“Nope. Abby hates him.”
“Cap! No, he’s right, though. She hates me. It’s why she moved out.”
“Where’d they go?”
“Don’t know. She couldn’t go to her mom’s before because there was no room. She won’t talk to me.”
“Maybe she’s staying with Francis. You know that old lady she’s always taking to church?”
“I don’t fucking know,” I said.
“You never said exactly what you did,” Ryan prodded.
“When my grandpa died, he left me money-”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Okay, well, he left me more except in order to get this money I had to have an heir. Long story short, is he knew, like y’all did, that Thayer was my biological son and the stipulation was that I had to prove custody of a child in order to get the rest of the money. Which was a great idea because of Deer Creek having problems.”
“Then they moved in with you.”
“Yeah. They moved in with me and when all this bad shit started piling on Abby, the guilt started eating at me so I couldn’t go through with it.”
“Only he never came clean to Abby and told her about the will. She found it sitting out plain as day and gave him the business.”
“Cap, don’t you have somewhere to be? Like out welding a fence post or something.”
“Nope.”
Just my luck. This almost felt like the good old days, shooting the shit with my friends. Now, a small part of me was gone though and I wasn’t sure I could ever go back to being the old Thatcher. How could I get that small part of me back? How could I get her and our son back? For good?
I pondered those questions late into the afternoon. And the next day and the following three days after that. I never heard from Abby. I made Ryan ask Miranda if she’d seen her and she hadn’t. I asked Francis, who swore she hadn’t seen Abby since the week before her house burnt down. I knew she was around though because Thayer was still in school. I knew that because I had asked Grace to check.
Wherever Abigail was, she was clearly unwilling to be found. Or unwilling to go out in public. I’d quit texting Abby, each time I sent a message that went unanswered was just another nail in my heart.
My days blended into one another. I got Vern to manage Lone Star while I took the week and went up to Deer Creek. I met the few people who had rental equipment out and packed up what inventory that was feasible to store away for now. All of the feed and milk replacer, items that couldn’t be stored away, I kept out. I had a trailer as part of the rental equipment and used that to haul all of the grain and salt blocks back to Lone Star. It didn’t help matters that all I could think about while I was at Deer Creek was the superb blow job Abigail had given me while we were there.
I leaned against the same counter, downing a jug of water, sporting an erection just thinking about her on her knees. Fuck. It’d been over a week since she’d yelled her heart out at me and I still had no plan on how to get her back.
I was a pussy.
It was late Thursday night by the time I got back from Deer Creek. Most stuff was boxed up and cleaned out. I figured another load or two and I could list it with Arianna Lynch, Deer Creek’s hottest realtor. In both the physical sense and commercial sales. I’d left her a message this morning and was expecting her to call anytime.
I grabbed the pile of mail that’d built up while I was gone and once inside, began shuffling through it. My grandfather’s handwriting caught my eye and I did a double-take, looking around the house to see if this was some sort of joke.
But it was there. His large flourish sweeps of cursive, addressed to me. For some reason my heart skipped. I hesitated before opening it, dreading the fact that I’d let him down. I did let him down. By not claiming the money. I knew that wasn’t the moral of the story. The moral was that I didn’t have Thayer in my life like he’d set out to do and I knew this letter must hold the remaining emotions of him telling me how disappointed he was in me for not being a better man.
I carefully set the letter on the edge of the table and went for a shower. Everything in my room and my bathroom reminded me of Abigail. It was pathetic. I’d long since thrown away the tie but I couldn’t part with the books. Since I’d bought the other two with the tie, we hadn’t started the second one at all. Those were stashed in the top drawer of my night stand.
The scalding hot water sluiced over my dry skin and I couldn’t shake the disappointment I knew my grandfather must have felt the whole time he was alive and knew about Thayer. I regretted not giving him the opportunity to know his great-grandson. I regretted all the stupid fucking choices in my life. Unable to get the letter out of my mind, I quickly washed my hair and toweled off.
Retrieving the letter, I sat on the couch and rubbed my fingers along his handwriting amazed at the indentations I felt from the pen. I was prolonging the inevitable. I took great care in slicing open the top of the envelope with my pocketknife and pulled the folded letter out.
“Thatcher,
If you are reading this, my time has long passed. The first order of business I must say, is thank you for being my grandson. I’ve never gotten around to thanking you for all the hard work you’re always doing for me around the hardware store. Even at my place. I’ve appreciated you for a long time. I instructed my trustees to mail this letter to you if you failed to meet the terms of the will. I wrote two letters you see. One, in the event you met the terms and this one, if you didn’t.
