Sound of Regret

by Chelsea Roy

  “You’re perfect Els,” he whispered. His hands moved to her hips and gripped them tightly. She felt his erection pressed against her ass and whimpered. She moved against him, her breath coming in short bursts. She felt his hands come up to caress her breasts and they felt heavy, aching for his touch. Her nipples were pebbled into tight peaks and he plucked at them with his fingers. It had been much too long since she felt him moving inside her. She was already incredibly aroused and knew it wouldn’t take Jack much effort to take her where she wanted to go. She knew the realtor was lurking somewhere in the house, but it was doubtful she would make her way to where they were. She’d mostly left them alone at the other homes so Ellie’s allowed her head to fall back against Jack’s chest. If he wanted to be with her here, she wasn’t going to fight him.

  “Are you going to fuck me Jack?” She asked him, her breathing heavy. One of the best things about Jack was her ability to be as dirty as she wanted to be. She knew he loved it when she said dirty things during sex because she was so proper in every other aspect of her life. Ellie couldn’t deny she wanted him badly and would say or do whatever it took to have him. She wanted to feel his cock as it pressed inside her walls. She moved restlessly against him, craving him.

  “Do you want me to?” He asked her, his own breathing heavier than normal. His voice was pitched low and seductive. Ellie nodded in his arms, completely incapable of speech. She gave a small cry of protest as his hands left her breasts, only to realize that they’d gone to his zipper and he was taking himself out of his pants. Ellie lifted her skirt and shimmied her panties down to her ankles. She heard an unfamiliar crinkle and whipped her head around to see Jack rolling on a condom. She was taken aback and her desire receded somewhat.

  “What are you doing?” She asked him, completely confused. They hadn’t used a condom in years and the sight of it was like throwing a bucket of cold water onto a raging fire.

  “Baby, it’s too soon to get you pregnant again and I know you’re not on the pill. I’m just making sure you’re safe and healthy.” Jack’s words were logical. Ellie knew he was right but she had completely put the thought of pregnancy out of her mind in her haste to have Jack. She was in the moment with Jack and nothing else mattered.

  “I hate those stupid things,” she muttered. She thrust her ass backwards toward Jack, ready to be done with the conversation and to feel him moving inside of her once again. She felt his fingers run along the seam of her wet sex. Those talented fingers gently curled around her clit, circling until she pressed down hard on his fingers, desperate for relief. She became aware that she was making breathy, panting little moans with each pass of his fingers. “Make me come, Jack, please!” She begged him as his fingers rubbed faster.

  Jack pressed himself up against Ellie, the fat head of his cock at her opening. Ellie slid herself over the head to coat it with her silky wetness. Jack stilled her by placing a hand tightly on her hip. The other hand stayed anchored down at her clit. He thrust into her and in one motion, buried himself to the hilt. The sight in the mirror of Jack behind her, of Ellie’s flushed cheeks, and the strain on his face as he thrust into her while they both watched made Ellie’s inner muscles clench around his cock. This was surely one of the most erotic moments of her life.

  Jack kept his movements tight and his strokes short so their bodies stayed clasped closely together. Ellie could feel his heart pounding against her back. She could feel the moisture from her core slicking her thighs. The hand that had been on her hip rose to grasp her breast. He didn’t play with her nipples, just kept his hand there, pressing her back against his chest while he hammered into her. His other hand was doing the most deliciously bad things. It kept circling her clit; never putting enough pressure there so that Ellie could orgasm. No. Instead it kept her right on the edge and soaking wet for him. Ellie bucked up against Jack, silently begging him to give her release. He bit down on her neck again and obliged by using his fingers to rub directly over the top of her clit, right where it felt like heaven.

  Ellie couldn’t contain her noises as she panted. The sounds of sex echoed in the gorgeous bathroom, amplifying her arousal. Her body tightened down on Jack’s cock, and with one firm press of his fingers on her clit, Ellie shattered around him. She groaned long and low and dropped her head down to the counter as he pounded into her, both of his hands now holding her hips steady. His movements became jerky and much less controlled as he chased after his own orgasm. He bucked into her several more times and then she felt his head drop to her back as he let out a long sigh.

