The Erotica Book Club for Nice Ladies

by Connie Spittler

  “Quick, come in and sit down.” Aggie heated up the kettle. “Did you see anyone sneaking around out there?”

  “No, is someone bothering you?”

  “A car follows me wherever I go and I don’t know what to do. It started after the detective stopped to see my garden and family book.” Aggie snapped the latch on the door, then went to the cupboard and got out teacups and a knob of ginger.

  Piper shook her head. “Let’s face it. We’re drowning in trouble. I need to talk to you.”

  “Is Lily okay?”

  “Yes, I want to tell you something that I told Lily in the hospital.” Piper took a deep breath. “A while back, I found a lump here.” She put her hand on her blouse pocket and closed her eyes.

  “Oh, my,” Aggie said.

  “That’s the reason I moved into the spare room. Freddie loves my breasts and I didn’t want him to find a lump while we were making love. They were a big part of our coupling, you know.”

  “Oh, come here.” Arms open, Aggie folded Piper into the scent of rutabagas. “You haven’t told him?”

  Piper shook her head. “I tried, but it hasn’t worked out.”

  “How serious? The lump.”

  “Don’t know yet. But it meant so much when I knew Lily went through the same thing. I don’t know anyone else who’s been through it, and here she’s had a double mastectomy.”

  “What do you do next?”

  “They did a biopsy at the hospital and I’ll hear soon. I wanted to tell you, to hear the words aloud, to practice for when I tell Freddie.” Piper paced around the kitchen. “But now that I’ve said it, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “After I find out the results, we’ll talk. Today, I need distractions.”

  “Then let’s put our brains together and get the book back. We have homemade rutabaga potage for energy and strength.” Aggie put bowls on the table.

  “If we find the book, maybe it will clear Lily.” Piper peeked under the pulled shade. “Why do you think you’re being followed?”

  Aggie poured two cups of ginger tea from the teapot. “Because there’s a tan car behind me, wherever I go. Always tan. I can’t see the driver’s face, but it must be evil. Go ahead, sit and eat.”

  Piper took a sip. “Mmm, ginger. On the plus side, now that we’ve all been ransacked, that part is probably over.”

  “But being poisoned is something new.”

  “And spooky. Maybe the car is your imagination. Let’s go see Freddie to get the book. That’s where I left it, although there’s a chance Lily picked it up. Maybe Fred and I can talk, if there aren’t customers.”

  After they finished their soup and tea, they drove in Aggie’s pickup toward town.

  In a quick gesture, Aggie pointed with her thumb. “Look in the rear view mirror. Tan car behind us.”

  “Okay, I believe you now.”

  The gas station fuel pumps were empty when the farm pickup pulled in.

  “That tan car’s parked half a block behind us,” Aggie said.

  “After we get the package, we’ll hightail it over to the sheriff’s office and report it.”

  “I suppose we should.” Aggie took two bottles of goat milk into the station and Piper followed, a few steps behind.

  “Milk delivery, Fred. The usual. I’ll put them in the cooler.”

  He took money to pay for the milk from the register and glanced up. “Good grief, Piper. What happened to your cheek? ” He walked over and touched her bandage. “You’re hurt.”

  Her hand laid gently his arm. “I’m all right, Freddie, honest.”

  Aggie put the money in her pocket. “I came to pick up the newspaper package Piper thought belonged to Jeremy. It belongs to me.”

  “But it’s at the Hopper. Piper said to take it there, so I did.” He stared at her bandage. “You must have been in an accident. What happened?”

  Piper gave his arm a squeeze.

  The hose bell rang as a semi-truck pulled in, followed by another bell and a station wagon at the service pump. A sedan waited in the wings.

  “It’s long and complicated. I tried to call you from the hospital, but the line was always busy. Now you’ve got customers who need gas. Basically, someone broke into the salon, but I’ll tell you more later. I’m doing okay.” Piper’s mouth quivered. “I mean it, Freddie, I really do.” She rushed out the door.

