Hard to Fight

by Bella Jewel

  That’s when he presses the button.

  And my world goes black.

  Chapter Twenty

  I wake with a start. My body goes into automatic panic mode and I thrash. It takes me only a moment to realize I’m handcuffed. I blink rapidly, and my entire body hurts, like someone has taken me for a few rounds in the ring. It takes me another moment to gather my bearings and realize I’m at the cabin again—handcuffed to Raide’s bed.

  Raide is sitting on a chair at the end of the bed, head in his hands, looking utterly broken.

  My heart tears in two.

  “All those times,” he says, knowing I’m awake even though he hasn’t looked up. “You were following me, I wasn’t wrong.”

  “Raide,” I croak.

  He lifts his head and pins me with a glare so intense, I flinch and shut my mouth. “You were fuckin’ playing me.”

  “Raide,” I whisper. “It’s my job.”

  He laughs bitterly. “Wonder what your boss would think about you being in my bed?”

  I close my eyes and turn my head to the side.

  “You’re a good player, Grace. You had me good.”

  “Raide, that wasn’t pretend.… What we had—”

  “Don’t you fuckin’ lie to me,” he spits. “You’ve done enough of that.”

  “I’m not lying!” I cry. “You meant— You mean something to me. Raide, I…”

  “You what?” he bellows.

  “I’m falling in love with you.”

  His entire body jerks and his eyes grow wide and almost terrified. “You liar,” he whispers.

  “I’m not lying,” I croak. “It wasn’t meant to happen, but … it did.”

  He laughs so coldly, my heart skitters. “Yet you were still going to bring me in.”

  I swallow back my tears and rasp, “I was doing that for you.”

  He laughs again, but there’s absolutely no humor in the broken sound. “For me? Tell me, Grace. How much was I worth?”

  I flinch and hurt boils angrily in my belly. “Raide—”

  “How much?” he hisses.

  “Thirty thousand.”

  He lets out a long, pained breath. “So tell me again how you’re doing it for me?”

  “You can go in, you can plead your case, and you might get free. If you kill him, Raide, you’ll go away forever.”

  “Do you think I give a shit?” he barks.

  Tears trickle down my cheeks.

  “Don’t you cry, your tears mean nothing to me.”

  My body starts to heave and I manage, “Your sister wouldn’t have wanted this for you.”

  “Don’t you dare”—he bellows, leaping up and sending the chair launching across the room.—“talk to me about my sister! Don’t you ever, fuckin’ ever, talk about her. You know nothing about her. You know nothing about me.”

  “I know you’re wanted for a crime you didn’t commit!” I yell. “I know you’re a good man.”

  “Yet you’re still willing to put a big fuckin’ knife in my back.”

  I choke on my breath and close my eyes again. “I wasn’t meant to care about you.”

  He says nothing.

  I let my eyes open and see he’s staring down at me. The murderous expression on his face is killing me.

  “You say I used you,” he whispers so low, it’s frightening. “I didn’t do fuck-all. You used me. Now I am going to use you, and I’m going to leave you with the fuckin’ emptiness you’ve left me with.”

  Oh God. “Please,” I whisper. “I can help you.”

  “There ain’t nothin’ I want from you.”

  “Raide, please.”

  He leans over me, bringing his lips down until they’re millimeters off my lips. “Did any of it mean a damned thing to you?”

  “Of course it did,” I whisper, trembling. “It all meant something to me.”

  “Beautiful fuckin’ liar.”

  Then he presses his lips to mine. His kiss isn’t gentle, it’s rough and it’s punishing, but I want it. I want it so badly, it burns. I kiss him back, hard and deep, tongues tangling, teeth clashing. He moves his body over mine, and his lips crush mine as he uses his hands to pull my shorts down. I don’t stop him. I don’t want to stop him. He has me naked in a matter of seconds, and then he’s between my legs, hands fisting in my hair.

  “You left me with a fuckin’ hole—” He thumps his chest over his heart. “—right here.”

