by JoAnn Durgin
His sigh was one of relief, of wonder, of something more.
“I know what we did was wrong,” she said, “but I wouldn’t have that beautiful little girl otherwise. At only three years old, she knows Jesus better than I do.” She sobbed a little and pressed shaking fingers to her lips. “You can’t know how much that thrills my heart.”
He smoothed his hand over her hair. “I have a pretty good idea. You might not believe this, but I’ve prayed for you so many times the past four years. Prayed you wouldn’t hate me. Prayed He’d someday lead me back to you—lead us back to each other—although I had no idea when or how. I’d like to move forward from here.”
She pulled out of his embrace and stared out the front window. “When are you leaving Houston?”
“Sunday. I’ll stay for church and then head home. I have some major acquisitions coming up in the next couple of months that’ll involve a lot of late nights and weekends.” He stepped closer. “None of that matters right now. I’m not sure what all this means yet but do me a favor and answer your phone when I call. Once I get back to Baton Rouge, we’ll be talking. A lot.”
Josh scratched his head. “I want to come back and see you and Chloe, even if it’s only for a night or two at a time.” He tipped her chin. “There’s so much we need to discuss. Especially now. Now that I have two beautiful reasons for coming to Houston, I’ll be back as often as I can.” He stopped, almost overcome with the overwhelming desire to see his child. How surreal that sounded, and yet how incredible. “It’s probably best if I leave for now, but I need to see Chloe again before I go.”
Winnie turned away from the window and nodded. “Give me a second and I’ll bring her out.” She disappeared into the kitchen. Within a minute, she returned and Chloe—minus Butterfinger—skipped over to where he stood by the window. “Mr. Grant has to leave now, Buttercup, but he’d like to say good-bye.”
Crouching down, he opened his arms. Winnie must have somehow prepared her or else she was a very trusting child. It might be a combination. At least she didn’t seem scared of him, and didn’t protest. With a shy smile, the little girl walked into his embrace and straight into his heart, leaning against his chest, laying her head on his shoulder. Putting his arms around her small frame, Josh closed his eyes and pulled her close, holding her like the precious jewel, the treasure, she was. Planting a gentle kiss on her cheek, he whispered, “I’m going to come see you and your mommy again soon, Chloe. I hope that’s okay with you.”
“Yup,” she said, smiling as she disengaged from his arms and skipped into her room.
Wiping away a tear, he rose to his feet. God help him, this little girl turned him inside out, flipped his heart in ways he didn’t think possible. “Chloe’s the best thing I ever did, Winnie, and I have you to thank.” When he looked at her, the tears in his eyes spilled over. He rarely cried, but he wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed. The Lord knew Winnie must have shed enough tears over him, over Chloe and everything else in the past four years, but she wouldn’t be alone again, not as long as he could help it. He prayed she’d want him in her life as well as Chloe’s.
“No, Josh,” she said, her voice soft as she cradled his face between her hands. “She’s the best thing we ever did.”
Chapter 18
Deep in thought, Josh pulled out the house key Sam had given him and opened the side door. Sam sat on one of the kitchen stools, an open newspaper and a cup of water on the counter. His reading glasses were perched on the end of his nose and he lowered his head, looking at him over the rims. “Hey, Josh. How was your afternoon?”
“Enlightening.” That was an understatement. “Yours?”
“Joe’s healthy and thriving according to the pediatrician.” He folded the newspaper and pushed it aside. “I took him back to the office with me so Lexa and Winnie could go to a meeting downtown. By the way, your number one fan says hello.”
Josh looked up, surprised. “Who would that be?”
“Bennie, of course. Especially after you were there with me this morning, she’s even more determined to set you up with her daughter, the single one in Baton Rouge.” He sipped his water. “Pull up a stool and let’s talk. Grab some water, or I can make some coffee.”
“I’m fine, thanks.” Josh settled across from him, leaning his chin on one hand.
“Have you met Chloe?”
