Insanity

by Xavier Neal

  “I know.” I rub his recently buzzed head. “And he knows that too.”

  “I don't know,” Lordy stands, toy gun now being held like it's a shotgun. “I don't think you can.”

  “You're an idiot.”

  “Come on!” His whine reminds me of JD's. “Don't be a spoil sport. It's your kid's birthday.”

  “Exactly,” I mutter. “Let's keep it about him.”

  “Please Daddy?” JD looks up at me, blue frosting smeared in his eyebrows.

  Rolling my eyes I turn my face to Haven, “Can you give me a wet wipe so I clean up Champ?”

  She stops listening to something Mandy was explaining and smiles brightly at him, “You are a mess!”

  “It was yummy!” he exclaims licking his fingers.

  She glances at me sympathetically and I shrug. “I'm gonna help him clean up.”

  “Why'd you let him get so messy?”

  “Because being messy is where the fun is,” Glove leans forward and wiggles his eyebrows at Haven.

  Instinctively I reach around JD and hit him hard in the arm. “Ouch.”

  “Daddy hands are not for hitting.” JD shakes a blue frosting hand at me.

  “Yeah Grim,” Glove backs my son like the small child he is. “Not for hitting.” Lordy starts laughing and Haven hides a snicker. JD insists, “Say sorry Daddy.”

  “I'm not saying sorry Champ.”

  “Say sorry Daddy. You hit. Mrs. Tiffany says be nice with your hands and words. Be nice Daddy.” He grins up with his blue covered teeth.

  Glove beams at me like a proud asshole and through gritted teeth I say, “Sorry Glove.” When JD nods his approval and reaches out for a wet wipe I mouth, “You're a dead man.” His smile is wiped away and it's my turn to smirk. “Mandy...”

  “Glove whatever you're doing to Clint stop,” she fusses.

  Like a scolded dog he lets his head fall and Lordy laughs, “Are we gonna shoot stuff or what?”

  I grab a wet wipe from Haven and help JD finish looking less like a smurf. As soon as I'm done I stand and reach for the toy I was using earlier, “You do realize that these things are toys.”

  “Yup.”

  “And that even with a toy I can still beat the shit out of you.” I state.

  “Swear jar,” JD says from beside my leg. I love my son to pieces but it's like having a commanding officer every minute of the day judging your every choice.

  Lordy chuckles and I ask, “What are we shooting?”

  “Glove get the cans!” he demands.

  JD tugs at my jean leg to be lifted up. So I do. With him secured in arms he rests his head on my shoulder and says, “I want Auntie Sass.”

  “I know Champ,” Lordy gives his back a pat. “But she promises she'll bring you back something from California.”

  “Like the zoo?” his eyes widen.

  “Maybe not the whole zoo, but I bet I could convince her to bring you back a monkey.”

  “A gorilla,” he corrects him as Glove brings over three empty soda cans.

  “Deal,” Lordy winks at him.

  “When is she expected back?” I ask, curious myself. Not that our new behavioral analyst isn't good, she's just not as good as our old one.

  “Not a clue,” his deep sigh is followed by him rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortable. I nod in understanding. It's one thing that we have to drop our lives at the drop of a hat, keep secrets from our spouses, and spend unknown periods of time away from them, but it's an entire other when you both have to do it.

  Glove puts soda cans on three different branches. He smiles proudly like he's accomplished something. If JD were taller, he could do it. Same damn thing.

  “Are you gonna get us bullets too?” I motion to the ground that's littered with toy bullets from the battle we had earlier.

  He grunts and yanks a few handfuls off the ground bringing them over. “Why am I always the one spectating?”

  Adjusting JD in my arms I remind him, “Well, back then it was because you were hustling women, now it's because you're smart enough not to challenge me.”

  “Point well made.” Glove nods. “What's the bet?”

  “Whoever hits the most cans wins.” Lordy states.

  “Yeah. That's what a competition is. You said you wanted to bet.”

  “Loser helps with the dishes,” I toss the idea out after glancing back at the growing pile. Paper plates and paper cups were a great idea, but Mindy's need for each item to be served in it's own special container, were not.

  “Done,” Lordy scoffs and holds his gun out. Lining up the shot he fires the toy hitting the first can flawlessly. In a shriek of excitement he calls out, “Whoooo! Good lordy, good lordy, did you see...that shot?”

  His catch phrase has me looking down at JD, “Do not repeat him.”

  JD nods and Lordy fires again, this time his bullet flying right past, barely touching the can, leaving it still standing.

  “You missed Uncle Lordy,” JD states like he can't see it.

  “Thanks Champ,” he grumbles and fires up to the can on the last and highest branch. We watch the toy bullet hit the can, but not enough to knock it over. Annoyed he yells out, “Damn it!”

