Sound of Regret

by Chelsea Roy

  “Regan’s a grown woman Els.” Jacob’s voice was firm, yet kind. He made it clear with his statement that what had happened between him and Regan wasn’t any of Ellie’s business.

  “When I put her to bed last night she wasn’t exactly sober.” Ellie growled at him. She shrugged off Jack’s arm and stepped forward into Jacob’s space. Jacob’s face registered surprise and then amusement at the fact Ellie was ready to take him on. Ellie knew Jacob would never hurt her so she was happy to get into his space and take him on.

  “Calm down little mama. There’s nothing to worry over. You know me better than that.” Ellie nodded slowly and her body relaxed. She slipped her arms around Jacob’s waist and squeezed tightly. Jack was tall and built, but Jacob was huge. He was 6’4” and almost overly muscular. Ellie’s arms didn’t even come close to fitting around him.

  “Sorry.” Ellie said sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to imply you would take advantage of her. It’s just that Regan doesn’t let down her hair very often and she definitely never gets smashed. I was more worried she might have made some moves on you.” Although Regan had never voiced to Ellie any interest in him, Jacob was a prime example of the male species. Ellie knew any woman with a beating heart would jump at the chance to share his bed, including Regan. Jacob laughed.

  “Oh, she did. I’m just not asshole enough to take advantage of a drunken woman no matter how beautiful I think she is.”

  “You think I’m beautiful?” Regan rasped from behind Jacob. Ellie released Jacob, allowing him to turn and Ellie gasped when her best friend came into view. Regan looked terrible. Well, as terrible as someone as beautiful as Regan could look. Her deep black hair was tangled around her shoulders like a wild woman and her normally vivid blue eyes were completely bloodshot. She had creases across the side of her face where it had been mashed into her pillow. She was standing with one arm braced against the doorjamb and was weaving on her feet.

  “Hard night?” Ellie asked Regan, completely amused at the disheveled sight of her best friend. She snickered. It was about time Regan let loose.

  “It’s a blur.” Regan admitted hoarsely and looked toward Jacob. Ellie watched as Jacob’s face was transformed. For one brief moment, his guard fell and Ellie could see the love he felt for Regan. He quickly masked it up and gathered Regan’s petite form into his arms like she was a child.

  “C’mon Reggie. Let’s get you back in bed.” Ellie heard Regan groan before her head hit Jacob’s shoulder and she allowed herself to be carried back into the room. Ellie turned back to Jack who was silently watching the entire scene unfold.

  “We are so totally not needed here.” She told him. “But Reggie? I know Jacob’s into nicknames and all, but Reggie?” She laughed.

  “Regan will have to wait until she’s sober and can actually stand unassisted before she kills him for that one.” He told her. Regan’s fiery temperament was widely known so Jacob was well aware of what he was taking on with her. Ellie laughed and grabbed Jack’s arm. They headed down the stairs together.

  SEVENTEEN

  Ellie knew Jack had money. She’d be stupid not to realize it. His band was crazy successful and had been for years. However, she’d never really thought about exactly how much money he had. She wasn’t with Jack for his money and never had been. He had never bought outrageous things with it in front of her and had never been in the gossip rags with expensive toys. He always dressed fairly simply so there was nothing that screamed he sat on millions. Their difference in economic status was made apparent the following day, though, when Jack arrived back at Ellie’s home from a shopping trip she had been excluded from.

  Ellie opened the front door for him after hearing him rattling around with his key that she had given him that morning. She eyeballed him as he stood there juggling several large bags.

  “You going to let me in woman?” He asked her when just stood there looking at him. She stepped back and swept her arm out.

  “Please do come in.” Her tone was more than a little snippy and she knew she sounded horrible. She couldn’t help it. She was peeved she had been left behind on Jack’s shopping expedition and the fact that he came home with bag after bag of goodies just increased her irritation. After the way he’d started her morning off with another bone-melting orgasm from his talented fingers and then watching him stroke himself off, she had expected a full day of cuddling with him. She had craved it, damn him. Instead he’d informed her of his plans to take off and leave her behind.