The man got right to the point. Heaven help little Joe. The kid doesn’t have a prayer.
“Yes, this afternoon. She’s an incredible child and looks so much like Winnie she takes my breath away.” He took a deep breath. “And she’s mine.”
Sam didn’t even blink.
“You’ve known all along, haven’t you?”
“One look in those green eyes of Chloe’s pretty much gives away any secrets Winnie might try to hide. For whatever reason, she’s never confided in us about Chloe’s paternity. Based on when she was born, we figured out the basic timeframe when she was conceived.”
Both Sam and Lexa had been financial planners. Of course they’d know. Josh hung his head. “And obviously I was the logical choice as the father even before you knew Chloe had the green eyes.” He chewed his lip, unable to look his friend in the eye. “What must you have thought of me? To think—” Deep shame engulfed him. Even after spending that night with Winnie, he’d made insinuations about Lexa. How lost he’d been. The saving grace was how far he’d come since then.
“The only thing I did was pray for you to get yourself straight with the Lord. Once you did that, I knew you’d be fine.” Sam paused. “So much for my insistence on being the only one driving in and out of that work camp.” He shifted on the counter stool. “Just goes to show, no matter how hard you try to protect others—and free will and sin nature being what it is—people still do what they want, anyway.”
He knew Sam didn’t mean it as a personal condemnation, but he grimaced. “I have no excuses. It only happened once.”
“I don’t need details, Josh.”
“I know you don’t, but if I feel the need to share, congratulations, you’re it. And, for the record, I didn’t have an interlude with Sheila or anyone else in that TeamWork camp. Only Winnie.”
Sam nodded. “Here’s something you might find surprising. I’ve got a confession of my own. Lexa and I came close to giving into physical temptation that summer ourselves.”
That was a shock and Josh didn’t try to disguise his surprise. “You’re right. I find that incredibly difficult to believe.” Almost impossible, in fact.
“I’m sure Beck filled you in about the night Lexa and I went searching for Sheila. There was a gun, a mission, ropes, Howard taking Lexa with him to get the little girl. . .” He waved his hand. “My wife was the brave heroine in that whole crazy scenario. She could have been killed. When she put her life on the line, I prayed like I’d never done before in my life. And then when she came back and I knew she was safe, we got caught up in the passion of it all.”
“What stopped you?” Personal question, but Sam seemed to be putting it all on the table.
“Lexa. It didn’t go very far in the physical sense, but I’m sure I don’t need to explain my thought process. In my heart, I was there. As strong as I always tried to be in guarding myself against physical temptation, I wanted her that night. She thinks I would have put the brakes on eventually, but I guess we’ll never know. For the first time, I fully understood how you and Shelby were so tempted. My point being it was possible another child could have been conceived in the TeamWork camp that summer if it hadn’t been for Lexa thinking straight for both of us.”
“Thanks for telling me, Sam. It actually makes me feel better. You have quite the reputation to live up to, you know.”
He shrugged. “In a lot of ways, that year-long TeamWork mission overseas was a good thing.” He drained his water, putting his cup on the counter. “The Lord has blessed the fact that we waited. You’re the only person I’ve told and I’d like it to stay that way, but I don’t want it to soun
d like a personal indictment against Winnie by any stretch of the imagination.”
“Of course not.”
“I realize her situation was different from Lexa’s,” Sam said, “but both of these women are orphans in terms of family. I can’t say I fully understand what it was like for her growing up without the support and encouragement I’ve always had, and like you’ve had from your mom, dad and Rebekah.”
“Right.” Looking up, Josh met his good friend’s sympathetic gaze. “No one should suffer like that from people who are supposed to love and protect them. Do you know if what Winnie suffered from her family went beyond emotional abuse? Was she hurt physically in any way?” If anyone knew the answer other than Winnie, it would be Sam and Lexa. As it was with Chloe, he felt a burning need to know.
