Shadow of Perceptoin

by Kristine Mason

  Gently, he gripped her wrists. “What did you want to show me?” he asked, his voice raw, husky and oozing with need.

  The sexiness in his tone grabbed her, held her enthralled, and propelled her past the edge of uncertainty. He deserved the truth. “That I’d never stopped caring. That I’ve missed you. That I wish…I wish things could have been different.”

  “Me too,” he said as he released her hands, then ran his fingers through her hair. Her ponytail came loose as he gripped her head in his hand. “When you left me, it was one of the worst times in my life.”

  Her eyes clouded with tears of regret, but she mustered a smile. “Worse than being tortured in a jungle basement cell?”

  His gaze darkened as he drew her closer. “Those wounds healed.”

  But the wound she’d created hadn’t healed. The words hung in the air unsaid. Regret washed over her, for what they could have been, for what she’d denied them. Before she could respond, make excuses or apologize, his lips were a hair’s breadth from hers.

  “Now kiss me.” He nipped her bottom lip. “Kiss me like you meant to.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck, threaded her fingers through his hair and then slowly, leisurely, pressed soft, reverent kisses along his jaw and the corners of his mouth. Looking into his eyes, catching the heat simmering in their depths, she let her eyes drift shut, and pressed her lips to his. Leading the way, she coaxed his lips until they opened, then slid her tongue along his.

  Holding her head steady, he wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her impossibly closer. He ground her hips against his hard erection, and the passion brewing inside her erupted. The slide of their tongues grew more fervent and eager. She broke the kiss to catch her breath, and remove his shirt.

  She pulled the material up his lean torso and began pressing open-mouthed kisses along his scarred, muscular chest. While she feathered her fingers along his hot skin, he finished disposing of the shirt, then reached for the hem of her sweatshirt. She froze.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, and cupped her cheek.

  Insecurity was something new to her. Considering she’d always been proud of her body, and had never had a problem flaunting it in the past to Hudson, she wasn’t sure how to explain her sudden lack of confidence. But after everything they’d discussed tonight, she decided honesty was the only viable route to travel. She trusted him. And without trust and honesty, there was no relationship.

  She kissed his hand, and continued to caress his chest. “I…don’t look like I used to.”

  He raised a dark brow. “Did you grow an extra nipple?”

  Grinning, she gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “Sorry to disappoint you, but no. I’m, as you know, thinner.”

  “So.”

  “So my body isn’t all that great.”

  He cocked his head and studied her for a second, then said, “You think I care whether you’re overweight or skinny?” He touched the tip of her nose. “Or if you have a big zit on your nose?” He paused. “Okay, I might be grossed out by that.”

  She lightly pinched his nipple and laughed.

  “Seriously,” he began. “The only thing I care about is what’s in here.” He kissed her forehead. “And in here.” He touched her heart. “You’re beautiful no matter what.”

  Moved by his words, she kissed him. As their tongues began to tangle and dance, he took the hem of the sweatshirt and t-shirt, and began to push them up her torso. Along the way, he unhooked her bra, then released her lips and removed the clothes. He dropped them to the floor, and gazed at her naked chest.

  She moved to cover her breasts, but he stopped her. “Uh-uh, you’re just as pretty as I remembered.”

  “Thank you,” she murmured and allowed her arms to relax. “But can we at least dim the lights?”

  He edged her toward the bed. When the back of her knees hit the mattress, he pressed her back, then gripped the waist of the yoga pants. “No way. I’ve been fantasizing about making love to you for over two years,” he said, then pulled her pants and panties over her hips and down her legs.

  Naked, she lay on the bed and looked at him. The heat and excitement sizzling in his eyes sent her earlier insecurities fleeing. Her own excitement intensified as she let her gaze roam over his strong, beard-stubbled jaw, his firm lips, then to his muscular chest and tight abs. Fingers itching to touch the soft hair along his chest, to unbuckle his belt and remove his jeans, she licked her lips and reached for him.

