Wedding Cake & Woe

by Beth Byers

  I tilted my head and then I said, “You pretend mothered Brent Morgan to get him away from Simon?”

  Joyce grinned wickedly and then said, “Well, yes. Yes, I did.”

  “Hank said he might have been blackmailing Jenny,” Jane said, watching Joyce carefully.

  “Oh,” Joyce nodded and then said, “I imagine he was. Brent was a real jerk. I didn’t like to tell Simon that because, you know, Simon loves wholeheartedly, and he’d have gotten upset.”

  I was shocked. Joyce was just blithely stating she manipulated Simon to keep him happy. “You’re an interesting woman.”

  “Parenting is about so much more than feeding your children and keeping them safe. Every mother wants their child to be happy. We protect them as we can. I imagine he’s so upset. It hurts me right here,” she said, tapping her chest.

  “Do you think that Brent could have been blackmailing one of the other friends?”

  Joyce’s brows rose and then she said, “Well, of course. You don’t blackmail your own sister and then draw the line at people who aren’t related to you.”

  I glanced at Jane and then said, “Well, I feel stupid.”

  “Who has secrets?” Jane asked, avoiding everyone’s gaze.

  “Hank still doesn’t know?”

  Jane blushed brilliantly and then said, “How did…what…I…”

  “Oh sweetheart, I know you very well. I imagine your secret is pretty well kept.”

  “I can’t really see Hank actually paying blackmail. He’d have just beat the living crap out of Brent. So, no…not Hank.”

  Jane nodded frantically and then said, “How do I tell him?”

  “Oh, I’d work up to that,” Joyce said, “Maybe spend a few days telling him how you much you love him. Then I’d cry. Cry hard. Hank loves you. He will want to fix whatever is making you cry. So if you start with all the reasons you love him, weep like a baby, and let him comfort you and then tell him how hard it was for you—all these years—for him to be gone and that you made a terrible, terrible mistake.”

  “He’ll try to rescue her,” Zee said. “You’re an evil genius.”

  “He loves her. She’s been a good wife. And he probably has messed up himself a time or two.”

  Jane flinched and then Joyce said, “I don’t have the best view of cheating, you know. Marvin stepped out on me. Statistically, too many of us face it. Don’t you worry though, Rose love. Simon never cheated on Roberta and if any woman would drive you to it, she would. He loves you so much more than her.”

  “Simon’s not a cheater,” Jane agreed.

  Zee shrugged and then said, “You’d probably make him eat weird stuff for the rest of his life. It’s not worth the risk.”

  I laughed at that and then admitted, “I’m not worried about Simon cheating on me. Is that weird?”

  They all shook their heads and then Zee patted my hand.

  “We need cake and wine for this.” She got up and went back to the kitchen, grabbing wine.

  “I want mashed potatoes and gravy!” I called to her. “And chicken fried steak.” She shot me a look. I shrugged. The hangover was over and I needed to stress eat.

  “Which one of the boys,” Jane asked, “Outside of Hank and Simon, might have been doing something you could blackmail over?”

  “Well dear,” Joyce said, “Don’t worry. Even if I thought that Hank had been involved in Brent’s death—I know it wasn’t Simon, of course—I’d help you cover it up.”

  “It wasn’t Hank,” I said for Jane. “We don’t need to worry about that. None of us ever really thought it was, and he has an alibi. Both Jane and the boys.”

  “So,” Joyce said, leaning back as Zee put a piece of cake in front of everyone but me and opened a bottle of wine. I waved the wine away since the spot behind my eyeballs was still making its existence known.

  Az brought me food a few minutes later and closed the diner. It was about an hour and a half early, but we were slow, and there were other things to worry about. I didn’t say a word and couldn’t have cared less.

  The mashed potatoes were simply smothered in gravy with more across the chicken fried steak. The steamed broccoli was delicious, and the pan fried green beans with shallots and bacon bits were all that I needed to feel human again. I slowly ate as Joyce talked about what she knew of Bobby, Justin, and Liam.

