Bad for You (Mad, Bad, & Dangerous to Love)

by Antonia, Anna

  When the moment came for Gabriel he clutched me to him. I swallowed his moans and felt like the sun—full of light, fire, and life.

  Afterwards, Gabriel got up and went into the bathroom. He came back with a warm washcloth and cleaned me tenderly. I felt perfectly content, safe. I closed my eyes, opening them only when Gabriel slid back into the bed with me.

  He hugged me and whispered, “You’re relaxed…not so wound tight.”

  I sighed in contentment, perversely amused that both Gabriel and Gretchen had held the same opinion of me. “What can I say? You’re very good for me.”

  “Mmm.” Gabriel caressed my shoulder. “There’s more to it. Tell me.”

  “There’s not much to tell.”

  “But there is something.” He slung his long leg over my mine. “Spill it, Adams.”

  I reached down and stroked my hand over his thigh, enjoying the feel of the lean muscles beneath my palm. “You’re quite the bossy one, Gordon.”

  “Are you just realizing that now?”

  Laughter bubbled out of me. I turned my head and kissed his cheek. “I’ve always known it so I only have myself to blame for falling for your charms.”

  “Well, I am quite charming. It’s not your fault, Emma. Truly.”

  God, I loved this and him! Playing with Gabriel, being able to relax, to not have to be so serious…it was heaven.

  “I went a little insane this past week or so.”

  “I hadn’t noticed.”

  “Now you’re just being nice.”

  Gabriel reached for my chin. Lifting it, he swooped down and took my breath away. His tongue sensuously slid across my lips before thrusting deep inside. I felt possessed, consumed. Adored.

  Just when I was ready to pounce on him, Gabriel pulled back with a lupine smirk. “That’s me being nice. Now reward me, Emma, and tell me a story.”

  I licked my tender lips, relishing the hint of his taste. I brushed the back of my fingers against his model-perfect cheekbone. “What kind?”

  “What happened while I was in Munich? You barely called me, you know.”

  “I knew you were busy. Besides, you called me at least ten times a day.”

  “Yes, but I had to make sure you were okay.” A frown creased the space between his brows for a scant second. “I really didn’t want to leave you.”

  I decided to share what I’d learned with Gretchen. “Where you worried about me going into Sub Drop?”

  The frown returned and remained. “What do you know about that? Emma, all kidding aside—what aren’t you telling me? How do you know about Sub Drop?”

  “I’ll tell you but first…” I shifted until I could reach him better. “I know you’re scared, Gabriel. I was too. But it’s going to be okay.” Cupping his face, I leaned forward and kissed the space between his brows where the frown was its sharpest. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

  Gabriel whispered my name. His hand covered one of mine. Searching my gaze, he asked, “What happened to you? You don’t even look the same.”

  “I’m free now, Gabriel, because I put away the knives. That simple and that hard. All at once.” I climbed onto his lap, sliding my arms around his neck and resting my head against his chest. “Do you remember how I told you my college roommate is a Domme?”

  “Gretchen Smith.”

  Although he kept his tone neutral, I could tell Gabriel expected me to at the very least point out how he shouldn’t know that because I hadn’t told him yet.

  I was past that now so I simply nodded my head. He was who he was—security detail and all. “Yes, Gretchen. I saw her at lunch last week.”

  “And that’s when you learned about Sub Drop?”

  “No. That came later.”

  “The night I left for Munich?”

  “Yes.”

  “Emma.” Gabriel waited until I looked up at him. “It was damned near impossible for me to leave because I was afraid you might go through it. Only the fact that thousands of families depended on me resolving Munich made me leave you. My stomach was in knots though.”

  “I’m sorry I made you worry.”

  Gabriel pecked me. A devilish light brightened his gaze. “You know if you’re really sorry you could become my official muse and then I wouldn’t have to ever leave you.”

  I dropped my head back in mock-exasperation. “You never quit!”

  “No, I don’t.” Gabriel took advantage of my position to smother my neck in kisses.