  He bent instead, and knelt between her legs. Propping herself on her elbows, she watched, mesmerized as he angled his head, and kissed her inner thigh. He ran his hands along her legs. Up and down, touching every inch of her skin, but avoiding what needed the most attention. She raised her hips slightly, inviting him, begging him for what she truly wanted.

  He nipped her inner thigh, then licked the spot. Blew a shallow puff of air on her exposed sex, then moved to her other thigh and repeated the nip and lick. Her legs trembled with anticipation. She closed her eyes as her body coiled with need and desire. With each teasing nip and lick, and each stroke of his calloused hands along her skin, she grew wetter, hotter.

  “Look at me,” he demanded.

  When she did, she sucked in a breath. His mouth hovered over her open sex. The heat and longing in his eyes devoured her, and matched the burning desire pulsating through her heart and body.

  Then he licked her.

  Slow.

  Soft.

  Over and over, until she begged him for more.

  Using his fingers he spread her labia, then dipped his tongue. His cheeks hollowed as he devoured her. Penetrated. Stroked. When he honed in on her clit, swirling and flicking his tongue, the desire that had been coiling through her exploded. She gripped his hair, and wrapped her legs around his upper back. Held him in place as she rode out the glorious orgasm.

  Breathing hard, she released her hold on him. When he stood, she reached for his belt, and in record time had it off and his jeans undone. She cupped his bulge. “My turn.”

  “Later,” he said, and shucked the jeans to the floor. “I need to be inside of you. It’s been too long.”

  Although disappointed she couldn’t taste him, when she glanced at his arousal, so damn thick and hard, the throb between her thighs intensified. The desire to feel his skin and his hard muscles against her body drove her into a frenzy of need. She stroked his erection anyway, then kissed the tip. “Are you sure?”

  He groaned, then scooped her up and laid her on the center of the bed. After he moved between her legs, he kissed her lips, her neck, then flicked his tongue against her nipple. She jerked at the delicious sensation and reached for him. As much as she’d love to have his mouth on her breasts, he was right, it had been too long. “Now. Please,” she begged as the tip of his penis kissed her sex.

  “Yes,” he hissed as he pressed his lean hips forward and filled her.

  She hugged him, clung to him, tried to make sure that every possible part of her body touched his. God how she’d missed him. Not just his touch, but the way he made her feel.

  Secure.

  Desired.

  Loved.

  Just as before, when she was with him, all of her troubles and worries disappeared. The only thing that mattered was what was between them. Holding him again, feeling him inside her, she wondered why she’d allowed herself to walk away from him. Wondered why she couldn’t have been braver and taken the chance, the risk of exposing what had lay deep in her heart and soul.

  As he began to rock his hips harder, faster, she gripped the scarred slabs of muscle on his chest, and looked up at him. Her heart melted. Behind the heat in his eyes, deep affection lingered, and she hoped he saw that and more in her own eyes. In her heart, she knew she’d never stopped loving him, and that she’d lied to herself two years ago about never loving him in the first place. She reached for his head, and drew his mouth to hers. Kissed him with all of the love coursing through her body. Now that she held him again,
she didn’t want to let go of him.

  While still inside of her, he leaned back, raised her bottom off the mattress, and held her hip. He trailed his free hand over her taut nipples, then down her stomach until his fingers found her clit. She released a groan. His wicked touch, his thick arousal, made her grow impossibly wetter.

  “Come for me,” he whispered, then gripped her hips with both hands and rocked harder. Deeper. “Come for me, baby. I need to hear you. I’ve missed you so damn much.”

  A shock of desire electrified every part of her body. The orgasm ripped through her with so much force she curled her toes and screamed his name. As wave after wave of pleasure seized her and held her enthralled in a sexual sanctuary she never wanted to leave, Hudson thrust once, twice, then pulled his length from her and came with a low groan.

  Breathing hard, he released her hips then rolled off the bed and headed into the bathroom. Seconds later, he returned with a towel, and used it to wipe her stomach. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t have any condoms and wasn’t sure if you were still on the pill.”