  “You owe a dollar to the swear jar.” JD shakes his head disapproving as Glove hustles over to reset the cans.

  Lordy goes to snap when I shoot him a harsh look. Quickly backing off he grunts at me, “Your turn. And I'll tell you. These toys don't shoot anything like the real thing.”

  “They're made of foam. Of course they don't,” I shift JD around my hip. Looking down into my son's brown eyes that match his mother's I say, “Watch JD. Daddy's gonna hit all three cans while holding you.”

  “No way,” Lordy denies. “No way.”

  “Let's add cleaning up all the bullets from the backyard to that bet,” I tell him loading up my weapon.

  “Done.”

  Once it's ready I line my shot up. Focus on my face. All the same efforts I make when firing an actual weapon. The first can tumbles to the ground the second the bullet crashes into it, the second rocks but still falls. Aligning my shot with JD shifting around is harder, so I wait until he has settled back down, re-aim so the wind is in my favor and fire. The highest can rocks briefly before falling on its side to roll out of the tree.

  “Yay Daddy!” JD cheers for me.

  I hand him the toy and shoot Lordy a look, “The real reason they call me Grim.” I give him a short pat on the back. “Don't forget it.”

  “I wanna try! I wanna try!” JD wiggles down my body. “I can beat you too Uncle Lordy!”

  He grins at my son and says, “Fine! But try to have more mercy on me than your daddy did.”

  “No mercy!” JD says in his best bad guy voice.

  Walking away from him playing with his uncles, I hustle over and wrap both my arms around Haven's waist from behind. She's got dishes gathered in her hands, but still leans into my embrace.

  I plant a kiss on her right above the dog tag chain, which causes Mindy to say, “Oh Slugger, please wait until the party guests leave before you start making out with your wife.”

  “And until my grandson is asleep,” my father sternly says.

  Before I can respond a NERF bullet flies past us right into the left over cake. Haven turns in my arms and shouts, “Jaime Dallas Walker!”

  “He did it!” he points to Glove who drops the toy gun.

  Haven shakes her head and I turn to Mandy. “Just remember that's what you're gonna marry...”

  “Don't remind me,” she stomps over to him.

  After another hour of hanging out, we let JD open his presents and play with them while the rest of us begin to put the house back together. Everyone pitches in until our house is back to normal. I say my goodbye's first because JD insists on letting me help him get ready for bed. The two of us slip away, brush his teeth, put on his Spider-man pajamas, and crawl into bed knowing he'll get a bath in the morning.

  The minute we're in his room he rushes
to crawl into his bed reaching for Brownie, his big brown bear that wears a baseball uniform and my old dog tags. Pulling Brownie under the sheets with him, he starts rubbing at his eyes, obviously tired, but fighting to stay awake.

  “I'm not sleepy...” he complains before yawning.

  “Yes you are,” I sit on the edge of his bed. “Besides even if you're not, look at Brownie. He's ready for bed.”

  “He's always ready for bed,” JD yawns again pulling his bear closer to him. “I want dog tags Daddy.”

  “Maybe someday Champ,” I pull the blanket up so it covers more of him. “But that'll be your choice. Not mine.”

  “Mommy has some.”

  “She does.”

  “Grandpa has some.”

  “He does.”

  “Grandma had some,” he points to the framed picture of my mom that sits on his dresser that's filled with family photos.

  “She did.”

  “I want some,” he whines again rolling over. “You had some.”

  “I did,” I nod slowly. “And now you have them.” He rattles the chain around his bear’s neck. “And if you want your own when you get old enough you can have them. But for now, I think Daddy's will do.”

  “I know why you all had them,” he says his eyes struggling to stay awake.

  “Oh yeah? Why's that?”

  “Because you're all superheroes...and I wanna be a superhero too.”

  The words cause me to smile before I give his back a gentle rub. He’s got something right. The things his mother, my mother and father had to overcome, those things make them superheroes. Not just in his eyes. But in mine.

  “One story and then bed time?”

  “Three...” he tries to negotiate on a yawn. “I'm three.”

  “True. But Daddy said one. So one Champ.”

  “Okay then, my favorite please.”

  I smirk at his response and the use of his manners. Pulling the book from his nightstand drawer, I open it and begin, “Once upon a time there was a young prince who lived in a beautiful castle. Like him, it was glorious and strong. Captivating and magical.” JD's face lights up at the pictures. He points, “Look at it!”

  Chuckling I continue, “And one day this young prince met a beautiful princess who glowed with a beautiful golden light and poise that could only be taught by the fairest in all the land.”

  “Like mommy,” he informs me.

