Embracing My Submission

by Jenna Jacob

  “No thank you.” Moses shook his head and reached for his phone.

  The nurse issued a weak smile and then quickly left the room.

  Moses spoke into his phone, leaving a message for Emile. He handed his car keys to Trevor and rattled off Emile’s flight information. Trevor kissed my cheek then walked out the door with George, who’d instructed Moses to phone him when Mika was out of surgery.

  Moses finally stopped pacing and joined me on the long, somewhat lumpy couch.

  “Are you doing okay?” he asked, drawing me into his arms and snuggling me against his broad chest. “I’ve been so wrapped up in my own worry I’ve not been taking very good care of you.”

  “Don’t add me to your list, Moses. Please. I’m doing okay. I’m just scared, like you.”

  “I know you are, baby. I’m sure it was frightening beyond words.”

  I nodded as I hugged his barrel chest. “Where is Emile flying in from?”

  “Washington, DC. He should land in about an hour. He sounded like he’s keeping it together, barely. He and Mika are tight. This is going to be extremely hard on him. Mika’s all he’s got left.”

  “I know.” I nodded, praying that Mika made it through surgery. Engulfed in Moses’s strong arms and warm body, I began to relax and closed my eyes. I was so grateful he was there. He was my rock. He always had been, and I melted against his massive frame.

  A deep thrumming vibration drew me from a dark, dreamless sleep. It took me a minute to realize the rumbling was Moses’s voice vibrating against my ear. There was another voice, much deeper, nearly the same timbre as Mika’s but laced with an enchanting accent. French. It had to be Emile. Suddenly, I felt intimidated and nervous about meeting the man. Remaining motionless, I kept my eyes closed. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on his and Drake’s conversation, but I didn’t want to intrude either, so I played possum.

  “Mika told me how similar they are in appearance, but my God I never dreamed in a million years the resemblance would be so uncanny. No wonder the boy has been beside himself for all these years.”

  “I know. For the first few months, I had to stop myself from blurting out, ‘Remember when we...or wasn’t it funny that time we went to...’ The déjà vu was unsettling to say the least. But it didn’t take long before I came to know the woman inside. She’s a spitfire. Strong willed. Hardheaded. She’ll make a Master earn her gifts when she finds the one strong enough to handle her. And when she does, she’ll no doubt earn those gifts right back.”

  “How much longer do you think it will be?” The man’s deep voice was thick with worry. Still feeling the need to stay hidden, unsure of my place, I continued to feign slumber.

  “I don’t know. It’s been over two hours. Hopefully the doctor will come out and talk to us soon.”

  “Can I get you anything, Emile, Sir?” Trevor asked.

  “No son. I’m fine. I had bourbon on the plane to help calm my nerves. I’ll switch to coffee once I know my Mika has made it through surgery.”

  He sounded like a Master. His velvet voice was rich and commanding. The subtle accent lacing his words sent a shiver down my spine. The desire to remain invisible overshadowed the desire to peek at him from beneath my lashes. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be face to face with the man, but I wasn’t ready, not yet. From his words, I knew Mika had spoken about me, but I didn’t know what details he’d shared with his father.

  All too soon, my hopeful reprieve to stay hidden ended.

  “Julianna. Come on baby, wake up. The doctor’s here.” Moses shook me then pulled me from his chest and helped me sit up.

  Rubbing my eyes, I looked up and saw a stunningly handsome dark-skinned man. His eyes were deep brown, but the erotic lips and defined facial features were identical to Mika’s. A shy, embarrassed smile curled on my lips as the man stared into my eyes, a look of disbelief etched upon his face.

  “Emile, Julianna. Julianna, Emile.” Moses made a hasty introduction as a weary-looking doctor walked in.

  “I’m Doctor Williams.”

  “Emile LaBrache. I’m Mika’s father.”

  “Pleased to meet you.” The doctor nodded, taking a seat facing us. “Mika is out of surgery and so far doing well. If he continues to remain stable, we will upgrade his condition in the morning. He sustained a lot of internal injuries that we’ve repaired. The gunshot badly bruised one lung, so we’ve put him on a ventilator. He’ll be on the vent and unable to talk for a few days. He did suffer a cardiac arrest en route to the hospital, but was revived in the ambulance.”

