by JoAnn Durgin
After ordering a slice of cheesecake with two forks and hot tea for her and coffee for him, Kevin asked about her mom and dad. So thoughtful, this man. Adam asked about her parents often, but he’d only met them once over dinner. Considering they didn’t say much afterwards, it wasn’t a stretch to say they weren’t too impressed. She could practically feel the squall of relief floating her way when she turned down Adam’s marriage proposal. Josh told her their dad was irritated because he hadn’t asked his permission to marry her. That and the fact they’d only dated for two months at the time.
Noticing Kevin watched her closely, Rebekah focused on their conversation.
When the server brought their dessert, he moved to the chair beside her. He didn’t ask me if it’s okay like he usually does. That made her smile. Taking her hand, he said a prayer and motioned for her to try the first bite. They talked as they ate, taking turns. He didn’t try to feed her, and although comfortable, tonight didn’t feel like a date. None of the quiet flirting or loopy grins were in place. She didn’t understand how much she missed it all—until now. As he finished the last bite, Kevin’s smile sobered. Oh, oh. Her heart started beating faster and she stared at her lap for a long moment, wondering what he’d say. She sensed he wanted to talk with her about something.
“I have a question for you,” he said.
“Okay.” She tried to keep her voice calm. “I’m listening.”
“I want your straight answer.”
She nodded, her heart sinking. He knows.
“Are you going to London with Adam Martin?”
Her eyes widened. “What makes you ask that?”
“Straight answer, Rebekah.”
“No. I’m not going to London with Adam.”
The relief on his face made her feel horrible. It was the direct answer to his question, but she couldn’t keep up with her juggling act any longer. Josh was right. It wasn’t fair to Adam, wasn’t fair to Kevin.
“Confession time. When I came to the school, I saw the entry on your calendar. It was on your desk. The one with the big red circle around it.”
When she stared at him, not speaking, he continued. “It said something about a trip to London Bridge and had the initials A.M. beside it.”
“Oh, you dear, sweet, silly man. Give me your hand. Come on,” Rebekah said when he looked at her with a raised brow. “Please, Kevin.” Reluctance was written all over his face, but he did as she asked. “I’m so glad you told me.” She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles. “Yes, I’m going to London Bridge, but remember, it was moved to Arizona a number of years ago. I’m going to Arizona, not London. A.M. stands for Anne Morgan, another teacher at my school. We’re planning a trip sometime next fall. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it to you before, but there was really no need.”
It surprised her when he still looked pensive, his brows knitted together. “Is Adam still in your life?”
She swallowed hard, the words caught in her throat. “Define—”
“Just answer the question, please. It’s pretty much a yes or no kind of thing.”
Her eyes welled and she looked away.
Kevin withdrew his hand. “Well, then, I guess that’s my answer.” He threw his napkin on the table but remained seated.
“Yes.” It was barely more than a whisper. The look on his face sent an arrow through her heart. He clearly felt betrayed. But why should he? It wasn’t like he’d made a commitment to her.
“So, you’re seeing both of us.” To his credit, he kept his voice low, controlled. “Adam asked you to marry him before the trip to Montana, and when you came back home, you turned him down.”
Crossing his arms, he waited until she gave him a silent nod. “Which tells me he’s either back in your life or else you never stopped seeing him. Which is it?”
“When I turned down his marriage proposal, Adam agreed to continue dating but on my terms. I liked him, but I hadn’t known him long enough when he asked me. I started seeing him long before you and I started dating.” She sounded as miserable as she felt.
Although I’ve known you a lot longer. You just didn’t ask.
“You’re telling me I’m the other man in this scenario?” Kevin’s inner turmoil was obvious. “I never would have started this relationship with you if I thought you still had ties to another man. That breaks an entire moral code—not to mention ethical boundary—I wouldn’t cross.”
She nodded slowly. “I know.” The words were barely audible.
