Dirty Deeds

by Lauren Landish

  Jake chuckles, grabbing my wrists before I rip his pants open. “Damn, you’re acting even more cock hungry than the night we first met.”

  I growl demonically, staring into his eyes. “You ain’t seen nothing yet. Your Angel’s gone. Just a cock hungry devilslut is left.”

  “Bring it the fuck on!” Jake moans into my lips, his hands getting his belt open and his pants undone. I can see it in his eyes. Tonight, I’m going to get exactly what I want, when I want it, and oh, my God, what I need is—

  Bang! The front door to the apartment flies open just as I wrap my fingers around Jake’s cock through his boxers, about to pull it out.

  “Good lord, I ain't seen something like that since Johnny came back from Vietnam and we got to get down and busy for the first time in a year,” a familiar voice says. I jerk my head up to see my grandmother, Ivy Jo, smirking. “You could club a baby seal with that thing!”

  I feel like I’ve been punched in the chest. I can hear Mindy’s unmistakable voice calling out, “Grandma, cover your eyes!”

  Jake jumps off the couch and pulls his pants up. I rise to my feet in shock, my eyes going wide with recognition at the women in front of me and the barking dog at their feet.

  “Mama?” I whisper in horror. “What are you doing here?”

  “Layla and Rita couldn't be here,” Mom says, sitting on the couch and gesturing at me, “but they send their regards.”

  I nod, still half numb. I'm not thrilled that my cousin and aunt didn’t come, especially Aunt Rita, but I’ll live. If I can live through my grandmother seeing me about to yank my boyfriend’s boxers off, Rita not being here is small potatoes.

  I'm just glad to see Brianna, Mom, Mindy, and Grandma all in the same place. All four women are seated on the couch wearing pleasant expressions with the exception of grandma, who is scowling murderously at Bertha, my mom’s dog. She takes her everywhere, it seems. “That’s okay, I’m sure I’ll see them,” I begin to say when furious barking and yowling interrupts me. “Shit.”

  “Why the hell did we bring that furball with us, Mary Jo?” Grandma complains to my mom while Bertha chases Mr. Felix around the room. Hannah is doing her best to separate the two, but she’s giving Bertha looks that says she agrees. “We didn’t even bring the grandbabies out of the hotel room, but you bring the dog.” She rises to her feet, brandishing her wooden cane as a weapon. “I swear, I’m gonna crucify that ball of fur!”

  “I’ve already told you a million times,” Mom says pleadingly. “Leah needed her sleep and the sitter didn’t want Bertha to disturb her and Rafe.”

  “That’s why you should have left her at home!” Grandma growls. Instantly, her expression changes like someone flipped a switch. “Bah gawd, that cat’s beautiful. What’s his name? Reminds me of my precious Esmeralda.”

  “Mr. Felix,” Hannah supplies before I can answer. She suspiciously had come back with my family and is now standing off to the side watching us, having given up trying to chase Felix and Bertha around. Felix has had enough of the canine, and he turns on her, giving her one good swipe before he jumps on top of his play tower. Grandma is entertained, at least. “Go on, Mr. Felix, box that hoe!”

  “Grandma” I say with a gasp, shocked by her words. “Where’d you learn to talk like that?”

  Grandma doesn’t turn her head away from the soon to emerge Animal Planet smackdown, but she at least gives me an answer. “I’m on Instagram.”

  “Which reminds me,” Mindy says wryly, keeping her voice low enough that Grandma can’t hear. “I need to take her phone from her. She’s been putting up pictures she has no idea that she’s putting on there. I’m scared she’s gonna end up with a picture of her bags. And not the grocery store kind either.” Dressed in shorts and a floral shirt, Mindy looks like she’s ready to step onto a plane for summer vacation in Hawaii, but most of all, she looks happy.

  “Get ‘em, Mr. Felix!” Grandma crows, cheering them on with her cane in her hand. “WORLDSTAR! WORLDSTAR!”

  “Worldstar? What the hell?” I ask.

  Mindy facepalms. “Oh, God, yes. She’s on YouTube watching those damn videos, too.”

  “Damn, she’s like a ninja with that cane,” Jake remarks with a chuckle, and I have to give him an apologetic sorry, my family is crazy look. He gives me a small shake of his head, and I feel myself relax just a fraction. After what they walked in on, maybe we needed this to ease the tension.