  Tears swam in my eyes as my heart thundered in my chest. Having already heard that he’d died didn’t make the chasm opening beneath my feet any less terrifying. The pain reflected in Emile’s eyes was gut wrenching, and I swallowed the lump in my throat as I continued to listen.

  “There is always the possibility of brain damage when the heart stops, but the paramedics revived him quickly, and we’re hopeful there’ll be no long-term effects. We’ll be moving him up to ICU shortly. He’ll be hooked up to a lot of machines. I want to prepare you for that. It’s a bit overwhelming when you first see him. He won’t be conscious for the rest of the night and probably the better part of tomorrow. We’ll be keeping him sedated to let him rest and allow his internal injuries a bit of time to heal. We’ll monitor him closely for the next forty-eight hours.” The doctor was quiet for a few moments as if waiting for all the information he’d just explained to sink in. “Do you have questions?”

  “How long will he be in ICU?” Emile asked.

  “For the next forty-eight hours at least. When he’s strong enough, we’ll move him to a lower level of intensive care, then eventually to either a private or semiprivate room.”

  “When can I see my son?”

  “As soon as we get him moved up to ICU and the team gets him set up. We’ll let you know when you can go in and see him.”

  “When will we know about any brain damage?” Emile asked with a grim expression.

  “We should know relatively quickly. We’ve already done some neurological tests and it all looks good, but we’ll know for sure once he’s conscious. Like I said, I doubt he’s suffered any brain damage, but I wanted to let you know there is that chance.”

  “Thank you, doctor.” Emile solemnly nodded, extending his hand.

  “If you think of any other questions, I’ll be here all night checking in on him. Just have one of the nurses grab me, and I’ll come talk to you. Someone will be out shortly to take you up to the other waiting room.”

  “Thank you, again.” Emile smiled then exploded a heavy exhale.

  After the doctor left, Emile rose and walked toward me. The urge to slide to my knees and assume a proper submissive posture was almost overwhelming. I lowered my head, casting my eyes downward as my heart thundered in my chest.

  “Such a beauty,” Emile softly whispered. “Julianna, my dear, there is no need to honor me with your gifts. I simply wanted to greet you properly.”

  He extended his hand and I timidly placed my fingers into his palm as he gently coaxed me from the couch and to my feet. Wrapping me in his long arms, he held me tight.

  “Thank you,” he whispered against my ear. “Calling for help so quickly saved my son’s life. I am forever in your debt, sweet girl.”

  “You’re welcome, Sir.” A wave of guilt slammed me. There was no way I could confess I’d told Mika to die and leave this earth to be with Vanessa. Even if Emile understood the meaning behind my action, it would make me appear to be a cold, heartless bitch, uncaring whether Mika lived or died. I nodded as an awkward silence filled the room.

  “Would anyone like a cup of coffee?” I asked, filling the silence I thought might swallow me whole.

  “Yes, please.” Moses nodded.

  “I’ll get it for you, Daddy,” Trevor volunteered as he shot from the couch. “Emile?”

  “No, sweet boy. I’m fine for now, but thank you.”

  I sat back down o
n the edge of the couch, leaving a spot for Trevor to sit next to Moses. I’d monopolized enough of his warm, sheltering body. He needed his lover’s comfort now.

  It wasn’t long before a nurse motioned for us, and we followed her to a much larger waiting room. A handful of people were sprawled out sleeping in decidedly awkward positions. A few talked quietly on cell phones. Others read books, and some stared off vacantly into space. A soft-spoken nurse introduced herself and assured us she would return after Mika was settled. We found seats in a tight corner of the room where once again we prepared to wait.

  I was barely able to control my anxious restlessness. I needed to see Mika, to gaze upon him with my own eyes and confirm he was still on this earth, still breathing my same air.