“Then why? Why did you lead him on? Lead me on?” His eyes shot fire as he glared at her.
She wouldn’t have believed him capable of such a steely look. “I certainly deserve that question,” she said, wanting to sink into the floor.
“And do you have an answer?”
“Kevin, it took you a long time to finally work up the nerve to tell me how you felt and ask me out. I love spending time with you. You’re one of the most honest and humble people I’ve ever known. The best. I didn’t intend to lead anyone on, and I hate the thought that I’ve hurt you.” She paused, taking a deep breath. “The truth is, I haven’t made any kind of commitment to either you or Adam.”
“So you didn’t want to disappoint me by telling me he’s still in your life? Tell me this,” Kevin said, waving away the waiter, “where do things stand now in your relationship with him?”
“He. . .” she began, not knowing how to answer. She winced. Might as well get it all out now. Confess. “He wants me to meet his family.”
Kevin’s eyes widened. “So he has asked you to go to London with him? As in England—just so we’re clear it’s not any other London.”
Rebekah cringed. “Yes.”
“Okay, then, I have to ask this next question.”
“Go ahead.” She could barely look him in the eye.
“If I asked you not to go to London with Adam, what would you do?”
“Are you asking me or are you telling me not to go?” Her evasion tactic was annoying enough to herself, so it had to grate on his nerves. Even Kevin only had so much patience. Still, it was a valid question and an important distinction.
“Don’t. Go. It’s a request from the deepest part of my heart.”
Rebekah hesitated for a moment and that was all the impetus Kevin needed as he stood to leave. “Kevin, sit down. Please.” She didn’t care he heard the desperation in her voice. “I’m not going to London with Adam. I didn’t need you—or anyone else—to tell me it wasn’t the right thing. I discovered that all on my own.”
Kevin swallowed hard. “If you went to London with him, Rebekah, I fear my heart would never be the same.”
She felt as if a little part of her heart was separating as she looked at him, eyes wide. “That’s what you meant by telling me not to go, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “I misunderstood the situation, but as it turns out, maybe it was the same thing all along.”
“What am I doing?” She didn’t expect an answer. Wiping aside tears, she bit her lip to keep from erupting into a full-blown sob.
He shook his head and gave her the sweetest, most loving look imaginable, as if his anger subsided and faded away, along with her tears. “I won’t allow you to break my heart, Rebekah.”
She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and snapped her head up, surprised. “Are we okay, then?”
“We’re fine. But here’s the thing.”
Rebekah nodded, not sure she wanted to hear what was coming. Kevin had his own terms, it seemed.
“Until you resolve things with Adam one way or the other, it’s best if we don’t see one another. . .romantically. It’s not what I want, but it’s the honorable thing to do. I’m going to step aside until you make your decision. Pull myself out of the running.”
When he looked into her soul with that blue-eyed gaze, she felt loved beyond measure. “It’s not a competition.”
“Isn’t it?” He didn’t flinch, but she did.
“Kevin, if you asked me to go to London, asked me
to go pretty much anywhere with you, I wouldn’t hesitate.” She didn’t know it until that moment, but it was the truth.
“Like I said, let me know when you make your decision.” His eyes bore straight through her. “One way or the other.”
Chapter 20
Friday, Late Evening
“Kevin knows.”
Josh fished his keys and wallet out of his pocket and tossed them on the bed. It had been a long day—without Winnie. He was emotionally spent and not up to this conversation, but he couldn’t disappoint Beck. She’d always been there for him. “I’m listening.”
“Thanks for not being all big-brotherish and saying I told you so.”
The catch in her throat got to him like it always did. Closing his eyes, he sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off his shoes. “Anytime. Tell me more.” He listened as she talked, sobbed a little, talked some more, then sobbed again. When he could get a word in edgewise, he sympathized and murmured appropriate words of encouragement.
“To make matters worse, there’s a pretty blonde who plays in the praise and worship band with him, and it was more than obvious she’s got designs on Kevin.”
