* * *
Had Hal been right? Had she been in love with Jake all along but just hadn’t realized it?
Because Anna had never felt fireworks the likes of which she’d just experienced with Jake.
Her body still thrummed.
She lay with Jake in her bed for what seemed like hours, lost in the rhythm of his breathing. He was sleeping on his stomach with one arm thrown protectively over her middle, sacked out, sound asleep. Anna lay there frozen, the realization of what had just happened taking on gargantuan proportions in her brain.
Now what?
Looking back, she knew they’d been on a trajectory for what had happened tonight ever since Jake had come to San Antonio to rescue her. He’d packed her up, moved her back to Celebration. Now they’d crossed that line and she feared her worst nightmare might be waiting to jump out at her with dawn’s first glimmer: that everything would be different now between Jake and her. That Hal had been right all along.
Had he somehow hit on something to which Anna had been so clueless? Or worse, had she simply been in denial all these years? She’d always prided herself on knowing herself—who she was, what she wanted and how to get it. She’d always known what was real.
How was it that she was here with Jake, feeling this dichotomy of emotions? She wanted to be here, there was no doubt about that. But should she be here? That was the question that turned everything on its axis.
She shifted her body so she could turn her head to the right and look at him as he slept. Jake’s face was inches from hers. He was sleeping soundly, the sleep of the innocent, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Based on the pleasant look on his features, he might open his eyes and smile at her and tell her this thing that had happened between them was good. Hell, it wasn’t just good; it was great. They were great together.
But one other thing Anna knew about herself was that she was a realist. She never kidded herself about important matters. She may have been the last to know about Hal’s affair, but once she’d learned the truth—saw the proof in black-and-white in front of her eyes on that computer screen—not once had she tried to pretend it was anything else other than what it was: betrayal.
So, now, as she lay here watching this beautiful man—this man who was her best friend, this man who was Jake—sleep with his arm thrown over her middle, she knew she couldn’t ignore the truth: life as they’d known it had just irreparably changed.
A swarm of butterflies unfurled in her stomach, but she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do about them.
* * *
It took Jake a couple of seconds to remember where he was when he opened his eyes. He rolled over onto his elbow and saw Anna. He was with her. In her bed. She was sleeping peacefully beside him.
And it all came back to him.
He’d fallen asleep, but he wasn’t sure how long he’d been out.
He glanced around the room and located a digital alarm clock that glowed cobalt blue in the darkness.
Five minutes until four. In the morning.
Awareness of her sleep-warmed, naked body so close woke every one of his senses. He fought the urge to move closer, pull her to him and make love to her again. God, how he wanted to, but—
God, if he didn’t know what was good for him—or maybe he should focus on how bad it would be for him...for them—he’d give in to this weakness and stay right here next to her.
But he couldn’t.
He should leave now before the sun came up and he and Anna were forced into saying awkward good-mornings and goodbyes. He gently eased himself off the bed, moving slowly so as not to wake her. He gathered his clothes and went out to the hall bathroom where he dressed.
When he stepped back out into the hall, he saw Anna clad in a robe and framed in her bedroom doorway.
“Where are you going?” Her voice sounded small.
“I was going home.”
“You don’t have to leave.” His arm settled around her middle again and he nuzzled his nose into her neck.
“Anna... I have to go.”
Oh, hell. This was the awkward moment he’d dreaded.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. Fine. Great, I mean.”
Liar.
“Jake? Were you just going to leave without waking me?”
“Why would I wake you?” He knew she had to work in a few hours. She might have a hard time falling back asleep.
The look on her face was equal parts horror and disbelief. Obviously, he hadn’t given the right answer. Crap.
“No regrets, right?”
That’s what they’d promised each other. Now he wondered if in the heat of the moment she’d meant it, but now she was having second thoughts.
He cared about her.
He thought those protective feelings would edge out any possibility of regret. Kissing her had certainly erased the word regret from his vocabulary. Now, not only was the word back, but it seemed to be swimming in his blood. Yet he had no choice but to keep his word or risk ruining everything. In the moment, he’d had no idea that it would be so difficult to have no regrets.
She just stood there, blinking at him with sleepy eyes, clutching the lapels of her robe. She looked as if she wanted to shove the word regret up his left nostril.
“I didn’t wake you because I know you’re on the schedule tomorrow—er, later today—and think about how everyone will talk if you show up looking sleep-deprived.”
She was still doing that frown-squint thing.
“I guess they wouldn’t necessarily know I’d spent the night with you,” he said.
He was trying to be funny. But somehow his words were making it worse. They sounded like excuses...that were full of regret. But for a fraction of a second, a traitorous part of him wanted to take her back to bed and show her the meaning of “no regrets.”
Instead, he raked his hand through his hair as he stared toward the door.
Regret, the bastard, wasn’t so easy for him to ignore either.
* * *
Standing there watching Jake walk toward the door, Anna felt very naked and exposed, and not just in the physical sense. But now was a heck of a time to worry about that, wasn’t it?
