Honor 05 - Honor Reclaimed

by Radclyffe

  "The doctors don't know everything. Hell, they don't anything. If we have something, I don't want you getting sick."

  Stark spoke up. "She's right, Commander. I'd advise you to leave."

  Cam looked from one to the other and stretched her legs out in front of her, crossing her feet at the ankles. "Would you two like to be briefed, or would you rather try to throw me out?"

  "You can stay," Blair said after a minute, "but no touching."

  "Oh, jeez," Stark muttered.

  "So brief us, Commander," Blair said, sitting cross-legged on the bed.

  "Captain Andrews will be here in a few minutes to give you all the correct medical terminology. She's on the line with the president right now," Cam said as she looked into Blair's eyes.

  "But you know something, don't you?" Blair asked.

  Cam never hesitated, because lying was not something she was ever going to do with Blair. "Yes. It seems that the preliminary tests are highly suggestive of anthrax."

  Blair's lips tightened.

  Beside them, Stark took in an audible breath and then asked, "Does Renee know?"

  "Not yet. She's asleep, and I thought it would be better not to wake her. If you want me to get her-—"

  "No!" Stark said immediately. "But if you'd tell her..." Her voice cracked and she looked down at her hands, struggling to push back her fears.

  "Wait, you two." Cam continued in a steady voice, "There's plenty of good news. All three of you have begun treatment before any sign of symptoms, which means that you're very likely not going to get sick." She nodded toward the gauze taped to Blair's upper arm. "They vaccinated you too, didn't they?"

  "Yes." Blair leaned forward, allowing her fingertips to brush Cam's sleeve. It was so good to have her close again, and she wanted so badly to touch her. She forced herself to stop before their skin made contact. She had to be sure that Cam was not in danger. "What's the bad news?"

  "Unfortunately," Cam said with the first hint of frustration, "the incubation period is extremely long, especially for the inhalational form of the disease."

  "How long?" Blair and Stark said in unison.

  Before Blair could protest, Cam slid her hand on top of Blair's. Instantly, their fingers intertwined. "Sixty days after exposure."

  Blair stiffened. "They're not going to keep us here—"

  "No,", Cam assured her quickly. "In fact, Captain Andrews said if you're not showing any signs of illness—which you won't be—by the time the cultures come back, you'll all be released on medication."

  "What about other people?" Stark asked, thinking of how ill Renee seemed already. "Are we—-you know—contagious?"

  Cam shook her head. "Not at all. Person-to-person spread of the disease does not occur."

  "So what's the bottom line here, Commander?" Blair asked, pulling Cam's hand into her lap and cradling it against her body. That was all the contact she was going to allow herself until she knew for certain that Cam was safe, but the firm grip of Cam's fingers around hers stilled the tremulousness in the pit of her stomach that had been there since the instant she'd seen the white substance burst into the air.

  "You need to stay here for a few more days to be certain that the antibiotics and other drugs are working."

  Blair regarded Stark with a vehement shake of her head. "I'm not playing pinochle with her as my partner."

  Cam laughed. The last time Blair had been sequestered, they'd passed the hours playing pinochle. Blair had declared Stark the worst player she'd ever seen. "You don't have to worry about that. The only partner you're ever going to have, Ms. Powell, is me."

  Chapter Twenty

  Sunday, September 16

  D im light filtered through the window in the door from the hallway into the room where Cam and Savard lay side by side on narrow cots. It had been quiet since the last time a technician had checked on Blair and Stark an hour and a half ago. Cam stared at the ceiling, listening to Savard shift restlessly in her sleep. Every so often she heard a quiet moan. When the moans grew louder and culminated in a sharp cry, she rolled onto her side and reached across the space between them. With a hand on Savard's shoulder, she said gently, "Hey, Renee."

  Savard jerked upright, trembling as she fought to orient herself in the near dark.

  "Sorry," Cam said, keeping her hand on the unsteady woman's arm. "You sounded like you were having a bad dream."

