Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings (The Messenger Archive Book 1)

by DC Bastien

  [Sianor: What's that called?]

  [Ashroe: Midlife-crisis.]

  [Sianor: Hahah, really?]

  [Ashroe: I just invented it. It's 'put all the drinks people bring to your house in a glass and drink it'. Stirred, not shaken, because the mixer thingy I lost the lid.]

  [Sianor: So you ARE a spy!]

  [Ashroe: Nah. I work for local government, but just in Policy. I don't actually have a gun.]

  [Sianor: Have you ever shot one?]

  [Ashroe: Have you?]

  [Sianor: Actually, I haven't.]

  [Ashroe: Me either. Just paintball once with work. I got a bit too militant though, so I doubt we'll be doing it again.]

  [Sianor: It must be nice living somewhere there aren't guns.]

  [Ashroe: You kind of don't think about it, really. Because they've never been... there. Just on TV. And in films.]

  [Sianor: My uncle has guns. My parents don't believe in them.]

  [Ashroe: They say it escalates things. I dunno. It's... not something we think about I guess, here.]

  [Sianor: I finished the first drink. What should I make next?]

  [Ashroe: What have you got?]

  [Sianor: Dew, cola, OJ... and I asked my mom and she said I could have a couple of beers if I wanted to.]

  [Ashroe: Do you?]

  [Sianor: Will I like them?]

  [Ashroe: It's kind of an acquired taste, like wine. You might do. American beer tends to be a bit weaker than European stuff.]

  [Sianor: It's European. My dad likes it. He was in the military, got used to drinking it.]

  [Ashroe: Well, there's no safer place to get drunk than in your parents' house. Hell. My parents were who got me drinking. Carefully, I mean. So when I was old enough, it wasn't this... big thing. I got shitfaced a few times at uni but mostly I was sensible.]

  [Sianor: OK, I'm going to try. I want to see what it's like. You can be my mentor.]

  [Ashroe: Haha, that's such a laugh. A washed up ex-academic like me?]

  [Sianor: You're not washed up! You've got a job.]

  [Ashroe: And I should feel grateful in today's economy, I know. I know. But it's... I'm sorry, I'm being maudlin.]

  [Sianor: Let's change the subject. Let's just talk about happy things.]

  [Ashroe: Good plan. Alright... what do you think of the dreaded devil juice?]

  [Sianor: It tastes kinda weird, but not awful. Kind of like a sugarless soda. I don't feel any different yet.]

  [Ashroe: Give it time.]

  [Sianor: You probably think I'm pathetic, don't you?]

  [Ashroe: Why?]

  [Sianor: Because I've never done this before.]

  [Ashroe: No, I think you're a brave young woman. You haven't let peer pressure bully you, and you take care of yourself.]

  [Sianor: I'm drinking now.]

  [Ashroe: In a controlled situation, around people you trust. You're not going to find some sweaty, greasy hand sliding up your thigh, when you're too nervous to say no.]

  [Sianor: Is... is that how you...?]

  [Ashroe: Hah. No. When someone tried that on me I gave him a black eye.]

  [Sianor: Oh that's wonderful.]

  [Ashroe: I lost my virginity when I was in my 20s. I hadn't felt right around people before then. I kept waiting for 'the one' but he never showed up, so one time I just agreed to do it with a good mate. It was okay. I felt a bit nervous but it didn't hurt. After that, I did it whenever I felt like it, but I guess the things in my head are better than the things with people.]

  [Sianor: I'm still a virgin.]

  [Ashroe: You know, we don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. I don't want to be like some creepy sexual predator or anything.]

  [Sianor: No... it's OK. I don't really have friends I could talk about sex with, and I'm a bit too old to talk to my mom.]

  [Ashroe: Depends what you're saying to her.]

  [Sianor: Not the kind of things I want to say.]

  [Ashroe: You won't embarrass me, okay? And I swear I won't repeat anything you tell me.]

  [Sianor: I don't know if I like girls or guys.]

  [Ashroe: Hmmm. I'm guessing where you live it's a big deal?]

  [Sianor: Kinda. I think my parents would be OK with it, but some of the other folks wouldn't.]