  Once he finished cleaning her, he climbed back onto the bed and lay next to her. She cuddled into the crook of her arm, then rested her head on his chest. “I’m still on the pill,” she said. “But thanks for thinking of me.” She kissed the scar that ran across his left pectoral.

  “I never stopped thinking of you,” he said, and pulled her closer.

  She lightly grazed her nails along his abs. “I never stopped thinking about you, either.” Loving this moment, loving him, she decided she owed him the truth. If she expected him to be open and honest, she should do the same. “I…regretted not giving us a chance the moment I walked away, and have been ever since.”

  He cradled his head with his free arm and looked at her. “Then why did you? I know you were mad, but—”

  “I was pissed,” she interrupted. “And hurt. I felt betrayed, like you didn’t trust me. Then when I found out Winters was a serial rapist, and I was his bait, I…” Uncertain if now was the right time to tell Hudson about what had happened to her when she was sixteen, she hesitated. Telling your lover you’d been raped didn’t make for fun pillow talk. At the same time, she honestly believed she owed him a proper and long overdue explanation for her initial over-reaction. They’d cared about each other, and she’d been the one to end the relationship when he hadn’t wanted that for them.

  “Eden, honey, you don’t have to tell me anything you—”

  “No, it’s okay. I owe you an explanation.” She twisted her body until they were chest to chest, drew in a deep breath then blurted, “When I was sixteen, I was raped by four guys from my high school.”

  Hudson stared at her, and hoped to God Eden couldn’t see the rage, the helpless fury storming through his body. Killing was suddenly on his mind, and given the opportunity, he’d make sure those men paid the price. He’d take his time, too. Make them suffer. Make them understand the wrong that they had committed against his woman. Fuck. And he’d treated her as bait to catch a serial killer.

  He used all of his energy to keep his hand steady as he smoothed the hair away from her face, and tuck it behind her ear. “If I had known, I would never have…” He smacked his head with his hand, then scrubbed it down his face.

  She grabbed his hand, then turned it and kissed his palm. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty. If you’d told me about Winters back then, I would have wanted to help you regardless of what had happened to me. The ones who…hurt me, they never paid for their crime.”

  While he understood her way of thinking, and some of his guilt abated, knowing those men had gotten away with rape—Eden’s rape—caused the rage inside him to boil. His head began to pound as his heart ached for the girl who’d been stripped of her innocence.

  “Did you go to the police?” he asked.

  “No. You’ve got to understand, I grew up in an extremely small town in Wisconsin. I’m talking a population of about a thousand or so people. The one guy, his dad was county sheriff at the time. Another was the son of one of the deputies. All four of them played football and were stars on the team. Even then, I was smart enough to know what would happen if I told. They’d walk and I’d be accused of crying rape.”

  “Your family? Did they know?”

  She shook her head. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

  Christ, he didn’t know if he could handle any more of her secrets tonight. Knowing what had happened to her ripped a hole in him. Right now, he wanted to hold her and love her, and erase the images of her assault from his mind. Tomorrow, though, he planned to put aside their current case and ask Rachel to hunt down the boys who’d raped Eden. He had several ideas of how he could serve them some proper justice.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  Her breath fanned across his chest as she bent her head and released a deep sigh.

  “Eden,” he prompted.

  She looked at him, then rolled her eyes and said, “My mom and sister claimed to be psychic, but they couldn’t predict my rape. Okay, I said it and I know it sounds stupid—”

  He touched her chin. “Are they psychic?”

  “I did tell you my mom had passed away, right?”

  “No.”

  Her head hit his chest again. She mumbled something he couldn’t understand then faced him. “I really never told you anything about myself, did I?”