  "Yeah," Savard said shakily. She had promised Paula she'd try to sleep, although she hadn't expected to. She'd stripped down to her camisole and panties after returning from her all-too-brief visit with Stark earlier, and looking down, she realized that she'd kicked the covers off in her sleep. With a small laugh, she reached for the sheet and pulled it up to her waist. "I didn't mean to wake you."

  "You didn't." Cam dropped her hand and rolled onto her back again. "Couldn't sleep."

  "I'm surprised I did."

  "Having a tough time with that?"

  Savard hesitated, but there in the dark, with a woman she trusted with her life, she had to believe she was safe. "Can't get it out of my head."

  "Understandable."

  "Working helps, but only for so long." Savard lay back down, gripping the sheet tightly in both fists. "And now, with Paula in here..." She heard her voice waver and break, but it seemed as if she were listening to someone else. The words kept coming, even though she hadn't intended them to escape. "I keep seeing things. Hearing things."

  "When you're awake?"

  Savard nodded, her throat constricting around the scream that had threatened to erupt since the first moment she'd realized what the plume of smoke high up in the sky meant.

  "Renee?"

  "Yes," Savard whispered. "And when I close my eyes."

  "How much downtime have you had this week?"

  "As much as anyone else," Savard said harshly.

  "No one's been getting enough." Cam flashed on how she'd felt that morning when she hadn't known if Blair was hurt, or worse. The terrible fear. The aching helplessness. The soul-sapping powerlessness. She tried to imagine magnifying that a thousandfold or more and couldn't. "Both you and Stark need some downtime after she's released."

  "No!" Savard sat up, the sheet falling away unnoticed. "There's work—"

  "You're right. There is. A lot of it. Weeks of it, probably. And I need you both." Cam sat up and swung her legs over the bed. She'd removed her shirt and trousers and wore a thin sleeveless silk T-shirt and briefs. "You won't do me any good until you get your feet back under you. Where is your family?"

  "Florida."

  "Take Paula there."

  "She won't go. Not now."

  Cam laughed. "She'll go. And you need to see someone—a professional—to talk all of this over with."

  "You know what will happen if wind of that gets into my jacket," Savard said bitterly. "My security clearance will disappear, and I'll end up holding down a desk in the middle of Kansas."

  "Nothing is going into your file because no one's going to know about this except you and me. But I want it done, Renee. And you can consider that an order."

  "A week. But I'll see someone."

  Cam laughed again, impressed with Savard's toughness. "We'll start there."

  *

  "Have you eaten anything tonight?" Diane asked from the archway that separated the living room from the hall and her bedroom at the far end. Valerie stood at the open door to the balcony with her back to the room, a half-empty wineglass in her hand. It was after midnight, as Diane had discovered much to her surprise when she awoke from an unintended slumber. She'd showered hastily and gone in search of Valerie, wondering if she would even still be there and overtaken by a wave of sadness at the thought that she might not be.

  A single lamp burned in the far corner of the room, and a nearly empty bottle of wine stood on the coffee table next to her own glass from earlier that day. "Valerie?"

  Valerie turned with a weary smile. "No."

  "What have you been doing?"

  "Thi
nking, mostly." She finished her wine and crossed to the coffee table where she carefully deposited the empty glass. Diane, she noticed, had changed into a loose, scoop-necked blouse and wide-leg casual slacks. She was barefoot. And she was so beautiful Valerie's throat ached to look at her. She'd thought of her for hours—how she'd looked the first moment she'd seen her in the gallery, what they'd shared that week as they had mourned with the rest of the country, how Diane's strength and compassion had touched the place inside that she usually kept guarded against everyone. "Did you sleep?"

  "I did. I can't imagine how."

  "Sooner or later the stress catches up to you."

  "Does it work that way with you? Does anything ever catch up to you?"

  "Sometimes," Valerie said softly.

  "What things?"

  Valerie shook her head. "Things I chose twenty years ago when I said yes to a man who told me I had something special to offer my country."

  Diane walked slowly forward, her eyes on Valerie's. "What things, Valerie?"

  Valerie was unable to look away from Diane's face. Her mouth was so tender, her eyes so bruised. God. I've hurt her. "I'm so sorry."

