Blossom of the Samurai

by Sedonia Guillone

  Toho’s heart surged again, but this time with joy. Aoki-san had spoken of him to others over the years! And in a very positive light, judging by the servant’s reaction. He squared his shoulders. “Yes. I’ve been away for many years.”

  “Please, wait a moment.” The little peeper door shut and the wood clopping on stone receded back in the direction of the house.

  Unable to resist, Toho pressed his ear close to the gate, hoping to hear what was going on. He heard muffled voices, then, “To-chaaaaannnn?” followed by more wooden sandals clopping hurriedly on the little walkway.

  The little peeping window slid open again and a pair of familiar eyes peeked through. “To-chan, is it really you?”

  Toho nodded. “It’s me, Aoki-san,” he said, fighting down the disappointment that threatened to engulf him. Aoki didn’t seem to recognize him and Toho feared that any moment, he’d be asked to leave.

  Through the small opening, Aoki’s eyes reflected curious hesitance. He seemed to study Toho’s face a bit too long.

  On the brink of despair, Toho suddenly thought of the one thing that would ensure Aoki remembered him. “I brought your hair tie back to you, just as I promised so long ago.” He reached into his pack and dug it out quickly. There wasn’t a moment to lose. Toho retrieved the tie in its wrapping of cloth and held it out. “Here you are. Sho made me stop wearing it so that it wouldn’t become frayed and ruined.”

  The gate opened. There was Aoki, as beautiful as Toho remembered him, his long sleek hair tied loosely at his nape, and his slim form dressed in a kimono of yellow with little pink flowers, wound with a wide sash, a matching hue of pink.

  Aoki looked back and forth between the small package and Toho’s face several times. He accepted Toho’s offering, which he opened. As soon as the little black tie was exposed, Aoki’s eyes widened. “My little To-chan,” he breathed. “I can’t believe it!” He stared a moment longer then stepped forward and wrapped Toho in an embrace. “Oh, my little To-chan is here! I can’t believe it!” He whispered the words over and over, squeezing Toho tightly.

  Toho sank into the embrace, enveloped by Aoki’s flowery scent. The comfort and sweetness that aroma had always given him resurged, long buried in his soul. He closed his eyes and breathed it in. “Aoki-san, I missed you so much.” He squeezed Aoki closer, his cheek on Aoki’s hair. Oh… the last time he’d hugged Aoki, his cheek could rest on Aoki’s chest. Now he towered over his friend. How slim and small Aoki really was! Had he always been so? “I was so worried I’d never see you again.”

  Aoki lifted his head and disengaged from the embrace. His eyes shone with brimming tears. “When I awoke this morning, if anyone had told me I would see To-chan today in person, I would never have believed it!” He squeezed Toho’s hands and took a step back. “Let me look at you,” he said and perused Toho head to foot, eyes widening. A smile stretched Aoki’s full lips. “I am just in awe. You are an even handsomer young samurai than I imagined you’d grow up to be.”

  The praise made Toho feel ridiculously pleased. A slight tingle infused his cheeks. “Handsome? Really?”

  Aoki nodded emphatically. “Oh yes, absolutely. You were an adorable child. It’s only natural you would grow up to be so attractive.” He embraced Toho again. “Oh, To-chan! Words cannot express how happy I am to see you.” He gave Toho a squeeze, then released him again. He peered behind Toho, through the gateway. “And where is Hirata? And Sho? Aren’t they with you?”

  “No. They’re back in Edo.”

  “You’re here by yourself?”

  Toho squared his shoulders again. “Yes, Aoki-san. I… couldn’t wait to see you. I just couldn’t wait another day.” I wanted you to be proud of me, he thought but wouldn’t ever say out loud.

  Now Aoki’s hands went to his heart. “To-chan, you made this trip all alone, just to see me?”

  “Yes, Aoki-san. I would make a thousand trips all alone just to see you.” Toho resisted the overpowering impulse to drop to his knees.

  Aoki’s eyes misted anew. “Oh… my. I… don’t know what to say. No one’s ever done anything like that for me. Not in my whole life.”

  Toho took a step closer. All he wanted was to pull Aoki into his arms again. How warm and soft Aoki was, and how big and strong holding him had made Toho feel! Again, he resisted the urge. “Now someone has.”

