Gravestone

by Travis Thrasher

  “How was it?”

  “Surreal.” I’m not lying to her. It was surreal. In a good and a bad way.

  “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

  “Don’t disappear on me,” I tell her. “Don’t move in the middle of the night or anything like that.”

  “We just have to get through tonight. My parents are pretty shaken up.”

  I give her a hug and then watch her as she goes back inside.

  I feel something that’s been growing and mutating inside of me for some time.

  It’s rage.

  Rage that I’m stuck inside some invisible cell. Rage that I’m being constantly watched. Rage that every good person who comes across my path gets taken away or hurt or worse.

  A rage that needs revenge.

  I turn up the music as loud as it can go as I drive home.

  I tell myself that I’m going to find the people who did this.

  I’m going to find the reason they’re doing this and then show it to the world.

  96. Driving Again

  I wake up and realize what I have to do.

  I need to see Iris.

  I need to get answers from her.

  I trust this woman. There’s something different about her. Something authentic and real. Something hopeful. And whatever mumbo jumbo she might end up sharing with me doesn’t matter because I’ll take anything. Anything that offers a glimmer of light, even if it’s barely visible through the tiny peephole.

  It’s Sunday morning and … yeah, I don’t even need to say it. I’m awake and Mom’s asleep and she has no idea I’m taking her keys and I have every idea why she’s still sleeping. Enough said.

  The car that I feel like I just got out of is covered in dew. I start it and turn on the windshield wipers and let them go for a few moments, listening to the steady beat in a trance.

  I head up the road on this cloudy gray morning when I see something in front of me and swerve into a ditch.

  When I look back up, I see Jared walking up to me. It takes a second to roll down the window.

  “Are you trying to kill me?” he asks.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I was coming to see you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s time. Back up and let me in.”

  It takes me a couple of tries to get the car back onto the dirt road. Jared climbs inside and studies me.

  “You’re driving a lot these days, aren’t you?”

  I nod.

  “Get your license or something?”

  “No.”

  “Well—guess it doesn’t really matter. Not around here.”

  The car is still in neutral.

  “Where you going?”

  “I was heading to work.”

  “On a Sunday? That’s the day of rest, right? You never work on Sundays.”

  “I need to see Iris.”

  “Why?”

  I haven’t told him about his father working there.

  “What is it, Chris?”

  “Your father. He used to work at the Crag’s Inn. Just like I do.”

  Jared waits for more information.

  “He just disappeared on her.”

  “And she knows nothing more?”

  “That’s all she told me,” I say. “I have a feeling she knows a lot more. About Solitary. About me.”

  “Drive then.”

  I still remain parked on the side of the road.

  “What is it?”

  “I’m not supposed to bring anybody there.”

  “Why? Because we’ll invade the woman’s privacy or something?”

  “No, it’s just—it’s one of her rules. And I don’t want to do anything against her.”

  “She’s an old lady who’s as nutty as Aunt Alice. She’s just more refined. That’s all. Same craziness in a different brand.”

  “I promised.”

  “What? You want me to get my car and follow you?”

  “She can’t see that I brought you there.”

  “It’s not like the Crag’s Inn is some secret. Everybody knows where it is.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Chris—listen. You’re not the only one who wants answers. I have a right to know.”

  I feel the heat finally start working in the car. I stare out the clearing windshield and shake my head. “Just stay in the car until I tell her you’re there,” I finally say.

  “No problem.”

  97. The Sign

  When we make the corner to turn onto the road that winds back and forth up the steep mountain toward Iris and her mountain inn, I can almost feel the change that we drive through. Like a car wash in the middle of the North Pole. The temperature drops, and the car seems to slow down.

  Then the birds start to attack.

  I’m shivering as I hold the steering wheel and begin the ascent when a blanket of squirming, scratching beasts seem to cover our car. It’s not like a few suddenly peck away at the window. It’s more like a battalion of soldiers all attacking at the same time.

  Jared curses and ducks as I pound on the brake and jerk the car to a halt.

  “Keep going, man, keep going.”

  Jagged itching frantic obsessed crazed birds. That’s what they are.

  The bluebird has sent its troops down.

  I can’t tell what kind of birds because there are too many. Big and small and all of them one massive cluster of madness.

  Jared rips at my sleeve and forces me to look at him. “Go. Get up that mountain. Now.”

  I get the car moving, and for a while I’m driving in blindness. It takes me a while to find the windshield wipers, and they don’t do much good. Jared tries to open his window to get them away, but then he howls and shuts the window and holds his hand.

  For a second the noise is unbearable and the frenetic motion is crazy.

  Get out of here back up and back away.

  “Keep driving, Chris!”

  I jerk to a halt again, then accelerate, then shift a couple of times to try and get the birds off.