  Bobby had left for China as soon as he’d finished college, intending to come back and go to graduate school, but instead he’d found a job in Hong Kong and had been there ever since. He came home here and there, but it had been pretty rare since he’d taken the job in Hong Kong. His parents had moved away while he was still in college and were somewhere in the midwest.

  “He’s a jerk, you know. Jane, you know it better than anyone. You were so nerdy in high school, and he did love to tease you.”

  Jane nodded and then said, “Oh Bobby tortured me. I almost didn’t go out with Hank because of that. Even then, Hank had to get Simon to vouch for him, or I wouldn’t have done it.”

  I sighed and said, “Look, we need to know where Bobby while Brent was being killed, but Bobby lives in another country. It doesn’t seem likely that he’d come back to Silver Falls if someone was blackmailing him. Or that he’d even pay blackmail. Not from that far away.”

  Jane made a face and Zee said, “I hadn’t thought about that.”

  “It does make sense,” Joyce said. “I can’t really see him feeling shame, to be honest. You have to feel shame to be blackmailed.”

  “That’s for sure,” Jane said. She drained her wine, and refilled it saying, “This might end up the drunkest week of my life outside of a few weeks in college.”

  Chapter Nine

  Simon came back to the house that evening with a look on his face that said he was infuriated.

  “What’s the deal?” I asked him as I let the dogs back in from outside.

  “I wasn’t able to track Justin down. Supposedly, he was here for this big event for me. For us.” Simon shook his head and then tossed his keys and wallet aside. “Justin didn’t even answer my text message. I messaged him what felt like 17 times.”

  I wrapped my arms around his waist and then he said, “I just don’t understand why the guys would come all this way and then just ignore me and Hank. Why not just send your regrets than choose to come and make us feel like the friends who get left behind while they live these glamorous lives.”

  “One of them didn’t, sweetheart.”

  “And the others?”

  “They’re dicks. They’re jealous too. You are a famous detective.”

  He grunted and then said, “I’m a cop with a fiancé…”

  “Soon to be wife,” I inserted.

  “Soon to be wife who understands the reasoning behind murderers a little too well. I’m your sidekick.”

  I laughed and then said, “That’s not an accurate assessment of what you do. But if it was—and it’s not—you’d need to be commended for being so brave. Especially since we’ve been talking about life insurance.”

  He laughed and then said, “I feel a little bit like a girl…which makes me feel like a jerk since you deserve better than me acting like being female is weak, but I’m kind of emotional.”

  “Men and women have emotions,” I told him dryly. “But you’ll be astounded to know your mom bribed someone about our new wedding spot,” I told him. His expression morphed from shocked to delighted, and I reveled in the change.

  He led the way to the couch, and I flopped down, stealing the best spot. My phone rang while I slapped my chest for Mama Dog to hop up onto my stomach. I slid out my phone and answered without looking at it.

  “It’s me.”

  “Mattie?”

  “Yeah. Listen…Az told me what was happening. About how Brent Morgan died. And that y’all were trying to figure out where everyone was.”

  “Ok,” I said. “Do you know something?”

  “Yeah I do,” she said. “Unfortunately. While Morgan was being k
illed, Bobby was at my apartment being a big, giant, aggressive, don’t take no for an answer jerk. I ended up spraying him with hairspray in his eyes.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “In high school, I had the biggest crush on him. He was like the quarterback and the star baseball player and stuff. Apparently that jack…mmmm…anyway, he thought that being some big-time business man who came back with a good job would make it so that he could have whatever home town girls stayed behind. I guess I was the top pick of the people who might know who he was. How do we even know if he really does have a big-time job? He’s probably a Hong Kong janitor. Which is insulting to hard-working janitors everywhere.”

  “Well,” I laughed, “Maybe you’re the top pick after Jane.”

  “She is skinnier than I am,” Mattie muttered. “Though Hank might kill Bobby if he tried that. But you shut it,” Mattie added, “Your wedding hair is still on the line. I can turn you into a electrocuted fir tree without even trying.”

  I winced a latte bit and said, “You know I think you’re a prize, my friend. You’re a…pearl among women. A hot little number. Your red flags are few and far between. You…”

  “Are you drunk again?”

