“By the gazebo?”
“Perfect. But I have to go now. I’ll see you later.”
He exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. This was definitely a step in the right direction. All he needed was the chance to make it right, and this boded well.
He’d taken some orange juice out of the refrigerator and was pouring it into a glass when his phone rang again.
Grabbing it with his free hand and still pouring with the other, he glanced at the caller ID, but it came up number unknown. Sometimes calls from the hospital registered like that. Since he wasn’t on call this weekend, he wondered if it might not be Anna calling back from a landline to say she’d changed her mind about running this afternoon.
He pressed the talk button and held the receiver up to his ear. “You’d better not be calling to beg off.”
Silence stretched over the line. After a moment, he almost hung up because it seemed as if no one was there.
“Yes, good morning. I’m trying to reach Jake Lennox.” The voice was male, decidedly not Anna’s.
“This is he,” Jake said.
“Hello, Jake. It’s Roger James. I hope I’m not calling too early.”
Roger was Jake’s landlord. The man and his wife lived in Florida. Since Jake paid his rent on time, he rarely heard from the home owner.
“Good morning, Roger. How are you?”
The two men made small talk for a few minutes—about Jake’s career, about Roger and his wife June’s plans to travel in the years ahead.
“Which brings me to my reason for calling,” Roger said. “June and I are excited about our cruise and one of the things we’re most excited about is streamlining our responsibilities. We wanted you to be the first to know that we’re planning on putting the house you’re living in on the market. Since you’ve been such a great tenant for so long, we wanted to offer you first right of refusal. Are you interested in buying the house? Since you’ve lived there for so long, seems like you might be ready to make that commitment now.”
* * *
The park was crowded for a Sunday afternoon. Jake passed joggers and mothers pushing small children in strollers as he made his way across the grassy area to meet Anna. The weather was perfect, one of those cloudless robin’s-egg-blue-sky days that should’ve had him feeling a lot better than he was when he finally spied Anna near the gazebo.
She was dressed in running shorts and a pink tank top that hugged those curves that were so fresh in his memory. Her hair was knotted up on top of her head and her long legs looked lean, strong and tanned as she did her prerun warm-ups.
He remembered how those legs felt wrapped around him and his body responded.
“Anna,” he said, falling into sync with her as she performed lateral lunges to warm up her glutes. He did his best not to think about her glutes, and especially tried not to think about how his hands had been all over them as he pulled her body into his.
“Hey.” She virtually pulsed with tension. Was that anxiety tightening her lips? He ached to touch her and had this mad vision of kissing her until she relaxed, but he knew that would only make things worse. So he kept a respectful distance. And tried his best not to think about her glutes.
“How was work?” he asked.
“Good,” she said, going into the next sequence of stretches. Her movements were sharp and fast. Normally, she would’ve waited for him to start, maybe even stopped stretching to talk to him for a couple of minutes, but today she didn’t.
And she was giving him one-word answers. Had he missed something here? Was she mad at him?
“Thanks for making time to get together,” he said, immediately hating how he sounded so stiff and formal. For God’s sake, this wasn’t a business meeting. No, it was much more important. Thirty years of friendship was hanging in the balance here.
I mean, come on. We need to talk about this.
“Not a problem,” she shrugged.
This was ridiculous.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she said. “Just a long day...after a night rather short on sleep.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get much sleep either.”
“Why would that make me feel better?”
“Look, can we talk about this, please?”
“Jake, really, what is there to talk about?” she said.
He attempted a smile, but it didn’t quite make it. As she brushed a strand of hair off her forehead, he saw her hand was trembling.
“Anna,” he said. “Talk to me.”
She took a deep breath. “Things got a little intense last night.” She shook her head. “You were vulnerable and I was so determined to help you feel better. I’m always trying to get you to open up.” She lifted her shoulder, let it fall. “I guess I pushed it a little too far last night. Because you still won’t let me in. I mean, there’s the physical, and then there’s letting me in.”
She put her hand on her heart.
Jake shrugged, unsure what to say.
“Are you upset because I didn’t spend the whole night with you?”
Apparently that was the wrong response, because she pinned him with a look that was almost a sneer, then turned away without answering.
“I wish letting you in were that simple. I mean, I’m not purposely keeping you at arm’s length.”
“Obviously not.” She sat on the bench that was behind her and retied her shoe.
“Okay, so maybe we did get a little carried away last night. But when all is said and done, you don’t want me, Anna. I’m not the man for you. You deserve so much more than I can give you.”
“You already said that, Jake. I told you I disagree.”
Wait. What was she saying? Did she think he was the man for her?
She turned and with a quick jerk of her head, she motioned for them to start their run.
Hell, he should’ve known this was going to happen. He was such an idiot.
“You said what we did, what happened between you and me, mattered to you, too. It does matter. I can’t be that girl, Jake. The one who has casual sex with you and then goes out with someone else the next night.”