  A tear rolled from Aoki’s eye, down one delicate, rice-powdered cheek. “Yes, that’s true. Thank you.” Aoki delicately brushed the salty droplet from his cheek. “I must look a fright now,” he said. “But I’m being a terrible hostess. You must be hungry. Please, come in. Supper is cooking right now and I’ll have Peony bring a pot of tea and some rice cakes in the meantime.” Aoki hooked his arm through Toho’s and led him up the little stone walk, through the small garden where they’d spent many hours under Aoki’s small cherry tree, watching the pink petals of the cherry blossoms fall and swirl around them in the breeze during the hanami season. The memory flitted through Toho’s mind, of picking up a fallen flower and handing it to a smiling Aoki, who put the blossom in his hair, just behind his ear.

  At the doorway, the maidservant Peony was waiting and bowed politely, hands clasped in front of her. Aoki asked her for tea and rice cakes and informed her that Toho would be staying for supper and to make sure there was enough. After another bow, the girl left and Aoki assisted Toho with placing his weapons on the special rack at the entrance. Toho remembered watching Hirata place his long and short swords on this rack years ago. Back then, he’d never imagined the day would come when he would place his own weapons there. Aoki relieved him of his pack, straw hat, and rain cloak, which he stored in a closet, then led Toho down the little hallway to the second door, the room where he and Aoki had spent so much time together laughing and playing games and where Aoki’s collection of beautiful kimonos was stored in the chest against the back wall.

  Aoki slid open the door and ushered him into the seating area close to the brazier, where they knelt. Once seated, Aoki smiled at him and then covered his mouth briefly with both hands, a gesture that had always conveyed his emotions. “I’m still just in shock, To-chan. I can’t believe you’re actually here, sitting right in front of me. And that you made the journey all by yourself. After everything….” Aoki dipped his head in a tiny bow. “I’m so very touched and proud of you, To-chan.”

  Exactly the response he’d hoped for. Pleasure and pride flushed through Toho. “Really?”

  “Oh yes, absolutely.” Suddenly Aoki’s expression grew sheepish. “And please, I apologize for the hesitant greeting I gave you at first. You must have been so disappointed.” Aoki gestured in the air. “These last few years as I’ve become somewhat well known, I get… admirers who really do not respect my privacy. I was afraid that somehow someone knew who you were and pretended to be you to gain entry. I get a little nervous sometimes.”

  “Oh, I see!”

  Aoki’s cheeks reddened slightly under the pale rice powder, and he glanced away. “But of course, after just a moment, I knew it was you, To-chan. I could never not recognize you.”

  Toho smiled again. Aoki’s words and gaze had always felt like the sun’s rays swathing him in warmth, inspiring self-confidence from the depths of his being. Just as quickly however, a cloud darkened the moment. Perhaps this problem of stalking fans had been the cause of his nightmare. “I’m especially glad to be here then, Aoki-san,” he said. “If there are unwanted visitors forcing their presence on you, you need protection. I will be your yojimbo.” Yes, the decision had been made. His destiny was here, protecting the one person he adored most in all the world. What other purpose was there?

  Just then, Peony slid open the shoji door, knelt with her tray, and served the tea. Aoki thanked her and when she left, proceeded to serve. “To-chan, I can’t tell you what that offer means to me, but I couldn’t ask such a thing of you. I’m not sure it’s needed either.”

  Toho looked down, his enthusiasm squashed. But just for the moment. Ao
ki was a modest person, someone who had difficulty accepting anything for himself. Always giving. He just needed convincing. “You didn’t ask, Aoki-san. I want to do this. I….” Emotions and words became garbled. His mind couldn’t think properly. Aoki’s large, dark eyes were on him. Toho cleared his throat. “I don’t want you to be alone anymore.”

  A strange look passed across Aoki’s face, and he glanced down. “To-chan, I’m all right, really. I’ve missed you, more than words can express, but my role in your life is not to command your future. You are destined for great things, I just know it, and I would never forgive myself for holding you back.”

  “For me, protecting you is a great thing.” Toho’s heart pounded. He’d been so sure Aoki would immediately accept the offer of protection and the chance for them never to be apart again. Yet here he was, basically sending him away.

