Billy Sure Kid Entrepreneur Is NOT a SINGER!

by Luke Sharpe

  A few moments later, Gemma pokes her head into the green room.

  “All right, everyone. It’s showtime,” she says. “I’m going to head onstage, then bring each of you on one by one. Good luck!”

  She scurries out and tells us that we can watch the show on the giant monitor in the green room. Just as I’m about to ask where the monitor is, it drops down from the ceiling! An ENORMOUS TV screen fills the wall! Then, just like that, the screen goes dark and the spotlights pop on, sweeping left and right, up and down.

  An announcer with a really deep voice speaks: “Good evening, and welcome to Sing Out and Shout! Introducing your host—

  international film star Gemma Weston!”

  The studio audience applauds loudly. People whoop and whistle and a couple even scream for Gemma. A few of them are wearing costumes from their favorite Gemma movie roles!

  “Hello, hello!” Gemma calls out. “Welcome to night one of Sing Out and Shout. I think you are in for an entertaining evening. Here’s how the show is going to work. We’ve invited six of your favorite celebrities to come out and sing tonight. Here’s the catch: They aren’t professional singers, so who knows what hidden talents or major upsets we’ll see up on this stage. At the end of the night, after we tally the judges’ votes and the votes from the live studio audience and the viewers at home, two contestants will be eliminated.

  “Tomorrow, the remaining four will sing again, and again two contestants will be eliminated. Then on Sunday night, the final two contestants will sing against each other in an epic TV duet! The winner will donate the prize money to his or her favorite charity.

  “Before our first contestant comes out, let me introduce you to our celebrity judges. You’ve already met one judge—me!”

  The audience cheers wildly again. Then the spotlight and the camera swing over to the judges’ table on the side of the stage.

  “Judge number two knows a little bit about singing. Let’s hear it for recording superstar Dustin Peeler!”

  A huge roar, mixed with a few high-pitched shrieks, erupts from the audience. Then a chant begins: “Dustin! Dustin! Dustin!”

  A close-up of Dustin appears on the screen. He waves and blows kisses to the crowd. It’s incredible how natural he is at all of this. I wonder how many times Dustin has been on TV.

  Gemma continues.

  “Our third judge also knows quite a bit about music. Please welcome music critic Nicholas Campbell!”

  There’s less cheering for Nicholas. It seems like everyone is a little intimidated by him—just like I was. He does smile, though. Or at least, I think he smiles.

  Gemma cuts to a commercial break. But it isn’t a break for the studio audience. Here’s a fun showbiz fact—TV hosts entertain their live audiences with jokes and stories while commercials run on your TV at home. This time Gemma answers questions about Alien Zombie Attack!

  “So when’s the movie coming out?” asks a boy in the audience.

  “Next month,” Gemma tells him, smiling.

  Huh. I hadn’t realized it was coming out so soon!

  She answers a few more questions—tells a teenage girl what it’s like having to keep quiet when filming a movie to avoid spoilers, and how excited she is to host this TV show. Then we’re back on air. Gemma counts down and the spotlight flashes up!

  “And now it’s time to meet our first contestant,” Gemma continues. “She’s the president and CEO of Definite Devices, which just helped roll out the Definitely Sure Invisibility Kit! Please welcome my girl, NAT DEFINITE!”

  If Nat is nervous, she doesn’t show it. She gets up and flashes a giant smile at—who else?—Manny. Then she heads out of the green room and walks onstage like she’s done this a million times.

  As Gemma goes to her seat at the judges’ table, Nat takes her place next to the microphone on the main stage and smiles.

  “I’d like to thank Yamuna Stone for writing such a cool song for me and for all of you out there rooting and voting for me,” she says as the applause dies down. “And Gemma for inviting me. And my friend Manny for helping make me famous.” Next to me in the green room, Manny rolls his eyes. “This song is called Now You See Me.”

  Music blares from the speakers, and Nat begins singing:

  “Now you see me, now you don’t.

  Can you find me? I’ll bet you won’t.

  One spray now, and I’ll disappear.

