Darkroom: A Moo U Hockey Romance

by Kate Willoughby

  It is a testament to our bond that I endure this, his expression seemed to say.

  “It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when a guy is jealous of his hamster. I think Deke’s gotten more loving from you than I have tonight.”

  “What can I say?” she said as she eased Deke back into his habitat. “I’m a sucker for bulging cheek pouches.”

  “Okay, now, you can’t dismiss me until you’ve gotten a load of my cheeks.” I puffed out my cheeks as I walked toward her.

  “Those are pretty sexy,” she said with a laugh as I took her into my arms.

  Deke ignored us as we stood right in front of him and kissed. Indi melted against me as our mouths met over and over. So soft, so warm, her lips caressed mine as I slid a hand down her lower back to her gorgeous ass.

  She arched her back and my cock stiffened. My bedroom was three feet away. I wanted to walk her in there and get her into my bed, but I didn’t want to stop kissing her. Then she surprised me by taking my hand and placing it on her breast.

  Fuuuuck.

  I felt her nipple harden against my palm even through her sweater. Her breast filled my hand and I squeezed and massaged it so eagerly, I must have seemed like a teenager copping his first feel. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I slid my hands under her sweater and unhooked her bra.

  Our eyes met as I thumbed her taut nipples. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back, so I took the opportunity to feast on her neck. She tasted like husky laughter and lazy afternoons in bed, and I reveled in every soft moan that came from her throat.

  Heat and hunger pooled in my groin as I inserted my knee between her legs and pulled her closer so that she was riding my thigh. She took the hint and put her hands on my shoulders, rocking her hips back and forth, getting what she needed. I was content to just watch her pleasure herself. The heat from her pussy burned through my jeans and for a dangerous moment, I imagined what it would be like to be pressed against her, skin to skin, my cock head poised at her tight entrance.

  Groaning, I put my mouth to her ear. “How about we take this to the bedroom?” I asked. “We’ll have more privacy.”

  She stilled, her breathing a little ragged.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t,” she said with a sigh. She reached behind to refasten her bra and gave me an apologetic smile. “In fact, I should really get going. Early day tomorrow.”

  “Are you sure?” I leaned forward and nuzzled her neck again.

  She giggled but pushed me away. “I’m sure.”

  “One of these days, you’re going to say yes,” I said, as she gathered her things and put her coat and scarf on. “And when you do…watch out. It’s going to be outstanding and you’re going to wonder why we wasted so much time.”

  She gave me a kiss and a cheek caress as she passed me on the way to the front door. “I don’t doubt it. See you in class.”

  “See you.”

  After I closed the door behind her, I heard the telltale squeak of Deke’s wheel as he started his nightly marathon.

  Squeak squeak squeak squeak…

  I knelt in front of his enclosure so he was at eye-level. Even though his short little legs moved too quickly to track, watching him spin that wheel at top speed was hypnotizing.

  “I struck out again, buddy.”

  Squeak squeak squeak squeak.

  “What am I doing wrong? I know she wants it.”

  “Spoken like a true asshole,” AJ said, having poked his head out of his bedroom. “I heard Indi leave.”

  “Unfortunately.”

  “She didn’t break up with you?”

  “No.”

  “Then, just a reminder, even blue-balled, you’re better off than I am.” He headed for the kitchen. “I’m going to make a grilled cheese. You want one?”

  “Shit yeah.” AJ’s grilled cheeses were off the hook.

  “Get that tube of slice-and-bake cookies out of the fridge. I want some of those too.”

  We both loved slice and bake chocolate chip cookies and sometimes we even just ate the raw dough with spoons. While the oven was preheating, AJ got out the ingredients he needed for the sandwiches: cheese, butter, bread, and his secret ingredients—garlic powder and grated Parmesan. I got out the cutting board and portioned out the cookie dough onto a baking sheet.

  “Before she left, Indi and I talked about…my pregame nerves and she said she thought I had something called Imposter Syndrome. Have you heard of that?”