  “Somebody a little emo today?” He asked her. Apparently he was taking her bad mood in stride. Ellie all but growled at him. He laughed at her outright, not at all bothered. She couldn’t believe he had the nerve to call her emo! She stomped her foot in frustration. She knew she was acting childish but she couldn’t help herself. Being cooped up with nothing to do was torture.

  “Would it help make you feel better to know that I got you a few things while I was out?” He asked. Although she knew Jack hadn’t meant his words in a bad way, Ellie felt instantly offended.

  “It’s not like I’ve ever asked you for anything. You know I’m not with you for your money.” She told him sharply. She watched as he carefully set the bags down on her sofa and turned to face her. His eyebrow with the damn sexy piercing was raised at her.

  “Ellie… Baby, they’re gifts for you. Because I was thinking about you.” Jack’s voice was patient and reasonable. Ellie suddenly felt ridiculous, the fight leaving her. She felt on the verge of tears instead, embarrassed over her bratty behavior. It was so unlike her. She covered her face with her hands and groaned. She was normally so calm and collected but right now she felt like she was spinning out of control.

  “Sorry. Uh, yeah. I’m really sorry. My hormones must be all over the place.” Her voice was muffled through her hands. She peeked through her fingers as she heard Jack approach. Jack’s warm arms came around her and pulled her close. She breathed in his clean citrusy smell, one she would forever associate with him, and rested against his chest for a moment. Her arms wiggled out to wrap around him and her tension seemed to melt away. She took an enormous breath and exhaled, relaxing into Jack’s strong embrace.

  “Ellie, you and I have never spent any real time together. This is an adjustment for both of us. But you’re my girl and you’ve just been through a shit ton of drama. Your body isn’t fully recovered. I know you wanted to go with me but there’s no way in hell I’m going to take you out from store to store right now no matter how bored you are. It’s my job to take care of you and you need to let me do that.” Ellie nodded against his chest and felt hot tears slip down her cheeks.

  “Oh Christ.” She muttered, completely mortified. “You nailed the emo shit right on the head.” Jack pulled back from her and cupped her face in his warm hands. The look on his face was incredibly gentle and he brushed her tears away with his thumbs. She sniffled, knowing her nose had to be apple red because it got that way every time she cried. She definitely wasn’t a pretty crier.

  “It’s really okay Els. What you’re going through? You’re doing okay. You can cry and rant and do anything else if it helps you feel better and I’ll still be here when it’s over.” Ellie felt her chest tighten as she listened to words that gave her every reason to believe in Jack. She cleared her throat and stared into his beautiful eyes, accepting his words on their face and deciding she wouldn’t question their validity. She was so tired of worrying about whether or not he’d still be there that she wasn’t enjoying her time with him now. She gave him a small smile.

  “So what’d you get me?” She asked. Her voice was hoarse with the effort of holding back tears but she was determined not to ruin their day any further. Jack smiled and kissed her sweetly on the forehead before going back over to his pile of bags. She watched with interest as Jack rummaged through his bags. He was clearly looking for something in particular and Ellie was curious to know what it was. Not that she didn’t mind if it took him a while to find it. She had a mighty fine view of his
ass. He was bent over and the faded denim jeans he wore molded against him. Most men had flat butts, but Jack struck gold in that department. Ellie sighed as she coveted his body and shivered a little with the idea that, according to Jack, it was exclusively hers. Ellie was anxious to explore what being exclusive with Jack meant.

  Jack finally made a noise of triumph and straightened up from the sofa. He swung around and caught her staring.

  “Are you looking at my ass?” He asked her with a grin.

  “Yes.” She replied without shame. “It’s a great ass.”

  “The sentiment is returned, just so you know.” Ellie laughed a little. She enjoyed this lighthearted side of Jack. He was easy to be around and funny as hell. She glanced down to what he was holding in his hands. She couldn’t help her heart beating a little faster because she knew something good was coming her way. Jack held a long flat blue box with a shimmery white bow wrapped around it. Ellie knew very good things came in blue boxes and she realized she badly wanted whatever it was that Jack was planning to give her.