“Designs?” Josh stifled his chuckle. “No offense, but have you been reading Mom’s old Christian romances again?”
“No. You know what I mean. As soon as that girl finds out about this, she’ll probably swoop in and—”
“Hang on a minute. First of all, Kevin doesn’t strike me as the type of man to go around telling people you’re broken up or whatever. And, trust me, no woman is going to swoop in and steal his heart without knowing him, oh, at least three years or more.”
“Not now, Josh.” He might have pushed the limit with that one. The exhaustion in her voice made him frown.
“I’m not making fun of him, honey. I’m trying to make a point here. Look, the biggest part of your problem with the guy is that it takes him a long time to make a move of any kind, much less a commitment. But I’m telling you if Kevin can’t make one to you, he’s not going to make one to some girl in his band until things are resolved with you, one way or the other.” She wouldn’t like that last part, but it was the truth.
Long pause. “I know. That’s pretty much what he told me.” She sounded defeated. “I feel awful. It’s my own fault for leading him on when I was still seeing Adam, but I was afraid if I didn’t go out with Kevin, he would turn to someone else.” Another small sob escaped. “Now, I’ve gone and made things an even bigger mess. Tell me the truth. Am I a terrible, selfish person?”
“Not by any stretch of the imagination. You’re just young and confused.” She didn’t make a comeback at his lame attempt to make her smile. Propping the pillows, he reclined against the headboard. “If you think about it, Kevin didn’t say good-bye. Look at it this way: he’s biding his time.”
“Wh. . .what do you mean?” she asked, in between more sniffles. He wished he could give her a hug. He could use one himself.
“He’s waiting to see what happens.” Waiting for the Brit to mess up was more like it, but he couldn’t say that to Beck. Maybe that was unfair since he’d never met the guy, but it seemed inevitable. Kevin was smart and intuitive and had to know sooner or later Adam would either do something ill-advised to blow it with Beck, or else she’d wake up and see Kevin for what he was—the love of her life. Call it gut instinct, but he was usually right where his twin sister was concerned.
Rebekah asked him how things were going with Winnie and whether they’d shared any more special moments. He gave her the basics but played it off like everything was fine and his world hadn’t been shaken to its core in the last twenty-four hours. News like this needed to wait until he could see her in person. Although he itched to tell her, he still had to get used to the idea himself. He also needed to tell his parents. This would shock them, and they thought they’d heard it all.
“Beck, let’s meet for dinner one night this week.”
“Sure. Name the when and where.” He smiled when he heard the lift in her voice. No matter how hectic things were at the office—huge merger or not—he always made time for family. More and more, he questioned whether the corporate world was where he belonged. He was good at it. The problem was, his heart wasn’t in it.
“Thursday night. Olive Garden. Seven o’clock sound okay?”
“I’ll look forward to it. Thanks for listening as always. Love you and see you soon.”
This time, he let her have the last word. He doubted she even noticed.
~~**~~
“Tell me more about Chloe.” Josh reclined on the bed, fully stretched out with one arm crossed behind his head. After resting for a couple of hours, he called Winnie, the need to hear her voice overpowering. “I want to know everything.”
“That’s a pretty tall order,” Winnie said. “Maybe it’s a good thing she’s only three.”
The amusement in her voice made him smile. “Four in less than two months,” he said. “Wait. Back up a minute. Tell me about your pregnancy and Chloe’s birth.” His voice lowered. “Was it hard for you?” He hated to think she’d been alone, wished he could have been with her.
“I had a little morning sickness, but it wasn’t bad. The delivery was long and arduous and there were no complications. She was born here in Houston.”
“Who was with you? Did you have one of those birthing coaches?”
“Amy and Lexa were with me, standing on either side, holding my hands as Chloe kicked and screamed her way into the world.” One of her trademark giggles escaped. It did his heart good. At least she sounded much more even keel and like herself again. “I’m glad I didn’t scare Lexa from having a child, and Amy’s tough enough to handle anything.”