  “No. What is it?”

  As he slathered butter on the bread then sprinkled the garlic powder and Parmesan on top, I explained what imposterism was.

  “Indi’s pretty smart. That sounds exactly like you.”

  “It does. The article says that something I could try was to find a mentor who’s gone through something similar and talk to them about it.”

  “Easier said than done,” AJ remarked, pressing the bread, butter side down in the hot skillet. It sizzled and almost immediately the aroma of garlic, Parm and butter filled the air.

  “Miss Smartypants already found me a potential mentor.” I filled him in about Booth MacDonald as he laid slices of cheese on the bread and then topped each sandwich with the other piece of buttered bread.

  “I just…I don’t know if I want this getting around the league. There are like over a thousand players, but it’s still a small community when it comes to things like that. Because if the Dragon organization hears about it…”

  He nodded. “Yeah, there goes your spot on the roster.”

  “Exactly.”

  I put the cookie sheet into the oven and set the timer. AJ flipped the sandwiches to reveal the perfect crispy exterior. Just a few more minutes…

  “I think you have to assume that if you asked him to keep it to himself that he would honor that. Only a dick would flap his lips to someone about it after you expressly asked him to keep it quiet. I think you should go for it.”

  AJ turned the heat off and delivered the sandwiches to the plates I’d gotten out. We sat down and I took that first glorious bite. The crunchy, cheesy exterior gave way to the melted cheese inside. I burned my mouth but it was worth it.

  “AJ, you could quit school right now and get a job as a chef. Swear to God.”

  “Don’t think I haven’t thought about it,” he joked. “Especially during finals.”

  We ate in silence, just enjoying the piping hot gooey deliciousness of our sandwiches. Talk about comfort food. I actually forgot about my problems for a few minutes, especially when the cookies came out of the oven. But eventually AJ returned to the conversation.

  “Have you talked to Coach Keller about all this?”

  “Hell no, for exactly the same reason. I don’t want word getting back to the Dragons.”

  “Yeah, I get that.” He took another bite. “So, go ahead and try that whole mentor thing. See if MacDonald has anything worthwhile to say. Who knows? Maybe whatever he does before games will work for you too. But if it doesn’t…” He held up a hand. “I know I was the one pushing you to become captain and I stand by that. You’re a great captain. But if wearing the C is putting too much stress on you, dude, maybe you should let it go.”

  20

  Hudson

  I wasn’t kidding when I said the NHL was a tight community and proof of that was how easily I tracked down Booth MacDonald. As it happens, I played hockey with a guy who got drafted by the Barracudas two years ago and was in the middle of his rookie year in San Diego. I just gave him a call and asked if he could let Booth know I’d like his advice on a personal matter. The next day, I got a call from the man himself.

  “Mr. MacDonald, thank you for getting back to me.”

  “Call me Mac. My pal Booker said you needed to talk to me. What can I do you for?”

  I briefly filled him in about my situation—my draft number, the captaincy, my persistent pregame nausea and shit show game performance.

  “My girlfriend saw an interview you did that made her think you might have had a si
milar problem.”

  “I did, indeed. How old are you, Hudson?”

  “I’m twenty-one.”

  “Okay. I was a little younger than you are, but I went through pretty much the same thing. I was on the cusp of my professional career and the pressure just…it got to me. I felt like a fake, like I’d been drafted by mistake. That the scouts just happened to see me on a good day and it was all just luck.”

  “It’s the same with me except I feel like I am where I am because of my family, that all anyone sees is my last name.”

  “It sucks, doesn’t it?”

  “It sucks balls, Mac. My girlfriend said it’s something called Imposter Syndrome.”

  “Your girlfriend’s a smart cookie. That’s exactly what it is.”

  “She also said that finding a mentor who’s been through the same thing can be helpful.”

  “Wait a second. You’re talking about me, right? I’m the mentor you’re talking about.”

