Hard to Fight

by Bella Jewel

  I swallow. He knows I can see him. He wants me to go in there and finish what we started. I want to, I do—oh boy, I do—but if I go in there, I’m risking everything. I must think on it too long, because he turns and strides toward me. I let out a little squeak, and my eyes drop to that spot between his legs. Oh … holy … erection. He’s huge—not that I thought he wouldn’t be, considering how big his body is, but he’s huge.

  When he reaches me, I let my eyes slowly move up his body until I meet his gaze. He’s got the lusty look going, and I know what he’s going to do. I should be running, yet my legs don’t agree, and they refuse to move. He reaches out, running his thumb over my bottom lip, and damned if I can turn away. I’ll blame the alcohol. Yes, the alcohol.

  He leans down and scoops me up. I squeak as he carries me across the room and then deposits me onto the bed. “You’re naked,” I croak, watching as he moves around the bed.

  “And?” he mutters.

  “You’re naked.”

  “Baby,” he murmurs, pinning me with his stare. “And?”

  Oh God. He called me baby. I’m going to hell.

  “I—”

  He doesn’t let me finish. He drops down over me, elbows on either side of my head, large body covering mine. He uses his leg to push my foot out so it’s not in our way, then he practically shoves himself between my legs, forcing me to spread them. Then his lips are on mine. No warning. No games. He’s kissing me with a raw hunger that, I won’t lie, I need. I need everything Raide has to give.

  Somewhere in my fuzzy mind, I’m screaming at myself to stop. But my lust and everything else Raide are clouding my judgment. I can’t take it any longer. I reach up, curling my fingers into his hair, pressing my body up into his. My mind is spinning, my heart is pounding, and it feels amazing. I kiss him hard and I kiss him deep, taking all of him until both of us are panting. His naked body is hot against my skin, and I don’t even try to stop my fingers from roaming down his back and over his muscles.

  “Dress off,” he murmurs, reaching down and pulling my dress up. He shifts his body just enough for me to flick it off.

  He slides a hand behind my back and unclips my bra, then he flicks that off right along with my dress. Then his mouth is closing over my nipple. I groan, slapping my hands out my sides and curling my fingers into the sheets. His tongue flicks and taunts, swirling and teasing until I’m begging him for more. Then his mouth is moving down my body, his fingers gliding along my skin.

  I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t … Oh God, he’s kissing me over my panties.

  “Raide,” I pant.

  He says nothing, he doesn’t need to. His presence is all the man anyone needs. He’s dominating and powerful, I don’t need to hear him speak to know that. He hooks his thumbs into my panties and suddenly they’re gone. Then he’s right there. Right where I need him. Right where I’ve imagined for so long. His tongue dives into my flesh, tormenting my clit until I’m bucking beneath him. One of his fingers finds my entrance and he slides it in, slowly fucking me with it while his mouth devours me.

  I arch against him, wanting and needing so much more. I reach up, curling my fingers into his hair and tugging harshly. He grunts against my flesh, but he doesn’t stop. He sucks my clit into his mouth so hard and deep, I scream his name as my body shudders with orgasm. He doesn’t pull back right away. He sucks every tremble from me before slowly sliding up my body.

  I’m barely down from my high when I hear the sound of a foil wrapper, and then he gently nudges my legs open. His mouth is on my neck, his hands are running up my sides, and when his fingers find my nipples, he gently rolls them until I’m thrusting up for him, wanting more. The tiny buds are straining against his hand, needing more.

  “More,” I breathe. “Dammit, Raide, don’t make me wait.”

  Before I can think or process any further, he’s inside me. A choked moan gets stuck in my throat, and my body arches as he fills me, inch by inch. He’s big, solid, and damn, he feels amazing. His cock throbs in my depths and he lets out a long, guttural moan.

  “Raide,” I breathe. “Oh God.”

  “Fuck,” he grunts, curling his fingers into my hair and bringing my head up so we’re kissing with hungry intent.

  Then he’s fucking me.