  A sliver in the throbbing black mess on the windshield shows the road curving to the right, so I turn and keep going.

  And then, like a blurry dream, the birds are gone. Again I stop the car and listen to my breathing.

  “Keep going, Chris.”

  “What was that?”

  He curses and says he has no idea but this isn’t the place to stop.

  I’m still cold and I suddenly feel scared.

  You shouldn’t be here. Not like this. Not with him.

  “You need me to drive?” he asks.

  “No.”

  A small shape flickers in the air above us. Then it suddenly bolts away like all the other birds did.

  Whatever kind of sign that was, I know that it wasn’t a good one.

  98. The Same Guy

  When I get to the top I tell Jared to wait in the car. He seems less anxious now. For a moment he just stares out at the inn.

  “I’ll tell her that you’re here and ask if she wants to see you.”

  “Wonderful.”

  I climb out of the car and go to the door. After a few knocks, I let myself in. Iris has always said to make myself feel at home, to come whenever I’d like, never to feel like I’m bothering her.

  But today’s a Sunday. And I brought someone with me.

  It’s quiet inside, almost too quiet. I call out for Iris. Sometimes when I do this, I hear her voice answering from a room upstairs or down the hall. Today I don’t hear anything. No voice, no movement, nothing.

  I enter the kitchen. No coffee or tea made. No breakfast out. No dishes in the sink.

  I wonder if there are any guests in the inn.

  Again I call out her name. Nothing.

  There’s a reason for this.

  The birds, Jared coming with me, the spooky fog outside …

  Something’s wrong.

  But something’s been wrong ever since I set foot in Solitary. Iris kno
ws the town and knows my place in it. She knows about Uncle Robert, and it’s time to get some answers. Some legitimate, real, eye-opening answers.

  As I head out of the kitchen through the dining room, I hear a door open.

  “Iris?”

  I go into the room and see him. A face and a smile I know but suddenly don’t recognize. Every inch of me goes cold.

  “No.”

  That’s all Jared says. But it’s the way he looks, the way he says it.

  And suddenly I know. Just like that.

  Just.

  Like.

  That.

  “Let’s wait for her in here,” Jared says.

  “I told you to wait in the car.”

  “She won’t mind. I’m sure she won’t.”

  I take a few steps and then stand near the wall between the dining room and the front door. Jared is by the couch, about ten feet away from me. I can smell something different, something strong.

  He’s holding something white. A cloth or an old handkerchief, the kind that guys used to have in the old-time movies. He uses his index fingers and thumbs to delicately turn the white thing.

  “Why don’t you sit, Chris?”

  “You shouldn’t be in here.”

  His eyes maul mine, then he looks around, then looks back at me. Again he smiles.

  You’re so stupid, Chris. Stupid.

  “Do you recognize this?”

  I look at him and then at the cloth.

  “Jared—what—”

  “Tell me. Do you recognize it?”

  “No.”

  “It belonged to my father. It was his handkerchief. He taught me how to use it too.” He pauses, looking like he’s about ready to deliver a punch line.

  I glance at the door.

  “Uh-uh. We have to wait.”

  “Jared. What are you doing?”

  “My father taught me to be careful about the dosage. With a strong enough dose you can knock out anybody.”

  I can get to the door I can make it there before he can grab me.

  Jared moves a little closer to the door, reading my hand. Then he holds up the handkerchief. “You really should remember this, Chris. And so should your mom.” He laughs.

  And I know.

  I know, but I have no idea why. Why all the lies? Why all the games?

  You can’t get out you have to get somewhere else.

  “Both of you went out so fast. It was ridiculous.”

  I back up and then stand against the wall.

  What about Iris? What’s he going to do to her?

  “Do you know that chloroform was used between the 1800s and 1900s? The only problem with it, then and now, is the side effects. Especially with your liver and your kidneys. But, well, we’ll just have to worry about that when the time comes, won’t we.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  He ignores my question and puts the cloth in one hand.

  “Why?” he echoes. He takes a step closer. “It was my job. The icing on the cake is discovering this place. All thanks to you. ”

  He smiles again.

  I just don’t …

  Go.

  I bolt and stop thinking and get around the corner heading down the hall, but he’s too fast.

  Way too fast.

  I feel a hand on my arm and another pulling my shirt and then I feel something come over my face then feel something pressed over my face and my mouth and I start to scream but I can’t.

  I’m trying to scream one thing over and over but I can’t get it out.

  Iris get out of here Iris get out of here.

  I keep trying until I suddenly can’t try anything anymore.

  99. In Flames

  There it is again.

  The fire and the smoke.

  Blossoming in front of me, burning hot and bright and wild.

  I know she’s in there.

  Jocelyn is in there and she’s burning and I’ll never see her beautiful face again.

  My eyes close, then open again.

  The flickers of yellow and orange and red flames wave at me.

