by Lucy Francis
She’d aced her interview and been hired on Monday, only to find herself dropped in the deep end of the pool on Tuesday morning when she realized just how much work lay ahead. Granted, she put most of the pressure on herself, but she wanted the systems done right, rush to finish notwithstanding. Garbage in meant garbage out, so if she didn’t want greater headaches later, she’d make sure everything was as perfect as possible from the ground up, hardware and software.
As a result, her job took over her life. She worked nearly every waking hour and she hadn’t seen Travis since Tuesday morning. She missed him with an intensity that scared her if she thought about it too much, so she purposely didn’t. But every time a text from him hit her phone, it was like she drew a breath for the first time that day.
She met Rachel at a new sushi bar downtown near City Creek. She gave her friend a hug before taking her seat. “It feels like ages since I’ve seen you.”
Rachel grinned, flipping her russet hair over her shoulder. “Time flies when you’re busy. Or getting lucky.”
“Ugh, just busy right now.”
Once they ordered a few rolls and Rachel’s beloved mackerel nigiri, Rachel leaned forward. “Catch me up. What’s been going on since you started work?”
“Very little, besides work. Travis and I text and sometimes call, but he’s as busy as I am at the moment.”
“I heard that big shopping center project is falling apart.”
Andri nodded. “Yeah, he’s really scrambling on it. One of the partners pulled out, but construction is already underway. He has guys that need to be paid and he’s worried about the funding collapsing. Neither of us has any time for the other at the moment.”
“Well, okay, that sucks…but, things are good, right? You two are working out?”
Andri shrugged, ignoring the twinge, hoping it wouldn’t awaken the ache she suffered every night she spent away from him. “We’re good. I miss him, though. It sounds like he misses me.”
“He does. I saw him yesterday. He looks terrible.”
She winced at the thought of Travis suffering. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
Rachel ordered a couple more rolls when the waitress stopped by, then said, “I can’t tell you how proud I am of myself that I finally got you two together. I knew you’d be good for each other. Someday when you have kids, I can tell them all about how I made sure Mommy and Daddy met.”
Andri fumbled her chopsticks. Where had that come from? “Hey, hold on now. You’re getting a little ahead of us, don’t you think?”
Rachel swallowed a piece of the firecracker roll. “You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.”
In truth, she hadn’t, not on such a scale, but now that she did, the possibility burst to life in her head and she realized just how easily she could see herself with him. Married. A couple of little dark-haired children running around…and then the darker side. Travis missing out on events with his children because his brother was a mess and needed his help that instant. Travis lashing out as he bowed under the weight of his brother’s issues on top of his own family’s needs, Andri left to hurt for him but completely unable to relieve him of his burden.
She shivered. “I don’t see it getting that far, Rach. I mean, we’re great friends, and I really love what we have right now. But unless he can get his need to fix Danny under control…I can’t do that again. It was bad enough watching my dad try to fix my mother. I can’t go through that with Travis.”
“Travis has always assumed too much of everything that happens is either his fault or his responsibility to fix.” A shadow crossed Rachel’s face and she fell silent for a moment. “Danny will change, Andri. I truly believe that. It won’t happen quickly, but it will happen.”
“I hope you’re right, for both of their sakes.” And for her own. Because there was no way she was going to sacrifice her own wellbeing for the long term, and she knew full well that Travis would all too easily sacrifice his.
****
A text hit Travis’s phone as he drove on Sunday evening, and when the next light turned red, he glanced at it.
Andri: Remember, this too shall pass. Miss you.
He smiled, the warmth that filled him every time he heard from her like the sun welcoming the world from an overly long winter. He missed her like crazy. She was always hovering in the back of his mind, though at night she took center stage in his dreams. The fiery glint in her dark eyes, the sweetness of her mouth, the awareness of her body pressed against his…
He sighed heavily, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. He’d ruin it. He always failed. The litany turned circles around his thoughts, like engraving on a ring of doom. Jacob, Mother, his marriage, Dan—
No. He shook his head, refusing to add Danny to that list of disasters. He hadn’t lost him yet, and he refused to let it happen. And, dammit, he wouldn’t add Andri to that list, either.