Don’t make this any weirder than it has to be.
Don’t look back, only forward. Because if you’re not going to let this one night of indiscretion ruin a perfectly good friendship, you’re going to have to leave it in the past.
As she watched him walk away, she tried not to wonder if he’d ever spent the entire night with Miss Texas. How in the world could she have left without her underwear? And why did it feel as if she were the one doing the walk of shame?
“Will you at least let me make you some coffee?” she asked. “It will only take a few seconds.”
He turned back to her, his hand on the front doorknob. “No. Thanks, though. You should go back to bed and get a little more sleep before work.”
Sleep? Was he serious?
She glanced around her living room to keep from looking at him. Anywhere but him. Funny, how her own house could look both familiar and foreign at the same time. Would everything look different now that this had happened?
“I intend to,” she said. But suddenly she was tired of tiptoeing around the crux of the matter. “Jake. We don’t have to talk about this now, but we both know this shouldn’t have happened. What were we thinking? No, just—”
She gave her head a little shake and held up her hand to indicate she didn’t want him to answer that. Not right now.
She found the courage to hold his gaze, wanting to make sure he understood the gist of what she meant.
He nodded. “I need to go. Let’s talk later. After we’re both rested and thinking with clearer heads.”
Her heart lurched madly, but then it settled into a still ache beneath her breastbone.
He already had the front door open, but he stopped in the threshold and turned around. She wasn’t prepared for the pain she saw in his blue eyes.
>
“Anna, it’s still me. We are still us. Let’s not let anything change that, okay?”
That’s exactly the point.
Jake was still Jake—the man who grew tired of lovers after a few months.
They were still them—chums who should’ve left well enough alone, keeping relations firmly in the friend zone.
When he stepped outside, he lingered on the porch and Anna moved to the door, unsure about whether she should give him a goodbye hug as she always used to do...or a kiss?
No, definitely not a kiss.
And apparently not a hug either, since he was already making his way down the stairs. The reality of this mess made her heart hurt.
Trying not to think about it, she gazed out the front door at her neighborhood bathed in the inky predawn. She didn’t see it like this very often: still and peaceful, and, besides Jake, not a soul in sight.
Across the street, there was a basketball hoop on a stand. It stood like a sentry along the side of the driveway. In the manicured yard of the house to the right of that, kids’ toys lay lifeless and untouched. In the distance, someone had left a porch light on. As Jake walked to his car, Anna inhaled a deep breath and smelled the scent of late-night laundry that lingered in the air. Fabric softener perfumed the muggy summertime air.
This was her life, not Jake’s. Mr. Don’t-Fence-Me-In would be an anomaly in this cozy, family-oriented neighborhood. He didn’t want a wife to tie him down or kids who would complicate his bachelor lifestyle. He didn’t even own his own house because he was still convinced that he would be leaving Celebration for bigger and better things in the future. Even if he got the chief hospitalist position, it didn’t mean he would stay. In fact, he could parlay it into a better position elsewhere.
If Anna fell in love with him, she was doomed. He would never marry her and that meant—well, that meant he could break her heart. She’d been there, done that. She’d let Hal break her heart. She wasn’t opening herself up to that kind of hurt again.
So that was that. End of story.
They’d made a mistake. Now it was time to salvage what was left.
They both just needed some space.
The car chirped and she could hear the locks disengage. The sound seemed to echo in the still of the night.
Before he got into the car, he repeated, “No regrets, right?”
“I know, Jake. Good night.”
Chapter Nine
In less than twelve hours, Jake’s life had gone to hell.
First, the news about Bob Gibson’s death and then the ridiculous stunt with Anna. Word of Bob’s death had come as such a shock—he’d looked fine last week. Sure, maybe he was moving a little slower than he had in the past, but everyone slowed down. How could it be that a person was on this earth and seemingly fine one minute and then the next minute...they were gone?
He’d turned to Anna for comfort. Because sometimes—most of the time—she felt like the only thing in his life that was real and solid and true. Now, he might have screwed that up, too.
He knew he’d been playing with fire when they’d kissed the first time. Then, not only had he kissed her again, but he’d ended up in her bed.
Three strikes and you’re out.
But just as with the first time they’d kissed, attraction seemed to take over. When the magnet of her pulled at the steel in him, resisting seemed futile—for both of them.
Man up. When have you ever not been in control?
Maybe that’s what scared him the most.
When had this change in the chemistry between them happened? Growing up, they’d edged close to that line once, but they’d decided right away that they made more sense as friends. Then they’d each gone away to separate colleges and it always seemed like one or the other of them was involved. Then Anna met Hal, married him and moved away. That had seemingly sealed their fate—even if they hadn’t been consciously aware of it. After all, they’d been away from each other for the past ten years—four years of college and six years that encompassed Anna’s marriage, separation and eventual divorce.
Now that she was free and back in Celebration, she was the same Anna he’d loved his whole life. Yet even thinking about the platonic love he’d had for her his whole life, everything had felt different in the weeks that she’d been back.
