by Chelsea Roy
Jack lay there on the beach with Ellie, worrying about the best way to break this news to her. Ellie lay in blissful ignorance and he wished he could be completely wrapped up in the moment of being with her. He just prayed he would be enough for her when the chips fell.
THIRTEEN
The next day was like a dream for Ellie. Jack had woken her up in the morning by rubbing her back as she lay curled up around her pillow. His strong, warm hands stroked her into awareness and she snuggled back into him. Having in him in her bed and waking up with him was a completely novel experience and one she didn’t take for granted.
When she had opened her eyes, she took stock of her body and realized she felt a little bit better. After a bit of stretching, Jack had pulled her up and out of bed and made her a light breakfast of bagels and fresh fruit. Watching him move around her kitchen so confidently still puzzled Ellie. She couldn’t believe Jack was with her and taking care of such domestic tasks. Admittedly, she was having a hard time reconciling pre-baby Jack with the man who was standing in her kitchen caring for her so thoroughly. After breakfast, Jack suggested they take a small trip downtown and Ellie was all for it. She hated being cooped up.
The ride was fairly silent but Ellie didn’t mind because she was wrapped up in her own private thoughts and it seemed like Jack was, too. When they arrived at their destination, though, Ellie couldn’t hold back the eye roll and laugh.
“This is what you dragged me out of the house for?” Ellie teased as Jack pulled up in front of a well-known tattoo parlor in downtown San Diego.
“This is me, Ellie,” Jack told her somberly, all teasing aside. “When important things happen in my life, I get inked to memorialize it.” Ellie nodded, knowing Jack’s history with tattoos. Her mind stumbled over what he would choose to get ink for. Was he celebrating their relationship? Mourning the loss of the tiny life? She didn’t know and she was afraid to ask. Her emotions were still bubbling at the surface and any answer he gave would probably make them spill out and turn her into a sloppy mess.
Jack met her on her side of the car, helping her down out of the car even though Ellie knew she was perfectly capable of doing it on her own. Ellie smiled and grabbed his hand. He pulled her in for a quick, tight hug and pressed a kiss against her forehead. It seemed like he was silently thanking her for continuing to let him help her. Jack wore a black wife beater and Ellie savored the feel of his warm skin against her. Ellie tugged free of his embrace and led him into the shop. She had never been into a tattoo parlor before and was curious about every bit of it.
As she looked around, she took note of the clean and gleaming surfaces. The shop looked more like a hair salon that catered to bikers or something instead of what she envisioned a tattoo shop to look like. There was a lot of chrome, comfortable looking chairs, and a couple of flat screen televisions. When Jack entered in behind Ellie, the receptionist squealed out his name. A flood of jealousy hit Ellie square in the gut as she wondered if this was one of the many women Jack had fucked. The girl’s reaction at seeing Jack and how well she seemed to know him didn’t help Ellie’s reign in her jealousy. She watched silently as Jack gave the girl a tight hug. Her breath caught and stuttered out as pain hit her square in the chest.
“Sam, this is Ellie. Ellie, meet Sam.” Jack provided a quick introduction to the overly happy receptionist before Sam led her and Jack back to a private section of the shop. The man who greeted them had arms covered in tattoos and was muscle-bound in an almost obscene way. Ellie couldn’t help but give him an appreciative once-over, especially after the way Jack had greeted the receptionist. If he could be overly friendly, dammit, so could she!
“Dan, meet Ellie. Ellie, this is Dan, the best damn tattoo artist in the fucking country.” Jack’s introduction was gruff and he tightened Ellie up against his side. Dan reached out and shook Ellie’s hand, his grip firm and warm. Ellie smiled sweetly at him.
“Hey Dan. It’s awesome to meet you,” Ellie gushed. She played it up like she was a fan-girl and wasn’t above admitting she was trying to make Jack jealous. Dan winked at her as he released her hand.
“Back at you Ellie.” Dan turned away to prep his workstation, and Jack’s grip grew tighter.
