene. This is about Mia’s little girls. And about their dad.”

  Irene sighed. “I’m not going to try and take them from him, you know.”

  “I’m glad,” she said. “They belong with their father.”

  “So how does someone start over, then? How do I do that?” The older woman turned toward her, her watery eyes searching Olivia’s face for answers. “How is that even possible? Are Wyatt and I supposed to come out here, cap in hand, begging for a chance to even see the girls?”

  “Maybe at first.” Olivia shrugged weakly.

  “I can’t do that...” Irene’s lips trembled. “No.”

  “Sawyer is a good man—a deeply good man. He’s not interested in making you grovel, but he does need to be able to trust your intentions. And in turn, you have to trust in the basic goodness of people,” Olivia said with a helpless shrug. “You’ll have to believe that Sawyer can forgive you, that this town can cradle Mia when your arms aren’t able... That Sawyer can see how much you loved her...”

  “He wouldn’t forgive us,” Irene said with a shake of her head.

  “You don’t know him like I do, then,” she replied. “He’s always been fair and down-to-earth. He says what he means. He’s trustworthy. He’s—” Her voice caught. He was the best man she’d ever known. But this wasn’t about her feelings for Sawyer. “You’ll have to forgive Beaut for your sacrifices. For Lizzie’s and Bella’s sakes. Because they need their father, but Irene, they need grandparents, too. You’re a family, whether you like it or not. That was Mia’s choice, and now you have to find a way to be one. For Mia and for her little girls.”

  Irene fell silent, and then she heaved a shuddering sigh. Would she be able to humble herself and embrace this town for all its flaws and limitations?

  And yet, Olivia’s words were echoing inside her own head. Irene needed to forgive this town if she was to get her heart’s desire. She’d have to believe in the goodness of others... Could Olivia do that, too? Could she stand straight and walk back into this town and make a home in it? Could she forgive the people who had crushed her when she was so vulnerable? It was a lot to ask of anyone, and Olivia knew exactly why Irene was holding back. It was hard.

  “I’m leaving,” Olivia said, putting a hand on Irene’s arm. “Let’s get together for a coffee in Billings.”

  Irene nodded, and Olivia turned to leave. But this new thought was brewing inside of her.

  Olivia had spent her energy getting out of this town, away from those rumors and the ugly people who spread them... She’d spent her energy rebuilding herself and finding a safe place to grow her life. Those were good things! But what if it were possible to forgive Beaut? What if it were possible to believe in the basic goodness of the people here, and trust them to change, grow, make a space for her?

  Could she do that?

  Fresh starts were painful and oh, so risky. They involved a lot of bravery, whether those starts were far from home, or back in the town that had hurt her. Could she do it for Sawyer?

  But even if she could start over again, come back to Beaut and face the people who had made her most miserable all those years ago, it didn’t change what Sawyer needed.

  If she truly loved this man, she’d let him focus on his daughters, and she wouldn’t get in his way.

  * * *

  Early that evening, Sawyer sat at the kitchen table with his daughters, who were munching on a snack of dry cereal in their high chairs.

  “There are two cows that need help—” Lloyd said, slapping his hat against his jeans. Evelyn stood at the door, her jeans muddied and her hair mussed from the wind, but she looked happy enough. “One in the west pasture and one already in the barn. Toby is with the one in the west pasture, but we need to get down to the barn. And I need your help, Sawyer. This one will require some muscle.”

  “Now?” Sawyer asked, standing up. “So you’ll let me actually help, will you?”

  “I don’t have a choice,” Lloyd snapped. “Do as I say, and we’ll get this cow through.”

  “Would you—” Sawyer turned to Evelyn.

  “I’ll watch the kids,” she said quickly. “Go! I’m fine.”

  Lloyd shot Evelyn a grin. “You’re some woman, you know that?”

  Evelyn’s face tinged pink, but she didn’t answer, and Lloyd was already heading for his boots. Sawyer followed suit and they headed out the door for the truck, the screen slamming behind them.

  “It’s triplets, we think,” Lloyd said as he hopped into the driver’s side.

  Sawyer banged his door shut, and gave a curt nod. “And you kept her in the barn, knowing she’d need help when the time came.”

  “You’re remembering a bit,” Lloyd said, putting the truck into gear and pulling out. “Good. We’ll need that.”

  “It’s coming back,” Sawyer agreed. And so were a few more memories—his daughters as babies when they first started crawling, and that first Christmas when he and Lloyd had wrapped the presents for the girls so carefully, using up way more tape than was probably necessary. He was remembering a lot now, but nothing was quite so stark or clear in his mind as the look on Olivia’s face when he walked away.

  It had taken all of his strength—of character and of body—to keep him moving. Because he loved her in a bone-deep kind of way, and getting over that love was going to take a long time. A lump was stuck in his throat, and it had been since their goodbye.

  “So she’s gone, then?” Lloyd asked as they bumped over a pothole on the road down to the barn.