  Another spray later, and I’m back here.

  How do I vanish, then re-appear?

  Well, lean in close and lend an ear,

  Definite Devices and Sure Things, Inc.

  Have worked together, now what do you think?

  The Definitely Sure Invisibility Spray

  Will make it seem like you went away.

  No one will see you, and suddenly then,

  With one more spray you’ll be there again.

  Now you see me, now you don’t.

  Now you see me, NOW YOU DON’T!”

  The audience applauds and cheers. The judges scribble notes at their table. Then Gemma comes over and shakes Nat’s hand.

  Manny turns to me. “Good publicity,” he whispers. I nod.

  “She’s a pretty good singer,” I say back. “But not as good as you.”

  We turn our heads back to the TV monitor.

  “That was very cool, Nat,” says Gemma out onstage. “And that song’s about the new product you and Sure Things, Inc. have just released, right?”

  “That’s right, Gemma,” says Nat.

  “Well, we’ll be hearing from your business partners Manny Reyes and Billy Sure a little later in the show. Judges, what did you think?”

  The camera dims on Gemma and turns to Dustin and Nicholas. Dustin is writing fast while Nicholas looks more relaxed. He has his arms crossed.

  “Nat, I liked the emotion you brought to the song, you know?” Dustin says. Or at least, I think he says. A lot of people in the audience scream excitedly when he talks. “It showed a little bit about who you are, and that’s what great singing is all about.”

  The camera turns toward Nicholas Campbell.

  “I’d say it NEEDS SOME WORK,” he says. Boos come from the audience.

  “Well, I thought she was terrific,” Gemma says, brightening the mood.

  As Nat heads offstage and back to the green room, there’s another commercial break. This time I start to feel really nervous. Gemma didn’t tell us what order we’re performing in! What if I’m next?

  The commercial break ends, and Gemma speaks into her microphone.

  “Our next contestant is a makeup artist,” she says. “You’ve probably seen her videos. If not, you’ve definitely seen people inspired by them! Please welcome SARINA BROWN!”

  Sarina gets up. Her curly brown hair bounces as she walks onto the stage carrying a makeup kit. I wonder if maybe her dog, Copper, will help her out like he does on her videos. That could be a lot of fun!

  Out onstage Sarina stands up tall. “I’d also like to thank Yamuna Stone for writing such a great song,” Sarina says. “She also gave me a great piece of advice. She said ‘show the audience your special talent.’ So I am going to put makeup on my face while I sing.”

  A low gasp comes from the audience.

  “This should be interesting,” I say to Manny. I mean, Nat didn’t try to invent onstage or anything!

  Sarina opens up her makeup kit and places it on a stool beside her. She is very organized. Then she starts singing:

  “Some red on my lips, some blue for my eyes, a blush of rose for my cheek,

  Black for the lashes, my face looks so chic.”

  She continues, but—oh no. I don’t know much about applying makeup, but I have a feeling this isn’t how you’re supposed to put it on. There’s lipstick EVERYWHERE! Smeared on the microphone, on her neck, on her brushes . . .

  “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” I ask Manny. “Does that look right to you?”

  Up on the screen Sarina is attempting to put lipstic
k on her lips as she sings. It’s like trying to hit a moving target. Red streaks of lipstick smear the side of her face.

  She valiantly goes on.

  “Subtlety and softness, those are the keys.

  Blend it all slowly, the look is sure to please.”

  And now bright-blue eye shadow spreads across her forehead!

  “Subtlety, huh?” I whisper to Manny. “I don’t think this is going the way she had hoped.”

  Realizing this, the camera focuses in on Gemma. She looks a little panicked—but also, Gemma is a Hollywood pro. She dives under the judges’ table and grabs a roll of paper towels. “Heads up!” she yells, then throws the paper towels at Sarina.

  BOING!!

  The paper towels hit Sarina on the head. Embarrassed, she rips off a piece of paper and starts wiping her face with it—but that only makes things worse! Now there are different colored smears all over her face!

