Sweet Satisfaction

by Violet Paige

  There hadn’t been time. Between severing ties with Jake, losing Luke, and preparing for the show with Helena I didn’t have time to vet and interview new managers .

  Before he could shuttle me inside, a microphone was shoved in my face .

  “Lexi, what do you want to tell your fans about the accusations? Do you think it’s going to affect your chances tonight to take home an award ?”

  I turned to my guide, indicating I was going to stop whether or not he liked it .

  “Hi.” I grinned sweetly. “I’m so happy for my fan support. I’ve felt so much love this week. Really, I can’t thank them enough .”

  Years of working alongside Jake had prepared me for these kinds of questions .

  The truth was my accounts were filled with nasty words like whore , slut , and hooker . I had been overwhelmed with venom and hate. It took everything I had to get out of bed. Helena had convinced me to stop reading the nastiness .

  “And the awards?” the reporter pressed .

  “Oh, I’m not even thinking about that,” I lied. “It is an honor to be nominated, and I just loving being here to celebrate country music with my friends .”

  I felt a tap on my elbow and I knew I had to get inside or be carried .

  “Thank you .”

  I ducked inside and faced a crowd of my peers .

  “I can find my own seat.” I told the representative. “Thank you.” I tried to be gracious, but he was overbearing. “Unless you want to walk with me to the ladies’ room?” I suggested .

  He took the hint and walked back outside. I doubted there were any other artists here who caused the kind of image problems I did, but someone always showed up drunk, and you could count on at least one couple to have a major fight in the limo before the car door opened. It was standard award show activity .

  “Olivia.”

  I waved to one of the first artists I ever toured with. Olivia Jones was one of the biggest headliners when I started in the business. I hadn’t seen her since we did a holiday concert together last year. I crossed the lobby to give her a hug, but before I got to her she had already stepped inside the theater .

  I bit my lip, trying to convince myself she hadn’t seen me .

  But after the next three artists snubbed me, I couldn’t pretend any longer. I wasn’t welcome here .

  The lights flickered and everyone squeezed through the doors to find their seats. I hesitated. If I left, no one would care. They would find a seat filler for me. Someone like Olivia would say I wasn’t able to make it to accept my award. But screw that. I was stronger than what they thought they knew about me .

  I had a song to perform tonight .

  I had awards to collect .

  I had an image to rebuild, and I wasn’t going to start that by running away. I didn’t know if Luke was in my life anymore, but he had taught me that strength wasn’t sporadic. It wasn’t a convenience you could turn on and off. It was a part of my DNA .

  The Lexi Wilde that clawed her way to the top was going to dig her boots in and stay .

  Thirty-Four

  Luke

  I heard an obnoxious pounding sound coming from the foyer. I opened one eye and then another. I looked down at the empty bottle of bourbon on the floor. It was at least the third one. Fuck. My head hurt .

  I heard it again. Someone was at the front door .

  I pushed myself off the couch, stumbling to the door. I opened it .

  Alexa was on the porch, dressed in a long beaded gown that hugged her hips and dipped between her breasts .

  For a second I had forgotten that she had betrayed me. That we were no longer together. I saw her and my instinct was to pull her in my arms and kiss every inch of her skin. And then I remembered .

  “What are you doing here?” I growled .

  “If this is the only way I can get you to talk to me, I had to at least try .”

  “I don’t want to talk .”

  I stumbled back .

  “Are you drunk?” Her eyes widened .

  “Fuck yeah. You have a problem with that ?”

  “Is this my fault? Have you been drinking for two days? I called Linc and he said you had a cold. This isn’t a cold. This is stupid .”

  “Go back to Nashville, Alexa.” I started to close the door in her face, but her palm slammed on my initials .

  “No. You are going to hear me out, Luke .”

  She busted past the loose hold I had on the double doors and marched into the living room. She was a blurry whirl of glitter and sequins. I couldn’t keep up. I was fucking drunk .