  Diane made an impatient gesture. "What things can't you get away from?"

  "Loneliness," Valerie said softly.

  "What do you do then?"

  Valerie lifted both hands and let them fall, her chest constricting around the sadness and desire that warred within her. She stepped back, knowing that she would keep on hurting her, as she had hurt every woman in her life. She couldn't bear to have this woman's pain on her conscience. "I wait for it to pass. Go back to bed, Diane."

  "Did making love with Cam make it better?"

  "Don't. Please." Valerie took another step, and her legs bumped into the coffee table. Diane was so close to her now, within arm's distance, and she struggled not to run. She smelled something sweet and tangy, a lotion that Diane had put on after her shower. She imagined how smooth her skin would feel, how soft her kisses. She closed her eyes. "Please."

  "Answer me. You owe me that much."

  "It wasn't like that," Valerie said desperately.

  "Oh, I know you were working," Diane said with just a trace of anger, "but being with her or...others...couldn't have left much room for feeling alone."

  Valerie was tired. She was tired of holding herself back, tired of burying her needs so deeply that no one would ever have a hold on her. She'd let her guard down with Cam, and as hard as it had been, she was glad. Glad that she could still feel something for someone. And now, Diane was hammering once again at her defenses, and she was so tired of struggling to keep everyone out. She spoke without thinking. "There's nothing quite as lonely as making love to women who never touch you."

  Diane gave a small start. "Are you saying...never?"

  "It doesn't matter." Valerie shrugged impatiently. "That's the way I wanted it-—the way it has to be."

  "It does matter." Diane reached out, her breasts brushing Valerie's, and lightly cupped Valerie's face between her palms. She smoothed both thumbs over Valerie's mouth. "You're trembling. I can feel you hurting."

  "No, you're wrong." Valerie tried to pull her head away, but Diane held her firm. "I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry."

  "Why did you?" Diane leaned closer and followed with her lips the path her thumbs had traversed. Valerie moaned quietly as Diane slid her hands to the back of Valerie's neck, deepening the kiss with a gentle exploration of lips and tongue. Then she eased away and murmured against Valerie's mouth. "Why?"

  "Because," Valerie said, her voice choked, "when I'm with you, I don't feel alone." She closed her eyes and lowered her forehead to Diane's shoulder as she wrapped both arms around her waist, giving in to the need to hold and be held. Just one minute. Just one minute to touch and be touched. She breathed in Diane's scent and rubbed her cheek lightly against the side of Diane's neck, finding her skin even softer than she had imagined. She tightened her hold and felt the supple strength contained within the lithe form. Marveling at the firm fullness of Diane's breasts, she moaned quietly as her own nipples tightened from the press of flesh on flesh. A tremor started in her legs and climbed into the core of her, and she knew she was falling. Falling from darkness into light, and she pushed away, afraid. "Diane. Go to bed."

  Diane laughed shakily and cleaved more tightly to her. "One kiss. One simple kiss. One kiss, and I know I'll starve if I don't have you." She pressed a trembling hand to her heart. "In here, where I hunger."

  "Oh God," Valerie whispered, taking Diane's mouth in one fierce motion. She was aware of Diane pulling her blouse from her slacks and felt hot fingers scale her spine. She circled her tongue inside Diane's mouth and groaned as Diane swept her palms around her body to lightly brush over her breasts and then whisper away. "Be sure. Please, be sure."

  "I'm sure," Diane muttered, her lips moving along Valerie's throat, "that I'm not going to make love to you standing up out here." With effort, she stepped back and caught Valerie's hands in liers. "Come with me."

  "Diane, I..."

  "Shh." Diane tugged her toward the hallway. "Later. Later you can tell me everything. Now there's something I want to tell you."

  Valerie followed, refusing to think beyond the moment, wanting these few minutes of forgiveness and forgetting. When they arrived by the side of Diane's bed and Valerie reached for the hem of Diane's blouse, Diane murmured no and brushed Valerie's hands away.

  "I have this need," Diane whispered, her mouth close to Valerie's ear as she deftly unbuttoned the waistband of her slacks, "to touch you. Indulge me."