  I close my eyes again.

  This time when I open them, I see them.

  Animals everywhere.

  Dogs and cats and deer and groundhogs and foxes and even wolves.

  They’re all …

  I’m so dreaming. He must’ve slipped me something else besides chloroform.

  The animals stand at the side of the fire, watching.

  Then I see the black shape that’s in flames.

  The Crag’s Inn.

  My senses are having a hard time tracking and keeping up with the flickering flames. I feel weighed down, trapped, half conscious.

  The inn is burning. It’s really, truly burning.

  I hear a song that was playing at the prom, mocking me.

  Wake me up before you go-go ’cause I’m not planning on going solo.

  But solo is what I am.

  The inn is gone and surely that means Iris is too.

  No.

  I look to my left and see the window of my mom’s car.

  Outside it is a fluttering bird, watching.

  Watching me.

  I close my eyes again.

  100. Driving

  Good thing I’m not confused.

  Because if I was, I might be driving really not so well on my way to get Poe and then—oh, I don’t know.

  She’s the only one I trust.

  I trusted Iris, but …

  Don’t think about it don’t go there don’t Chris.

  I don’t know what happened. With Iris or with Jared or with Poe or anybody.

  Iris wasn’t in there there’s no way there’s absolutely no way.

  I’d feel sick to my stomach, but I feel like I left my stomach and my wits and pretty much anything I have back there on the hill that has a still burning still raging fiery mass on top of it.

  I really almost drove off the cliff when I started up the car. Not on purpose, but because I was driving so fast.

  And because you don’t have a license.

  But really.

  I mean really.

  I want someone to pull me over.

  Please lock me up and throw away the key. I’ll do anything for that.

  My mind races.

  Jared—is that his real name? I seriously doubt he’s Uncle Robert’s son.

  How could you be so dumb?

  I replay the last, what, five months or so. I should have thought things through more carefully.

  He shows up the moment I go looking for help after her death. He shows up with his stories and his lies and his advice.

  Listen to me, okay? You have to lie low. For a while.

  So that’s what I did.

  I laid or lied low. I don’t know which one I did. I just know which one Jared did.

  I trusted him while he lied.

  But what does Iris have to do with any of this? And why—why do this now? Why do this and leave me there to watch?

  Everybody else around me gets hurt. But nobody hurts me. Not physically, anyway.

  I don’t want to imagine something happening to Iris. It’s impossible. There’s no way. She was an old lady who wouldn’t hurt anybody. They wouldn’t do that to her. They couldn’t.

  I drive through a maze of woods and wilderness and wonder if I’m some animal trapped inside, being watched like a guinea pig.

  I think back to last night, about the smile and the sweetness that made me forget. Just for a moment.

  Moments like that are good. They’re necessary.

  They’re also like dreams. You wake and find them gone. You wake and find yourself driving in a nightmare. Just like now. Just like this.

  101. Mad World

  Then you arrive at Poe’s and suddenly find that you’re hovering over yourself watching in horror.

  You see the cars outside, but still you park on the side of the street.

  Two squad cars with lights still on.

  Of
course you think the worst. But you can see Poe on the lawn crying and being held by her mom.

  You see her father talking to Sheriff Wells.

  Someone approaches you as you walk toward them.

  The sky is clear and you’re out of the woods and the heavens watch you.

  Deputy Do-so-very-little Kevin comes over to you and stops you before you can go any further.

  Now you’re screaming though it doesn’t really feel like it.

  You’re shouting for Poe but she just looks your way.

  Looks your way as if this is your fault.

  But you don’t know what you did.

  The deputy warns you to get back in your car and leave.

  The sheriff looks over with little help.

  No expression.

  No expression.

  Something happened.

  You stand and look around and your world spins and swirls and you don’t go anywhere.

  Kevin tells you to go home and wait. Go home and wait.

  Sit and listen.

  You look at Poe and see the tears in her eyes.

  That’s all this town is and this story is and these secrets are … just one big bowl of tears.

  You find it kind of funny.

  You begin to walk back to your car.

  You find it kind of sad.

  You start up the car and look back and then drive.

  You don’t want to go home.

  You don’t want to go anywhere.

  But you do what you’re told because there’s nothing left to do in this very, very mad world.

  102. UNKLE

  The song for the rest of the day is “Rabbit in Your Headlights.”

  Just another find in Uncle Robert’s collection.

  Just another find in this little room.

  Just another song played over and over.

  Just another theme for another life.

  103. Summer Plans

  I feel like a kid forced to go on those drugs for ADD and feeling now like a zombie. Motionless. Lifeless. Hollow. Spent.

  Good thing that I have expulsion to wake me up.

  “What?”

  This is my life word. My life verse. My life summary.

  “What?”

  I’m sitting in Principal Harking’s office once again.

  Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.