  “No, it’s not. I assure you.” Aoki stood up and knelt by him, so close, his sweet floral aroma surrounded Toho in an intoxicating veil. “To-chan, I would love nothing more than to be in your presence every moment of every day.” He covered Toho’s hand with his where it rested on one thigh.

  Toho looked at him, captured again by the contrast of Aoki’s dark eyes and brushlike lashes against his pale cheeks and rosy lips. Aoki’s smooth hair framed his face, and Toho longed to rub his cheek against the silky fall of it the way he had done so many times as a child.

  “To-chan, your well-being is the most important thing in the entire world to me. I would not compromise it for a moment, or waste a moment of your potential. And it would be wasted with me.”

  Confusion clouded Toho’s mind. Aoki’s words felt like a weight wrapped around his heart, causing it to sink like a rock thrown into a pond. “I don’t understand,” he said. “Isn’t my well-being connected to you, Aoki-san? Always I have been happier when we’re together.” The sadness on Aoki’s face the day he’d left all those years ago had remained etched in his mind. The sad tone behind Aoki’s letters, in spite of his apparent buoyancy, always had come through. They had missed each other, ached to be together again. The bond they’d shared would never let them rest until it was satisfied. Was he so wrong?

  Aoki didn’t speak, didn’t answer for several moments. “What will your fathers say? Sho, especially? He’s trusted me with you, To-chan. He would hate me forever if I took you away from him to risk your life and safety in such a line of work for an actor. Perhaps if I were the lord of the domain, it would be another matter, but I’m a nothing. A nobody. Please, I beg you, don’t burden our little family with a darkness like that.” Aoki squeezed his hand. “I would rather be forced to miss you and know that all is well in our little family than risk breaking it apart.”

  Toho’s vision blurred. “What do you mean? You believe Sho would hate you if I stayed here with you to protect you? Don’t you think he’d understand, especially considering his history with Hirata? They have both risked everything to stay together.”

  Aoki looked away. “It’s different with a child, To-chan. You don’t understand.”

  “I’m not a child.”

  His firm tone must have forced Aoki to bring his gaze back. “No, you certainly are not a child anymore. But you are still their child. And you are my little To-chan. Besides, I’m not alone. Not now. I have a… suitor.” Aoki’s eyelashes fluttered a bit, and he glanced away.

  Toho’s heart thumped. “You do?”

  A shy look flitted over Aoki’s face. “Yes. It’s not serious, not yet. But we keep company. We never have much time together. He goes away on business, some kind of work he never speaks about.” Aoki leaned in a bit as if to tell a secret. “In my experience, the only men who never speak of their work are spies. There are so many of them you know, working for the shogun. They pretend to be ordinary.”

  “Oh.” Toho fell silent. Perhaps he’d made a mistake coming here. Perhaps his nightmare had only been about his own sadness over missing his friend. His presence could only be a burden to Aoki now. A gentle hand on his shoulder pulled his attention. When he looked again at Aoki, Aoki’s large eyes appeared a bit sad.

  “I’m sorry, To-chan. I never mentioned it in my letters. It didn’t seem appropriate. After all, my romantic life has no effect on what you and I have.”

  Toho shook his head vigorously. “No, that’s true, Aoki-san. We are the best of friends and always will be.”

  Aoki squeezed his shoulder. “Of course, To-chan. Always.” A smile curved Aoki’s beautiful lips. “Besides, he is away for a few days. You and I have all the time we want to spend together, except for rehearsals. There is a performance three nights from now. You will be there, in the front row, won’t you? On my personal invitation.”

  “Oh, yes!” A bit of darkness lifted. He’d always loved to watch Aoki don his beautiful costumes and makeup and sing and dance. Enchanting. Aoki was nothing less than enchanting. And no one could ever steal Aoki’s heart from him, no matter what, no matter whether Aoki fell in love with some samurai or not. Three whole days with Aoki all to himself. For three days he would put aside the future and bask in the light and warmth that was Aoki and Aoki’s love. And now, there was one thing they could do.

  “Aoki-san?”

  “Yes?”

  “Can we go to your bedchamber?”