  "Oh yes." Valerie swayed as a languorous heaviness settled in her stomach, and her limbs softened with the slow burn of desire. Lightly, she held Diane's hips, needing the contact as much as to steady herself. Diane's lips shivered over the rim of her ear, and sharp pinpoints of pleasure pricked her consciousness as teeth tugged at her earlobe. She shivered and her nipples ached as they rubbed against the inside of the silk cups that still contained them.

  "Lift your arms, my beautiful one," Diane said, her voice husky and deep. Delicately, she slid Valerie's blouse and bra off in one motion, leaving her bare from the waist up. She pressed her thighs and lower body against Valerie's, her loins full and pulsing with arousal. She was determined to go slowly, but her body cried out for contact. She rolled her pelvis into the vee between Valerie's legs, tormenting them both. "Oh God, you feel so good."

  With trembling hands, Diane caught the bottom of her own blouse and stripped it from her skin, dropping it mindlessly somewhere behind her. As her teeth closed on Valerie's lower lip, she tightened her arms around the slender body and rubbed her breasts over Valerie's. Their tight nipples chafed, and the beating between her thighs quickened, her clitoris tensing until she moaned.

  Valerie edged a hand between them and spread her fingers over Diane's breast, squeezing gently. "I want you so much.. .so much."

  Diane arched into the pleasure even as she pushed away. "Don't. I'm already far too excited."

  "Then let me." Valerie covered Diane's other breast and worked her thumbs over her nipples, flicking as she massaged the tense engorged tissue. "Let me give you what you need. I want to."

  "No. No." Diane pressed her hands over Valerie's, crushing her breasts beneath their joined fingers, stilling the torturous touch. She drew a breath and then another until her head began to clear. Then she pulled Valerie's hands from her body and jerked her toward the bed, turning them in motion so that Valerie ended up on her back with Diane above her, straddling her body. Her lips curved in a victorious smile, and she stretched full-length upon her, pressing one thigh firmly between Valerie's as she delved into her mouth. Between moans and kisses she worked her fingers between their bodies and finished unzipping Valerie's slacks and then her own. She rolled away only enough to push her clothing down and then to help Valerie shed the rest of hers. As they shifted and struggled and clung to one another, their mouths still joined, desperate not to lose contact, their
bruising kisses grew more frantic and their hands more demanding.

  "Please," Valerie begged, pressing her hips up to meet each of Diane's ever-more-rapid downward thrusts, "let me touch you. Let me make you come."

  "No. You first." Diane's lids were nearly closed, her pupils wide and dark, her breath a rasping groan. She felt Valerie's passion slick her skin, but it was her own control that threatened to break. She braced her body on trembling arms and rocked herself to the brink of orgasm against Valerie's thigh, and still Valerie held back. She could feel her body shuddering beneath her, sense her hands trembling over her back like the frantic wings of a wounded bird, and still she held back. "Let go, darling. Let go."

  "I can't," Valerie gasped. "Oh God, I can't"

  "Oh yes," Diane said fiercely, "you can." And then she pushed herself down on the bed until she was between Valerie's thighs, and in the same motion took her into her mouth with one long slide of lips and tongue and gently grazing teeth. Valerie stiffened, her body rising off the bed as she choked back a scream.

  Instantly, Diane gentled her caresses into swift butterfly kisses and short light strokes with the tip of her tongue until Valerie caught her breath and relaxed into the pleasure. Diane stretched both arms upward, finding Valerie's nipples and squeezing to the rhythm of her mouth, drawing the tense clitoris ever closer to the brink.

  Valerie covered Diane's hands with hers, joining Diane's fingers on her nipples, guiding her in the twisting, tugging motion that would ignite the orgasm that lingered still in the shadows of her mind. "I'm so close so close.. .suck me harder."

  With tender precision, Diane bit down on the base of Valerie's clitoris, and Valerie came instantly. Her shoulders wrenched off the bed as she cried out at the shock, then fell back shivering and twisting as the pleasure ripped through her. She was still coming when Diane pulled herself up and crushed her lips to Valerie's neck, moaning and shuddering, her body on fire.