  “I may never work for you, but I’m glad you don’t quit. You’d probably have been done with me now if you did.”

  “Impossible. I’ll never be done with you, Emma. You’re it for me.”

  I grinned like a happy fool. “I’ll hold you to that.”

  “Back at ya, baby.”

  I traced circles on his shoulder. “Did you get Munich resolved?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m glad to hear it. I know when it comes to your work that it’s not just about the money for you. I know you carry the weight of every employee’s livelihood on your shoulders and you take that responsibility seriously.”

  “And here I assumed you thought me a lazy playboy…”

  Gabriel’s use of humor proved I’d gotten too close to his innermost feelings. I didn’t push. “You say you’re lazy but I know better. I just want to make it clear that I won’t ever purposely stand in the way of your business. I respect what you do entirely too much to be that demanding bitch of a girlfriend.”

  “Once again my goddess humbles me with her mercy.” Gabriel kissed my hand and squeezed me to him. “Now tell me the rest of the deets on your lunch.”

  “There’s not much to tell. I’ll probably bore you.”

  “Impossible! Now tell me before I tickle you into submission. Deets!”

  I obliged him with a brief recap of my lunch with her, including what we ate, before diving into the meat of the meeting. “Gretchen advised me to be patient and wait for you to let me into your world.”

  “She sounds like a most reasonable woman.”

  “Because she is. And because I’m not—I didn’t listen. I thought I understood enough of your dynamics to do things my way. I was wrong.”

  Gabriel shook his head. “You haven’t done anything wrong, sweet girl.”

  “Don’t make excuses for me, Gabriel. I’m as arrogant as you are bossy. I thought I could do this with you and not have to open myself up.”

  “This? You mean my need to dominate you?”

  “That too, but I meant more just having a relationship. I thought I could have one with you, but not really open myself past the point of comfort.”

  Gabriel nodded once. “You thought you could have a normal relationship with me.”

  “I thought I could be normal.”

  “And now?”

  “Now I know that what we have isn’t normal and that it isn’t bad.” I kissed his neck. “I can be whoever I am with you because I know you’ll accept me.”

  “I will. There’s nothing you can do that I’ll ever judge you for.”

  “Me too. I want you to be yourself with me, Gabriel. Completely.” I linked my fingers with his. Raising his hand up, I kissed his knuckles reverently. “I don’t know everything there is to know about being your Submissive, but I want you to know I trust you.”

  “Do you mean it? Truly?”

  “Yes.”

  Gabriel lifted me on his lap. Nestled in his strong arms, I heard him confess, “It’s hell, Emma, to not be able to be yourself with someone.”

  Sadness welled up inside. I ran my fingers through his hair, pushing it back. “You’ve never showed yourself to the others?” I didn’t like thinking about his closeness with those that had gone before me, but I liked thinking about Gabriel being lonely even less.

  “Never. At least, not much and not on purpose.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I didn’t want anyone to know even though I felt…”

  After the silence stretc
hed on for several moments, I helpfully asked, “Lonely?”

  “A little. More tired than anything.”

  “Tired? How so?”

  “It’s exhausting to play the role of billionaire-extraordinaire. Simply exhausting. And my partners expected it.” Working himself into a fine lather, Gabriel’s words flowed out of him fast and aggrieved. “As if my whole day revolved around being brooding and intense. Like I made my money just by sitting in a shadowed room, watching my female prey, with a cigar and drink in hand. It’s fucking ridiculous! And I played up to it because if you want to cross the bridge, you gotta pay the toll.”

  “You paid pretty well.”

  He shrugged. “I suppose I did. It was a stupid game—same lines, different girls, same result.” A crooked smile appeared for a split-second before disappearing. “I paid them well because it was the least I could do.”

  I didn’t understand and said so.

  “I learned early on that I had an unnatural ability to make women cry. Over me or because of me. No one could ever be happy with me. It just wasn’t possible. There was something rotten at the core of who I was to be this way.”

  “I don’t believe that. I’m happy with you.”

  His gaze took on a faraway cast. “I know. I just don’t know why.”