  “Mama, sit down!” Mom pleads. “You’re embarrassing Roxy in front of her friends!”

  “Oh, don’t stop on my account,” Hannah says with a laugh. “This is the most fun I’ve had in weeks. And it explains so much about Roxy.”

  Mr. Felix lets loose a yowl that comes from the depths of his saber-toothed ancestors, and Bertha whines a little, backing up. “Hannah, please get him! I don’t want to have Bertha going to the vet.”

  Muttering under her breath, Hannah walks over and grabs Mr. Felix and disappears down the hall. I hear the door shut, and Hannah comes back out, minus Felix.

  Now that the commotion has died down, Grandma’s eyes fall on Jake. “So who’s this handsome young man?”

  “Ladies, this is Jake Stone,” I say, blushing but still proud. “My boyfriend.” It feels good to be able to call him that. Glancing at Jake, I can see he feels the same way. “Jake, this is my mom, Mary Jo, my sister, Mindy, her best friend, Brianna, and my Grandmother, Ivy Jo.”

  “It’s a pleasure,” Jake says. Getting up, he crosses over and shakes hands with each of them, giving Grandma one of his heart-melting smiles. “I see where Roxy gets both her sassiness and her beauty from. Did she get her voice from you too?”

  “My daughters sure know how to pick ‘em,” Mom says proudly as Grandma giggles, of all things. “Handsome and a bit of roguish charm too.”

  “So Jake, what do you do?” Brianna asks. Like Mindy, she’s added some weight, but it looks good on her also. I’ve only met her a few times, but she and my sister are practically inseparable these days.

  “I’m the Regional President at Franklin Consolidated,” Jake says. “The corporation I work for absorbed it.”

  “He’s Roxy’s boss,” Hannah adds.

  “Hannah!” I protest, but Hannah gives me a look that says suck it up, buttercup. She’s right.

  “Oh, don’t worry about it, honey,” Grandma says. “Getting down with the boss has been going on since . . . well, long before my time. And I went to school with Abe Lincoln.”

  I laugh, shaking my head. “Please forgive her,” I plead to Jake. “She probably hasn’t taken her meds yet.”

  “I heard that,” Grandma growls.

  We all pretend we don’t notice Grandma as each of the women takes turns asking Jake questions. They ask him what his favorite color is, his favorite food, even what movies he likes to watch. I start to feel warm sitting next to him, and I’m not even the one in the hot seat.

  To Jake’s credit, he’s the consummate gentleman, answering each question with patience and a pleasant smile on his face.

  Mindy is in midst of a particularly tricky question when Hannah interrupts. “Uh, excuse me. I don’t mean to be rude, but Jake, would you like to give these ladies’ husbands a tour of the Club? Gavin, Oliver, and John are waiting at the Pancake House just down the street from Jasmine,” says Hannah innocently. “They said they were hungry.”

  I look at her suspiciously, remembering how she ran out. “You were in on this!”

  Hannah manages to look guilty but doesn't say anything.

  Jake chuckles. “I’ll be fine. I’ll meet up with them and let you guys play catch-up.”

  I cross my arms and scowl. I know what this is. They're gonna interrogate Jake.

  “Don’t let them intimidate you,” I tell him in his ear. “Gavin’s huge, but he’s actually a nice guy.”

  “Are you kidding?” he says with a smirk. “I was born in the jungle. I can handle myself. It was nice meeting you ladies. I’m sure I’ll see you again?�
�

  “You sure will,” Mindy says. “We’ve got nowhere to go, and if we do, I’m going to be back.”

  When he’s gone, I place my hands on my hips and scowl at everyone.

  “Now, which one of you is going to tell me just what the hell you were thinking, surprising me like this?”

  Roxy

  I pace back and forth, nervous energy filling my legs as I try to clear my head. I came to Club Jasmine early just for this purpose, to try and get my head right.

  It’s not working. “Come on, this is just another performance, just another performance,” I mutter to myself for what has to be the thousandth time.

  “Roxy.”

  I don’t pay the voice any attention as I keep trying to go over stuff in my head. “Quick little talk with the crowd, then Shake It Off . . . no, shit, we decided to change the lineup to show my range . . .”

  “ROXY!”

  I stop as two hands grab my shoulders and I look up to see Mindy shaking me, staring into my eyes. “What?”