  So many questions filled my mind. Why had Mika come back to life in the ambulance? Vanessa had undoubtedly appeared to him in the parking lot. Why hadn’t he gone with her? What was keeping him here? Was it because he didn’t want to leave his father with yet another loss to endure? Perhaps it wasn’t his time yet. Perhaps he was destined for something more in the grand scheme of things. Maybe something awaited him later in life, some task he’d not yet completed. Too many unanswered questions fluttered through my aching brain, yet I couldn’t shut them off.

  Trevor leaned against Moses’s shoulder and in an instant was wrapped within his strong, burly arms. Moments later, both men had drifted off to sleep. I was relieved that Moses had finally relaxed, but it left Emile and me to fill the uncomfortable silence enveloping our little group.

  “Mika talks of you often.”

  “He does? I didn’t know that, Sir.”

  “Yes, I know.” A soft chuckle escaped his throat, smooth and deep, just like Mika’s.

  “Evidently I’m the only one that didn’t know about that.” A smile of embarrassment curled on my lips, and I shook my head at the irony of it.

  “Unfortunately, I’m afraid there’s a lot you don’t know which isn’t fair to you. My son is an extremely private person. I think he gets that from me.”

  “We had a long discussion earlier tonight, Sir. Well, rather Mika talked and I listened.” I swallowed the anxiety clogging my throat. “I understand why he guards his privacy, and I know the reason he’s closed himself off, especially toward me.”

  “Ahh. So he has told you about Vanessa.” Emile nodded in understanding. “Do you also know the internal war he battles in regard to you?”

  “I know that I remind him of her.”

  “You’re far beyond a reminder, dear girl.” He smiled and gave me a knowing wink. “You’re like a constant open wound to his heart.”

  Guilt and sadness washed over me. Emile confirmed the depth of pain my presence, even unwittingly, had been to Mika. It was a heart-crushing revelation.

  “Maybe it would be best if I caught a cab home and terminated my contract with the club.”

  “Nonsense!” Emile practically roared. “Have you never yearned for something so desperately that you ached from it?”

  A humorless chuckle bubbled from the back of my throat. “Every day of my life,” I confessed, thinking about the lack of a Master and my burning desires for Mika. “But it’s pointless. What I want, I can never have. There comes a time when longing becomes so painful you have little choice but to raise a white flag and simply concede.”

  “Perhaps. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, soul searching so to speak. A few weeks ago, I received a call from Mika. He was beside himself over a situation that occurred involving you, my dear.” I knew exactly what situation Emile was referring to. “Since then, I’ve given a lot of thought to the lifestyle principles that I was taught. I have to honestly say that I too am having second thoughts in regard to their validity.”

  “Second thoughts? I don’t understand, Sir.”

  “When I was a young man, I had a wonderful mentor. Through him, I came to terms with what I thought were dark demons in my soul. They weren’t demons but rather misunderstandings about my need to dominate. He instilled the belief that Dominants were destined to have only one submissive their entire lifetime. I’m beginning to wonder if his own insecurity that his sub might leave him cultivated his stringent guidelines. Who knows? It’s all moot. The man’s been long dead for years.” His lip curled in a half-smile as he tossed his hand in the air. “Yet on the other hand, as I watch the lifestyle evolve, I find it hard to refute his beliefs. The carefree claiming and releasing of subs, as if there are no bonds to the soul, reaffirms to me that his teachings were probably correct. But when a treasure is taken, not by another man but by the Almighty Himself, is the one left alone on this earth meant to remain that way?” He pursed his lips, pondering his own words.

  Listening to Emile, I weighed his words. He made sense in a strange and unfamiliar way. I knew of subs who wore so many different Dom’s collars it was a wonder they could keep their Master of the moment straight. And I knew of a couple of Doms who would toss aside their sub the minute a new girl joined the club. In no time at all they’d slapped a collar of ownership around the new sub’s neck as if it were a game of chess. It was like they were collecting pawns for some purpose. I never could understand people like that.

  “I know the constant yearning to dominate has never waned in all my years alone. I know Mika feels that same clawing need, but exponentially stronger since you came into his life. I’m truly surprised he had not succumbed to you before that day.”