  Just when it looks like all hope is lost, there’s a shout from the studio audience during a pause in the song. The voice sounds familiar. . . .

  “Yes, Emily?” Gemma says to the voice.

  Leave it to my sister, Emily, to FINAGLE HER WAY onto live TV!

  “Gem, I have makeup remover in my bag right here,” Emily says. She holds up the purple googly eyed purse to the camera and pulls out a bottle of what must be makeup remover. I had no idea they have special remover for that, but she throws it to Sarina and it works! Sarina’s face becomes fresh and clean, makeup free.

  I guess sometimes my annoying older sister can be, well . . . a not annoying older sister.

  Despite all this, I’m impressed with Sarina. She never stops singing until her song is finished. She even ends on a high note! I almost forgot this was a singing competition.

  “I liked the song,” Dustin says, obviously feeling bad for Sarina. “Can everyone give Sarina major props for finishing that song?”

  The audience cheers louder than they have yet!

  Okay, that makes me feel better. Sarina’s performance might have been a mess, but at least the crowd is being nice.

  Gemma doesn’t ask Nicholas Campbell what he thinks. That’s kind of her. I don’t really think he’d have anything nice to say.

  Sarina returns to the green room.

  “I liked the song too,” I say to Sarina.

  She smiles and nods, but I can see that she’s not pleased.

  Being the pro that she is, Gemma moves the show right along.

  “Our next contestant is well-known to anyone who loves to cook—or eat! Please welcome TV chef extraordinaire, ARTHUR LING!”

  Arthur gets up from the sofa and walks out onto the stage, pushing a rolling table in front of him. On the table sits a blender and a bunch of fruits and veggies.

  “I’m also going to try to blend who I really am with my song. And speaking of blending . . .”

  On cue, the music starts. Arthur presses a button on the blender and the whirring noise adds to the music:

  “Start with a banana, an orange, a pear,

  Right in the blender, just drop them in there.”

  As he sings, Arthur drops fruit into the blender:

  “Some veggies come next. Did you think I’d forget

  The carrots, the kale? But it gets better yet.”

  In go the veggies, right in rhythm with the song. And again, the singing:

  “Tomato juice and yogurt, they are your next move.

  They call this thing a smoothie, so come on . . . MAKE IT SMOOTH!”

  He pours in tomato juice and yogurt, finishes his song, then turns off the blender, unhooks the pitcher, and gulps down half the smoothie.

  I’ve never seen anything—and I mean anything  —as slick as this. Arthur is really cool.

  As if to demonstrate this further, he slams the pitcher onto the tabl e and smiles broadly through a greenish-orange smoothie mustache. Those ingredients all blended together can’t taste good, but you’d never know it from Arthur’s smile.

  “Arthur Ling, everybody!” Gemma says, walking over to him.

  Arthur picks up the pitcher and hands it to Gemma. She takes a drink and ends up with her own smoothie mustache. Of course, in typical Gemma style, she makes the SMOOTHIE ’STACHE look like a glamorous accessory!

  The audience goes wild. I have to admit, that was really fun.

  “It was all right,” Nicholas Campbell says.

  From him, I think that’s a compliment!

  “The song was cool, and the talent was even cooler,” says Dustin.

  “Thank you, Arthur!” Gemma says.

  “That was pretty cool,” I say to Manny, wondering how I’m going to combine my terrible voice with who I really am.

  “Our next contestant is no stranger to Dustin Peeler, and I’m guessing to our studio audience,” Gemma says. “Please welcome backup dancer, MARCUS REBU!”

  Marcus nods to us, then walks to the center of the stage. I wonder if he can sing as well as he dances.

  He puts his head down and stands perfectly still. Unlike all the other contestants, he doesn’t say a thing. He kind of looks like a wax figure! It’s all very dramatic. Then the music starts and he begins dancing. He swirls his arms above his head, spins on his toes, and bends at the waist, whipping his head back and forth. He moves so fast I kind of wonder if he did pick up anchovies with his feet after all. These wild movements continue as he sings:

  “Kick your leg, wave your arm,

  Moving your body won’t do you any harm.