  As he moved toward her, she watched different expressions cross his face. Clearly he was nervous about his gift and Ellie had never seen Jack wear that look before. Ever. Not before a performance, not before the media. Never. The idea that presenting her with a gift made him nervous created within her a resolve to absolutely love whatever it was he was presenting to her. He stopped before her and shifted on his feet. His free hand was shoved into his back pocket.

  “I don’t have a lot of words here, which is weird for me because I write them for a living. But I want to give you this to tell you how sorry I am for everything and to show you how much you mean to me,” Jack said in his deep and gravelly voice.

  Jack gently pushed the box into her hands and Ellie took brief note of the white lettering on the top of the box that denoted a jewler who, although she had certainly heard of, had never personally shopped at. She’d known immediately when he pulled it out where it came from. She had window shopped there forever. Her eyes flew up to his. Anything coming in this box was certain to be expensive and even though she’d promised herself to just accept his gift, it was hard not to worry about how much he’d spent on her. She never wanted him to think she was with him for his money because that was the last thing she cared about.

  “Jack…” Ellie was overwhelmed and couldn’t finish her thought. Her eyes got blurry with tears, causing his image to waver in front of her.

  “Open it Ellie.” He commanded gently. Ellie’s fingers clumsily untied the ribbon around the box and it slid silently to the floor. Her hands shook as she fumbled with the lid and Jack’s hands were there to steady her. The warmth of his hands around hers allowed her to finally lift the lid off. Nestled inside suspended on a platinum chain was a diamond encrusted symbol of infinity. As tears streaked down her face, she traced the symbol with her finger and felt the ridges and valleys of the diamonds. To her, this was better than any heart or locket or key he could have given her because it symbolized limitless possibilities. No beginning and no ending. The idea that she and Jack had those possibilities open to them now was amazing to her.

  “Put it on?” She asked in a watery voice. Jack didn’t hesitate to comply with her request, gently lifting the chain out of the box and moving behind her. The symbol fell gently against her chest just below the hollow of her neck and immediately began to warm once it hit her skin. Jack’s hands moved aside her hair and were incredibly warm and gentle as he clasped the chain around her neck. Once his hands fell, Ellie leaned back into him. She had never dared to dream she would be able to rely on his strength or that he would have the inclination to care for her as one lover to another. Jack by her side was the one thing she had wanted and, like anyone who received everything they’d ever asked for, she still had trouble believing she wasn’t living in a dream.

  “Am I forgiven for going out alone?” Jack asked, his breath warm against Ellie’s ear. Goosebumps pebbled down her arms.

  “You’re forgiven Jack. Completely and utterly forgiven. But you would’ve been anyway without this gorgeous piece of jewlery.” She assured him.

  “Completely forgiven?” He asked her. She nodded against his chest. Ellie knew they weren’t talking about Jack’s shopping expedition without her anymore. He was asking for confirmation that Ellie would be able to move on from the wrongs of the past and forgive him for his misdeeds and treatment of her over the years.

  “Completely.” And she had never meant anything more.

  EIGHTEEN

  Two days after Jack brought home the infinity necklace, he decided Ellie had softened up toward him enough that he could push her boundaries. Ellie was a cautious person and he knew that. He had been leading up to this point with Ellie, trying to show her his commitment by doing little things around the house and trying to reassure her when he could. He needed her to believe he was trustworthy and worth moving forward in a relationship with. Still, what he had planned in his head was an enormous step and he knew Ellie would be resistent. They were ready, he knew they were, and he planned on using any ammunition at his disposal to get Ellie to see his way. He was mostly banking on Ellie’s inability to turn him down when he asked for something. Jack’s stomach actually turned from nerves, which irritated the hell out of him. He hated being unsure of himself but he’d never been in a relationship like this before so he was pretty sure this feeling was going to be around for a while.