  She stood in front of the fireplace. I tried to keep my focus on her, but the room spun .

  “You need to get in bed.” She looked at me. “You are drunker than I thought .”

  Before I knew it, she had my arm over her slender shoulder and started to push me toward the bedroom .

  “You are not getting in my bed,” I threatened .

  “I know,” she whispered. “But you need to sleep this off and we can talk in the morning .”

  “I don’t know about that.” I shook my head .

  But as soon as I saw my bed, I collapsed in a heap. I felt the tug of my jeans, but I was too exhausted to fight her. Her cool hands worked the pants off and she slid me under the covers with some effort. She returned a few minutes later with a tall glass of water and some ibuprofen .

  “Take these and then I’ll let you sleep .”

  I scowled at her, but tossed them on my tongue .

  “Good night, Luke.” She turned off the light and closed the door .

  * * *

  T he next morning the hangover wasn’t as brutal as I thought, but I was pretty sure I had dreamed Alexa had appeared on my doorstep. I walked to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth .

  When I walked into the kitchen, I realized it wasn’t a dream. There was a pot of coffee and a gorgeous blonde in my kitchen .

  “Good morning.” She smiled. “How are you feeling ?”

  I rubbed the back of my head. “Like you aren’t supposed to be here.” I’d never tossed a woman out of my house before .

  “I came to tell you my side of the story. Don’t I deserve that? I’ve given you that more than once .”

  She walked toward the kitchen table with two mugs of coffee. She placed one in front of me .

  “I don’t know. I’m fucking pissed right now. You lied to me .”

  “I thought you would be mad .”

  “I am mad .”

  She closed her eyes and slid into the seat. She wasn’t going anywhere. She was as stubborn as I was. I sat across from her .

  “You can be mad. But you can also listen.” She glared at me .

  I felt ambushed. She had jumped me when I was down. When I was too drunk to protest. The agony of what I had been through the past two days was enough to never attempt it again. I thought I found a way to drown out the noise with bourbon and vodka. Enough to numb the pain. Enough to erase her .

  But fuck. She was close enough I could smell her hair. I could reach out and touch her if I wanted. And then the jab of the knife twisted under my lowest rib and I remembered the betrayal. The fucking dishonesty that was sitting at this table too .

  “I can’t.” I shook my head. “I won’t .”

  “Just sit there. That’s all you have to do.” Before I knew it she started telling me the truth. The full truth. “When I moved to Nashville I told you I had nothing. Absolutely nothing .”

  “Yeah, I remember the story.” I put the coffee to my mouth. The gulp cleared the last bit of haze in my head .

  “So I took a job for a dating agency.” She eyed me. “A dating agency. All I did was go on dates. Two hours max with men who needed someone for a business dinner or a social setting. It was never more than that. Never .”

  She pressed the last word into the air between us. “I was not a hooker. I was not an escort. I never slept with any of the men. Every date was in a public setting. I used a fake name and
wore a wig because if I did make it one day I didn’t want anyone to know I had a job in a business that doesn’t necessarily have the best reputation .”

  She lowered her eyes. “I swear that is what happened. That is the complete truth. I was never a prostitute or a call girl. It wasn’t the best decision I’ve made, but it wasn’t the worst either .”

  “Then why haven’t you cleared your name? Told everyone the truth ?”

  “Because that agency is still in Nashville. And there are a lot of girls just like me. Guys too, who need the money. And it’s not a prostitution ring or a whore house, Luke. I’m not going to out them just to save myself. Jake did this because he’s an evil son of a bitch .”

  “Jake?”

  She nodded. “He was one of the guys I went out with. Many times actually. He always needed a date .”

  “So you two were an item? Fucker. I knew it.” The idea of them together lit the rage fire again. I’d hated him from the instant we met at the gala .

  “No. He’s gay, Luke. Jake is gay .”

  “What the fuck?” I chugged the coffee as if there were shots of bourbon stirred in. I needed a few .