  God.

  “You fuckin’ broke me.”

  No.

  “’Cause I was fallin’ in love with you, you selfish, coldhearted woman.”

  No.

  He slides inside me and I cry out, muffled and broken. His fingers move down my face as he starts pumping his cock in and out of me—not hard, not soft, just so damned deep. He trails his finger over my bottom lip, and I whimper, wanting to taste him, wanting to hold him, wanting to tell him I’m so sorry. He rocks his hips, causing my whimpers to become desperate moans as I feel pressure building deep inside my body.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “Your words mean nothing to me,” he growls into my ear. “You mean nothing to me. I’m going to break you to pieces, then I’m going to walk out, Grace. I’m going to leave you with the same pain I’m feeling right now.”

  “Please,” I sob.

  “You want me to stop?” he growls.

  I know he will. I know that. Raide won’t hurt me, no matter how angry he is. But no matter what, some desperate part of me doesn’t want him to stop. I need him. I want him. No matter how pathetic that might seem right now. “No,” I croak.

  Tears are streaming down my face, and his eyes follow them down my cheek. “Hurts, doesn’t it?”

  “Please.”

  “Please what?” he hisses. “Please fucking what?”

  He thinks I’m begging him to let me go, but that’s not what I want. What I need from Raide is to know that he doesn’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it if he hated me.

  “Please don’t hate me.”

  He doesn’t say anything, he just crushes his lips back over mine. I wrap my legs around him and I close my eyes, feeling him, loving every single second that he’s inside me. I come with a pained, ragged cry, and less than a minute later, he releases an equally pained grunt. Then his weight is gone and desperation fills my chest. I open my eyes and cry out his name.

  He’s pulling his jeans up, and when he hears my pathetic plea, he stares at me.

  “Raide, please.”

  God, his eyes. So broken. So haunted. “It’s too late, Grace,” he says in a cracked rasp.

  “Too late for what?” I wail.

  “To ask me not to hate you,” he whispers, then lifts his bag and walks to the door. “I already do.”

  Then he comes back to throw a blanket over me, steps out, and leaves me.

  And everything inside me breaks, too, and I scream.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  I must have screamed and cried myself to sleep because I’m soon awakened by a hand on my shoulder. My sore, heavy eyes flutter open and I see Benny staring down at me. I open my mouth to say something—but nothing comes out. I remember that I’m naked and start to squirm, but then recall Raide throwing a blanket over me before he left.

  Benny sits on the bed and watches me, his face an unreadable mask. “He told me he left you here,” he says, his voice as guarded as his expression.

  “I’m sorry,” I croak.

  “You’re a bounty hunter.”

  It’s not a question, so I don’t answer it.

  “You broke him.”

  If I had more tears to cry, they’d rise to the surface and fall down my cheeks. “I didn’t…,” I begin, but what is there to say? I did break him. I became more invested than I ever should have, and in doing that, I lost the man I allowed myself to fall in love with. Who had allowed himself to fall in love with me. There are no apologies I could possibly give.“I’m in love with him.”

  Benny flinches and lo
oks at me with a hard expression. “That the truth, or you trying to get me to let you go?”

  “Can you see me, Benny?” I say, and my voice is so hoarse I barely recognize it. “Can you?”

  “Yeah, Grace, I can see you.”

  “Then look at me, really look. I’m broken, too.”

  His face softens slightly and he sighs. “He’s gone, Grace. This time he won’t be found.”

  I close my eyes, and pain twists so tightly in my chest, I’m afraid it’ll drown me. Raide is going to make a mistake—he’s angry, he’s hurt, and he wants revenge now more than ever. He’s going to find it and I’m going to lose him forever. I have to fix this. I open my eyes and look up at Benny. “I need to go home.”

  He nods and releases me from the cuffs, then hands me some clothes. I take them and quickly dress while his back is turned. When I’m done, I clear my throat and he faces me once more. He’s got a more gentle expression on his face now, one that tells me he just might understand how this feels. “I’m so sorry, Benny,” I whisper. “I know I screwed up.”