He wanted her. She’d lifted him, pulled him far enough out of his life’s deluge that he could breathe. Part of him screamed warnings. How could he leave himself open to her? Melody had broken his heart. Andri would surely crush his soul. Though he’d just as certainly destroy her first. It was just the way crap worked in his life.
Travis had tried finding a way to shove the idea of Andri into a small box in his head. He’d considered that he should push her back before it was too late for both of them. Count her as a friend, someone fun to be with, someone whose body he thoroughly enjoyed, someone he could talk to. Nothing more.
Aw, who the hell was he kidding? Travis surrendered. He’d wrestled himself and lost, unable to find a way to replace his inner armor without her getting caught inside with him.
No matter how busy he was, thoughts of her always thrummed beneath the surface of whatever other subject occupied him at the moment. The feel of her warm, delicate skin under his fingers simmered in his head when he called his father’s physician to make an appointment, Dad arguing every step of the way.
Not that the appointment mattered. Dad had gone home sick again on Thursday, leaving him to juggle the Aspen Terrace center debacle on his own. Damn, he couldn’t even get Dad to the urgent care clinic a mile down the street. He could be such a stubborn old mule sometimes, and Travis failed to find a way to budge him.
He drove to the company offices, promising himself he’d only be there long enough to grab the contracts he’d forgotten when he left a few hours before. Then it was all about Andri. She didn’t know he was coming over, but he didn’t think she’d mind if he showed up on her doorstep.
He parked, surprised to see his brother’s motorcycle there. Why would he be in the office at this time on a Sunday? He let himself in and found Danny by Peggy’s desk. A pinprick of concern poked him in the chest. “What are you doing here, Dan?”
His brother looked him square in the eyes. “Nothing much, I’ve been working on the plans for that new community center at the apartment complex in Herriman. I still feel like I’m playing catch-up half the time.”
“Ok, good.” Travis couldn’t shake the feeling that something was up. Danny was setting off his radar. Now to figure out why. “You still seeing Misty?”
“Oh, hell, no. I haven’t seen her since that day you came and got me. She was bad news.”
“I thought that was her appeal.”
He shrugged, dropping his gaze to the floor. “It was. I’m trying to improve my choices.”
“Good. Glad to hear it.” Travis stepped away, caught motion in his peripheral vision: Dan sliding his hand into his pocket. A box behind him on the desk drew his eye. The petty cash box. A sick feeling poured through Travis, dark and slimy.
“Dan. Explain that to me.”
“Explain what?”
Travis walked over, reached behind him for the box, opened it. It was nearly empty. They always kept two thousand dollars on hand, in case of emergencies, having to pay out a sub quickly, whatever. Anger boiled the fetid stew inside him. “Are you kidding me? I haven’t caug
ht you stealing since you were a teenager.”
His brother’s gaze was impassive. “It’s not what you think, Travis.”
Travis gritted his teeth, willing himself to hold his temper. “Empty your pockets, Daniel.”
Danny sighed heavily and pulled the cash out of his pocket, opened his hand. Travis took it, counted it. “What exactly are you planning on doing with fifteen hundred bucks?”
His brother rolled his eyes. “I don’t have to answer to you.”
“You’re going to have to. Or should I just call the cops?”
Danny’s eyes narrowed. “You know, Travis, last I checked, this was a family business. If Dad didn’t want me near the petty cash, he wouldn’t have shown me where the key is kept.”
What was his father thinking? “Dad wouldn’t do that.”
“Yes, he would. He did.”
First, Dad essentially told him to lay off his brother. Now he’d given Danny the keys to the kingdom? “He’s a fool to think he can trust you.”