  “You’re freaking out,” Mindy says, giving me a smile. “Come on, you’ve been going over this for an hour now. You know your set backward and forward. Even that old school track you’re putting in for Mom.”

  “Hey, I’m not old school!” Mom complains. “I mean, Madonna’s still touring!”

  “Yeah, and looking more worn out than I do!” Grandma adds. “Roxy, your sister is right. Sit down. If you keep this up, you’re going to wear out your legs!”

  I take a deep breath and sit down, Brianna moving over quietly to help with my hair. While she does that, Mindy sits down in front of me and starts doing my makeup. “Okay, now listen,” Mindy says quietly. “I can see what’s going through your head. You’ve been trying to give yourself a pep talk, saying if this goes badly, it’s no big deal. But you see, you don’t need that talk. It isn’t going to go badly. Look to your right. Let me get your cheek.”

  I turn, seeing Grandma. She’s gotten herself dressed up in an outfit I can only call geriatric hoochie mama. Mom looks a bit more conservative, but Mindy herself looks like she’s about ready to tear up the stage as one of my backup dancers . . . if I had backup dancers.

  “All of us here know you’re going to knock them dead. All the men know it, which is why the only one sweating is Nathan, and that man seems to sweat everything.”

  I chuckle. She’s right. “He’s made his money being a worrywart.”

  Mom gets up and comes over to me, kissing me on the forehead. “I’ve always been proud to have two wonderful, beautiful daughters. And I’ve never been prouder of you than tonight, Roxy. You look amazing, but most all, you’re showing the world your heart. Do that, and they’ll love you just as much as I do.”

  I blink, moved. “Mom . . . don’t make me cry. Mindy just got my makeup done!”

  “She’s right, Roxy,” Grandma says. She gets to her feet, coming over. “You look beautiful, and you’re going to be the hottest thing since Brenda Lee.”

  There’s a knock at the door, and Brianna stops messing with my hair long enough to open the door to my dressing room. She gives a low whistle, and I turn around to see Jake step in the room. He’s dressed to the nines, a full tuxedo with bow tie, looking like he’s ready to be the next James Bond. “Well, well, you dress up nicely.”

  “Thanks,” Jake says, giving Hannah a wink. She’s been a godsend, playing it cool at the office as I’ve gone through ten days of absolute performance boot camp. She even did the laundry the past two weekends.

  Jake comes up to me, looking me in the eyes with those soulful, love-filled eyes that make my life complete. “You look beautiful.”

  “Second-best looking girl in the room,” Mindy teases, fixing the last crystal on my face. “There. Now you look like a superheroine.”

  “I feel better,” I admit, looking up into Jake’s eyes. “So the guys are ready?”

  It was Jake’s biggest gift for this important performance, flown from Summerfield last Sunday, my old backup band from Trixie’s, The Roxxers, Jeff, Gregg, and Wes. We’ve been rehearsing together for the past week, getting back in sync just like we used to be. “They’re ready.”

  “Then it’s time to go,” I say, giving Jake a kiss on the cheek. “We’ll kick some ass out there. You get these bitches to their seats, okay?”

  I head backstage, where I see Jeff, Gregg, and Wes already in their performance gear. I smile, but Gregg, who is rail-thin with short hair, looks concerned as he gestures at Jeff, a tall blond with spikey hair. “Dude, I’m worried about the pyro.”

  “What? We’ve worked this to the bone!” Jeff complains. “Practices were great with it.”

  “Yes, but that was in an empty house with half the security staff standing by with fire extinguishers,” Gregg retorts. He’s always been the more level-headed one while Jeff wants to blast out. “With a packed house, if things go wrong, it’ll be a nightmare.”

  “Nothing’s going to go wrong,” Jeff says dismissively, getting a little heated. “Rox needs to impress the record exec tonight, don’t you, Rox? And pyro’s part of that. We had it perfect from the first rehearsal. There’s nothing to it.”

  I place my hands on my hips, biting my lower lip. I want to use the props, but now that the heat of the performance is on, it’s only adding to my anxiety. “Let’s just not use them,” I decide. “It’s too risky and we don’t need it.”

  “But . . .” Jeff starts to protest.

  “No pyro, and that’s final!” I snap, harsher than I intend to.

  Gregg grins as Jeff looks like he wants to argue, but he looks away when I scowl fiercely at him. “All right, Rox, it’s your show. No pyro.”