The Amy he’d known wasn’t so tough, but Beck told him the same thing. Working in the cut-throat world of New York publishing probably had a lot to do with Amy’s burgeoning confidence. “Chloe really screamed?” He found it difficult to believe that sweet little girl was capable of such a thing.
My little girl.
“You’d better believe it. I’ll admit, I was a little worried at first when I heard all the power in those tiny lungs, but I knew she was healthy and that was the most important thing.”
“We’ll just have to channel it into voice lessons. I’m thankful you weren’t alone.”
Winnie’s sigh was audible. “Are you sure you want to do this, Josh?”
That question made him sit up on the bed. “What do you mean?” He tried to keep the irritation from his voice. Now that he knew about Chloe—now that he’d seen her, talked with her and fallen head-over-heels for her—did Winnie believe he’d shirk his parental responsibilities? It was about rights, too. She knew him well enough to know he’d want to be a big part of Chloe’s life. If anything, he was more determined to find out everything he could about his daughter.
“It’s a big step. I’ve been fine on my own and I don’t want you to feel obligated. I’ll forever be grateful and indebted to you.”
Grateful? Indebted? Not words he wanted to hear. He pinched his fingers on the bridge of his nose. Anger with Winnie never entered the equation until now. She might not have any expectations, but he sure did. Counting to five under his breath, he prayed for the right words. “I didn’t plan on this, but I need to see you. Tonight. This is not a conversation we should be having on the phone.”
“Why don’t we just go back to the questions and answers.”
Don’t let her change the subject. “I’m coming over. I’ll be there in twenty minutes. You’d better answer your door, or I might just have to break it down.”
“When you put it like that, do I have a choice?” She sounded irritated now.
That makes two of us. It might be best to wait and have this conversation in the morning, but he wouldn’t get much sleep as it was. “Not really. It’s too important.”
“We don’t have to make any life-changing decisions tonight. Like you said, you need time to absorb all this. So do I. It’s too soon and
I don’t want us jumping into anything we’ll regret.”
Josh’s jaw muscles flexed. Now she’d done it. Didn’t she know it was torture going the entire day without talking to her? Did she think about me at all today? Want to see me? Shoving his feet in his shoes, he tucked his shirt in his jeans. “I, for one, am not going to regret anything. You might not have thought about me today, Winnie, but you and Chloe were all I could think about.” He tried to work several times but couldn’t concentrate. Started e-mails he couldn’t finish. Went to meet Sam for lunch and fended off Bennie when she handed him her daughter’s phone number. At least he’d taken care of that one and told her he was taken. It wasn’t just an excuse. It was the truth. Now, I need to convince Winnie. “I’m coming over. Be ready.” He closed his phone before she had the opportunity to tell him not to come.
Darting into the bathroom, Josh finger-combed his hair and brushed his teeth. As he drove the short distance to her apartment a few minutes later, his mind raced. Without question, he’d need to tread carefully. It’s not like he could invade Winnie’s world and rearrange her life according to his terms. She didn’t work that way. She was fiercely independent and protective of her child, as well she should be. It was one of her best qualities. No doubt they’d butt heads over certain things down the road, but they’d take it one step at a time.
While he agreed they shouldn’t make any big decisions tonight, he didn’t like how she sounded almost resigned to being a single mother. That wasn’t the way his thinking was headed.
Pulling into the parking spot next to Ladybug a short time later, he whispered a prayer. Lord, give me the right words and curb my tongue. I don’t want to push her further away.
~~**~~
Josh sat in his car without getting out for a couple of minutes, his head bowed. In her heart, Winnie knew he was praying. Just as she’d been doing ever since his call. She opened her door before he could knock, giving him a small smile as he stepped through the doorway, ducking his head. He wore faded jeans that fit him to perfection and a green polo. No fair with the secret weapons.