  “I hope so.”

  Mac gave a whoop. “I’ve never been anyone’s mentor before. Wait until I tell the guys.”

  “I’m sorry, Mac. I meant to tell you before…I’d appreciate it if you could keep our conversation between us.”

  “Oh, okay. I get it,” he said in a more serious tone. “You don’t want your dad finding out?”

  “Among other people, yes.”

  He paused.

  “Well, I guess I’d better get out of the locker room and take you off speaker phone.”

  I let out a fervent f-bomb.

  “Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You’re not on speaker,” Mac said, laughing. “I was just fucking with you. Someone should have warned you I’m the team prankster.”

  I exhaled in relief. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

  “Kid, you’re too young for a heart attack. I’m not really in the locker room. In fact, you said you play for Burlington University, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “I happen to be on my way to Burlington right now with the little woman.”

  “Don’t call me that,” said a woman I assumed was his wife.

  Mac laughed. “The team flew into Montreal last night and my beautiful wife, Janie, wanted to take a little day trip to Vermont to see the leaves and pick apples and shit. You want to meet up?”

  “Yes, sir, I do.”

  We made a plan to meet in a few hours at Indi’s dorm. Because it had all been her idea in the first place, we were going to surprise her and then go grab lunch in town. Maybe even dim sum. I thought she’d get a kick out of meeting the man she’d picked out as a mentor for me. I also thought she might offer some valuable input to the conversation.

  I met the MacDonalds outside Carter Hall. I recognized Mac right away, having checked out his Wikipedia beforehand. The top-notch goalie was a bear of a man, well over six feet tall, most of him solid muscle. His wife was a pretty brunette with intelligent eyes and a rounded body.

  After introductions were made, I knocked on the door. I was so amped, I could barely stand still.

  I heard music coming from inside and the sound of footsteps. This was going to be so great.

  The door opened and Indi stood there. She had something purple on the left side her face so I thought I must have caught her in the middle of a home facial. Moments like this, I was glad to be a guy. The only thing I had to do to my face was shave it and make sure my nose hairs didn’t get out of control.

  “Surprise!” I exclaimed. “This is—”

  But before I could go any further, she slammed the door in my face.

  “Ah, okay,” Mac said with a nervous laugh. “That was interesting.”

  I knocked again. “Indi? What’s going on?”

  “Hudson, I’m sorry,” she said through the door. It’s just that I’m really…sick. I’m contagious, really contagious, and I don’t want you to catch it.”

  “Is there anything I can do? Want me to bring you some chicken soup?”

  “No, I’ll be fine. I just need to get back in bed.”

  “Okay. Feel better,” I said.

  Even though I was worried about Indi, I had a good time at lunch. Mac and Jane were easygoing and easy to talk to. Mac regaled me with stories of his many pranks, like the time he’d convinced the Barracuda rookies he’d gotten hold of a package of “orgasm mushrooms.”

  “‘It was discovered in the recent Hawaiian lava flows,’ I told them, ‘and it’s been proven to cause instantaneous orgasms in women just from the odor it gives off.’ Those boys were so eager to believe it, they didn’t bat an eyelash. I told them that it was going to take a while to get them to San Diego because of governmental red tape but because I believed in sharing the wealth, they’d each get their own. I tell you, I had them on the string for weeks. When I finally gave them the mushrooms, we were on a road trip and they couldn’t wait to hook up with some of the local puck bunnies so they could reap the benefits, if you know what I mean. The next morning, the disappointment on their faces was priceless.”

  Jane clucked her tongue. “Serves them right for thinking they could cheat like that.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Mac said. “I wouldn’t mind not having to work so—ow!” Mac flinched as Jane thwacked him on the arm. “I’m kidding, honey. I love every second I spend taking care of you in bed.”

  Sighing, Jane shook her head. “All right. I’ve had enough. I’m going to go shop on Church Street for a while. Booth, we’ll need to get back on the road by two thirty.”