  Ellie’s cheeks burned as he slowly withdrew from her body. She bent down for her panties and stood on shaky legs while she pulled them back up. Even though she had wanted Jack terribly, she was now mortified that she had to get back into the car with the real estate agent who most assuredly would know what had been going on. That hadn’t been that quiet. She heard the toilet flush and knew Jack was disposing of the hated condom. Her head ducked in absolute embarrassment. Jack chuckled somewhere behind her.

  “Els, we’re about to make this woman a shitload of money in commission. I doubt she cares that we’re back here fucking.” Jack’s voice had a lazy post-orgasmic quality to it and it did nothing to dampen Ellie’s embarrassment.

  “Still… I have to ride in a car with her Jack!” She said with a slight whine in her voice. Jack just laughed harder and tugged her hand, pulling her into the shelter of his warm body. She inhaled the scent that was uniquely Jack and sex and gave up being embarrassed. She wrapped her arms tightly around his back, unable to believe she was here with him and living in this moment. His arms tightened around her and Ellie decided this was better than any dream she had conjured up.

  “We okay?” He asked her, his voice concerned. Ellie realized that she didn’t typically extend affection to him, even though she had long felt the urges to do so. She had forced herself to squash down the need to reach out for Jack for years because she knew the last thing he wanted in his life was a clingy woman. What she hadn’t considered was his own need for affection. God knew he’d never had it in his life and might actually want what she had to give.

  “We’re great. Let’s get this over with!” She said, giving him a final hard squeeze. She and Jack walked back down the hall together and out into the back yard where the realtor had parked herself in one of the patio chairs. She glanced up at the pair of them as they exited the house and Ellie couldn’t keep the burn off her cheeks.

  “We’ll take it.” Jack said, drawing the realtor’s attention off Ellie. A wide smile spread over the realtor’s face and she stood to shake Jack’s hand.

  While Jack discussed necessary aspects of the transaction, Ellie stood lost in thought. She contemplated the fact that she and Jack were buying a home together. A home that was perfect for both of them. A home made for children and a family. Oh, she knew Jack was putting up the majority of the money for the home and in some respects she still felt unequal in the partnership. But they were embarking on this adventure together and Ellie knew how important this step was for them. She vowed she was going to create a haven for Jack to show him exactly how much she cared for him. She didn’t want to give him a reason to ever leave.

  TWENTY

  It had been exactly two weeks since he and Ellie put their bid in on the home in Encinitas. Their offer was rapidly accepted by the family selling the home because Jack had offered more than the asking price. Ellie didn’t know he’d done it, but he wanted to make sure she got the home that fit her so well.

  Jack still hadn’t found a way to tell Ellie about her infertility issues. She seemed so happy right now and he didn’t want to take her back to the state he’d found her in at the hospital. He just couldn’t bring himself to hurt her. He knew that made him an absolute pussy but he couldn’t stand the heartbreak he knew he was going to see in her eyes. And he hated using the damn condoms. He hadn’t used them in forever with Ellie and it sucked to be slapping them on now. Ellie mentioned how much she hate
d them every time they had sex. It had been five weeks since the miscarriage and Jack knew it was only a matter of time before Ellie would want to know why he was still using them. He refused to risk her health even for a second, no matter how much he loved being inside her without a barrier.

  Jack was spending a lot of time in the recording studio with his band. He hadn’t lied to Ellie when he said they were taking some time off from touring. Just because they weren’t touring didn’t mean they weren’t working. Jack had such anger inside over the situation with Ellie and her probable inability to carry a baby to term that the music was flowing out of him at a breakneck pace. Recording helped him get the emotions out before he exploded.

  Eric looked over at Jack as he furiously scribbled words out.

  “Dude, what’s causing the inspiration?” He finally asked as Jack kept writing without a break.