  [Ashroe: That sucks. But you should just like who you like. You don't have to wear a badge or anything.]

  [Sianor: True, but it's not like I'm going to find my soulmate anyway. I spend three quarters of my life inside.]

  [Ashroe: Well... you might, some day. Hell. I'm still single and I'm a decade older than you.]

  [Sianor: I haven't even had a boyfriend or a girlfriend though.]

  [Ashroe: Me either. I've had fuck-buddies of both genders, but they're just friends with benefits.]

  [Sianor: So... you're bi?]

  [Ashroe: I'm Kay. I like people. Mostly I like people because I want to spend time with them. And then I like to write porn, more than star in my own. Weird, I know. But real sex is not like the stuff you read. It's getting leg cramps and then being too fat to see what's going where and awkwardly splitting condoms and lockjaw and RSI from jerking someone off.]

  [Sianor: I'm laughing here.]

  [Ashroe: You should! Real sex is convoluted and messy. And noisy. And then after it's kind of gross. Maybe I haven't found the right person to do it with, but I'm happy with my slash and het fic for now.]

  [Sianor: How did you decide you liked girls?]

  [Ashroe: I never felt a strong preference either way, really. Which for a while worried me that I didn't like anyone, then I sort of fell into men because it was the normal thing. Then I hit it off with a girl and we messed about and it felt kind of the same so I figured I just like people.]

  [Sianor: I see. I think I'm the same.]

  [Ashroe: You don't have to put a word on it. Or hide it. You could try telling your mum and dad and maybe see if there's groups nearby or something.]

  [Sianor: Yeah, I will think about it. Thanks.]

  [Ashroe: No problem. How you feeling now?]

  [Sianor: Kind of... fuzzy. Nice, but... kind of slightly tired and relaxed. And warm.]

  [Ashroe: Well, you're still spelling well like me. The trick is to stay in the good zone and not crash into depression about the fact you're old and alone, lol.]

  [Sianor: You're not alone :)]

  [Ashroe: Well, no. But the person I most want to spend time with is thousands of miles away.]

  [Sianor: Who is it? I'll kill them!]

  [Ashroe: You're too cute XD. Okay. Time for the probing questions time.]

  [Sianor: Do I need to lube up?]

  [Ashroe: If you're a virgin to this then yes.]

  [Sianor: OK, I am lubed. Shoot.]

  [Ashroe: I know you love Kre and the Sianar. Question is: if they were real, would you fuck one?]

  [Sianor: Are you asking me if I am a furry?]

  [Ashroe: Guess I am!]

  [Sianor: I don't know. I mean... maybe. But the logistics look a bit... off putting. Probably would just opt for the BFFs route.]

  [Ashroe: Interesting. And the other species? Roq? Hleen? Kior-Dhalia?]

  [Sianor: I guess the least weird would be Hleen and Kiors, but that's just showing I'm buying into Human-centric biases?]

  [Ashroe: Yes, in a way. But you might not be racist and yet not like black men, you know. Or you might be white and only like Asian chicks. You can have preferences without it being... you know. Negative. Like preferring blonds.]

  [Sianor: Never thought of it like that. Yes, I suppose you're right. I guess if I actually fell in love with an alien, it wouldn't matter. Unless they were some creepy bug-creature and made my skin crawl.]

  [Ashroe: Your turn to ask a question. I'm making another Midlife-crisis.]

  [Ashroe: You passed out there?]

  [Sianor: No. Just... thinking.]

  [Ashroe: You don't have to ask me a question. Or you can save it for another night.]

  [Sianor: I don't want t
o seem rude.]

  [Ashroe: I just asked you if you'd fuck a cat-dog-person. I think I can take it.]

  [Sianor: OK. You write a lot of slash. More slash than het. Why?]

  [Ashroe: Good question. I guess most of the time the shows and films have better male characters than female, and I identify better with them. Plus: two hot men boning is twice as hot. I just... I don't identify well with females in fiction. Male/male is more of a fantasy for me, because I've never had a dick of my own. Male/female is a bit too close to all the squelchy stuff. If I RP m/f, I normally write the m. Which I know isn't that common to find.]