  Outside, Aggie caught up with her. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”

  “No, let’s go to the Hopper and see if the book’s there. Then we’ll go to the sheriff. And later, visit Lily. If we talk to her about the book, it might trigger something in her mind. If the book goes back to where it belongs, when Lily comes to, it won’t matter.”

  “She might be innocent of stealing it, you know.” Aggie frowned. “And you’re putting off meeting with Fred.”

  “You’re right. I don’t know why it’s so hard. No one in our family ever talked about big, bad things. We just moved past them, hoping the trouble would go away.”

  They sneaked backward glances along the way, watching the tan sedan following behind.

  At the Hopper, Aggie stood next to the bar, and Piper perched on a stool, while Jeremy filled a tray of four dark brews for a table of bikers in back.

  When he came back, Aggie motioned for him to come over. “I left a newspaper-wrapped package the other day and I’m here for it. It got misplaced, then Freddie brought it over.”

  “Yeah, that package came and went and came back to me. The funny thing is, I can’t find it now. When it turns up, I’ll let you know.”

  His words stunned Aggie. “It’s very important.” She turned to Piper. “Well then, let’s go see the sheriff about the tan car.”

  Jeremy looked at his watch. “You won’t find him in his office. Because of all the looniness going on, he patrols the county twice a day, looking for troublemakers.”

  Piper grabbed Aggie’s arm. “Then we’ll check on Lily.”

  Nerves amped up, they drove the thirty miles to the Groverly Hospital, with the tan sedan trailing behind.

  “I’ll park next to the door,” Aggie said, “and we’ll run in.”

  When no one came in after them, Piper stopped at the main desk to ask how to get her biopsy report.

  The receptionist nodded. “Check with your doctor to see if you can pick up the results here.”

  Piper called her doctor and received the okay to get a copy of the report, if she’d be willing to wait about an hour.

  The two women strolled over to the hospital door, looking for the tan car. Aggie thought she saw it in a back row, but couldn’t tell if the driver was still inside. They decided to visit Lily and wait out the situation.

  Piper paced the room. “When I get the report, I could open it here with you and Lily. If I know the results, it might be easier to tell Freddie.”

  Aggie shook her head. “It’s important for you to tell him first. A married life belongs to two people, not to women in a club.” She fingered the scarlet ribbon around her wrist. “Gypsies say, ‘If your tears need to be dried, go to the one who holds your kerchief. When you need love, go to the love you know best.’”

  They sat in Lily’s room, not talking, aware of minutes crawling by.

  Eventually, Piper checked her watch and stood up. “Okay, that’s it. I’m going down to get the results, good or bad.”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  After Piper signed for the sealed biopsy envelope, before she could change her mind, she made the call to Freddie. She turned to Aggie with tears welling in her eyes. “Freddie says he knows what’s wrong. He’ll be there waiting for me at Cut & Curl.”

  Aggie rose and patted Piper’s shoulder. “You’re doing the right thing.”

  Clutching the envelope, Piper rushed for the door and started out into the sunshine.

  “Better wait for me. I’m your driver,” called Aggie. “I’ll drop you off.”

  All t
he way to Nolan, Aggie sang gypsy songs. “The music of good fortune,” she said. “Sing along. ‘Kavoursnik. Kavoursnik. Tra La La. La. La La. Kalomp. Kallah.’”

  “Not only do I not know the melodies, I don’t understand the words, but keep singing.”

  Freddie waited outside the salon and Piper ran up to him to give him a quick hug.

  Inside, Fred flopped into the barber chair. “I didn’t wait for you to tell me what happened to your cheek. I talked to the sheriff about your accident, which was not exactly an accident. Jeez, Piper, what’s going on? Is some criminal after you? I was trying to track you down, then got your call.”

  “I’m glad you came, Freddie, but this is not about my cheek.” Piper flipped the sign on the door to “Closed” and shut the blinds. “It’s a more personal matter.”

  He looked grim. “If it’s not about that, before you even start, I think I know what you’re going to say. And I don’t want a divorce. I couldn’t take it.”