  “Thank you,” I say, feeling butterflies flitter in my stomach. “I’m sorry, guys, I didn’t mean to be bitchy. I’m just nervous, and I really didn’t need the bickering right now.” I motion to my bandmates, and we huddle, saying a quick prayer. Just like old times.

  We’re just finishing when I hear Nathan take the mic on stage. “Club Jasmine . . .”

  The DJ, who’s going to be taking over after the concert, hits my ‘introduction music’, and the crowd starts to roar. Nathan lets the sound build for a few moments, and I can see through the side curtain as he grins. “Tonight, we’ve upped the ante for you. First, let’s give a hot Club Jasmine welcome to The Roxxers!”

  There’s a roar of applause as my bandmates take the stage.

  I feel like I’m going to faint as Nathan’s voice booms.

  “And now, the woman you’ve all been waiting for. The hottest sensation to hit this part of the country in a decade. She puts the pop in pop princess, the work in twerk. Ladies and gentlemen, and special guests . . . she’s baaaaa-aaaaaaack!”

  The crowd’s roar is like a physical wave, and I can feel it filling my body with energy. You can do this, girl. Everything’s going to be fine. “ROXY!”

  Nathan walks off stage, and as he passes by, I grab his arm. “Nathan!”

  “Yeah?”

  “Nix the pyro! Tell them, no pyro!”

  I don’t have time for more. The crowd is chanting my name, but I see Nathan give me a nod, and I feel a bit of relief. The moment I step out on stage, I’m swept away. I grin, all of my nervousness falling away as I wave to the crowd. “Club Jasmine, let’s get Roxed!”

  The crowd roars again as Wes starts the synth notes for Toxic, and I stalk toward the front of the stage, my ass swaying side to side as I start.

  Everything goes perfectly. I have them in the palm of my hand by the chorus, and I work it, spinning and twirling while singing my heart out. I’ve been training hard for this, and all those morning runs and dance practices after work have paid off. I’m not winded at all when the final notes hit, and the crowd eats it up.

  “Thank you!” I cheer, not even pausing as Gregg switches over to the percussion introduction to Rockabye. This is a new one for me at Club Jasmine, and the crowd loves it, especially as Jeff does his reggae-style verses while jamming on
the bass guitar. I planned this song for the fact that it is a duet. It gives me a chance to catch my breath before going high-energy for the next few songs.

  It’s the performance of my life.

  I walk to the center of the stage, blinded by the spotlight, sweat trickling down my forehead and sides. Despite being sweaty as hell, I feel more alive than I’ve felt in a long time, energized by my performance. “Club Jasmine, are you having fun tonight?” A resounding yeah roars back at me. “I can’t hear you!” I yell, cupping my ear. “Can I get a hell yeah?”

  “Hell yeah!”

  I laugh. “All right, this next song is for some very special guests tonight,” I tell the audience as I look out into the crowd. Through the glare, I can make out the women I love, all of them looking at me with pride in their eyes and smiles on their faces. “I won’t embarrass them by saying their names, but they know who they are.”

  I turn my back to the crowd and raise my mic hand in the hair. “Hit it!”

  The song starts, and I start jamming, dropping it low to the floor and bringing it back up again, pumping myself up for this high-energy song. Just as I’m about to sing the opening bar, I’m surrounded by a shower of sparks that blots out the entire stage, and a loud popping noise assaults my ears.

  Followed by the blaring of a fire alarm.

  “Everybody OUT!” the DJ screams, and suddenly, I realize someone used the pyro anyway and started a fire! I’m frozen in shock as I watch the audience descend into chaos.

  Flames are racing up the curtains and there’s a rush of screaming people trying to get out the doors. I let out a cry when something falls near me, flames whooshing from it. Almost numbly, I see Gregg, Jeff, and Wes abandon their instruments to head for the fire exit on the side of the stage.

  After a moment, I shake off my shock and start to head that way. But before I can cross the stage, one of the speakers falls, sparks and flame erupting in front of me as it hits the stage. Crying out, I hurl myself out of the way just in time.

  I roll off the stage to land in the middle of what feels like a stampede, people kicking me, and I can feel someone stumble, stepping on my back as they rush for the exit. I scream, worried that the next step is going to be someone breaking my leg or worse, when suddenly, strong arms are around my body, lifting me up. It’s Jake, and he pulls me toward the exit as the flames continue to grow.