Sam shook his head. “To my knowledge, it was neglect as much as anything else. I think the only one who really cared for her was a grandmother. She died when Winnie was in her early teens.” Sam put one hand on the top of the counter, appearing to weigh his words. “We all need that touch from someone else to let us know we’re cared for, that we’re valued. Loved. It was sin, yes, but you gave that kind of love to Winnie.”
“But then I went and blew everything by my unbelievable stupidity.” Josh looked away and ran his hand through his hair.
“Don’t even go there.” Sam’s eyes were bright. “That’s in the past. You’re the same faithful, loving, God-honoring man I’ve always known.”
Josh’s eyes filled with tears. “I hate that I missed out on the first word with Chloe, the first steps, all those things.”
Sam leaned closer. “I understand, but can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you would have been ready for parenthood four years ago?” He sat back, crossing his arms. “Look, I understand it’s a lot to swallow, knowing Winnie’s kept this from you. In your shoes, I’m not sure how I’d react.”
“As I told Winnie, I’m the last person to point the finger of blame. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life that I have no business criticizing anyone else. The way I look at it, we move forward from here. It’ll be an interesting journey, but we’ll make it work however it’s meant to play out.”
“Enjoy the ride, brother. Winnie’s a great mother and one of the strongest women I know. When some of the ladies in her church found out she was pregnant, they basically told her she wasn’t welcome, including the woman who’d taken her under her wing and counseled her. It broke her heart. Instead of turning bitter toward God or anyone else, she started co-teaching a Sunday school class in our church for single moms with the full blessing of the leadership, me included. She carried her child to full term and brought her into the world, knowing they’d both have an uphill battle. Winnie has one of the most tender souls I’ve ever known, which is all the more surprising considering her background.” The corners of Sam’s mouth upturned. “Chloe’s a dead ringer for her mother, and I’m not just talking physically. She’s an incredible child.”
“She inherited some of Winnie’s best qualities from what I can tell.” Josh blew out a breath. “And now I have to go back home to Louisiana soon and try to figure out what to do.”
“You can’t expect to rearrange your life overnight.” How he appreciated the concern in Sam’s voice, the compassion in his expression. “You need time to adjust, and so does Winnie. Because of her past, she’s fiercely protective of Chloe, and she’s not going to let anyone—not even you—into her daughter’s life without a lot of prayer and careful consideration. My advice, if you want it, is not to make any rash decisions and pray about it. Trust me, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from being married, it’s to leave the line of communication open. You know our door is always open. Come as often as you need, stay as long as you’d like. Hang onto that door key. You’re going to need it.”
Josh nodded. “Next thing I know, Winnie and Lexa will be running a bed-and-breakfast.”
Sam laughed. “Don’t even suggest it, my friend.” He put the glass in the sink and walked the newspaper to the recycling bin in the corner of the kitchen. “Lexa and I are taking Joe for a spin around the neighborhood and then heading out to get a bite to eat. Care to join us?”
“No, thanks. I’ll probably just stay here. Maybe do some work, maybe just absorb.”
Sam nodded. “I understand. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you finally know. Lexa picked up the phone a couple of times to call you, especially when she knew Winnie was feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. We both knew she would tell you eventually, and it was her place to tell you, not ours.”
He came back to stand by the counter. “I’m glad you’ve been able to stay most of the week, knowing how busy you are and dedicated to your work.”
Josh’s eyes narrowed. “This is what you were talking about in your office, isn’t it?” Sam watched but said nothing. “About having faith that God can take my sin and turn it into my greatest blessing.” His eyes misted again. “You told me that’s where I’d find my redemption.”
When a tear rolled down his face, Sam retrieved the tissue box.
“Thanks.” He plucked out a few and pressed them against his eyes. Finished a moment later, he half-laughed. “You tell any of the TeamWork guys I’ve cried in your presence, I might just be forced to silence you.”
“No worries. It stays right here, between us.”
Josh wiped his eyes again and looked up at Sam. Next to his dad, he was the strongest man he’d ever known. “Who could have guessed I’d find my redemption in a little girl named Chloe?”