  He stepped into the kitchen where Ellie was loading the small amount of dishes they’d used into the dishwasher. Her hair was up in a messy bun and she was wearing a tank and yoga capris. The necklace he’d gotten her rested just below her collar bone. She looked adorable and perfect and he had never wanted to possess anything more than he did her. Seeing Ellie relaxed and at home increased her appeal to him in ways he never imagined. Jack leaned his hip against the counter and attempted to appear casual. Ellie glanced up at him, her grey-green eyes running over him and from the heated glow in her eyes, he knew she liked what she was seeing. Jack straightened his shoulders back a little under her appreciative gaze. He couldn’t fucking wait until the doctor released her because waiting was killing him.

  “So you know that I plan to stay here in San Diego.” He stated. Way to lead in Jack, he thought.

  “That’s what you said,” Ellie responded. He couldn’t get a read on the tone of her voice. It sounded so damn neutral. His palms started to sweat.

  “I’ve spent the last five mornings waking up next to you. I like it. I want to keep doing that.” He told her sincerely. Ellie straightened up from loading dishes and shut the dishwasher quietly. She leaned against the counter opposite from Jack. Her eyes met his directly, questions written all over her beautiful face.

  “What are you saying?” She asked him. Jack noticed that her knuckles were white where the gripped the counter. She wasn’t as relaxed as she appeared to be and for some reason that gave him the courage to move forward. He blew out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

  “I’m saying that I think we should move in together.” He told her calmly. He was proud of the fact that his voice was determined and strong even though he was nervous as shit. He worked hard so his face didn’t reflect his inner fear that she would tell him “no”.

  “I noticed you didn’t suggest you should move in with me.” She told him softly. Jack nodded. “And I know you’re not suggesting I move to the band’s crash pad.” Jack shook his head and made a face. The thought of Ellie living with his bandmates was not an appealing one. He was so damn possessive of her.

  “That’s true.” He agreed. His Ellie was astute and she picked up on things other people had a tendancy to miss. Things like small nuances in conversations.

  “What are you thinking?” She asked him. Jack exhaled slowly, relieved she wasn’t rejecting the idea outright.

  “The other night when we had the band over? It was awesome. But it was pretty cramped in here. And if I’m going to put down some permanent roots, I�
��ll need somewhere where I can work on my music. That means we need more space than your condo has. It’s perfect for you but not so much for both of us.” Jack tried to be as honest with Ellie as possible about his logical reasons for moving in together. He left out his completely selfish reason of wanting her near him at all times, figuring he didn’t need to let her in on just how completely he wanted to possess her. He didn’t feel like he needed to control her, he just wanted the reassurances that came with knowing she would be coming home to him at the end of the day. He’d never had that kind of security, not even with his parents.

  “It was fun having everyone over, you’re right. And it’s been great having you here. I’d be lying if I said otherwise.” She admitted. “And I really like waking up with you in the morning.” Jack watched as she moved away from the counter and began to pace.

  “Where’s your head at Ellie?” He asked her, when it became clear that there were no additional words forthcoming. Shit. He was back to sweaty palms and a nervous stomach again. He’d known she wouldn’t make this easy on him.

  “I’m terrified. That’s where my head is. If I give up my home for you, will I get burned?” She asked him. She glanced up at him briefly before her eyes fell away. He couldn’t blame her for wondering what the outcome would be if they moved in together. He hadn’t made any promises to her yet, only told her he didn’t ever plan to be with anyone else. It wasn’t a declaration of love, but it was a commitment to her.

  “All I can promise you is that I’m fully behind this. I want to see what road life takes us down and I feel like we have to move forward together in order to do that.” Jack used his most persuasive tone and moved closer to Ellie. “Moving in together is a step in the right direction. I know it might seem fast but we’ve got a solid past, the good and the bad. We care for how the other thinks and that’s the most important thing.” Jack tried to take Ellie in his arms but shook her head and backed away from Jack.