“Anna, I know that—”
“Just, please let me talk,” she said. Her voice was barely a whisper.
Jake went silent, waiting patiently, watching her.
Emotions seemed to be getting the best of her. Jake reached over and took her hand, but she pulled away, balled her hand into a fist and quickened her pace.
“Talk to me,” he said softly. “It’s me, Anna. It’s still me.”
“That’s exactly what you said last night, and you’re right—you are still you. I’d never expect you to change. You don’t want to get married. Jake, I want a family someday. I know you don’t. But I can’t be your friend with benefits, hanging around and pretending we want the same thing.”
* * *
“You may have noticed that I’m not the most experienced...woman in the world. I haven’t been with a lot of men.”
“Notice? Of course I didn’t notice. You were great. Everything last night was great, except today you’re upset and that kind of ruins everything.”
She stopped running and stood there looking at him.
“You’re only my second lover, Jake.” She stared down at their hands. He was glad because he couldn’t bear seeing the hurt in her eyes. He would never purposely hurt her for anything in the world. Not even for the best sex of his life—and what had happened between them last night was paramount.
If Hal had been her only other lover, she was a natural.
Or, Jake thought, maybe he and Anna were that good together.
God, he had to stop thinking like that. He’d caused her enough pain.
“You haven’t had a lot of experience. It’s not a big deal.” He wanted to tell her that last night had taken him to places he’d never been, but he was afraid that would sound as if he wanted them to do it again. He wanted to. Damn, how he wan
ted to—he wanted to pull her into his arms right now and show her how much he wanted her and how good they were together—but then what?
All he had to do was look into her gorgeous blue eyes and he could see the hurt. He couldn’t lead her down a dead-end path.
“You were married and faithful and that didn’t give you a lot of opportunity for experience.” And some things simply came naturally. “Plus, it’s taken a while for you to get back on the dating path.”
* * *
The dating path?
“Is that what this is?” she said dully. “The first step on the dating path?”
Her heart sank. She resumed jogging, hoping her inner anguish wasn’t showing through in her eyes. Jake picked up the pace alongside her.
Of course this was the dating path. That’s why Jake was fixing her up with his friends. If he was interested, he would’ve kept her for himself. He would’ve stayed the entire night rather than bolting like a stallion that had discovered a break in the fence.
After all, hadn’t he told her before they’d crossed that line that he was still the same old Jake? He was who he was. She realized now what he probably meant was that making love wouldn’t change him. It wasn’t supposed to change anything. She’d promised him there would be no regrets and here she was on the verge of falling apart.
Get a hold of yourself, Anna.
Get a grip, girl.
Their relationship had been built on a solid foundation of friendship. She couldn’t dig up that foundation now and replace it with a glass house. Because that’s where a friends-with-benefits relationship would live, in a glass house that was likely to shatter as soon as one of them decided to slam the door.
In a split second that she saw the shattering glass in her mind’s eye, she realized that even though she was sad, she needed to get a hold of herself and turn this around.
She had two choices: mope and lose, or cope and move on.
It wasn’t hard to choose.
“You’re right,” she said. “It has taken me a while to get back on the dating path. I’m so glad you’re okay with what happened between us and you won’t let it change anything. No regrets, right? So, we’re good, right?”
A look of relief washed over Jake’s face and he reached out and squeezed her hand, holding it tighter than he should’ve. “That’s exactly what I was hoping you would say.”
Of course it was.
“Anna, you are amazing.”
Of course she was. And if she told herself that, she might start to believe it. Because despite the cool-friend thing happening on the outside, on the inside the message that was echoing was, He doesn’t want you. How had this gone so wrong? How had she not kept herself firmly planted in reality?
Somehow, she’d miscalculated. Somehow she’d misread the signs. She’d been turned on; he’d been vulnerable after the news about Bob. She’d been there, an easy refuge to temporarily unload his sorrows.
She imagined she could still feel the weight of his body on hers, feel the way he moved inside her.
“Okay, I’m glad we got that settled.” Her voice was brisk. “I should get going, really.”
“Anna? Are you okay?”
She was so pathetic that she thought for a moment she saw a flicker of worry flash in his eyes.
Well, Jake, you can’t have it both ways.
But then it hit her; maybe it wasn’t worry as much as it was pity.
Had it really come to this?
No. She wouldn’t let it.
Jake Lennox might not be able to love her the way she wanted him to. But if it was the last thing she did, she’d make darn sure he didn’t pity her.
“Of course. I told you. I’m fine. We’re fine. No regrets.”
She forced a smile, despite the fact that all she could think about was escaping to her house only a few blocks away. If she could get away from him and inside, she’d be okay.
“You don’t look fine.”
She conjured another smile. This one felt too big. “I told you I’m fine.” Liar, liar, pants on fire. “I’m glad we’re fine. But really, I need to go. I’m sure we both have things to do.”