  Her lips twitched. “Divorce? Of course not. It’s more of a health thing, Freddie. I’m sorry, but it’s something I should have told you right away. It’s the reason I moved into the guest room.” Piper slowly undid her blouse buttons to show a bandage instead of a lace bra. “Then I was too scared. And then I was afraid to get pregnant, if I didn’t know what it was.”

  “Well, what’s wrong?”

  “I found a lump in my breast, and I had a biopsy.” She held up the sealed envelope. “Here are the results. It will tell whether I need a lumpectomy or mastectomy or not.”

  “Jeez.” Stunned, he stared at her. “Jeez.”

  “The decision will be up to me, but I know how much you like my figure. I’ve been putting it off, figuring out what to do if it’s cancer. How to tell you.”

  He got up and wandered over to the closed blinds. Piper turned her back and buttoned up her blouse.

  “You’ve knocked the wind right out of me. I don’t know what to say.” He plunked down in the closest reception chair. “I’m no good with words, Piper. You know that. And now you’ve turned everything upside down.”

  “Take your time.” Piper opened the window, then buzzed around the room, dusting cabinets and furniture. The scent of lemon oil filled the room.

  Absently, he picked up Piper’s book and read to himself. “Hey, this doesn’t looks like radical politics. It’s more like sex stuff.” He turned the page. “Why are you reading this?”

  She shook out the dust cloth at him. “It’s for book club.”

  “That doesn’t make sense. It’s about some guy’s god-like vigour. Is god-like vigour what I think? What kind of club reads things like that?”

  Piper grabbed Boswell’s London Journal out of his hands. “My book club ladies, that’s who. Besides, you and I are in the middle of a talk.”

  “But why do you want to read something like this?” He reached for it. “Is our sex life too dull? Is that it?”

  She moved toward him and opened the book. “The book shows the pleasure people feel with one another.” Her voice was soft as she read.

  The friendly curtain of darkness concealed our blushes.

  My bounding blood beat quick and high alarms.

  She stopped reading and put one hand on Fred’s shirt. Her body moved closer to his, so the bandage on her face nuzzled his cheek.

  His arms went around her and the book fell to the floor. “Jeez, Piper. I don’t think well under pressure. You know it always takes time for me to absorb bad news.”

  “I know. It took me some time to get through it too.”

  Dust speckles moved in through the screen and waltzed through the air in three-quarter time.

  “You smell like furniture polish,” Fred mumbled.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, I like it.”

  Her fingers fondled the nape of his neck, rubbing the bristle of his hairline.

  His voice sounded edgy. “You’ve been gone such a long time, and I missed you so much. Where you been, darlin’?”

  “Right here, Freddie. Cuttin’ and trimmin’. And in the spare room at home, worrying the nights away.”

  Inch by inch, they tiptoed toward the old couch in the storage area. Clinging together, they dropped into mohair cushions, squashing the throw pillows, making the springs squeak.

  “I don’t suppose that author wrote any other books like that?” Fred asked much later.

  “His name is James Boswell, but he’s kind of a jerk,” Piper sighed. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you about the lump.”

  “Don’t you know by now, hon, that I don’t give a damn whether you have one nose or two, one breast or none? I love you. All the time. Every single minute.”

  Outside, butterflies did pirouettes to celebrate the tender, nearby loving. Hundreds of wings beat the air in golden rhythms. Eventually, Piper remembered the envelope and opened it. One word leapt from the page, “Benign.”

  The butterflies stopped mid-air and waited for the couple to fall into each other’s arms again. Then, the beating wings danced on, a fluttering circle of time moving around the front of Cut & Curl.

  CHAPTER 35

  Lily McFae. Condition — stable with increased machine activity.

  Aggie leaned over Lily’s hospital bed. “I know you can’t hear, but Piper has good news.”

  The patient lay peacefully under her waffle-weave blanket.

  A smile played on Piper’s face. “I can say my meeting with Freddie was delicious and complete. We talked about the lump, and I should have trusted him.” She played with the loosening adhesive tape on her cheek. “And the test result was benign. How about that?”