Danny’s cocky smile warred with the anger darkening his gaze. “I knew you felt that way. Why do you think you know so much more than he does?”
No, this was not going to be about him. This was a Danny issue. “I’m not saying that, I’m just saying that he wants so much to believe in you that he doesn’t see you for who and what you are!”
“Ohhh, I see. You know what I am and no one else does, is that it?”
He scrubbed a hand through his hair, determined to calm down. “Dan, you’re my brother and I love you. But you’re not in a good place.”
Danny laughed, but there was no mirth in the harsh sound. “How the fuck would you know?”
Travis flung out a hand toward the box. “Because you’re in here stealing from petty cash!”
“God, will you listen to yourself? You have no idea where my head is at right now. You take it upon yourself to be in charge and try to save me, but when was the last time you spent any time with me?” Danny pushed away from the desk, paced a few steps away and then turned back sharply, his finger striking Travis in the chest. “I’m trying to get myself squared away, to figure out who I am. I don’t even know, so how the fuck could you know? Oh, wait, that’s right, you know better than everyone else. You don’t have to really take the time to find out, because you just know.”
The attack left Travis confused. “When have you asked me to spend time with you?”
“I finally stopped, oh, about a year ago, because I got tired of you saying no. And that’s a two-way-street. When have you ever asked me to spend time with you? You’re a self-centered prick, Travis.”
Travis held his ground, but inside, his gut grew tighter, churning in nauseating twists. He hated the feeling of being wrong. Failure.
Danny’s temper appeared to have blown itself out when he turned away, then settled on the end of the desk. “Fine, you want an invitation?” he said softly. “Here’s one. I’m heading out to a party for my friend, Mara, to say goodbye before she moves to New York for school.”
The tension in Travis’s chest made him snap. “Yeah, a party with your friends is a great place for a recovering addict.”
Danny chuckled, almost under his breath. “God, you won’t let it rest for five seconds, will you? Different group of friends, not that I should have to explain it. These are the people who matter, who’ve stuck by me. Sione Taufua will be there, and he just finished redoing the bathrooms in my townhouse. I owe him money.” He pointed at the pile of cash. “Soon as the bank opens tomorrow, I can pull out the cash and return it to the box, like a good boy.”
Travis wanted to trust him, but he just couldn’t. He’d been lied to so many times. “So where does an invitation fit into all this?”
“Come with me. Come to the party, meet my friends. Maybe if you actually spend some time with me, you’ll stop seeing my problems and start seeing me.”
Could he be wrong? Could he be so wrapped up in his brother’s bouts with addiction that he’d missed him as a person? His heart ached, torn between wanting to go with his brother, keep him safe if the party turned crazy, and the blazing need to see Andri. Damn, he missed her so much even his teeth ached. This fight had wound down, and his craving for Andri ramped up by the minute. “Take the money, Dan. Go have fun.”
Dan actually looked a little crestfallen. “You’re not coming?”
“I’m not really up for a party. But I want you to promise me that you’ll be sober.”
“You could play designated driver.”
He frowned. “No, Dan. If you’re going to get drunk, you shouldn’t go at all.”
Danny shook his head, a half-smile on his lips. “And here we are, back where we started. Just once I’d like you to be my brother rather than my fucking keeper.”
His temper flared and spilled over. “Do you have any idea what I go through for you, Dan? Do you?”
“Don’t be a martyr, Travis. I know my problems have bled over onto my family, but you don’t have to be that involved. Just be my brother.”
“I am being your brother.”
“Yeah? Well, you suck at it.” Dan gathered the cash, stuffed it in his pocket, and stormed out.
Travis stared at the ceiling for a long while after he heard his brother’s motorcycle speed away. His chest ached with stress. The one thing he needed most right now was Andri. He hated asking her to soothe him when she was recovering from her own hellish week, but the fetid slew in the well of his mind had been slowly rising for days. He barely kept his nose above the surface and he was growing tired of treading water. With Andri filling his senses, he’d be able to stop thinking, just float for a while. He hoped that he could fill her needs as well, help her turn off the stress of work and rejuvenate.
