The Decimation of Mae (The Blue Butterfly)

by Sidebottom, D H

  I lifted my eyes to his when his words seemed to get stuck in his throat.

  “It’s okay. Ask.”

  Wariness crossed his handsome face, darkening his eyes as he studied me intently. I knew he was trying to read my mood as the conversation steered into dangerous ground. “I take it Connie was very close to your father.”

  His statement told me exactly how much information he had gained, the rest of it I wasn’t so sure. “How much do you know?”

  He held my eyes, showing me that he had no guilt over the knowledge. “A little. The reason she took her own life I mainly guessed, but it’s quite common knowledge that it was due to the fact she lost herself with the death of your father.”

  I nodded sadly, tears pricking my eyes as my past once more found a way to hurt me. “Yes.” It was all I could answer with but he already knew there was nothing more I could tell him.

  “You refrained from following her. Were you never tempted to take the route your family took?”

  “My parents didn’t die on purpose,” I snapped.

  “I know, Mae. Calm down, I’m just asking if you ever wanted to take your own life like your sister did. That is all.”

  I locked eyes with him, making him see me as I answered him honestly. “All the damn time. I tried many times but I’m Mae Swift, I struggle to even do that right. Many bodge jobs brought on the wrath of social services and numerous therapists. You have no idea how many times I tried to take the same way out as Connie, yet here I am. Waiting for the end with you.”

  He narrowed his eyes, his pupils darkening to onyx, the heat behind them blazing. “You need to understand that when the time comes, you won’t be with me, Mae. You will be in the care of your new Master.”

  “What?” I reared back causing his hands to drop from me. “How soon?”

  He didn’t answer as he took hold of my hand and led me back over to our booth in the corner. He nodded to the waitress to bring us more drinks before he urged me into the seat and slid in beside me, trapping me securely between him and the wall.

  He turned in the seat to face me. “A month. It all depends on how your progression goes.”

  “Progression? What progression?”

  He sighed, pausing when the waitress brought our refills. “I have absolutely no idea why I’m telling you this, lamb.” He hesitated and for a moment and I thought he might have changed his mind about being open but he carried on. “You and other stock are due for auction before six weeks’ time.”

  I swallowed back the nausea that threatened to make a fool out of me in the middle of the club. “Other stock?”

  “Yes, I told you before; there are others under my guidance.”

  I stared at him, gauging his mood and weighing up how far I could go with him. “Are the… others in the house with us?”

  He blinked at me, his eyes fixed intensely on me so he could read me. I had nothing to hide, he could interpret my reactions whichever way he wanted to. “Just one other. I only take on two per course.”

  “Course?”

  He nodded. “Yes. That’s what I do in a certain way. Provide education to subjects that are somewhat… taboo.”

  “You teach slavery.”

  He smiled wickedly, his eyes glistening in the many different coloured lights bouncing around us. “In a way but I prefer to call it ‘pain acceptance’.”

  “What the…” I ran my tongue over the inside of my cheek to put a stop on the flurry of swear words that were threatening to erupt. I leaned forward, shuffling my bottom round so I could face him. “Forgive me for being so… inquisitive, Master but…”

  He nodded when I paused and bit into my lip. I wanted the answers to so many questions but I was also wary of how he would interpret my probing. “Go on. We’re here not as teacher and pupil. I’ve brought you because it was your request. Although you think I’m a monster, Mae, you may also not be aware that monsters have hearts like the rest of the animals on this planet.”

  I stared at him. “So you admit you’re a monster?”

  He laughed loudly, his whole face lighting up. “I’ve never denied the fact, my darling.”

  His endearment seemed to slither around me until it crept into my heart forbiddingly. I shouldn’t allow him to use his manipulation, because of course that’s all it was. But the way he was, the way his own unique personality demanded that I pay attention didn’t allow me to do anything else but let him inside.

  “I always thought monsters didn’t possess empathy.”

  His eyes narrowed when he caught the bitter tone in my voice. “And just how many monsters have you come across, Mae?”

  “I’m quite sure more than you have.”

  “And you know that for a fact do you? You never question or inquire of other people’s lives. You just assume, Mae Swift and that is where you make your first downfall. You should never presume but always read the truths from the lies.”

  “Your lies drown the truth, Master. How do you expect me to decipher between the two?”

  He leaned even further until his face was directly in front of mine, the alcohol on his breath mixing with my own as we created our own unique cocktail of air. “I have never lied to you.” His truth hit me forcefully. He was correct, he had never lied to me but that still didn’t make him an honest person; far from it. “If anyone here is untruthful then that would be you, lamb. You are never honest with yourself, never mind with me.”

  “Really?” I downed my fresh drink, savouring the heat that hit my belly and the fluffiness that curled around my brain. I’d had far too many drinks and in the company that I had, I knew it could be a dangerous thing. “And where are my dishonesties, Master? I can’t recall lying to you.”

  He watched me for a while, his face impassive but his eyes suddenly sad and painful. “You tell me you’re not scared of death, Mae. That you are waiting expectantly for it. But I see the truth, I see how very scared you are, how you wish life had been different. You won’t accept this life you were given. You blame God, others, maybe even your parents for how your life has turned out.”