“You’re mine. Got it?” Jack growled into her ear. Ellie felt a shot of warmth slide through her and head straight down to her girl parts. This was the reaction she had been hoping for. Jack had never acted possessive of her, ever. For the most part, he’d seemed largely disinterested in her life outside of their bedroom activities so this new aspect of him was thrilling. At the core of it, though, was Ellie’s own primal response to Sam.
“And you’re mine. Don’t you forget that!” She told him, staring up into his amazing eyes, her own growl just as low. A reluctant smile tugged on Jack’s lips and he immediately seemed to clue in to her show of possessiveness.
“I never fucked her, El. She’s Dan’s little sister. It’s bad form to fuck your friend’s sister. But, because she’s his sister, it also means I have to put up with her fan crush. And that’s all it is. Okay?” Jack’s hand ran up and down Ellie’s back in reassuring swipes. Ellie nodded, feeling incredibly stupid. She knew her insecurities and knew she was going to continually question who Jack had slept with and who he hadn’t. This relationship with him was going to get really complicated if she couldn’t straighten out her insecurities and learn how to deal with Jack’s past.
“Do you want to know?” He asked her, cupping her cheek in his palm.
“Want to know what?” She asked him, confused. He’d just told her the receptionist wasn’t one of his many conquests.
“If we meet up with someone I’ve been with. Do you want to know? Is the knowledge important to you?” Jack’s voice throbbed with intensity and Ellie could tell he was struggling to understand what it would take to make his past comfortable for her. She thought about the question before answering carefully.
“I don’t know. Maybe. If it’s going to be weird or awkward or if we’re going to spend a lot of time with that person, then yes. Definitely. I don’t want to be hit with something out of the blue or be left out of a big secret everyone else is in on.” She finally answered. Her mind was rolling through scenario after scenario and she was a little queased out. She didn’t know the numbers of people he’d been with or the types of women he went for and wasn’t sure she really wanted to. Being kept in the dark, though, while everyone else around her knew would drive her crazy. She’d just have to learn how to deal.
“Fair enough my Ellie.” Jack responded, keeping his eyes tight to hers. He gave her waist a final squeeze and released her. Ellie rubbed her arms, feeling cold without him. When she turned, she realized Dan was patiently waiting for them to sort their shit out and that he had been an avid listener to their conversation. Her cheeks burned slightly but she gave Dan a tight smile. She’d be damned if she apologized for her relationship with Jack.
Ellie watched with interest as Jack got situated on a black leather chair. It looked sort of like an exam table to her. Dan had pulled out several colors of ink and laid out instruments that Ellie didn’t even want to think about. He positioned Jack carefully before picking up his gun. Ellie found the buzzing and snapping of the tattoo gun to be strange and intimidating. From the positioning of Jack’s body, it was clear he was getting his shoulder done. As Dan pressed the gun into Jack’s skin Ellie was amazed that Jack didn’t even flinch. Clearly he was used to the sharp pinch of the needle.
Although Ellie was dying to see what art Jack was adding to his body, she knew she wouldn’t be able to view anything until the product was finished. She left her seat next to Jack and wandered around the shop. She’d always wanted a tattoo but had never had the nerve to actually get one. Maybe after being introduced to Dan and seeing the cleanliness of the shop, she could work up the nerve. Ellie knew exactly what she wanted in a tattoo and what she thought was sexy, so that part wasn’t a problem. She would surprise Jack if she went through with it, she was sur
e of it. Over the years and as the number of tattoos on his arms had grown in number, he had gently needled Ellie about her fascination with his body art and her continued refusal to get any of her own. Plus, even though she was deeply and irrevocably in love with Jack, Dan was a really hot guy and what normal, healthy woman didn’t like a hot guy paying her a bit of exclusive attention? Ellie chuckled to herself. Based on Jack’s possessive display, she wasn’t so sure he would be too happy with Dan tattooing her.