  The melancholy was too much for me. I ran my hand over his arm in long, smooth strokes. “Because you’re different from anyone I’ve ever met. I feel like you really see me.”

  “I do, Emma. I see so much in you.”

  I kissed his shoulder gently. “And I’ve had my part in any crying I’ve done over you. I’m sure the same thing is true with them.”

  “Only you would be so kind as to say such to me. You’re a goddess, Emma.”

  “I’m not a goddess, Gabriel. I’m just a girl who’s crazy in love with you.”

  He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. “Why? It’s not like I’m a brooding hero in some gothic novel. I don’t carry some deep, dark wound to be healed, something that makes it worth suffering for me.”

  “Actually, Gabriel, you do.” I traced my fingertips along his shoulder blade, admiring the beauty of his muscled chest. “We’ve all been able to sense it there and we’ve all wanted to be the one to heal it. That’s why we keep coming back.”

  He sighed as if the weight of the world crashed onto him. “I’m a silly fellow, really I am. I just like to play rough, be bossy at times…nothing too complicated.”

  “And yet you’re in so much pain that you can’t truly hide it from us. My gender is especially sensitive to wanting to heal beautiful boys tormented with pain, you know?”

  “Stop! You’re embarrassing me!” he groaned while hiding his face. “I’m not that cool, Emma.”

  I laughed softly and the sexy spot between arm and shoulder. “I know you’re not. You’re better than cool.”

  “Yeah? And what would that be?”

  “You being you. Just Gabriel.”

  He turned onto his side, arranging me to mirror his position. His pure blue eyes glittered beautifully in shadow. “You know something?”

  “What?” My whisper matched his.

  “You’re the only woman I’ve ever been able to be myself with.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. You’ve seen me at my worst and I hope to one day be my best and have you see it too.”

  “Oh my God, Gabriel!” I cried while pushing at his arm. “This is why you’re the coolest guy in the world.”

  “What? I’m just speaking from my heart!”

  I attacked his ribs. “Don’t act like you didn’t know those words weren’t going to melt my heart. You knew it!”

  “No way!” he snorted. His hands easily found my tickle spots, leaving me to howl in laughter. We wrestled on the bed, eventually sliding down onto the floor to lie in a sweaty, giggling heap. Once we caught our breath, Gabriel rolled over me, laughter gone as if it never was.

  “Sweet Emma, I wish this moment would never end.”

  My gaze found his. Worry stormed throughout his striking orbs. Before I could say anything, Gabriel said solemnly, “I always pay for it, one way or another. That’s why you scare me, Emma.” He carefully pushed my hair away from my face. “I haven’t paid for it yet and that terrifies me.”

  “You won’t have to pay, Gabriel,” I assured him with a beaming smile.

  “Won’t I?”

  “No. You never have to pay for love.”

  “Oh, Emma…” Gabriel’s expression was impossible to decipher. “It’s so beautiful that you think this way.”

  ELEVEN

  Gabriel didn’t give me time to question his melancholic statement. Instead, he scooped me up and had me stand while he made the bed with hurried movements. I didn’t question his rush, sensing it had more to do with the sadness driving his mood rather than the real need to hurry.

  He picked my clothes out, a pair of black slacks and a red cashmere sweater, and I let him because it seemed to make him happy. I remembered how Gabriel told me how I didn’t allow him to take care of me. He had been right.

  Fascinated by the intimacy of this new act, I watched as he slid open my dresser drawer and selected a pair of pink panties and a black bra. Naughty and nice. I liked it.

  I stood there like a living doll while he dressed me in two minutes flat. When I would’ve taken a brush to my hair, Gabriel firmly took it out of my hand. The long strokes soothed me. Watching him in the bathroom mirror, I saw the intense pleasure on his face.

  I felt adored. Cared for. Love.

  Suddenly sleepy, I swayed as he arranged my hair with a simple part. I could get used to this pampering. Gabriel noted my reaction. A lovely smile appeared. He kissed the top of my head and murmured, “There’ll be time for sleep later, my dearest love.”