  “You arrogant bas…” I took a calming breath when his face darkened with my outburst and turned to him angrily. “You know nothing about me, Master. If you did, you would know that right at the moment death takes me I will be applauding along with every other damn person on this planet.”

  I flinched when his palm slid over my cheek. I didn’t realise a tear had fallen until he wiped it away with his thumb. He removed his hand and looked down at his fingers as he gently slid the drop between his thumb and forefinger. “You see, lamb. This little drop of your pain tells me that although it’s singular, it’s very potent. It contains every single ounce of despair that is churning up inside you. It tells me you fight against the pain when you should be accepting it and letting other tears follow. Holding onto grief is suicide. It never soothes, it tears you apart until you become twisted, morphed into a slice of horror that even the devil would refuse to condone.”

  “No.” Grieving helped nothing but pain, the only thing it helped was self-pity and heartache and I for one would stubbornly refuse to allow it to overrule me.

  He sighed and shook his head. “Great night out, lamb. You are the life of the party.”

  My eyes widened on him before the laughter burst from my mouth. “Well, you’re just the perfect date, Master. You haven’t even fed me.” I nudged him with my elbow and winked, grateful for his change of conversation.

  He slapped his hand on his chest and smiled widely. “Well forgive me, my darling. How very rude of me. What would you like?”

  I giggled and smirked at him. “Do you know what I really fancy?” He quirked an eyebrow. “Chips with tons and tons of salt and vinegar to eat on the walk back to your house.”

  “My house?”

  “Yeah, why are we going somewhere else?”

  He leaned back in the seat and smiled at me. “No. If you had the choice of going anywhere before you die, where would you like
to go?”

  “That’s easy.” I smiled sadly, pulling in a fortifying breath as I stared at the remainder of pink liquid in the bottom of my glass. “The beach.”

  “Any beach?” His stare triggered goose bumps to flare over my skin. It was too searching, his desire to see inside of me simply terrifying. There was only ever me that knew what happened inside my head and I refused to let anyone else see that part of me.

  “Yes. It was just something I always did with my parents and Connie. We would visit the beach regularly.” I shrugged as heat flamed my cheeks. “It’s just me, something…”

  “I understand.” His smile was soft but it gave away another side of him, one I thought he didn’t possess. “Come on.” He slid out of the booth and held out his hand for me. “Let’s fill that belly with greasy chips.”

  “You don’t like chips?” I asked as I placed my hand in his.

  “No. I find them too heavy.”

  I rolled my eyes at him, laughing. “Have you ever lived? You’re way too serious.”

  We crossed the dance floor as we made our way out of the building. Just as I was about to step off the wooden floor, a random man took hold of my waist and swung me around to him. He smiled widely as he started to press against me and sway in time to the music. My hand dropped from Master’s as he pulled me further against him.

  He smiled widely as the loud music and atmosphere in the room manipulated us. The Jackson’s, Can You Feel It played deafeningly around us, the beat in the song enlivening the part of me that wanted to dance. His grip on my hips was strong as he forced me around until his groin pressed against my lower back.

  “I love this song,” he shouted in my ear. “Move with me, baby.”

  I laughed and let it flow. It was good to dance with someone who owned the music as I did, another person feeling the beat in his soul.

  The whole of the floor moved with us, every single person feeling the song take over as we all moved with the DJ, The Jackson’s demanding that we give in to their brilliant ability to own you with music.

  I stumbled slightly as I leant back and my dance partner disappeared. However, just as I was about to turn around, different large hands slid around me until I was pulled back into a firm wall of muscle. Fingers splayed over the slight roundness of my tummy, a strong chest supported the weight of my back and a large erection pulsed against my bottom.

  I hated the way my body reacted instantly to him, the throb in my lower belly matching the pulse in my pussy. My chest heaved as my nipples hardened with need and blood surged into my brain making me lightheaded and woozy.

  “Your body demands to be owned, lamb. The way it moves claims every man’s attention in this room.” The way his hot breath whispered over my ear made me wonder what it would feel like to have his mouth between my thighs, how it would empower me to have him taste my pleasure.

  “There’s something wrong with me.”

  I didn’t realise I had openly voiced the statement until Master spoke quietly in my ear. “Because you desire me?”

  “Yes.” It was a whisper but an honest whisper. “I hate the way you manipulate me, Master. It confuses me, makes my mind argue with my body.”

  I closed my eyes and groaned when he started to grind his heavy cock into the crease of my arse, the thin dress I had chosen to wear providing little barrier between us. “Oh, God.”

  His breathing deepened, the current of hot air over my ear heavier but slower. His hands made their way upwards until they were spread over my ribs. His hold on me was tight, entrapping me between his body and his hands. I felt like his possession, his property, but what frightened me more was his ability to make me feel there was no one else in the room with us, just him and me. My body betrayed me, causing a horrific confliction between sensation and reality.

  I was his hostage, his plaything, yet suddenly and somewhat insanely I wanted to be his toy, the pawn in his sick game. I wanted to be controlled and used to his satisfaction. I wanted him to take me and mould me into something he wanted me to be. I needed him to put a stop to this need in me but I also wanted him to encourage the dark side of me. I had never been so at odds with different sides of me as I was then.