  Chapter Three

  OH DEAR. Aoki took a deep breath. He needed a few moments to collect his thoughts. Toho was staring at him, his dark intense eyes full of love and devotion. No one had ever looked at him that way in his entire life, the way Toho was staring at him now, as if they were alone in all the world. No one else and nothing else mattered. His little To-chan, no longer a boy but a… man. A handsome man at that.

  When Toho had appeared at his doorstep earlier, Aoki had, in truth, recognized him immediately. How could he not have? The person he adored most! At the same time, he had been unprepared for the… changes Toho had undergone. The ruggedness of his cheeks, the broadness of his chest, which layers of heavy clothing weren’t able to conceal. And so Aoki had feigned lack of recognition, needing a moment to collect his shock, to school his features and to calm the sudden… erotic pulsing that the mere sight of the young man had immediately induced within his loins. It just wouldn’t do to desire the one person in creation he shouldn’t desire. His role in Toho’s life was to be a nurturing friend, not a wanton… courtesan.

  Aoki lifted his hand from Toho’s shoulder, now a cap of rounded hard muscle rather than the thin lanky joint of a boy it had been when they’d last seen each other. Perhaps his news about his new romance would serve to remind Toho of the proper relationship they had, before Toho fell any further.

  Not that Toho himself was even aware of what he felt. Aoki knew a bit about two things in life. One, the theater, and two, the passions of men, of what men were and weren’t aware of. He cleared his throat delicately. “You want to go to my bedchamber?”

  Toho nodded. “Yes. We haven’t completed the return of hair ties yet. You told me in a letter long ago that you were keeping my hair tie in the chest of drawers in your bedchamber.”

  Hair ties. Oh yes! Hair ties! Relief—and a tinge of unexpected disappointment—shuddered through him. The childlike eagerness shining from Toho’s eyes told Aoki he had perhaps misread his friend’s expression after all. As much as he knew about men, no one had ever looked at him with such passionate intensity, so how would he really know what such an expression meant? Toho was an innocent at the bottom of it all. Barely out of childhood and so sheltered by both his fathers. He mustered a smile. “Yes, of course. We shall do that now.”

  He led Toho to his bedchamber and over to the chest of drawers against the back wall. Aoki opened a drawer at the top and took out the small red lacquered box that had housed Toho’s precious slip of cloth all these years.

  Turning with a smile, Aoki brought the box over to him where they knelt in the center of the room, by the brazier. “I’ve kept it nice and safe for you,” he said and lifted the lid.

  Toho sm
iled and peered into the box. There it was, the small rough cloth tie. Instead of picking it out from the box as Aoki had expected him to, Toho grew sad and he looked down, his large hands on his thighs. “That was one of the saddest days of my life, Aoki-san,” he murmured.

  Aoki shut the box and placed it on the floor between them. “It was for me too, To-chan.”

  Toho reached out and slid several fingertips across the top of the box. When he raised his face again, his dark eyes were misted. “I want to leave it with you still, Aoki-san. May I?”

  “Of course you may.” A pang squeezed Aoki’s chest. Without explanation, he understood why Toho wanted him to do that. “In fact, here.” He reached into the little pocket sewn into his outer kimono and pulled out the hair tie Toho had brought him. He opened the box and put it in with the other. “Now they’re together.” He rose and replaced the box in its drawer.

  When he turned around, Toho’s eyes were shining on him again and yet, his expression was troubled. Aoki’s heart did a small flip. “To-chan? Are you all right?” He knelt down again in front of the young man.

  “I… suppose so, Aoki-san. It’s just that… in this moment, I understood how much has changed. All those years ago, I came to you for help, for a kind of protection. It was simple. At night, we set up our futons next to each other and I fell asleep curled up against you. That made the nightmares go away. But now…. Inside I don’t feel very different. I feel as if no time has passed, and yet it has, and so I don’t know what to do… how to… be. Do you understand what I mean?”

  Aoki’s heart fluttered again. If Toho only knew how much he understood, how many times over the years he’d longed to watch Toho grow up into the young samurai he was now. He nodded. “Yes. I very much understand.” He reached out and patted Toho’s hand briefly. “So I hope that you will spend the day at the theater with me tomorrow? Final rehearsals.”

  Toho surged forward, his enthusiasm clear. “The way I used to?”