  “Ellie. There’s some fucked up shit going on. It’s killing me.” Brent, the band’s most tortured member, wandered over.

  “What’s going on with Ellie?” He asked. With his long sideburns, pitch black hair, and khol-rimmed eyes, Brent looked like a movie star version of a rock god. He was the guys kids in garages aspired to be. As always, Brent’s green eyes burned into Jack’s with intensity. Brent was anything but easy going and if anyone could understand fucked up it was Brent.

  “I can’t talk about it,” Jack grudgingly said. He saw the surprise on Brent and Eric’s faces and he understood why. They all shared everything and always had. There were no secrets among Destruction. It was one of the things that had kept their band so hugely successful and ensured their own egos didn’t get in the way of the band as a whole.

  “What the hell?” Brent asked him, getting into Jack’s face. Brent knew Jack’s propensity for shutting people out and by getting in his face he was forcing Jack to acknowledge the conversation.

  Brent’s reaction made Jack recall a time when he had gotten into Brent’s face for the same damn reason.

  “Dude, you fucked up again tonight!” Jack exploded at Brent. Brent had missed a couple chords during their performance but the audience had been so ramped up he doubted anyone noticed.

  “I said I’m fucking sorry!” Brent yelled back. Brent had been hammering back Jack and Coke all night and had moved on to just straight Jack out of the bottle. He was drunk and performing drunk wasn’t something the band, or Jack, tolerated. Their fans paid good money to see them and they never wanted to earn the reputation some bands had for jacking up live performances.

  “You have a fucking problem and you’re going to cost us everything we worked for man!” Jack’s voice carried tones of pissed off love. Brent dropped his head into his free hand and Jack was dumbfounded as staggering grief poured out of him. Jack had known there was something wrong with Brent, but like most guys he didn’t emote a whole lot of shit.

  “I can’t get my damn head on straight.” Brent muttered.

  “Dude, tell me what the hell’s going on.” Jack said in a reasonable voice. “Whatever it is, we can get through it.” Brent let out an ugly laugh.

  “I had a girl, Jack. A couple of years ago. And now she’s gone.” Brent’s voice was full of anguish and Jack was completely confused.

  “We’ve had lots of girls.” He told Brent. Anything to keep him talking. But Brent was slowly shaking his head.

  “No. I mean, I had a baby girl two years ago. The mom was underage. The parents didn’t want her near me; she was my girl in college and they said the baby interfered with their plans. I wasn’t in any place to be a dad because our band was just getting together but I knew I wanted to get married and have the baby anyway. The parents threatened me and took them away from me. I’d give anything to have her. I haven’t stopped thinking about her.” Of all the things that Brent could have said, this wasn’t what Jack expected. He had no words of comfort to offer Brent.

  “Fuck. Just, Fuck. That’s heavy shit Brent.” Jack hadn’t even realized Brent had a girlfriend in college. Jack had been so wrapped up in Macy and then screwing Ellie that he honestly hadn’t cared what his fellow band members were up to during their down time.

  “I just want it all back. All of it. My woman. My girl. That life. But I’m stuck here, fucking women who care nothing for me and I do it just to feel something. Anything to tell me I’m still alive, you know?” Jack did know because he could relate to that. When he was with Ellie was the only time he felt alive. The other women he was with were nameless bodies he used until he could be with her again. He felt like an ass for not realizing how much pain Brent was in.

  “The way back isn’t through the bottom of a bottle, Brent.” He told his friend. “That shit’s gotta stop. You tank your career and you’ve got nothing.” Brent nodded and looked up at Jack.

  “For you guys, I’ll try. No promises. But I’ll try.”

  “Look man, I know we’ve gone through our own shit together. It’s just that I haven’t even talked to her about it yet.” Jack was defensive about his position.

  “Don’t take too long, asshole. If you’re this bunched up just thinking about it, waiting’ll just make it worse.” Brent’s advise was solid and Jack nodded.

  “She wants more babies.” He blurted out. Brent’s head swiveled toward Jack. Even Eric paused his relentless jittering.