  “Yep,” he said, his voice tight.

  “You sure you want that?” Lloyd asked, looking over at him.

  Sawyer’s eyes misted. “No, of course not. But it’s what’s right. And the right thing is seldom the easy thing.”

  Lloyd didn’t answer. He pulled up in front of the barn and turned off the engine. They both got out, and Lloyd grabbed a few supplies from the back of the truck on his way by. Then they went inside, the smell of cattle and dust settling around them.

  A very pregnant cow was pacing in her stall—her head down. Her belly was big and round, and there was a ripple of movement from within. Her hooves scraped against the floor as she walked. There were small hooves showing out the back of her, and when a contraction hit, they didn’t move any further. A young ranch hand looked over at them in relief as they came in.

  “You go on and do your work,” Lloyd said to the young man. “We’ll take over.”

  “Thanks.”

  Sawyer watched as Lloyd put the chains on the back of the cow and felt around to attach them to the hooves. He knew the process here—it wasn’t foggy like some of those other memories, either.

  “Okay, this is going to take both of us,” Lloyd said. “Wait on the contraction—”

  For the next two hours, Lloyd and Sawyer worked with the cow’s natural rhythms to deliver three small but healthy calves. The mother let all three suckle, which wasn’t the norm but was a blessed relief, and Sawyer leaned back against a rail, watching the newborn animals find their own comfort in their mother.

  “Are you s
ure you’re okay with Olivia just leaving?” Lloyd asked again as he refilled a bucket of oats for the cow.

  “Look,” Sawyer said with a sigh. “I might not remember everything, but I know who I need to be, and that’s a dad first.”

  Lloyd chewed the side of his cheek for a moment, then said, “I’m going to say something.”

  “All right,” Sawyer said with a small smile.

  “You work too hard.”

  Sawyer sighed. “Yeah, I know. Mia said it all the time—I’m a workaholic. But I’ll do better. The girls will have my attention. I’ll be the dad they need.”

  “No, I mean you work too hard, period,” Lloyd said. “You lost your memory, but you have this gut instinct to work. It’s a good thing—most times. I couldn’t run this place without you for very long. But you’ve been working at your recovery, working to get your memories back, working to figure out where you went wrong, and vowing that you’ll work to fix it.”

  “What else am I supposed to do?” Sawyer demanded. “I’m doing everything in my power!”

  “Yeah,” Lloyd nodded. “But what would happen if you stopped working so hard at everything? What would happen if you just followed your heart for once?”

  What if he threw it all to the wind and stopped trying? It was tempting—he had to admit that.

  “It would lead me straight to Olivia!” Sawyer said. “And that’s not what either of us need right now.”

  “When you went to work those fields, Sawyer, it was your heart that guided you back home every night to your family. That part wasn’t work for you. You can trust your heart to steer you straight, you know. If you have to work against your very heart, son, I think it’s a losing battle.”

  “I need to be a good dad,” he said. “I need to keep my priorities straight.”

  “But being a good dad is about more than hard work,” Lloyd said. “If it were about putting your back into it, then providing financially would be enough. But it isn’t. Kids need a relationship with you. They need time with you. They need...your heart.”

  “And that’s what I’m trying to give them!” he said, his voice trembling. “I’m giving up the woman I love so that they can have my whole heart. I’m doing my best here!”

  Why couldn’t Lloyd see that? His heart was in the right place—he wanted to make sure he did this properly. He was willing to sacrifice his own loving relationship to get that for his kids.

  “What else is holding you back?” Lloyd asked.

  “I hardly know who I am, and I’m not at full capacity here,” Sawyer said. “I’m still getting back my memories, and I don’t even know if I’ll get everything back again. So I have to prioritize things. And my daughters have to come first.”

  “I agree,” Lloyd said with a nod. “But does that mean you can’t have love, too?”

  “For now, yes,” Sawyer replied. “But it’s not just me. She can’t come back here. She had a really rough time in Beaut, and she can’t just step back into life here. It’s both of us, Lloyd.”

  The older man nodded slowly, then shrugged. “Okay. Maybe it won’t work with Olivia, but in the future maybe you could quit working so hard—at everything. Just...go with your gut.” Lloyd picked up a few of his tools, and he headed for the door. “You coming?”

  “In a few minutes,” Sawyer replied. “I’ll walk up. Go on without me.”

  “All right, then.”

  The barn door closed, and Sawyer sucked in a deep breath. His throat felt thick with emotion as he stood there, watching the cow lick one of her calves.

  Sawyer had messed up in his family life, and he was trying to make up for past mistakes. But maybe it was time to let those mistakes go to the bottom of the sea, and follow his heart again. Maybe Lloyd was right and he needed to let go a little bit, if his relationships were going to turn out differently.

  If Olivia could find a way to make a life here, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from committing himself to her for the rest of his life. If she’d have him, he’d do more than love her...he’d marry her.