He hadn’t seen her since he woke up with her Tuesday morning. Would it be too presumptuous to show up at her place and let himself in? She’d given him a key but he hadn’t had the chance to use it yet.
He shook his head. Too much whirling around in there, threatening to swamp him. He collected the contracts he came for and left the office.
****
Andri rose from the sofa as a knock on the apartment door sounded. As she crossed the floor, the sound of a key in the lock shot her heart into orbit, followed by a pulsing heat rolling straight to her core. Travis.
He let himself in, locked the door, and turned toward her. Darkness and exhaustion shadowed his face, but when he looked at her, the combination of relief and apprehension called to her soul. Her need answered his and she opened her arms to him. Two quick strides and he threw his arms around her, crushing her to him. His mouth sought hers, hot and desperate, tongue tangling with her own, unable to get close enough fast enough.
They tore at their clothes, need pouring over them, leaving them gasping for air and each fighting to hold the other closer, tighter. He lifted her against the wall, his touch finding her ready and wanting. He slid home and everything within her begged for more. He gave her everything she needed, driving her to that kind of relief and renewal only he could provide, and when she cried out and shattered, he followed.
Silence cocooned them as he held her, leaning heavily against her. He shifted back, keeping her in his arms, and made his way to the sofa. He carefully laid her down and settled beside her, arms around her waist, a leg over hers, his head pillowed on her breast. She stroked his hair, reveling in his closeness. It was really ridiculous to have missed him so much, but she couldn’t help it.
Something was off, though. While she’d released all the tension she’d carried home from work, he clearly hadn’t. She still felt the pressure radiating from his skin. “Think you might share what’s got you so tied up in knots, Travis?”
Silence answered her for a moment, then he said, “You’re good at that.”
“What?”
“Seeing what’s going on in my head.”
“Not hard tonight. So what’s bothering you?”
He groaned. “I’m sorry, Andri. I didn’t want t
o carry this in here with me.”
She kissed his hair. “Don’t worry about it. Talk to me.”
“It’s Daniel. We had a fight before I came over.”
“Well, that explains a lot.” As hard, hot, and fast as they’d gone at each other, there had to be more than general frustration driving it.
“I caught him taking money from petty cash. He said it was to pay a guy who did some work for him, but how can I know for sure? It wouldn’t be the first time he swiped money for drugs.”
Yikes. That had to hurt. “Do you think he’s relapsed?”
He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at her. “I don’t know. I mean, the usual signs aren’t there, but still, how do I know? I’m so worried about him, and he ended up mad at me for judging him.”
She drew a finger along his forehead, down his cheek. “If he is clean, I can see where he would feel that way.”
His brow knitted, frustration filling his eyes. “I hate that you do that, sometimes.”
“What?”
“See both sides of things, like a referee. You’re supposed to be on my side.”
She caressed his jaw. “I am. I’m trying to help you navigate this.”
Travis turned his face into her palm, pressing a kiss to her flesh. “He invited me to go to a party tonight, meet his friends. Supposedly his good friends as opposed to his druggie crowd.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He frowned. “I wanted to be with you.”
She smiled a little. Did he have any idea how he tugged at her heart? “I’d have still been here, Travis. Do you spend any time with him, really, or is it all about his problems?”
Tension rippled over his frame. “I’m not a bad brother, Andri.”
“I didn’t say that. I said, maybe you do need to spend time with him, and try to ignore everything that’s come before.” She sat up when he did and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Look, I’m not saying that’s easy. It takes monumental effort for me, just talking to my mother on the phone, to focus on how she is now instead of who she was for most of my life. Instinctively, I expect the monster every single time. And sometimes I get it, even now. For my dad, it wasn’t until the end of his life that he realized he’d been so focused on trying to save her that he’d stopped treating her like the love of his life. There was so little left of their relationship.”