  I turned in his arms. “Why do you do this to me?” I needed to see the truth in his answer as well as feel it.

  “I do nothing, Mae. Your reaction is all you, my darling. It’s the part of you that is hidden, another of your lies that you refuse to accept. You crave this darkness. I knew as soon as I saw your reaction to the situation I put you in that it was locked deep inside you. I just so happen to possess the key that has unlocked the kink inside you.”

  “There is no kink inside me. I choose to think it’s inexperience. How you could ever think that I condone this situation you have thrust upon me is beyond me.”

  We still moved to the music, our bodies locked together, twisted into one moving entity. “I’m not saying you condone it. However answer me one question truthfully and then I’ll let this… this connection between us go.”

  I stared at him, worried about what his question would be, but I eventually nodded. I promised myself to answer as truthfully as I could, more for my benefit than his. I needed to understand the part of me that he awoke.

  “How arousing is pain?”

  I swallowed, dropping my gaze from his. The answer was already formed in my head. It was already something I often subconsciously asked myself. He was just the one to actually voice the question.

  “Be honest with yourself, not just me. Accept that part of you, Mae. But let me make one thing clear. I can bring that side of you to life. I have the ability to pull out your desire and free it from you. I am the very person who can allow you to find comfort in the one thing you need, give you the light you crave from the dark.”

  “I don’t…”

  “Don’t lie to yourself, lamb.” His eyes were hard as one of his hands spread across the nape of my neck and the other slid into my hair, his fingers twisting the roots into his fist, making me gasp. I chose to ignore the deep throb that developed inside me. He didn’t speak for the longest time, just kept me in his harsh grip and pierced me with those damn hypnotising eyes.

  “I don’t understand how you can have this effect on me when I hate you.” I was as honest as I could be but also anxious at how he would react to my straightforwardness.

  He smiled slightly giving me a reprieve over the worry I held. “You don’t have to like somebody for them to arouse you, lamb. Your reaction to me is just how nature intended us to procreate.”

  “The way I feel about you is far from natural.”

  He smirked. “Let’s experiment shall we?”

  “What exactly do you have in mind?”

  He shook his head and took hold of my hand once again. “Not yet, lamb. First we go get you some of those chips you desire.”

  I allowed him to lead me out. I was too nervous to refuse his possessive hold. He seemed to seethe at anyone who looked at me or stood in my path as they silently asked me to dance with them. I frowned at them all; my scar usually scared them off.

  “They’re not repulsed by me,” I stated as Master tilted his head questioningly when he saw my confused look.

  “Why would they be repulsed by you?”

  “My scar.”

  He rolled his eyes in frustration. “I’ve told you, it’s only you who sees it as it is. You are still you, Mae. People in this room just see another partier, another much like themselves who likes to let go to the music for a while.”

  “No,” I answered over the music. “I can promise not all people are like that.”

  “If you’re referring to the scum on your estate, then I can tell you honestly that they only see what their personalities want them to see. They see the sadness inside you and react to it, therefore boosting their own confidence with your anxiety.”

  “How do you know how I’m treated at home?”

  We managed to push through the door and onto the street before any m
ore revellers stopped us. The cold wind bit at me, generating a deep shudder through me. Master pulled me closer to him. “I told you. You have been on my radar for three years. I make it my business to know about you, especially as you were chosen for education.”

  “Chosen?”

  He flicked a glance my way and sighed irritably. “Enough!”

  My footing stuttered as I came to an abrupt stop, angered by his sudden barked order. “What? I think I deserve an explanation to why this is all happening. Who chose me? Was it you? Did I fit the bill as to what kind of human being you like to twist and morph into something your sick desires want?”

  I had been chosen. How the hell he hadn’t expected my anger by that notion I had no idea.

  He dropped my hand and stormed ahead but my stubborn side refused to allow him to hide from me. I scurried beside him, my heels clacking loudly on the pavement in my haste to keep up with him. His strong wide steps were as furious as he was, anger rolling off him as each foot thudded loudly on the concrete.

  “Come on, Master. I deserve an explanation.”

  People were starting to stare at us, me chasing after a huge guy, furiously barking questions at him as he chose to ignore me and just concentrate on his rage. I should have noticed the wrath simmering beneath his calm exterior. Maybe I did, but I refused to allow it to scare me out of pursuing answers. I deserved them, it was my life after all, and I needed to understand why I no longer owned myself or had a choice in how the rest of it would be played out.

  “Answer me, damn you. Who the hell chose me? It wasn’t you, was it?”

  His fingers dug into my upper arm as he dragged me down an alley, darkness and shadows seeping deeper around us the further down the alley we went. I didn’t see the danger; my fury was too intense to see anything else.

  “You tell me, Daniel. TELL ME!”

  His hand covered my mouth, cutting off my words and my oxygen supply as he slid his palm over my mouth and my nose.

  “I suggest you calm down, lamb. I am so close to cutting your throat right now, but if I’m honest, the only reason I won’t is because a clean-up down an alley would be somewhat irritating.”