For a crazy split second, Jake wondered if he’d dodged long-lasting commitment with the women he’d dated because he’d been waiting for Anna. But the thought was ridiculous. How could he have been waiting for her when she was already married?
He shook off the absurd notion.
Thoughts like that were pinging around in his head, keeping Jake awake long after he’d gotten home. He’d lain there in his cold, empty bed, tossing and turning, feeling the phantom touch of her on his skin, smelling her and alternating between mentally flogging himself for jeopardizing his relationship with the most important person in his life and trying to digest the reality of Bob’s death.
His mentor was gone. Anna was upset.
And rightfully so. What the hell was wrong with him?
If anyone else had tried to take advantage of Anna that way, they would’ve had hell to pay. Jake would’ve made sure.
After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, he’d showered, made a pot of coffee and dragged himself out to the dock for some fresh air. As the sun overtook the lifeless, gray sky, bringing it to life in a blaze of variegated splendor, the lake shone like pieces of a broken mirror reflecting his misery back at him.
So, what now? He still hadn’t found the answers he was seeking. Everything was still as messed up and disjointed as it had been since he’d walked out the door of Anna’s house this morning. She deserved more than he could offer, more than one night as friends with benefits. Because even if he wanted to try to give her more, he just couldn’t trust himself for the long haul.
He’d been a product of a broken marriage. He’d been led through his parents’ maze of lies—his mother leaving, but shouldering all the blame, his father turning out to not be the man Jake had thought he had been all those years. Hell, for his entire life.
Marriage had taken something good and drained all the life out of it. Even though it might’ve seemed as if he were copping out on Anna by taking this stance, she would thank him in the long run. She still believed in happily-ever-after and he’d damn sure see that she got nothing less.
He would make things right between them.
Somehow he would make things right.
Judging from where the sun was sitting in the eastern sky, it had to be well after eight o’clock. He needed to quit brooding and get up and do something constructive with his Sunday. Since Anna was working today, he’d see if she was free for dinner tonight. Then he’d check on flights back to New Orleans for Bob’s funeral.
As he walked from the dock through the yard, he surveyed the evidence of last night’s party: the canopy was still up, tables and chairs needed to be put away and there were still a few stray beer bottles. Not that he was complaining; he was grateful that someone had stepped in and done the majority of the cleanup...while he’d been with Anna.
And damn if she hadn’t fit perfectly in his arms.
At that moment he hadn’t given a rat’s ass about anything else. She was the one person in the world who’d always been there for him—even across the miles and years, during the time they’d been apart. She’d never let him down.
Now, he had a sinking feeling he’d let her down in the worst way. He needed to talk to her and make sure she was okay. Because he wouldn’t be okay until he knew she was.
Jake grabbed a couple of empty bottles that were in his path and threw them into the recycling bin that sat just outside the back door. He’d clean up the rest later, but now, he needed to talk to Anna.
He let himself in the back door of his house and found his phone on the kitchen counter. He started to text her, but he thought a voice mail might be better. Texts were so impersonal. Meaning and intention coul
d get lost or misconstrued.
He clicked over to his phone’s keypad and dialed Anna’s number. He didn’t expect her to pick up since she was working, and he was in the middle of composing a message when Anna answered.
“Jake?”
It took him a beat or two, but he pulled his thoughts together.
Keep it light. Keep it upbeat.
“Hey, stranger. I was calling to leave you a message, but I’m glad you picked up. What do you say to dinner tonight? I’ll cook for us.”
There was a pause on the line that stretched on a little longer than it should’ve.
“That sounds great, but I can’t tonight. I’m busy. Besides, you don’t owe me a consolation dinner, Jake. Really, you don’t.”
He leaned his hip against the kitchen counter, trying to decide if she was joking. He detected a hint of truth in her words.
Busy? As in a date?
Despite how badly he wanted to know, he wasn’t about to ask her.
“What a coincidence, because I hadn’t planned one single bite of consolation on tonight’s menu. How about a rain check?”
She laughed and he was so relieved to hear that sound he closed his eyes for a moment to savor it.
“Yes, of course. That would be great. But, hey, I’m going for a run this afternoon after I get home from work.” Her voice was soft and she sounded a little vulnerable. “You can join me if you want. Unless you’re busy.”
“You just turned down my invite to dinner. Of course I’m not busy.
“We can run and then I’ll fix dinner for us. Consolation-free, you have my word,” he said. “How can you say no?”
She was quiet for longer than she should’ve been and that made Jake uncomfortable.
“Oh, come on, Anna. Don’t make me come to the hospital to do the Sadness Intervention Dance. Because I will. It will be humiliating as hell, but I will march right up there to the third floor and dance in front of the nurses’ station. Then you’ll get to explain it to Patty and Marissa.”
“Look, I really do have plans later this evening, but come run with me. We need to talk. Meet me downtown in the park at four o’clock.”
How to Marry a Doctor (Celebrations, Inc.) Page 11