  “Yeah, you did.”

  “I’m going to fix this.”

  His eyes widen. “You need to be careful, honey. Raide is in a dangerous situation, and you could lose everything.”

  “None of it is worth anything if he’s not there to share it with me. I have to help him, because you and I both know he doesn’t belong in prison.”

  Benny nods. “Drive safe.”

  I give him a weak smile, then I gather the last of my things and I hurry out to my car. I don’t know how Raide got away, I don’t have time to think about it, I need to get home and get to my office.

  I have to fix this.

  * * *

  “Jesus, Grace!” Don yells when I come through the office doors. “I was out of my mind with worry.” His eyes scan over me just as Vance and Julio enter the room.

  Both are in protective gear, guns tucked in their belts.

  Vance reaches me before Don can say anything more. He takes my shoulders, and his eyes move over my body. “You look like hell—what happened?”

  “I need to talk to you—all of you.”

  “Grace, what’s happening?” Don asks, narrowing his eyes.

  “Can we do this in your office.”

  He studies me a second more, then he nods. “Okay.”

  We all move to his office and I keep my head down the entire time. I know what I’ve risked, I know what I’m about to lose, but I have to tell the truth. The only way I can help Raide is to be honest. When we’re all in Don’s office, I turn and face them. “I have something to tell you all.”

  “Grace?” Vance questions.

  “Please,” I whisper, shooting him a pained look.

  He nods and sits back.

  When they’re all focused, I speak. “As you know, I was assigned the Raide Knox case. I knew when I took it on, it would be a challenge. He’s a big man and even with all my training, bringing him in on my own was pretty much impossible. So I decided to work it a different way. I thought if I could get his attention, I could just call it in when we were alone together.”

  “There’s no rules against doing that, Grace,” Don says.

  “I’m not finished,” I say softly, and he nods. “So I followed Raide, I got in his face, he became interested. This is where—” I swallow. “—it goes bad. The night before I called him in, when he was squatting, I … I slept with him.”

  Gasps fill the room.

  “This is outrageous—she should be fired on the spot!” Julio roars, leaping up.

  “Julio, sit down!” Don barks.

  Julio sits, spitting curses at me.

  Don turns to me. “Grace, you know you’ve broken the rules.”

  “I’m still not finished,” I say, and tears prick my eyelids.

  Don closes his eyes and rubs his temples, then he mutters, “Go on.”

  “I found him again after that, and I spent the last two days with him up in his cabin in the mountains.”

  More gasps, and I look up to see Vance staring at me with such a pained expression, my heart breaks even more.

  “On the last day, I found out he was up there looking for his sister’s killer. It’s why he skipped bail in the first place. He doesn’t want to go down without avenging her. I knew I had to act, I knew the best thing I could do for him was to bring him in, because he was going to do more damage if he was out. He found out who I was when he looked at my phone and saw I had contacted all of you, and he tied me up, then fled.”

  Silence. Long, draining silence.

  “I fell in love with him,” I whisper, dropping my head. “I know what I’ve done, I know what I’ll lose, but he’s innocent. I want to help him.”

  “Grace,” Don says, his voice broken. “I put all my faith in you.”

  I look up and the tears spill down my cheeks. “And I let you down, I know, Don. I’m so sorry.”

  He sighs and stands. “Do you know where Raide is?”

  “No.”

  “Grace, no more lies.”

  I shake my head. “I really don’t.”

  He nods. “You understand I have to report this?”

  I nod and swallow.

  He shakes his head and exits the room.

  Julio stands and glares at me. “I knew you couldn’t do it. You’re a girl and girls will always get tangled up the way you do. You’re too weak,” he spits, then he, too, storms out.

  I slowly turn to Vance, who is staring at his clenched fists.

  “Vance,” I say softly.