  I don’t have anything else in my head, not for a blissful moment. It’s all Raide. All his body. He’s making me feel things I’ve never felt before and I don’t want it to end. My nails are in his skin, my legs are wrapped around his waist, and we’re moving at a frenzied, desperate pace. Our skin is slapping together, he’s got a sheen of sweat covering his body, and his muscles are straining. He wraps a hand around the back of my neck and brings me up closer, just close enough so I can feel his breaths against my lips.

  “Raide,” I gasp.

  “Baby,” he grunts.

  “God.”

  “Yeah.”

  Then I explode, I explode with his hand curled around my neck, with his body covering mine, with his gorgeous amber eyes locked to my own. When he sees me lose it, his eyes soften and he gets a deep, passionate look that has my heart twisting. Then he’s right there with me, growling my name, jerking his hips in quick succession until we’re both limp and tangled in each other.

  “Dammit, fuck me,” he breathes into my ear. “You’re beautiful.”

  Oh God.

  Why does he have to do that?

  Why does he have to make this harder than it already is?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sunshine burns into my eyes, waking me from a deep slumber. I blink rapidly and groan when I realize how damned hot it is in here. It takes me a good minute to realize the reason it’s hot is because there’s a big, hard body wrapped around mine. My eyes pop open and I gasp. Raide. I’m in bed with Raide. I slept with Raide. Oh dear Lord. This is bad. Very, very bad.

  I try to shift out of his hold, but he’s got his arm around my middle, large chest pressed to my back. One of his legs is tangled with mine. Dammit. I start with his arm first, gently lifting it and attempting to push it off, but it quickly tightens and hauls my body closer to his. Shit. “Thought it was supposed to be the man who snuck out,” he rumbles into my ear. I shiver all over.

  “I, ah, I need to pee.” Such a liar.

  “Mmmmm,” he mumbles.

  I push out of his arms and swing my legs over the side of the massive bed. My ankle is throbbing and I have to hobble the entire way to the bathroom. When I’m in, I shut the door and press myself against it, clenching my eyes shut. What’s wrong with me? I had one job: to bring him in. How did it get so messy? I rub my eyes, trying to fight back the guilt and heavy disappointment lying on my chest.

  I’m a failure.

  If Don ever found out—God, if my dad ever found out! They’d be so let down. It shouldn’t have come to this, and yet I can’t make myself regret what happened last night with Raide. I can’t stop thinking about his body, his mouth, the way he made me feel. I swallow back the tears threatening to spill over, and force myself toward the sink. I’ve screwed up, but I can fix it. I’m in the perfect position to bring Raide in.

  I just have to make the call.

  Something angry twists in my chest, and I realize it’s pain. What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for a man who is possibly a murderer. Who am I kidding? I know he’s not a damned murderer. I don’t know how I know this, but I just do. Something deep lies behind Raide’s story, but that’s not up to me to decide. It’s up to a judge and a courtroom, and my only job is to get him there.

  I wash up, trying to avoid thinking about anything else but finishing this job so I can move on.

  I avoid Raide’s eyes as I rush back out into the room, dressing and gathering anything that I left behind. I find my phone and realize it’s dead. Just great. I’ll have to go into work and call it in that way. If Raide will be here for the next hour, it won’t be hard. I’d hoped to be there for the takedown to make sure it went smoothly, but maybe
it’s better if I’m not. I don’t know if I could bear it.

  “You always run out on men without even a good morning?” he murmurs from the bed.

  I don’t look at him. I can’t.

  “I, ah, I have to work this morning.” Liar.

  “Right,” he mutters.

  Swallow back the pain, Grace. Do your job. This is your choice. This is your career. This is what you signed up for. If you can’t hack it, you shouldn’t have fought for it.

  I don’t realize I’m crying until warm arms circle around my waist and soft, sweet lips hit my neck. “Baby,” he murmurs.

  God dammit. One word, and he’s crushing my soul. “I have to go,” I whisper.

  “Why?”

  “I told you why.”

  He spins me around gently and pins me with eyes I just want to forget. I don’t want him to look at me like that. I don’t want him to think I’m someone he can have.