  [Sianor: Do you sometimes feel... kind of... like a guy?]

  [Ashroe: I wasn't sure for a while. I thought about it. I mostly just feel... Kay. Not gay, or straight, or bi, or male, or female. I just... am. I'd probably explain it better if I was sober.]

  [Sianor: I think sometimes you just can't explain things, no matter how good a writer you are. Not... fully.]

  [Ashroe: Someone's a profound drunk!]

  [Sianor: I suppose I am.]

  [Sianor: I wish you were closer.]

  [Ashroe: Me too.]

  [Sianor: I... I think I have to go. I feel a bit sick.]

  [Ashroe: :(]

  [Ashroe: Goodnight.]

  [Ashroe: Sleep well. Have water handy.]

  [Ashroe: I'm sorry.]

  ***

  Chapter Fourteen - Mission: Regression

  [Sianor: Sorry about last night.]

  [Ashroe: No, it's okay. I shouldn't have encouraged you to drink.]

  [Sianor: I felt a bit ill, but I was OK. Mom checked on me in the night.]

  [Ashroe: You got a hangover?]

  [Sianor: Just feeling a bit... delicate, but nothing terrible. I feel worse from my meds sometimes.]

  [Ashroe: We still cool?]

  [Sianor: Oh god yes. I mean. If I didn't utterly piss you off?]

  [Ashroe: You need to try harder than that.]

  [Sianor: I was such a brat.]

  [Ashroe: No you weren't. It was fine. I just worried I'd upset you.]

  [Sianor: I didn't mean... I'm sorry.]

  [Ashroe: Why are we both apologising?]

  [Sianor: I don't know. Should we... just write?]

  [Ashroe: Yeah. Sure. There's a lot to get through. I made scrambled egg. You want some?]

  [Sianor: Please :)]

  ***

  "Welcome to my humble abode," Avery said. "I'll admit, it isn't much, but I was never planning on retiring with five house-guests."

  "This just for you?" Biann asked, as they walked into the open atrium. Avery's bolt hole was a small villa on a barren asteroid, with room for two ships to dock.

  "Me, possibly plus one," Avery answered.

  The atrium ceiling was completely transparent, reinforced glass. It was a high dome that showed the empty sky above, dotted with distant stars. There was no sun close enough by that would burn the eyes of the unwary as they were in deep space. The room was lit by thin strips that ran up the walls of the portico, and there were small - slightly unruly - bushes and a little pond.

  "I made sure it would keep operating without maintenance. It's a little messy, so please, forgive me."

  "It is a very pleasant space," Kre said, approvingly. "You have a nice balance of foliage here. They are all self-pollinators?"

  "Yes, didn't fancy coming back to an attack of insects. Please, follow me."

  From the atrium they were taken into a large living area, which had various couches, chairs and rugs. It was spartanly decorated in muted whites, creams and slate grey accents. The furniture was mostly warm, chocolate-brown leather and dark stained woods. It would seat all six of them, but cosily.

  "You never told me about this place," Vadim said, accusingly.

  "Didn't have it when we worked together. After you left, I figured I needed an escape route of my own. Just in case. This place is way out in the back end of nowhere, so unless they put a trace on my vehicle, or I got really unlucky, no one would ever find me. It's powered using a small fusion device. Most of the organic waste is completely recycled; it's moisture-proof, and it would last me three Human lifespans. I'm sure with six of us, we'd only need to make a run out every five years at most, if we got bored of the repurposed food."

  "What about sleeping space?" Saidhe asked.

  "Well, the master bedroom will sleep two, of course. There's two guest rooms again that would sleep two, if the occupants were willing to share, as there's a bed in each. There's also a study with a pull-out couch that could double as a bed, and this living room would sleep three. That's five rooms, so at least two people will need to get friendly."

  "I don't mind sharing with you," Biann suggested to her sister. "We could take a couch each in here."

  Saidhe nodded. It was the most sensible course of action, as these rooms looked like they were all bigger than the ones back on the ship. Plus, she'd shared with her twin on enough occasions by now to not be awkward around her.