  As he stared into her eyes, eyes he thought he’d never see again after they broke up, he realized that a person’s past really didn’t matter. Yes, the past shaped the person one would become, but the here and now was what really mattered. Their here and now, this moment, was—in his gut—the start of their future. What had happened to her infuriated him beyond measure. But she’d trusted him enough to open up, share her vulnerabilities, share a part of herself with him. He treasured her, respected and admired her for her bravery and honesty.

  “It’s okay, and I think I’m starting to understand some of your sister issues. If she was psychic, how come she couldn’t predict your…rape?”

  She winced. “Stupid, huh?”

  Shrugging, he touched her cheek. “You’re not a stupid woman, Eden. And I’m guessing at one time you probably believed in your sister. I imagine after everything happened, you felt…I don’t know, betrayed.”

  Nodding, she gave him a tentative smile. “I did. It was easy to blame Celeste for not warning me about my future. I’ll admit I was jealous of my mom and sister’s psychic bond. I wanted a special bond with my mom, too. I was always doing goofy things to gain her attention. I know she loved me, but I also knew, deep down, she loved Celeste best.”

  “But your mom claimed to be psychic and you didn’t fault her.”

  “I looked up to her too much. She was so smart and pretty…” Her eyes clouded with tears. “I miss her.”

  He had no good memories of his mother. The woman had either been drunk or yelling about everything and anything. While he didn’t have any brothers or sisters, he’d had plenty of friends who had, and understood the family dynamic. In his experience, there always seemed to be a love/hate relationship between siblings. No matter what though, they were family. Eden’s mom was gone, but she had her sister and brother. Regardless of how any of them felt toward one another, they were still a family. Something he didn’t have any more, never really had, and now craved.

  He’d been a husband and a son. Neither had worked out well for him. His mom had left, his dad…with the way he’d treated him, he wished he’d left, too. As for his ex, he blamed himself for that bad end. He’d been young and newly married when he’d joined the Marines. Too gung-ho and arrogant, he’d volunteered for the toughest tours, and had only thought of himself, not how his absence would affect his wife. She’d left him for an insurance salesman, and now lived in Florida raising three kids. While he was happy for her, he wished for a family of his own. Lying here with Eden, breaking the silence of her past, he wondered if they could overcome their dedication
to their jobs and put each other first. Marry and raise a family of their own. Too soon to tell, and determined to enjoy this moment, he pushed aside the longing for more to focus on what was most important to him. Eden. Her comfort and her happiness.

  “John mentioned that Celeste was going to ask you to be her maid of honor tonight.”

  She half-smiled and rolled her eyes. “She better not make me wear an ugly dress.”

  “You would be in her wedding?” he asked, confused that Eden would agree when she and Celeste had obvious issues between them.

  “Of course. She might drive me nuts with all of her nagging and psychic stuff, but she’s my sister. I know it doesn’t show…much, but I love her.”

  He brushed her cheek with the back of his knuckles. “You do realize how nuts you sound, right?” he asked with a smile.

  She scooted forward, then gave him a quick kiss. “Aren’t you glad we’ve decided to start talking about ourselves? Now you get to discover exactly how nutso I truly am.”

  Grinning, he said, “I can hardly wait.”

  “I’m starving. Let’s eat.” She scooted off of him, then rose from the bed. After she retrieved her sweatshirt, she pulled it over her head. “If you’re lucky I’ll tell you about the time my dad caught me making out with our minister.”

  He sat upright. “Holy shit, Eden. A minister?”

  Laughing, she flashed her bare ass as she headed for the door. “I’m kidding. It was the minister’s son.”

  Her goofy laugh echoed off the hallway walls as she moved toward the kitchen. Chuckling, he put on his jeans and realized he was finally seeing the real Eden. He’d already had it bad for her, but now that he’d discovered this playful, candid, tender, and devoted version of the woman he’d longed to have in his life again, he realized he might truly be a goner.

  Tonight, she’d managed to break every barrier, and had infiltrated his heart and soul. If she left him again, he’d no doubt need car therapy. He’d rather work on that Corvette sitting in his garage for pleasure though, instead of using it to erase pain.