  The realization hit him in the chest like a bag of rocks. He’d marry her! If he followed his heart like Lloyd suggested, it would lead him right down the aisle without a second thought.

  He might not be able to trust his memory fully, but even when he didn’t know who he was, his heart had steered him true. Olivia might have meant something to him in the past, but now that he’d discovered her again, she meant everything. Olivia could be his second chance at love, and his girls’ second chance at a mom.

  If she could find it in her own heart to come home to Beaut.

  But that might be too much to ask.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Olivia had meant to drive from the graveyard back to town directly, but when she approached the turn that led to the West Ranch, she found herself signaling. A truck behind her moved into the other lane to pass, and Olivia felt a tremor in her chest as the huge vehicle rumbled by.

  She wasn’t sure what she wanted to even say to Sawyer—but she longed to see him. Just once more. Maybe her choice would feel clearer if she could talk it through with him, because her heart was tugging her in a direction she’d never imagined she’d want to go.

  She took the turn and as she drove the last mile, her stomach fluttered. If she stayed...what then? What would her life look like? Would Sawyer even want her here?

  He’d been clear about where he stood and what he wanted. He was a dad first and foremost, and she understood that. But the idea of walking away from him was so much harder than she’d thought.

  She pulled into the drive, and followed it around to the house. As she parked next to Lloyd’s truck, the older man hopped out of the vehicle and gave her a wave.

  “Hey, there,” Lloyd said, coming around to her side. “You’re back.”

  “I—” Olivia turned off the car and opened the door. “I was hoping to talk to Sawyer, if he’s around.”

  “He’s down at the barn,” Lloyd said, angling his head in that direction. “You could catch him there, no doubt.”

  “Okay, I’ll try that.” She smiled gratefully. “Thanks.”

  Olivia slammed her door shut and headed toward the long gravel drive. Behind her the side door to the house opened, and she heard Lloyd’s tone soften.

  “Kids look good on you, Evelyn.”

  And Evelyn’s soft laugh. “I wouldn’t mind three or four of my own.”

  “You don’t say...”

  The door closed then, and their voices were cut off from her hearing. Olivia glanced back at the house over her shoulder, and she couldn’t help but smile at that. Lloyd was falling for Evelyn, and it seemed like Evelyn wasn’t exactly running away from the West Ranch, either. Maybe those two would make something of their relationship, after all.

  The sun was sinking, red flooding the sky as the golden orb sunk low and oblong against the horizon. The wind was cool, but not cold, as Olivia walked. A little privacy would be nice—if she made an utter fool of herself, at least she wouldn’t have an audience for it, aside from some cows.

  The barn door opened and Sawyer came outside. The door thunked shut behind him, the sound surfing that cool breeze. He pushed his hat down, and then raised his head. It was then that he saw her, because he froze.

  Olivia raised her hand in a wave. Did he even want to see her? Was she stupid to have come at all? Her steps slowed, and she considered turning back, but it was too late now. Sawyer had started walking toward her, and as he walked, his steps got faster until he was jogging.

  So maybe he did want to talk a bit...her eyes misted with tears, and she picked up her pace, too. When Sawyer reached her, he didn’t say a thing—he just wound his arms around her waist, pulled off his cowboy hat, and covered her lips with his.

  She sank against his broad chest, drinking in the warmth of him as she kissed him back.
When he finally pulled away, she blinked up at him.

  “Hi,” he breathed.

  “I’ve been thinking about something,” she said softly. “And I wanted to talk to you about it.”

  “Tell me you’re thinking of coming home to Beaut,” he said, his voice a low rumble.

  “Actually, I am...” She smiled mistily. “I saw Irene at Mia’s grave. I know you don’t like them much, Sawyer, and I know they’ve been rude beyond imagining, and they’re completely out of line, but they’re family. And they’re not graceful people, but they’re grieving, too, and—”

  “What are you trying to say?” he asked uncertainly.

  Olivia sucked in a breath and looked around herself at the barn, the road leading up to the house... Could she do this? Could she forgive a town for crushing her spirit?

  “I gave Irene some advice about being able to humble herself and come back to the town she can’t stand.” Olivia grimaced. “Irene lost a lot in Beaut, and she has some hard feelings, but she wants to do what it takes to earn your trust and to be a grandmother to your girls. Anyway, I told her that coming home meant trusting in people’s goodness—yours, namely. If she was to be able to earn your trust and be a part of the girls’ lives in a balanced way, she was going to have to trust your basic goodness.”

  “Okay...” he said uncertainly. “So you came back to get me to talk to her?”

  “No...” She laughed softly. “The two of you will have to work that out on your own, but I realized I was preaching to myself as much as to her. I might have to do the same thing—trust in people’s basic goodness again. I have some painful memories here, but leaving you—Sawyer, that’s going to hurt more.”

  Sawyer met her gaze seriously. “Tell me you’re staying.”