After checking in with Jack and briefly watching Dan wiping away blood and ink from Jack’s shoulder, she decided she was going to go a few doors down and buy everyone at the shop some coffee. She loaded up with common favorites like frappucchinos, mochas, and iced lattes and made her way back to the shop. Ellie even managed to snag a few chocolate chip cookies and rice krispy treats. Coming back through the shop doors, she was not ready for Sam’s squeal when she caught sight of Ellie’s burden. Sam immediately leapt from her seat and helped Ellie distribute the coffees out to the rest of the employees at the shop. Apparently Ellie had come really close to what everyone’s favorites actually were. One of the guys, who was way too thin and had tattoos and piercings covering every visible surface of his body, dropped to the ground at Ellie’s feet and made kissing noises. After pronouncing to everyone in the shop that he was “in love”, he rose back up and gave her a loud smacking kiss on the cheek. Ellie blushed furiously and laughed at his antics.
“Jack,” Sam said in a light voice after the laughter had died down, “Your girlfriend is way cool! We’ve never had a customer buy us all drinks before. I like her!”
Ellie couldn’t help but feeling pleased. Sam’s declaration was the first time she had been referred to as Jack’s girlfriend and that made her inner girl sigh with pleasure. And although she hadn’t bought the drinks to make buddies, she was glad it was an added bonus to her impromptu decision. She wanted to be accepted by the people in Jack’s life and clearly he spent at least some amount of time with these guys.
Making sure Jack was otherwise occupied, Ellie very quietly made an appointment with Sam to come back and see Dan. She wanted to surprise him with a tattoo of her own but she wasn’t ready to share her plans to get it done. She felt a little bad she would be doing something so monumental without Jack, but it was something she needed to do alone. Ellie chatted with Sam about college and boys and found herself really enjoying spending time with the girl. She was completely amazed at how much time had passed when Dan came out to tell her Jack’s tattoo was done.
Ellie walked toward Dan’s station. She couldn’t help but feel a little anxious as she moved to inspect his new art. She was amazed at what she saw. Jack had chosen a beautiful sunburst coming through dark grey clouds. It was a huge tattoo, covering the entire back of his right shoulder.
“It’s beautiful,” Ellie told Dan sincerely. Dan just nodded his head, clearly not in need of compliments to make him feel validated about the quality of his work.
“You have to know you’ve been the only constant light in my life.” Jack told her as he looked up from his position on the table. Ellie didn’t have to ask what the dark grey clouds meant. She knew him well enough to know he’d been living under those clouds for a long, long time. She just hoped his tattoo signified he was ready to move out from behind those clouds. She leaned over and kissed his skin just outside of where he’d gotten the tattoo. She was on his body forever now and was starting to think Jack really did plan to be a permanent part of her life.
“How long are you going to stay in the city?” Ellie asked as they left the shop and walked toward Jack’s Expedition. She needed to know exactly what kind of timeline she was working with and how hard of a hit her heart would take when he left.
“The band is taking a break. We’re all tired. We’ve been touring non-stop for what feels like years. We’ve made more money than we know what to do with but if we can’t stop to enjoy it, what’s the point?” Jack’s question was rhetorical, but Ellie answered anyway.
“I wondered when you would all realize how empty life on the road is. It seemed like you were all chasing your own personal demons and were afraid to stop.” She said gently. Jack gave a short laugh that was completely humorless.
“In a way we were. I was running from a shitty home life. Jacob is running from his feelings for a woman. Eric is running from the fact that he as three siblings that are intellectually so successful it’s frightening. And Brent? He’s running from the fact that the girl he loved in college gave their baby up for adoption.” Ellie was shocked to hear everything so succinctly summed up by Jack but particularly about Brent’s history. He always seemed so carefree when she saw him. She would never have guessed that Brent was hiding deep feelings over such a tragedy. She thought about the hug and words of encouragement he had given her in the hospital. Clearly he had some experience in this area.
“So what does this mean as far as you staying in San Diego?” Ellie persisted. Although she appreciated the insight into why the band was taking time off, Jack still hadn’t answered her real question.
“I told you Ellie. I’m here to stay. I’m not going to fuck this up with you again. How many chances with a girl like you can a guy like me get?” Jack’s voice was teasing but Ellie knew he was dead serious.