  “Yes, dear,” he said and laughed when she playfully boxed his ear.

  “It was nice to meet you, Hudson. I’m sorry Indi couldn’t make it. I hope she feels better.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  After Jane left, Mac started in on his fourth piece of pizza. “Do me a favor. Don’t tell the little woman I ate this,” he said.

  “Mum’s the word,” I said. “And you probably don’t want to call her that.”

  “Ha! You’re quick, Forte.” He wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Why don’t you run through a typical game day for me?”

  “Okay, but first I want to say again how grateful I am to you for taking time out of your day to meet with me.”

  “Glad to do it, kid. You know, what goes around, comes around. Your dad and uncles were idols of mine when I was growing up.”

  I once again described what I was going through, from the moment I got up from a shitty night’s rest to the mental agony I went through on the bench to the fuckups that felt like a guerrilla demon was sabotaging my game for kicks.

  “So, let me say first, I feel for you, kid. I really do. Everything you just described brings me right back to when I was your age, but kudos to you for having the courage to speak up about it. A lot of guys I know would just grin and bear it, cross their fingers and hope it went away.”

  I didn’t tell him that’s exactly what I’d been doing before Indi and AJ pushed me to do something about it.

  “But honestly, that’s gotta change. I mean, I respect that you want to keep this quiet and all your reasons for that are solid. But as a league, we need to make it safer for guys to get the help they need and not feel like they have to suffer in silence.” He looked at the half a piece of pizza left in his hand, made a face, then put it down. “My eyes were bigger than my stomach,” he said.

  “It’s good pizza,” I said, choosing not to comment on the other stuff he said about making the NHL a safe place.

  I agreed but didn’t think it would ever happen. Hockey players were bred to be tough, to suck it up, so much so that we’d gained a reputation for enduring. I had never played for the Stanley Cup, but from the way my family members talked, nothing short of death could stop an NHL player from a playoff game. I’d heard stories of guys playing through broken ankles, broken wrists, mild concussions, and slipped discs. Men who couldn’t commit to the sport with that kind of dedication…well, let’s just say word got around.

  “All right, let me do some actual mentoring. Like your gir
lfriend, Janie is a very smart woman. She, too, recognized that I had a problem and was unlikely to do anything about it unless she intervened. So she came up with a routine that works for me every time.”

  He then described five things he did before every game, things that helped calm the chaotic feelings of self-doubt and fear of failure that never failed to surface.

  “I know a lot of this sounds like New Age mumbo jumbo,” Mac said, “and that’s what I thought it was at first too, but I’m telling you, it works. And I’ve also come to realize on my own that it can help to flip your mindset. You probably go into the game thinking about what you’re going to do, down to the last detail, as if it’s all up to you. Now, I don’t know your skill level, but despite your imposter feelings, they don’t draft guys by mistake, man. They just don’t. But even if you’re Connor McDavid’s clone, the games won’t be won or lost by just you alone. You play on a team. So when you’re on that fifth item—the pep talk—mix it up a little. Visualize what you’re going to do as an individual, of course, but don’t forget to include ways you and your teammates are going to dominate as a unit. That’s just as important as your individual contribution. Oh, before I forget, I printed it all out for you.”

  By the time we said goodbye, I couldn’t believe how good I felt. Mac gave me so much valuable information. I had a plan of action. I had a mentor, someone who had walked through the fire and gotten through, unscathed.

  I had hope.

  But that hope wasn’t as bright as it might have been because I was worried about Indi. I’d texted her several times with no response.

  Hudson: I hope you’re feeling better. Call me when you can. I have a lot to tell you.

  21

  Indi

  I’d had no plans for the day except to study hard for my EDT exam. Ever since I’d started seeing Hudson, the study habits I’d honed my whole life had fallen by the wayside. I’d gotten behind with both my homework and my MCAT prep and I had no one to blame but myself.