  “I think I drank so much that I might still be drunk, however, I haven’t had any alcohol today.”

  Mattie laughed and then said, “Tell Simon about Bobby. I’m sorry that this is happening around your wedding.”

  “Well,” I told her, “I suppose if Silver Falls wasn’t rife with crazy killers, Simon had had to work so much harder to catch me.”

  “What now?” Simon asked as I dropped my phone on the ground and scratched Mama Dog’s floppy ears.

  “Bobby has a really creepy alibi.”

  Simon blinked, grabbed my foot, and massaged the arch of my foot. “What is it?”

  “Um…apparently he thought that his big city foreign job would get him into Mattie’s bed.”

  “Bobby?”

  I nodded as Mama Dog licked my chin. Her big brown eyes were staring at me as though I were a big hunk of steak. “Yup.”

  “I’m confused,” Simon said. “Bobby thought he had a chance at Mattie? After all these years? That he could just show up at her place and like…proposition her?”

  “That’s what she said.”

  “Wow,” Simon muttered. “I don’t even know what to say.”

  “Just strike him from your list,” I said. “Bobby shamed Justin into a burger, told me that your mom would never love me, ignored you and Hank since being here, and conveniently got himself an alibi by trying to get into Mattie’s pants.”

  “Why are my friends jerks? Bobby has an alibi, but I kind of wish he was he the killer.”

  “Does it make you feel better to know that you are also friends with Mattie and her reaction was to whip out her hairdresser skills and spray him in the eyes with hairspray?”

  He laughed and then dug his thumb into the arch of my foot. “So Bobby is terrible. Justin is terrible.”

  “Or just hurting your feelings,” I said. He tugged my foot and then tickled the bottom of it.

  I squirmed and begged, “Stop. Stop it. What about Liam? He might be ok.”

  Simon sighed and then said, “Thank goodness Carver, Hank, and Az are my best men. When we watch our wedding video at wherever we are getting married, we won’t be looking back and seeing them.”

  I sat up, shooing Mama Dog to the side and snuggling into Simon’s side. “You are a good man, Simon. Your friends becoming different from what you remember of them doesn’t reflect badly on you.”

  He sighed and then said, “Tomorrow rehearsal dinner. Saturday…stuff? And then the big day.”

  “Unless you run,” I said. “I guess I should figure out those vows of mine in case you don’t.”

  “Simon,” he said in a high-pitched voice, “I’ll love you for a while, until I get bored, and then I’ll pick up your former good friend, Bobby and try out Hong Kong.”

  “Oh no,” I said. “I’m definitely going for the guy who only eats salads and chicken. Since your boring palate doesn’t bother me at all.”

  “Speaking of boring palates what are we having for dinner tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know,” I lied. He squeezed my chin.

  “Maybe some…um…” I laughed as he started tickling again, and I couldn’t come up with something off the top of my head that he’d hate.

  “What now?”

  “Um…lentils. Quinoa. Creamed corn.”

  He growled, holding me down to tickle me further.

  * * * * *

  I woke to my mom knocking on the door and ran out to the living room.

  “Rose,” she said, hugging me tightly. “Are you upset? Are you ok? What in the world is happening?”

  “You know,” I told her, “Murder. Mayhem. Weddings. Cake. Rehearsal dinners.”

  My mom shook her head and then asked, lowering her voice, “And Simon’s parents? Was it terrible?”

  “It wasn’t that bad,” I lied, thinking of how awkward things were at first. “I really like Joyce, and she took over figuring out the new wedding location which makes her my current favorite human.”

  “So you aren’t letting the murder ruin your wedding, right?”

  I started to say right and then admitted, “Simon was good friends with the guy who died, Mom. It’s far too likely that one of his buddies killed Brent. I mean, it sounds like Brent was a pretty big jerk, really. That doesn’t make murder ok.”

  “Well yeah. People don’t randomly kill strangers in a church.”

  “Not in Silver Falls. We prefer our murders up close and personal. Whoever killed Brent hated him. That isn’t the person he was mowing lawns for, you know?”