  Bend and shake and bop and weave,

  Keep your body moving, stick around, don’t leave.

  Reach for the sky, dig into the ground,

  Don’t stand still, keep moving around.

  Dance alone or dance with your friend,

  Sing your song, now stretch and bend!”

  WOW! I know as much about dancing as I do about singing—which is to say, not much—but his performance is incredible.

  As if to further prove this, Marcus leaps high into the air, spins around, and lands in a squatting position. It looks so effortless. The music stops suddenly and all the lights go out.

  When the lights come back on, the audience cheers.

  “Now you all see why I won’t perform without Marcus behind me,” Dustin says. “I call him my secret weapon! But maybe next time on tour I’ll bring him out for a little duet or two.”

  The show cuts to another commercial. I look around the room. The only people who haven’t gone on yet are Manny and me. Which means that no matter what, ONE OF US is up after the commercial break.

  I feel my arms start to shake, and my legs too. When the camera cuts back to Gemma, Manny whispers that everything will be okay. Isn’t it weird that a few days ago I was the one convincing him to do the TV show in the first place?

  “Okay,” says Gemma. “Our next amateur singer is so famous, he doesn’t need an introduction! But just in case, please welcome everyone’s favorite kid entrepreneur, BILLY SURE!”

  Manny’s the Man

  IT’S ME. I’M NEXT.

  I get up and my legs feel like lead. I don’t know how I’m going to sing—much less make it to the stage!

  “Go get ’em, Billy,” says Manny, patting me on the back. “You can do it!”

  As I walk toward the stage, Yamuna Stone’s words echo in my head: Just go out there, use your special talent, and make yourself lovable.

  And Manny’s: You can do it!

  I just hope I can make it to the final round with him. . . .

  I pause at the edge of the stage, take a deep breath, and then walk out into the spotlight.

  Smile, Billy! Smile! I remind myself. I force a smile onto my face, which I’m certain looks phony.

  I wave to the cheering crowd as I walk toward Gemma, who stands in the middle of the stage, clapping.

  Gemma hands me the microphone.

  “Thanks, Gemma,” I say. Or at least, I think I say. It kind of comes out as one word: THANKSGEMMA.

  Geez,
Billy, you’re only on national TV, I tell myself.

  I try again.

  “I’m an inventor,” I say. “Here’s a song about inventing.”

  Okay, I might not exactly be Mr. Smooth.

  The music starts. I hold onto my microphone. I try to find Emily and my parents or even Manny’s parents in the audience, but I can’t.

  “I’m so suuuuure about inventing;

  I’m real suuuuure about creating.”

  Okay! The first lines aren’t so bad. No one is booing. . . . Things are going to be okay. . . .

  “I can put together what doesn’t seem plain.

  If you ask me how I do it, I’d be glad to explain.

  I am suuuuure about the inventions I’m bringing.

  But I want to tell you now, I’m not suuuuure . . .

  About SINGING!”

  And once again, in exactly the same spot, as I belt the word “singing,” my voice squeaks and cracks.

  Oh no. What do I do? I’m NOT a singer!

  I try singing the word “singing” again.

  This time it’s even worse:

  “SIIIIIIINGIIIING!!!!!”

  CRAAASH!

  I stop singing. The loud noise shatters downward, kind of like a waterfall! There’s a lot of lights, so I look around to see what happened, blinking back all that brightness. I feel dazed, when suddenly, a little girl in the first row yells, “MOOOOM! HE BROKE THE BACK MIRROR!”

  The audience gasps, staring past me. I turn around onstage and my hands shake. I didn’t just break any mirror, I broke the back mirror—the giant mirror that serves as a backdrop for the stage! It’s shattered into what must be a million pieces.

  What do I do? I know what I want to do. I want to go home and forget all this.

  Then more of Yamuna’s words come back to me: Show your humor and likeability to the audience and to the judges.

  What do I have to lose?

  “Um,” I address the audience. “I guess now is a good time to invent an UNBREAKABLE MIRROR.”

  Silence.

  I’m done for.