  “So give them to her.” Brent told him simply.

  “What if it’s not that easy? What if, like, biologically we can’t or some shit?” Jack skirted around the issue as best he could, not willing to reveal Ellie’s issues to his bandmates without Ellie first knowing them herself. But he needed help because he wasn’t coming up with a solution to their problem on his own.

  “Dude, Ellie doesn’t strike me as the kind of woman who would give two shits whether her baby was a replication of her own DNA. She loves everyone and always has. She’d love an adopted kid just as much as one that came from her body.” Brent’s voice was practical and calmed Jack to a degree because he was right. Ellie did love everything and had never been known to turn anyone away. Contemplating this thought, Jack moved to the mic. He knew he needed to talk to Ellie about it, and pronto, he just didn’t know how.

  TWENTY-ONE

  “I feel like we’re unequal,” Ellie blurted out. She watched as Jack slowly put down the steak knife he was using to cut his filet mignon. He had spent all day at the recording studio and Ellie knew he was tired.

  “Why the hell would you think that?” He asked, sounding slightly angry. Ellie watched as his eyebrows drew together in a dark scowl.

  “It’s just that you’ve got so much money and I don’t. I mean, I do okay for a normal person but I’m no rock star,” she said.

  “When have I ever cared about how much money you do or don’t have?” He asked, incredulity in his voice. “And haven’t we already been over this?” Ellie knew he was right, she was rehashing a topic they’d already worked through but she couldn’t help how she was feeling.

  “Never, Jack. I’m just trying to tell you how I feel. Buying this house with you is sort of really highlighting the difference in our bank accounts. I mean, you’re contracting with people to install a sound room and people to paint and hiring people to do God knows what else and the only thing I’m worrying about are the color of the throw pillows I’ll be buying to put on the guest bed.” Ellie took a deep breath and waited anxiously for Jack to respond. She and Jack normally had an easy back and forth but this was an issue she needed to tackle because she felt so strongly about it. She knew it was completely an issue of her own making but she needed his help to work her through it.

  “What do you want me to do Els?” Frustration was etched all over Jack’s beautiful face. “We agreed on the higher budget for the house. You said you were okay with spending more as long as we got everything on the list.” Although it was obvious that Jack was angry, his voice was reasonable. Ellie appreciated his effort to maintain a civil conversation when she knew she was being irrational.

  “I know I did.” E
llie said miserably.

  “What’s the real issue here?” He asked her with surprising intuition. When it came to her, Jack seemed to be unusually perceptive. She wasn’t able to easily bullshit him and his intuition probably came from years of knowing her. She was surprised to learn how closely he had paid attention to her moods over the years. She’d honestly had no idea he even cared at the time.

  “I don’t know. I’m scared.” Ellie admitted. She leaned forward with her elbows on the table and dropped her head into her hands.

  “What of?” Jack seemed genuinely perplexed. Ellie had never admitted to being frightened of anything to him.

  “I’m thirty-two. I’m average looking, with an average job. You’re on the cover of national magazines! You’ve dated celebrities before. What will the gossip rages say about me? I’m sure they’ll compare me to whoever you’ve been seen with and I know they’ll find me lacking.” Ellie had become more secure in her conviction that Jack wouldn’t leave her any more, but they still had this enormous hurdle to cross. She was laying her insecurities out there on the line for Jack to see. She looked up when she heard his chair scrape back. She watched as Jack pushed himself back from the kitchen table, stood, and paced. He ran his fingers over the spikes in his inky hair.

  “Ellie, you know my past. You know me.” She watched as he seemed to struggle for words. “I can’t change how many women I’ve fucked, or who. But I can change what’s in my future. Before we really got together? I existed from day to day. I never thought about what was coming next. Now? I actually see a future for myself. With you.” He sighed. “The gossip rags are ugly, I can’t deny that. Why do you think I’ve been so worried that you’ll get fed up with me? The fear goes both ways Ellie. We just have to figure out how to work through it and stay strong.”