  Mom nodded and then I told her about how Brent blackmailed his own sister. Mom considered while I made us coffee and then she said, “You know. It’s possible he was blackmailing someone else in town. Someone who paid to keep him quiet from a distance.”

  I frowned. That should have occurred to me too. I paused for a minute and then handed her a cup of coffee, taking mine to the table.

  “Where is Simon?”

  “He’s working with Carver. He wants the murder solved before Sunday.”

  “Oh sweetheart. That’s a big feat, isn’t it?”

  I nodded and then said, “He’d probably be fine with just ruling out his friends. So far, we’ve ruled out two. And have two to go, but they’re being elusive.”

  I messaged Simon, but he hadn’t been able to track down Justin or Liam. Justin had disappeared from Hank’s place before 6:00am and Simon hadn’t been able to figure out where Liam was staying. He had actually had the police officers call to the surrounding hotels, but no one had him on the books.

  Mom had an appointment at the spa to have Mattie do her hair, so I left them both and tried to follow up with Joyce. She was gone as was the tent at the chapel. I stared at my beautiful flowers before I made my way back down the cliff side building and went into work.

  “No one can find, Liam,” I told Zee.

  She frowned and shook her head. “This is what comes from your boyfriend not talking to you about cases. Come with me.”

  I looked at Az who said, “I don’t know, Rosie luv, but she sure seems to.”

  I winked at him and then said, “If my mom comes in here, make her blueberry waffles. She loves yours.”

  Az winked at me and the said, “Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. Examine the daily special.”

  I turned slowly and found in Roxy’s pretty handwriting, Extreme Blueberry Waffles Delight.

  “Elaborate,” I ordered him.

  “Blueberry-flavored waffle batter with blueberries sprinkled onto the iron before it’s closed. Topped with blueberry flavored butter, blueberry syrup, blueberry whipped cream, and fresh blueberries. It’s like blueberries have exploded in your mouth and are having a party.”

  “I don’t know, Az. I really think you left out blueberry sprinkles and maybe candied blueberry crystals.”<
br />
  “Get outta here,” he growled, tossing a fresh blueberry at me. I caught it, popped in my mouth, and called, “You sir, are a clever, clever waffle genius!”

  “I like your mama, Rosie luv.”

  “Save me some,” I called and raced out to Zee’s muscle car when I heard honking. She was blocking traffic and I hopped inside while someone with Washington plates laid on their horn, letting out a near endless blare that blocked whatever curses he was yelling out the window at Zee.

  Zee revved her car and waved at him and then sped down the road. She headed out of Silver Falls and onto Highway 101, taking a random turnoff, towards the mainland and climbing up a curving dirt road.

  “I feel like we should have definitely told someone that we were going somewhere this creepy.”

  The undergrowth from the forest had crept onto the road, and it was rubbing against the side of the car. There was no sign of human life, but as we passed a bunch of birds burst into flight.

  “Yes,” I said, watching the birds scatter as though there was a predator chasing our car. “This is definitely the start of a horror story.”

  “Yeah,” she muttered. “We probably don’t have cell service now. If we die, it’s all your fault.”

  “My fault? You can’t let me die until after I finish my vows. That way, Simon will have the scrap of paper recording my love to cling to.”

  “If you die, Roberta will move in. The only thing you have to worry about is that the dogs will definitely go. I’d help with the cat, but those dogs are screwed.”

  I gasped and smacked at her. The same time my hand landed the whole car lurched.

  “I swear, Zee,” I shrieked. “If I die and you don’t, I’ll haunt you so hard.”

  Zee rolled her eyes at me and said, “Don’t be ridiculous. That was just a pothole.”

  “Do they have potholes on dirt roads?” My voice was a high-pitched, terrified squeak.

  “Wuss,” Zee snorted.

  “I’m returning your maid of honor gift if we survive.”

  “Matron,” she said, unlike me she sounded almost bored.

  She pulled out of the dirt road and up next to a ratty looking cabin that had a nice rental car outside. We hopped out of the car, with me checking for cell service.