  He guided me back into the bedroom and had me sit down on my armchair. A quick trip to my closet before he reemerged with ballet flats. I arched my feet, glad to not have to suffer heels on the weekend. Gabriel knelt at my feet and took one foot in his hand. I was reminded of our first day when he had played Fairy Godmother to my Cinderella. It felt like a lifetime ago. The memories wrapped me in the haze of nostalgia. My fingers ran through his hair in affection.

  He looked up. “Penny for your thoughts?”

  “I’m thinking about the first pair of shoes you put on my feet.”

  “Ah. I hope to put on thousands pairs before it’s all said and done.”

  “Thousands? Where will I store them all?”

  My playful tone coaxed another smile. “I’ll build you an entire wing, my love.”

  “You’re going to spoil me,” I warned.

  “That’s the idea, Emma.” He kissed my knee and I shivered with violent longing.

  Once he slipped my flats on, Gabriel slung his arm around my waist and directed me to sit down in the living room while he finished getting ready. I’d barely settled in with a book before he came back fully dressed and not a hair out of place. He lifted my small suitcase and guided me out the door with a hand at my back. While I fished in my purse for keys, Gabriel already had his out. He locked the door and we were off.

  Although he was as kind as ever, Gabriel drove us to his penthouse quiet and pensive. A few days ago I would’ve pushed and prodded, feeling that I just had to know what was laying in wait behind those brilliantly blue orbs. I still felt the urge burn like a hot coal in my mind. I didn’t like Gabriel’s unhappiness nor did I like the inevitability of his thoughts.

  However, I would give him the space he graciously had given me. It was the least I could do for my darling Gabriel.

  I reached for his hand. He squeezed mine once and we spent the entire trip hand in hand, silent but connected. We arrived at his new building rather quickly, traffic thankfully deciding to remain smooth and incident-free. Hand still held securely in his, I made another ride up another elevator and wondered where my life was bound to go next.

  When we entered the foyer I realized
I’d already started on a new journey.

  Gabriel showed me the small platform and watched silently as I circled it in curiosity. I looked across the space between and asked, “What’s this for? Did you buy a statue recently?”

  A mischievous expression danced across his handsome face. “No, not quite. I did acquire something marvelous though.”

  Cocking my head, I asked innocently, “What?”

  Gabriel moved closer. His hand caressed my back. “You, sweetest Emma.”

  I felt tightness in my chest. Fear edged closer, neatly puncturing my bubble of confidence. Was I just his newest possession, something to be acquired and then forgotten? Studying the most beautiful man in my world, I needed to ask.

  “How do you see me?”

  It was the perfect question for the perfect scenario. Gabriel came to me, kissed me gently and then took me by the hand. He led me to his bedroom and produced the filmy Grecian style gown as if by magic.

  “I saw this Munich and simply had to have it for my goddess.” Gabriel carefully placed the gown at the foot of his brand-new bed. He held both of my hands in his and raised them to his lips. “Can you do something for me, Emma?”

  Confidence rebounded, burying the unwanted fear long enough to answer immediately. “Anything.”

  “Let me show you exactly how I see you.”

  “All right.”

  Gabriel undressed me slowly, carefully. Each possessive stroke of his hand claimed me has his. Each kiss on my exposed skin promised me eternity. Staring ahead at the window, seeing the sky and sun, I felt my veins course with elation. I would not be forgotten.

  My love nuzzled my belly, kissing the soft skin on my hips and thighs with reverence. He stripped me naked, circling me with hunger and something akin to worship. I didn’t have to wonder if my expression mirrored Gabriel’s.

  He retrieved my gown and bade me to hold my arms up. Obedient, I waited as he slowly slid the gossamer creation over my body. When I was about to speak, Gabriel placed one finger across my lips. He waited until I nodded my head in agreement.

  Another trial of trust. No questions.

  He led me out of the room, down the expansive hallway, and back into the foyer. No words passed between us when he stopped before the pedestal. Gabriel simply held my hand and waited for me to infer what he wanted me to do.