  He jerks his head up. “I knew you wanted this job. I knew you were taking a risk seducing him, but even I thought you were smarter than this, Grace. This is all you’ve worked for. Is it really worth losing over some criminal murderer?”

  I flinch. “He didn’t do it. He’s a good man.”

  Vance stands and roars, “He would tell you anything you fuckin’ want to get into your pants! Tell me, Grace, if he’s not a murderer, then why is he running from his trial to find a man who he claims killed his sister?”

  My body goes tight.

  “I don’t think he’s going to thank him. He’s going to kill him. That makes him a murderer.”

  “Don’t, Vance,” I whisper.

  He shakes his head. “You mean a lot to me, Grace. You know that. Right now, though, I’m disgusted by you.”

  He storms out and I drop to my knees, pressing my face into my hands. I knew this would happen. I knew I would suffer for my choices.

  I just didn’t know it would hurt so much.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “Grace?”

  I look up from my spot in Don’s office. I haven’t moved. I’ve just sat here, waiting to hear the verdict. Preparing myself to pack up my desk and leave. The funny thing is, that doesn’t even hurt anymore. All I can think about is Raide, and how my heart is aching for him. Suddenly, I realize my job means far less to me than his happiness does. I never thought I’d question everything I’ve worked for like this.

  I stare at Don, knowing I’m about to hear it. “Yes?”

  He walks in and closes the door. “I’ve presented your case, and we’ve decided our next course of action.”

  I nod numbly.

  “We’ve decided that you didn’t intentionally do the wrong thing, and that an effort was made on your part to bring Raide in. That works in your favor. We’ve decided the best course of action would be to suspend you for a period of three months. In this time, you will only work office duties. When the three months are over, depending on your performance, you’ll be given only small cases for the next twelve months. After that, we’ll look at allowing you to step up further once more. Though there won’t be a third chance, Grace. This is your only warning. You fuck up again, I’ll have to let you go.”

  Wait … what? I’m not losing my job? I blink. “You’re not firing me?”

  He shakes his head. “It took a lot of promises on my part that it wouldn’t happen again, bu
t no, you’re not fired.”

  “You had my back,” I say, and tears burn once more.

  “I believe in you, Grace. I know you’re capable and I know you’re a good person. I also understand how it feels to fall in love. I’ve been there, I’ve experienced it. You did the wrong thing, and you’ll pay for that, but I believe you’ve learned a valuable lesson.”

  I nod. “I … Thank you, Don.”

  “I want you to take a few weeks off.”

  I nod again. Right now, I don’t even want to be here, so having a few weeks off isn’t a bad thing. All I can think about is finding Raide. I’m grateful I’ve got my job … but what is it all worth when I feel so damned broken?

  “Paid, of course.”

  I swallow.

  “And Grace?”

  I meet his eyes.

  “Don’t let me down again.”

  With that, he’s gone.

  * * *

  “Oh, honey,” Kady says, rushing through the front door and charging toward me. I got a few of my things from my desk and have been waiting for her to come and collect me, because I’m not sure I can drive in my emotional state.

  Kady wraps her arms around me and I let her hug me for the longest moment. When she pulls back, she cups my face in her hands. “You’re going to be just fine. Two weeks off, that’ll be so much fun. We’ll go shopping.”

  I force a smile. “Can you take me home?”

  “Of course,” she whispers. “Of course, honey.”

  I walk down the hall, and as I pass Vance’s office, I look in to see him at his desk. He stares at me and then turns away before I have the chance to express anything to him. I drop my head and walk out to Kady’s car.

  We get in, and when we’re on the road, she says gently, “So what happened?”

  “I fucked up, I got suspended.”

  “You didn’t lose your job, though.”

  That doesn’t take away the pain. “No,” I mumble. “But what does that matter in the grand scheme of things?”

  “Grace, your job is everything to you. You’ve done the right thing.”

  “He mattered to me,” I whisper. “Right now I … I just … I don’t care about my job.”