  “We used to be friends. Really good friends actually. And then something happened to him. He got caught up in the fame. My fame. And the money and meeting bigger and hotter stars. It changed who he used to be. And when I wanted to change he didn’t want it. I was his golden goose as the good girl. He didn’t want me to evolve and risk what he had built. He threatened me with my secret. He’s held it against me for years .”

  “What a dick. I told you he was an asshole .”

  “I know you did. You were right, but I was too scared to leave. Too afraid that he would expose me .”

  I clenched my fists. I didn’t know what to think. My gut told me to go beat the shit out of that guy for what he had done to Alexa. Part of me was mad she hadn’t told me the truth. And then there was the man who was so fucking far over the cliff in love with her he couldn’t push her away. There wasn’t enough booze in the world to drink her memory away. There weren’t enough days to make me forget .

  “So now what? Where is he ?”

  She shook her head. I saw the shame in her eyes. She didn’t need me to tell her she should have trusted me with her secret. She was already in pain because of it. But I could have helped her. Fuck it. I didn’t know I valued the truth until it was something I didn’t have .

  “He said I violated our contract. Had it nulled and then signed with a bigger pop artist. He’s gone .”

  I couldn’t help but grin. “Good. You’re better off without that piece of shit in your life .”

  “I don’t know how I feel about it yet. It was a big price to pay to be free .”

  I looked into her eyes. This girl had been through hell and back. She was alone in this life. No parents. No other family .

  “It cost me fans. It cost me friends.” Her lashes glistened with tears. “Did it cost me you ?”

  I swallowed hard. Fuck .

  Thirty-Five

  Alexa

  “L uke, can you forgive me?” I looked at him desperately. “I’m sorry. So sorry I didn’t tell you. I should have been honest from the beginning. From the minute I told you about my family. That’s when I should have told you .”

  His eyes were set in a hard line. I couldn’t read him. I didn’t know if he was still angry, hurt, or just done with me .

  And I knew I had screwed up. But if there was one person in this world who could forgive me it was this man. The one who had held me. Who saw me beyond the lights and the smoke. I waited anxiously .

  “This is the hardest fucking decision of my life.” His jaw clenched. “I want you. But you annihilated me. I’m not the kind of man who runs the same play twice just to get obliterated a second time .”

  The tear slipped from my cheek. Could I blame him? Could I judge him for not wanting to get hurt again? The pain gripped and seized me. I had flown here to be heard. I told my story and now it was time to pack my sequin dress and start my life over in Tennessee. I didn’t know how I’d leave. How I’d say goodbye to him .

  “I’ll go,” I volunteered. “There’s a noon flight I can make .”

  I felt sick. If I started to cry now in front of him, I might not stop. I had to get to the guest room and clean up before the tears unleashed on both of us .

  “Hold on. I didn’t give you my answer.” He brushed the hair from my shoulder. “I didn’t know how much you meant to me, until you were gone, Alexa. I sat here in this ranch trying everyway I knew how to get you out of my pores. And it didn’t work .”

  “What?”

  “You heard me.” His eyes landed on me .

  “Is that a yes?” I was fighting the tears .

  “I should have given you a chance to explain.” His thumb traced my cheek. “I was a dick about it .”

  “It’s ok. It’s ok. It was terrible. And confusing. And I feel like my emotions have been all over the place lately.” The tears came anyway .

  Luke leaned toward me, scooping me into his arms. It was the first time I’d felt like we were connected again. The heat of his body soothed me. We were going to be ok .

  My tears dotted the sleeve of his T-shirt .

  His eyes lit. “Emotional?” He tilted his head. “Do you think …?

  I unwrapped myself from his arms and stood. “I brought it with me. It’s in the guestroom .”

  I walked down the hall to the room I stayed in last night. I barely slept, worried that Luke would send me home. That he wouldn’t be able to forgive me .

  I dug through the bottom of my bag and pulled out the cardboard box with the plus and minus sign on the picture .