“Tell me what you mean by that. A guy like you.” She coaxed. Ellie hated when Jack talked down about himself. She had always found him to be amazingly talented and truly good at heart. He could undoubtedly be a self-absorbed asshole but he’d never really had a reason not to be.
“For the last ten years I’ve been a drunk more than half the time. I’ve been a complete whore. I’ve ignored my own feelings for a perfect woman just so I didn’t have to face my fear of losing her. I’ve fucked people over to get where I am. It’s not like I’m the world’s greatest relationship material. I wonder to myself when the hell you’re going to realize you can do so much better than me.” Jack’s voice was low and quiet and Ellie knew he really felt he wasn’t good enough for her.
“I know you haven’t been perfect. None of us have been, Jack. Take me, for example. I tried to have your baby behind your back. Not perfect. But the way you’re describing yourself? You’re just flat out pissing me off.” Ellie told him crossly as they got into his Expedition. “I hate it when you talk about yourself like that.”
“Well what the hell do you expect me to say?” He asked her, clearly exasperated. “And what you did? It was a one-off. Not a lifetime of bad choices.” He shoved his hand through his hair, making the inky strands stand on end. He was so damn hot with his inked arms and angsty attitude that Ellie wanted to straddle him in his seat and ride him to exhaustion. This was the Jack she was used to dealing with. She refocused her thoughts to the issue at hand.
“I expect you to realize you’ve been an artist dedicated to your craft. You’ve taken your band to the top of the billboard charts. You put in a lot of hard work. You had the foresight to hire a great investment guy at the beginning and you guys are set for life. You’ve kept the same set of friends, including me, for years, so clearly you’re loyal. Stop looking at all the negative things and see some of the things everyone else does!” Ellie couldn’t keep the passionate exasperation from her voice.
“I don’t know the person you see Ellie. Intellectually I know some of your points are valid. But I also know I’m right.” Jack sighed deeply and dropped his hands to his lap.
“I just want you to realize how much everyone cares about you Jack.” Ellie told him sincerely. She reached over and kissed the side of his lips. He turned toward her and captured her mouth with his, using his palm to keep her chin tilted toward him. His tongue slicked across hers and Ellie groaned. Jack pulled back and rested his forehead against hers.
“Listen, I’d really like to take you out tonight. Are you up to it? I know it’s been kind of a long day. Or would you rather crash at home? It’s up to you.” Jack’s voice was gravelly and Ellie’s heart skipped in her chest. She knew go
ing out with Jack meant exposure to the press and general craziness. He was a well-known rock star and it would serve her well not to forget that. There was no way to avoid the media circus. And she was just a few days post miscarriage. There was no way she could handle an onslaught tonight without losing her calm.
“Home, please. We’ll catch a new streaming movie. We can stop at the market on the way and load up on junk, okay? It’ll be a real pigger.” Jack laughed and nodded his agreement to her plan.
“Do you mind if I call the guys? I know they’re all worried about you and want to see you again after what happened in the hospital.” Ellie didn’t mind at all opening her house up to a bunch of her oldest friends but she figured their shopping trip had just quadrupled in price.
“That would be awesome. Let’s hit the store to pick up munchies and some booze and everyone can come over in a couple of hours.” Jack squeezed her hand and Ellie knew he appreciated her easy agreement.
“You’re really one in a million Ellie,” Jack told her sincerely. She shook her head, uncomfortable with his praise. She was just a girl who wanted to be with her guy.
As Jack pulled out his phone and sent texts to the band members, Ellie reached for her own phone and contacted Regan. On the rare occasions the band had come through town, Regan always hung out when they partied. And although Ellie’s condo was relatively small, she had a nice guest room someone could crash in, plus her sectional sofa. The band could raise hell and make an all-nighter of it if they wanted to without fear of the press stalking their every move. It didn’t take long before both Jack and Ellie’s phones were chiming with incoming text responses confirming everyone was in for a movie night at Ellie’s.