She knew she was smiling a little too widely and a very tiny part of her that she didn’t want to acknowledge hoped Jake would see that she was so not okay, that she was drowning in it, actually. She’d fallen backward down a black hole that negated everything she wanted, and all that was left was this Cheshire cat smile and this need to run. God, she had to get out of there. Get somewhere she could think and make everything inside her feel right again. Because if she didn’t, nothing in her world would be right.
Jake looked just as uncertain as she felt.
“Can I share something before we leave?”
Anna nodded.
“My landlord, Roger James, called me this morning. He’s putting the house on the market. He gave me first right of refusal. What do you think about that?”
“What I think doesn’t really matter,” she said. “What do you think? Are you going to buy it? Plant roots?”
He shrugged and offered her a smile that wasn’t really a smile.
“Who knows? Though I guess I need to figure it out pretty soon. Roger needs an answer soon. I’ve spent a lot of good years in that house. I’ve got my boat and a place to dock it. Where would everyone spend the Fourth of July?”
His smile was wistful.
“So what’s the problem?” Anna asked. She hadn’t meant to sound like such a witch.
“I haven’t bought the place because I never intended to stay in Celebration. Not this long. But here I am. All these years have gone by...what am I doing?”
Anna felt her insides go soft. He was hurting and maybe she was being too hard on him. He’d lost a good friend, his home was being sold and last night they’d managed to jumble the only thing that made sense in either of their lives. She needed to cut him some slack, even if her own heart was breaking.
“Why are you always so hard on yourself? Look at all you’ve done. Not only do you have a good job, but you’re in line for a promotion at the hospital. You’re a valuable part of this community and you have friends who adore you.”
She stopped short of saying, “And you have more women after you than you know what to do with.” Clearly, he knew what to do with women.
“It’s unexpected. I guess I just need some time to think about it. Buying a house is a big step.”
“Maybe if you’re eighteen.”
Jake winced.
God, shut up, Anna. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
She bit her bottom lip to keep another snarky-sounding comment from slipping out.
“You’re right. I’m thirty-four years old. I guess symbolically...buying this house feels like...” His voice trailed off and she gave him a couple of beats for him to finish the sentence, but he didn’t.
So, she finished it for him. “Commitment?”
His eyes got large, like she’d just uttered the name “Bloody Mary” three times or spouted some other unmentionable.
“Touché,” he finally answered.
Way to go, Anna. You made your point. Are you happy now?
She needed to leave so she could get herself together. Taking snipes at him, especially when he was clearly feeling bad about everything, wouldn’t do anyone any good.
Besides, she’d been steering them toward her car, which was along the side of the park. Now they were there.
“Well, this is me,” she said, pointing to her yellow VW Beetle. “I need to go. I have to be somewhere.”
She clicked the key fob and heard the locks tumble. As if she didn’t feel like enough of a heel for the way she was acting, Jake reached out and opened the car door for her. Why did he have to be nice when she was trying so hard to hate him right now?
Well, not hate. That wasn’t the right word. She could never hate him.
In fact, what she was trying to feel was exactly the opposite...she was desperately trying
not to fall in love with Jake Lennox.
“Thank you,” she murmured as she slid behind the wheel.
He closed the door and she rolled down the window.
“I’m sure they don’t need an answer tonight,” she said. “Take some time to think about it. But, Jake, try not to overthink it. Just go with your gut.”
He reached through the window and put his hand on her arm, snagging her gaze.
“You’re right,” he said. “I think we both need to stop overthinking things.”
She watched him walk away. Damn him for being such a fine, fine man. And not just on the outside, but also inside.
She sat in the car for what felt like ages, long after Jake had disappeared from her line of sight, alternately feeling like an ogre and perfectly justified for pushing him away. This was exactly why friends didn’t cross that line. It rendered things awkward and confusing. Despite how they’d promised each other that it would change nothing—that there would be no regrets—it had changed everything.
She needed to talk to someone who could help her put things into perspective.
She took her phone out of her glove box and texted her sister.
Need to talk to you.
Call me? Emily responded.
I’d rather talk in person.
Everything okay?
Anna didn’t want to open the conversation over text. So, she answered with the only word that seemed to fit without going into detail.
Meh.
Is this about a guy?
Emily was so good at reading her.
Maybe.
I thought so. What are you waiting for? Get over here.
On my way.
Emily lived in an apartment just north of downtown. Anna arrived there in less than ten minutes and that was only because she hit every red light between the park and her sister’s place.
When Emily answered the door she handed Anna a steaming mug of Earl Grey. Normally, Anna would’ve preferred iced water on a day like today, but hot tea was the sisters’ ritual—just like she and Jake had the Sadness Intervention Dance.
Had was the operative word.
Anna’s heart hurt at the thought of it. When they made each other sad, who was supposed to intervene with the dance now?
How to Marry a Doctor (Celebrations, Inc.) Page 12