Chapter 19
Friday, Early Evening
Slipping into the Friday night teen worship time, Rebekah saw a couple of the girls waving her over to sit with them. The musicians were already playing at the front of the gym and she heard Kevin’s distinctive tenor voice. She exchanged a few whispered words with the girls and settled into her seat. He was in his element on stage, and she recognized the song as one he’d written a few months ago. She closed her eyes, listening, humming the catchy chorus under her breath.
Your eyes reflect the sunshine, your lips the wonder, your heart the spirit of His love. How many times and how many ways can He reveal Himself in you. . .
One of the girls nudged her arm. “Did Kevin write that one for you?”
Rebekah was saved from answering when her friend shushed her. “Of course, he did.”
At the end of the song, amid the applause, Kevin moved to the front, speaking into the floor microphone. He strummed his guitar as he said, “The praise songs are great, but there’s nothing like the old, familiar hymns to get my heart pumping. There’s a reason they’ve been around so long and I want you to really listen to the words of the next few we’re going to sing. Join in if you know them, and meditate on His word. Let’s raise it up!”
Rebekah looked around the gym as a lot of the kids joined hands and sang along with the band. The girls on either side of her grasped her hands as they all sang along to “Amazing Grace,” “I Stand Amazed” and “The Old Rugged Cross.” She caught their smiles and it warmed her heart. She’d always preferred the hymns but knew how much these kids liked the blended styles.
At the end of the time of worship, Kevin pulled the strap over his head, leaving his guitar on the makeshift stage. He walked to stand on the side of the gym with some of the other musicians, leaning close to listen to what Mandy, one of the girls from the band, whispered in his ear. No matter how innocent, Rebekah didn’t like it. Kevin was smiling, but his eyes were trained on the speaker. It was the look on Mandy’s face—combined with the big eyes, beaming smile and especially the hand on his arm—that disturbed her. Shifting in her chair, she tore her gaze away. She had no claims on Kevin. If some other girl wanted to flirt with him, that shouldn’t bother her. But it did. Turning her head his way again, she didn’t see him. The whisperer was nowhere to be found, either. Disgruntled, Rebekah looked around the room before slumping lower in her chair.
“Looking for someone?”
Her eyes widened as Kevin slid into the chair to her left. The girl who’d occupied the seat until a minute ago now sat on the row behind them. “Hi there.”
“It’s my turn to say this is a nice surprise. First time here?” He kept his voice low.
“Yes, as a matter of fact. Thought I’d see what all the fuss was about. Heard the band was pretty good.”
He laughed under his breath and focused again on the speaker at the front while she did the same. Forty minutes later, Kevin excused himself to go pack up his guitar after first asking her to wait for him. Rebekah talked with a group of the girls, laughing at their funny stories about everything from parents to boyfriends. A couple of them asked for her advice. She liked that they asked and seemed to value what she told them.
“Want to go grab some dessert?” Kevin asked, rejoining her a few minutes later, guitar case in hand. From the corner of her eye, she noticed some of the teen girls eyeing him with giggles and smiles.
“If you have time. I know you didn’t expect me, and if you have to be at the lumberyard early—”
“I’m working in the store tomorrow and don’t have to be there until nine. That means I can sleep in until at least seven. You’re worth lost sleep.” He frowned. “Not sure that came out the way I intended.”
Bless his heart, he looked genuinely concerned. “It’s okay, I know what you meant. Let’s go get that dessert.”
They agreed to drive separately and meet at a local restaurant known for their homemade praline cheesecake. As they headed out of the church, Rebekah listened as Kevin exchanged smiles, waves and a few words with a number of the other guys. Mandy waved to him and gave her a slight nod. Kevin held the door and she inhaled the sweet scent of the flowers planted along the front entrance. She reached for his hand and her heart skipped a beat as—for an odd, fleeting moment—she worried he might reject it. Wrapping his hand around hers, Kevin squeezed. That squeeze gave her more reassurance than he could know.