  He tilts his head to the side and studies me. “There a reason you’re crying?”

  “I, ah—” I swallow. “No.”

  “Was it that bad?”

  I laugh softly. “No, it was amazing.”

  “Come away with me, Gracie.”

  God. Stop saying my name. Just stop. “I can’t.”

  “A few days, to get to know each other.”

  My heart lurches. A few days away with Raide. What I’d do for a few damned days away with Raide.

  “I can’t,” I croak.

  He reaches up, running a thumb over the tear dripping down my cheek. “I don’t know you, Gracie, and you don’t know me—but what I do know is there have been few women in my life who make me both angry and happy at the same time.”

  “I make you angry?”

  He smiles, and dammit if I don’t want to melt into him. “Yeah, you piss me right off. Yet, at the same time, I want every single part of you. Can’t get you out of my head, lady, no matter how hard I try.”

  I clench my jaw.

  “You challenge me.”

  I swallow.

  “I like that.”

  Oh shit.

  “You make me want to put you over my knee.”

  My bottom lip trembles.

  “I fuckin’ like that.”

  “Raide,” I whisper.

  “Come away with me, Gracie.”

  “No.”

  “Baby.”

  I step back. “No, I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  I let my eyes dart around the room, trying to find something, anything. “I don’t know you.” It’s the best I’ve got.

  “So?”

  “So you could be anyone, Raide. I don’t know anything about you.”

  He studies me and I expect him to blow me off, but he doesn’t. What he does, is blow my mind.

  “My sister is dead,” he begins, and my mouth drops open. “She was dating a man, didn’t know him well—all I know is he was beating her. She was all I had, Grace. There was nothing else. She called me one night, told me he was scaring her, that he had been hitting her. I got in my car and went to her. By the time I got to her, she was dead. Stabbed. He was standing there, staring down at her, knife in his hand. I lost my shit, I beat the living shit out of him. I was going to kill him, don’t doubt it, but the cops got there as I was leaning over him, knife in hand. You can guess who they blamed.”

  Oh God. My heart burns for him. Emotion explodes in my chest, making my knees buckle. I knew Raide didn’t do it, but hearing him say it, hearing him admit it to me makes my heart swell with sadness for him. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been. Tears burn under my eyelids and I fight to keep them back. Everything inside my body hurts for this man, it hurts because he’s suffering, he’s in pain, and that fucking kills me.

  “Why are you telling me this?” I rasp.

  “I’m telling you because you want to know me. You don’t want to know my favorite color or my favorite food or where I like to vacation—you want to know the worst part of me, and that right there, lady, is it.”

  I blink back my tears. “Why didn’t you say what happened?”

  He looks past me at the wall. “Because he told them I came in, tried to get his sister away, and that when she didn’t come, I lost it. He was beaten, she was beaten and stabbed. I had the knife. I had the bruised knuckles. That fucker was clever—he had no marks on his hands, must have hit her with his palms. I have a previous record for breaking and entering, and assault when I was younger. Who do you think they believed?”

  Poor Raide.

  Oh God. Poor Raide.

  “And the trial?” I can’t help myself, I have to ask. Any normal person would ask that question. They’d want to know what’s happening. They’d want to know why he’s not in prison.

  “I got bail,” he says. “And now I’m lookin’ for him.”

  I flinch. “You’re looking for him?”

  He’s only confirming what I already guessed.

  “He deserves to pay, Gracie. He took her life, he took her from me—” His voice cracks and my heart breaks, it tears right open. “—so I’m going to make him pay before I go down.”

  I close my eyes, and my body trembles. Revenge. He’s going to get his revenge. I want to be angry with him for that, but how can I be? He’s broken, he’s hurting, and he’s going down for something he didn’t do. That man, he took away everything Raide had left. Pain rips through my chest and I want to reach out and just hold him. I want to make it better, yet deep down in my heart, I know I’m only going to make it worse.

  I’m going to be the one to stop him.

  “I’m sorry, Raide.” It’s all I can say.

  “So that’s it—that’s me and that’s the worst of me.”

  “I…,” I whisper.