  “I called the sheriff about the tan car following me,” Aggie said. “He told me, ‘Nothing to worry bout.’ Hah! We thought it might help, if I told you what I saw inside the garden book.” Aggie pulled a chair up to the bed. “So this is what comes back to me. Inside the red cover is a drawing of a garden that looks like mine.”

  The hospital machine spiked up.

  “The same things grew there, planted in the same places, even down to the poisonous herbs. Foxglove. Monkshood. Belladonna.”

  Piper held the flyer. “And we brought you this red leaflet.” Aggie and Piper read together:

  Alsatian Heirloom Seeds for Sale

  Poisonous and Nonpoisonous

  For Decorative Use Only

  From the Medieval Garden of the Jardin Estates

  Lily opened her eyes and said, “home of the hidden, sealed Book of Cures.”

  Aggie’s mouth dropped open. “Dear lady, you’re awake.”

  Lily squinched up her face. “It’s so bright in here. It hurts my eyes.”

  Piper ran to the window, twisted the rod to close the blinds, and rushed back to the hospital bed. She hit the call button several times for the nurse.

  Lily fluttered her eyelids. “My throat is dry, but I think I finally caught up on my sleep.”

  “That’s one way to do it.” Piper laughed. “The doctor called it a coma.”

  “Well, I feel very rested.” Lily’s eyes focused. “And very weak. Where’s Hugh Jamison? He was here, I think.”

  First, the nurse and then, the doctor arrived.

  Piper and Aggie waited outside the room during the examination. Finally, the nurse bustled out and gave them a thumbs-up.

  The doctor came through the door and walked over. “She’s asking for you both. Stay only a few minutes.”

  They rushed in and stood by her bedside, waiting for words to come. But there were happy tears instead.

  Lily’s voice trembled. “I can’t remember what happened.”

  Piper took her hand. “The moped slipped in the mud, and you crashed. We found you when you didn’t show up at our meeting.”

  “Was someone following me?”

  Aggie gave Piper a long look and turned back to Lily. “No one knows for sure. Maybe you’ll remember later.” She smoothed the coverlet. “We had book club meetings at your bedside.”

&nb
sp; “And some of the nurses listened to our readings.”

  “And things happened. Special things,” Aggie said. “I talked to you about Cim and you listened. Afterward, I was able to burn his fedora and spread his ashes in our garden.”

  The patient opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

  Piper moved closer and told Lily about the lump in her breast and all the details of getting back with Freddie.

  Lily nodded. “A lump can scare a person senseless. I know.”

  “That’s the thing. You were with me when I needed you. I heard about your tattoos from the nurse.”

  Lily’s hand went to her breast. “My mastectomy. A secret I planned to tell, about losing my breasts and decorating the empty spaces with beautiful things.”

  Piper smiled. “While you were in a coma, we talked to you, and worked out our problems.”

  “I should start a therapy practice.” Lily gave a feeble smile. “All the rocks fell out of my pockets.”

  “I don’t know what you mean, but if there are holes, I’ll stitch them up,” Aggie said.

  “I’d like to see your faces. Open the blinds a little.”

  “Can you talk to us about the tattoo on your shoulder?” Piper asked. “Or would you rather not?”

  “Oh, that’s a symbol for all the special books lost to me at the library. And the special book that went on tour.”

  Piper took a deep breath. “Here’s the thing you should know. That stolen book’s still missing, and the detective thinks you took it, or we did.”

  Lily frowned. “I might have had that book for a while. Or did Aggie have it? So many things are running through my head, it’s blurry.”

  “The nurse said you need to rest. Don’t worry. We’ll talk about all this, later.” Aggie closed the blind again and ushered Piper out.

  Later in the day, Detective Jamison intercepted the doctor. “I hope to have a few words with your patient. The nurse said she’s out of her coma.” He produced his identification again. “Official business.”

  “Let me check to see how she’s doing. She might be too confused to speak to you. Wait in the reception area.”

  After further tests and examinations, the doctor found the detective. “She can see you, but I’ll remain in the room. Don’t make the visit a long one.”