  “Just like mommy,” I agree.

  A quiet snicker grabs my attention and I look up to see Haven leaning against the door frame of his room, fiddling with her tags.

  “The two of them fell deeply in love and were destined to be married by the great king himself. One night, just days before the two were to be wed, the most horrible thing happened! An evil sorcerer slipped into her bedroom and kidnapped her!”

  “That's a bad man!” JD yells at the pages. He waves his hand at the paper, “Very bad man!”

  I try to fight laughing at his interaction with the story, but don't. He's happy. And excited. And loves this book as much as I did, which means more than he'll ever understand.

  “The evil sorcerer took her back to his castle where he placed a magical spell on himself. He turned into a giant snake that covered the entire stone home to keep the princess trapped inside.

  When the prince realized his beloved was missing he searched night and day. Across oceans and mountains. Through sand storm and rain storms alike. He would find his princess!”

  “Because he loves her,” JD yawns matter-of-factly at the book.

  “Finally the prince arrived where the princess was being held, drew his sword, and told her...he would rescue her with his last dying breath! The prince raced towards the unpleasant monster, ready to tear the beast limb from limb. He stabbed the creature, sliced it, hoping to reach the heart yet every wound he made hoping to be fatal, only caused the monster to grow another tail. Each tail with its own fatal fate.”

  “That's not good...”

  “What should he do, Champ?”

  “Cut the head off!” he cheers clutching Brownie tighter.

  “It was then that the brave prince decided the only way to save his princess was to get to the root of the evil. The head! The head must be cut off! And as swiftly as his body would carry him, the bold prince rushed the snake, ducking and dodging the viscous tails presenting him with one chance. One opportunity to save what he had come to love most in the world. With one clean sweep, the prince cut the snake at the throat, beheading the awful creature.

  Feeling triumphant, the prince climbed off the beast right as one of the creature's massive tails landed on him with a giant thud! Trapping him. Imprisoning him. Marching him to his death.”

  “Don't worry Brownie,” JD yawns to his bear. “It's gonna be okay.” Haven giggles again at our son's response. Noticing she's there he looks up and tells her, “Don't worry mommy.”

  “Okay Champ,” she covers her mouth sweetly to hide further laughter.

  “The princess ran down the stairs and threw herself at the man who had saved her from an eternity of sadness. She flung herself at him, cradled his face, and cried, her tears falling onto his face, a golden rain. It was then through a miracle from the stars that the tail slid off of her dearest freeing him. She placed her lips upon his giving him the breath she had in her body in hopes of saving him.

  With a heavy gasp, the prince was awakened staring into the eyes of his princess once more. It was then that he knew all the longing, searching, and fighting had been worth every moment. Together they would live a long and happy life together. The End.”

  JD smiles to his bear, “Told ya.” After I put the book back in his bed side drawer he says, “I'm gonna save a princess someday too.”

  Leaning over I plant a kiss on his forehead, “Good. But just know some day she might save you too...”

  Dedication: To the Universe, for making mountains for me to climb....it always feels good when I get to the top.

  Thank Yous:

  Crazy Lady- My number 1 fan and the best mommy ever. I love you.

  Her Husband- All this...can you believe it?

  The Law Student- I was gonna put the blogger but Crazy Lady throws a hissy fit, lol. Thanks for the support sis.

  The Lumberjack- Someday you'll miss all my crazy...lol

  Katniss- Your boy got his happy ending, you can breathe now.

  The Doc- Time to write is something that will always be the best bonus you could ever give.

  The Big Names- Jaime Reese, Tess Oliver, Kristine Cayne, Selena Laurence, and Harper Sloan for showing how to live and write by example not just advice.

  The Army- You know who you are by this point. We stand together. We stand strong. We will make a difference.

  The PAs- Both of you! Thank you for kicking my ass when it needed it.

  The Marketing Guru- Dude....so much to learn from you but thank you for teaching me this much and being a friend.

  Jo Jo Bean- A little note for you cause let's face it, I need you.

  Bomb Diggity Editor- For kicking so much ass, thank you! And please always pick me to work with!

  My military wifes/lovers/girlfriends- Thank you. And thank your amazing spouses too.

  Bloggers- I'd be lost without and all the hands you lend. Please keep on keeping on and know the Indie World needs you to keep a heartbeat.

  Betas- Thanks for always taking the time to read what I've got.

  Dream Team- HOLY MOLY you ladies are crazy fun and amazing people. I'm glad to have each one of you in my lives.

  Readers- As long as you'll keep reading, just know I'll keep writing. Thank you for making my dreams come true.

  Curious about Glove and Mandy?

  Coming Soon April 2015

  "Collapse" - A Havoc Series Standalone

 

 

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