  Before I could respond, the soft-spoken nurse approached.

  “Mr. LaBrache, you may go back now.”

  I glanced over at Moses. He and Trevor were still sound asleep.

  “We’ll go in first and then wake them when we get back. Come. Let’s go see my son and your...” Emile didn’t finish his sentence but instead flashed a knowing smile.

  My heart was lodged in my throat. Emile extended his elbow. I wrapped my arm through his, and we followed the nurse through a wide double door.

  Sliding glass doors lined the hall, behind which were beeping machines tethered to patients. It was hauntingly reminiscent of the opaque glass doors from my last dream. I could feel an invisible thread tug my soul, coaxing me to the end of the hall. An icy premonition of déjà vu raced down my spine. Fighting the urge to run, I focused on keeping in synchronized step with Emile.

  Even with the doctor’s warning, seeing Mika with so many tubes and leads connecting him to the numerous machines was shocking.

  “Mika. Oh, Mika,” Emile whispered as he rounded the bed and caressed his fingers over Mika’s bald head. “My sweet boy.”

  Tears streamed down my face as I tried to choke back my sobs.

  Emile’s voice cracked as he bent and placed a tender kiss on Mika’s forehead. “I’ve met your girl. She’s beyond perfect, so you must get well...for her. For me. For Moses and Trevor. There are boundless joys ahead of you son. You must fight and heal yourself. She is definitely worth the battle, my boy. Not because she is a memory of another, but because she is Julianna. She is yours. Now get well and complete that missing part of your soul.”

  Emile was negating every ideal that held Mika prisoner to his past, tearing down the walls that had confined him to a life alone and unfulfilled.

  The symmetry of the long, frustrating nights Mika forced me to wait outside his door, wielding his power, forcing me to decimate my own walls, filled my mind. He’d challenged me to peel back the layers of self-protection I’d desperately clung to. He’d opened my eyes, my heart, and my soul to the submissive serenity within me. And now Emile was eradicating Mika’s barriers, peeling back his layers of self-protection so that his son might find happiness and serenity.

  Standing on the opposite side of the bed, I gingerly cradled his limp hand. Leaning down, I caressed it with my tear-streaked cheek, peppering his russet flesh with tender kisses.

  “I’m here Mika. I’ll always be here if you want me.” I wondered if my confession was out of line. I was nervous about allowing hope back into my heart, especially after
everything Mika had told me.

  All too soon, we made our way back to the waiting room. I woke Moses and Trevor so they could spend a few minutes with Mika. I declined their offer to drive me home, opting to stay at the hospital with Emile. After hours of talking, exhaustion took its toll, and I laid my head upon Emile’s lap and slept.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Early the next morning, the waiting room began to fill with employees and members of the club. Drake and Trevor clung to one another, offering support in a poignant testament of love and commitment. Sammie smothered me with tenderness and soothing reassurance.

  A stark realization struck me as I looked around the room. We were a group of multifaceted people with one common denominator: we were a family full of unconditional love and acceptance. Not one person asked me what had happened, they simply doled out compassionate hugs and offers of everything from meals to shoulders to cry on.

  The local television reported the attempted carjacking. While some of us knew it was more sinister than what was reported, not a soul acknowledged Dennis’s previous actions or involvement with the club. Our tight-knit community was also a closed-mouth community. We were protecting our own, protecting our family.

  “Did you find your answer?” Sammie asked, brushing her long, glossy red fingernails through my hair.

  Without responding, I looked into her sparkling aqua eyes and smiled. Clasping her other hand in mine, I drew it to my lips and placed a tender kiss on both the palm and back. A soft sigh of satisfaction swirled from my lips.

  “Oh you did, girl. You most certainly did.” After flashing a broad smile, her soft lips caressed the top of my head as she squeezed me against her ample breasts. “I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it. Sometimes we get lost along the way, but those of us who find our destiny in the power exchange always wander back to the path that leads us home. For some it’s an easy transition. For others, not so much. I’m proud and happy you’re back.”

  “Me too.”

  “It wasn’t too terrible a journey now was it?”