  “You can handle that?”

  Tears burst from my eyes again and run down my cheeks. I want to tell him it’s okay. I want to tell him I understand. I want to tell him he’s a good person and it’s going to be okay. I want to wrap my arms around him and take it all away, but I can’t. If I let Raide go through with his plan of seeking revenge, then he’ll go away for a long time. He thinks right now revenge is going to fix everything, but it won’t.

  Realization hits me like a sledgehammer. I have to take him in. It’s the only way to save him. If he kills his sister’s killer, he’ll spend the rest of his life behind bars. It won’t make him happy, it won’t fix what’s broken, and God dammit, it won’t allow him to be the man I know he is. Raide told me he wanted to be free. There’s only one way that can happen. I have to take him in, and then I have to help him.

  So I say the only thing I can. I know it’s for the best right in this moment, even though it rips my heart out to say it. “No.”

  He flinches and then jerks his head. “Right.” Then he dresses himself, gets his things, and walks toward the door. “You know the way out.”

  When he’s gone, I fall to my knees and cry.

  What the hell did I get myself into?

  Chapter Fourteen

  I’m numb as I walk toward the office.

  My heart has shut down. My head is switched off. I can’t think. I just have to do this. For Raide, for me, for everything I’ve worked for. I step through the giant double doors and walk straight into Don’s office. He’s back and working on something, head buried in his laptop. When he hears his door, he lifts his head and studies me. “Grace, is everything okay?”

  I toss a piece of paper on his desk. “His address. I can’t bring him in on my own; he’s a big man. You’ll find him there.”

  He studies me, really studies me. “You look like you’ve had your heart ripped out. Are you sure everything is okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  He narrows his eyes. “It’s hard to get an address—how’d you get it?”

  I slept with him, and it was the best night of my life. “I … Does it matter?”

  He studies me further. There are not a lot of rules as far as how we get things, and mostly, Don doesn’t a
sk. “No,” he finally says.

  “Good.”

  I turn and walk out. I pass Vance, who calls out my name. I pass Julio, who glares at me. I don’t see them. I walk out of the building and get into my car. I drive numbly to my parents’ house, and when I arrive, I walk straight up the front steps into the home I grew up in. I need my dad. I just need him to tell me I’ve done the right thing. That this will get easier. That it’s part of the job. That the hurt I’m feeling isn’t real. That Raide is going to be okay and I did the best thing I could for him.

  “Grace, what are you doing here?” my mom asks when I step inside.

  She’s at the table with Gretchen and two friends of hers from the beauty pageant committee. I’d usually snort and throw some smart remark at them, but I don’t have the patience or the effort today. “Where’s Dad?”

  “He’s out—he won’t be long.”

  “Where have you been?” Gretchen frowns, running her eyes over me.

  I know I look like shit. My makeup is probably running, my hair is a mess, and I’m barefoot because I couldn’t be bothered putting my heels on.

  I shoot Gretchen a glare. “I’ve been working.”

  “Only person I know who works in a short dress,” Gretchen smirks, and the ladies at the table all giggle.

  Woman that giggle, I just decided, piss me off.

  “Maybe I was getting some while I was at it,” I deadpan.

  “Grace!” my mom cries. “Don’t be so crude. These ladies don’t need to hear such filth. I’m ashamed to call you my daughter sometimes.”

  “Yeah, don’t I know it,” I bark.

  “These ladies are important—you watch your mouth,” she warns.

  “Is this your other daughter?” one of the ladies asks with disgust.

  “Yes,” my mother mutters. “Sadly.”

  It’s like a blow to the chest.

  “I don’t even know how we came from the same place,” Gretchen mutters. “You are just so … plain.”

  That’s it. I’m done. I lunge at Gretchen. I’m quick. I’m strong and I’ve had training. Because of this, I catch her hair and tug her head back so hard, she screams, and then I get in her face. “I might not be a beauty queen, I might not feel the need to wedge a giant stick up my ass like you, and I might not be as fucking perfect as you, Gretchen, but I am a goddamned person, and I am tired of your insults.”