  “That’s it?” he asked .

  I nodded. “Are you ready for this? You sure ?”

  He cupped my face. “Yes .”

  “Ok. I’ll be right back.” I walked into the bathroom. I read the instructions five times. I wanted to get it right. I wanted to give Luke what he wanted .

  I opened the door, leaving the stick on the counter .

  “We have to wait three more minutes,” I reported .

  We sat on the bed, staring into the bathroom. What was on that stick was going to change our lives .

  “Go check it,” he urged .

  I was almost shaking. I pushed open the door and stared at the stick. I stared at it, making sure I read the stick correctly. I held it out and walked back to Luke .

  “What is it?” His face was expectant .

  “Not pregnant,” I choked on the words .

  “You’re not?” He took the stick from my hands. “You’re not .”

  I saw the disappointment in his eyes. “I’m sorry. It was a fluke anyway, right? And we were trying not to get pregnant. So, I didn’t think you wanted a baby .”

  His gaze lifted to mine. “Not want a baby? I’ve thought. I’ve prayed I got you pregnant. That the fucking broken condom was a sign that I needed to get my shit together. It happened for a reason. Because I was supposed to get you pregnant .”

  “You did?” My heart pounded. “You wanted to get me pregnant ?”

  His hand tugged in my pajama pants. “I do. I want to knock you up so fucking bad .”

  “Oh God .”

  I dropped to the bed as Luke pulled me on top of him. “This is crazy,” I whispered .

  He shoved my pants off my ankles. I bucked when I felt his fingers feather between my legs. He traced a circle over my clit .

  “You are going to have my baby, Alexa Wilde .”

  I nodded. “I am .”

  He spread my legs and pushed a finger inside, curling it toward my G-spot .

  “I missed the last three days,” I breathed .

  “What?”

  “I was so upset I forgot to take the pill.” I groaned when he pushed another finger inside me .

  “So there’s a chance right now ?”

  I nodded .

  “Fuck.” He rolled my tank top over my head
, feasting on one nipple and then the other. I bucked at the pressure .

  He nipped at my neck and licked my throat. His lips covered my mouth and I inhaled him. His tongue mingled with mine. We were like a raging river. The damn was broken and there was no way to contain the current raging between us .

  “I’m going to fuck you so hard,” he promised .

  I moaned. “Please .”

  He flicked my clit, with a playful snap of his fingers before he sat backward on his knees, shedding his shirt and shoving off his pajama pants .

  I sighed when I saw his throbbing cock. I ached for it. I loved the thickness. The wide veins. How it stretched my pussy so wide and tight .

  “You are going to have my baby,” he growled. “This is how you make a baby .”

  Just when I thought Luke had shown me how intense sex could be, he took things to a new level. He reached for a pillow, jamming it under my ass. My hips lifted in the air. His fingers massaged my clit and folds, pumping a finger inside me, before withdrawing it .

  I hissed every time he took it away. I wanted something to grasp and clench. I wanted him inside me .

  “Like that?’ he asked .

  “No. I want more .”

  His thumb pressed against my clit while his fingers thrust inside me. I groaned in ecstasy .

  “Fuck, Alexa. You’re so gorgeous.” He ran his free hands to my nipples, plucking them. He reached for my hand, drawing it between my legs. “You know how hot it is when I watch you touch yourself .”

  I nodded. “I like it when you watch my body. I can be free with you .”

  He growled. “I’m going to watch as I pump you full, baby. My cock is going to be buried so deep inside you .”

  I whimpered. My cream ran freely from my legs .

  “You like it when I talk like that to you.” He touched my juices to the head of his cock and massaged it .

  “I do.” I breathed. “I love it when you say how you feel. It’s like when I sing .”

  “You’re getting ready to hear me do a whole lot of singing, then.” He grinned, pushing my knees wide, spreading me farther than I’d ever been spread. “Fuck, I love your pussy. Keep rubbing your clit. Don’t stop .”