  "Excellent. If we have to make this a permanent feature, or a semi-permanent one, we can also consider putting up screen doors and bringing furniture from your ship," Avery suggested.

  "Isn't this just hiding from the world?" Kre asked. "I appreciate that we need somewhere to be safe, but... I did not intend on finishing my life in a very well furnished retirement home."

  "No. But we do need a base," Vadim answered. "This will do to start with. We can make forays into the wider world, and escape back here. And if we split up, then there'll be less chance we'll all get wiped out in one fell swoop."

  "We will need a second vessel," Loap said. "Or those left behind will be slowly starved."

  "Ahead of you on that one. I have a completely untraceable hopper," Avery said, with a smirk. "Sits three at a push. Two if you're packing a full supply run in."

  "I know you... there's monitoring equipment, too, isn't there?" Vadim asked.

  "Who, me? Hacking into secure transmissions via a series of booby-trapped spy satellites? Never."

  ***

  [Ashroe: Can I power-pose your muse?]

  [Sianor: Sure.]

  [Ashroe: I want to try setting something up. If it doesn't work, we can just scratch it. I just... I have a germ of an idea.]

  [Sianor: Infect me baby!]

  [Ashroe: Please bring your Vadim!Muse if you get where I'm going with this. I prefer to bounce off you.]

  ***

  No one wanted to go to bed that night. It was agreed they needed to let the dust settle before anyone went back into Ur-space, so they were all stuck here for at least a few weeks. Avery's intelligence-leaking network would give them enough of a window into the wider world, and they would all just... wait.

  Eventually, Biann realised it had become a matter of pride, and she shooed everyone out of the shared living area so she could get some shut eye. Then - one by one - they went to their respective rooms.

  Vadim was not tired. He didn't sleep the full Human eight hours most nights anyway, but when he was wound up, he slept even less. He lay in just his night shorts and nothing else, head pillowed on his arms, looking into the middle-distance. This little bolt hole was so very much like a heaven he'd never really thought about. It was so very... un-Ithon-like. Ithon had always been the career Enforcer, the one you suspected would keep booking criminals until he dropped dead. In fact, his last will and testament probably would be a link to his open caseload, and a request for someone to finish up his ongoing investigations.

  This... this was a side of the man Vadim had not seen before. Maybe those comments he'd made in front of the 'Judge' had hit harder than he'd meant to.

  He saw the shadow under the doorframe. He knew whose room was on the other side. He watched it creep quietly away, and he knew that Ithon was just as awake as he was. They could both lie, restless and alone, or one of them could get the hell over it.

  It was another thirty minutes before Vadim pushed open the adjoining door to the master bedroom. Ithon could have lo
cked it, but he didn't.

  "Still can't sleep, huh?"

  "You think I'm about to change a habit of a lifetime, Kip?"

  "I don't know. A week ago, I would have said no. But this... what is this, Ithon?"

  Avery cocked his head, and Vadim took that as an invitation. He entered the room and closed the door behind him.

  Slightly truer to form, the 'master' bedroom was barely bigger than the guest rooms. It was still decorated in that sparse, picked-up-from-a-decorating-publication feel, with complementing colours and shapes, but no real mementos that made this room feel owned. Avery was wearing a tight black t-shirt, and similarly black briefs. He seemed as unbothered by his undress as Vadim was. You didn't work together as closely and as long as they had, and still stay conscious about your appearance. Even if they were a few years older, now.

  Avery was stretched on his bed, much like Vadim had been. He was staring up at the ceiling the same, too. Vadim sat on the bed, and lay down beside him.

  The master bedroom was different to the guest ones, in that - like the atrium - it was crowned by a domed, glass ceiling that looked up into the void beyond. It was strangely peaceful and terrifying, all at once. Vadim watched the stars and galaxies as they moved too slow for the Human eye to perceive - either a handful, or millions of light-years away. He wasn't even sure what part of the universe they were actually in, either. Somewhere so far distant from the places he knew well, that the starscape above was not identifiable.

  "I guess I got a taste of mortality. Of death." Avery's voice was quiet, even. It did not betray emotion, which Vadim knew meant there was a lot, there. He normally emoted strongly.