I suppose it came as a shock to you to find out I knew about your son. You might know by now that I got to visit with him a few times. Once he came in to the hardware store when he was about two. Abby let me show him around. She also brought him to see me when I was in the hospital. She was a nice lady to have done that. When she helped out at the senior center during the little holidays – you know Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day – she was always so kind to me. Of course, neither one of us ever talked about Thayer being my great-grandson. We had an unspoken agreement.”
A single tear dropped onto the letter and I quickly wiped it away. Damn, I missed the old man. He was always so clever. It shouldn’t surprise me that he got a chance to spend time with Thayer. I continued on:
“Anyhow, if you’re reading this letter, you no doubt didn’t follow through with my will stipulations. I’m proud of you. You made the right choice. You see, my idea was to merely push you in the right direction, to get you to quit being so stubborn about those two. You don’t think I know the kind of man you are? You don’t think I knew you wouldn’t do what the will asked? I can only hope you’ve come to your senses by now.
Those two people need you, Thatcher. Just as much as you need them. I know all about your fears of being like Walter. It’s high-tell time you get your act together and get over it. Grandma and I never cared for Walter and we don’t know where we went wrong with your mother – she lost her backbone when Walter came into her life, but none of this matters now. You and I both know you’re nothing like your dad. You still have the chance to raise that boy. I will be disappointed in you if you don’t.
I can only guess two reasons you didn’t meet the deadline for the will: you never gave it a chance or you did and Abby found out. If I had to bet on you, son, I’d say you tried going through with it. If nothing else, to get close to those two again.
Soul mates only come around once. Go find her. Go find your son. Be the dad I know you are, Thatcher.
With all my love,
Grandpa
P.S. – Bet seeing my hand writing from the grave scared the crap out of you!
P.S.S – You will need to arrange a meeting with my trustees. They will have documents you will need to sign.”
“You could say that again, Grandpa.” I dried my eyes using the hem of my shirt, unable to believe he manufactured all of this. I let out a short laugh. I couldn’t believe he’d done this. I felt freer. Lighter, after reading it. I’d been so filled with the anticipation that he’d be disappointed in
me and it wasn’t like that at all.
I reread the letter a few more times. I wanted them in my life. It was easier said than done though. Especially now that she hated me. She didn’t hate me, I knew, she didn’t hate anyone. But she looked like she hated me that day. My chest still burned with emptiness. I’d fallen in love with her and now I was broken.
I didn’t bother getting into my bed, where it would just be another night of missing Abby. Of being tortured by all the ways I’d touched her while we lay between the sheets. Instead, I lay in the darkness of my living room staring at the ceiling, thinking about what I needed to do, in order to regain her trust. I needed a plan to figure out how to show her I wasn’t going anywhere and that they were my life.
Chapter Eighteen
Abigail
It’d been twelve days since I stormed out of Thatcher’s store. Twelve days since I told him that I hated him. That was so far from the truth, I bet even he knew it was a lie. I’d felt guilty the second the words were out of my mouth. I’ve never in my life told anyone I hated them. The one man I was head over boots in love with, I managed to say that to. It’d been eating me up ever since.
This morning was like any other morning. I felt like crap after a not-so-great of a night’s sleep. The wind howled and howled all night long; it was a wonder Thayer hadn’t woken up. We’d been staying at the Lone Star Inn, just a few blocks away from Thayer’s school. I hadn’t gotten around to buying a new car, so it was convenient enough to walk him to school and pick him up once the day was over.
My life was crap. Starting with the divorce, then the fire, then the other fire and finding out Thatcher had been lying to me all along, what was going to happen to me next? I was officially out of a job and I was back to going through the motions of life – letting life live me instead of the other way around.
I missed Thatcher. Madly. I was hopelessly in love with him and I wanted to believe him that he wasn’t trying to take Thayer away from me. But the paperwork was right there. I read it myself. How could I dispel that fact? It was this loneliness that was making me second-guess Thatcher’s motives. Had to be the loneliness.
What I don’t understand is why Thatcher’s grandpa would want Thatcher to do that to me? He knew Thayer was Thatcher’s son and I thought the old man liked me. Why would he try to get Thatcher to take Thayer from me? And for that chunk of change? Geesh. No wonder Thatcher didn’t mind. One thing that didn’t make sense was why he closed his Deer Creek store. He was obviously gunning for the money, which he himself said he needed for Deer Creek, so why did he take me with him that day to shut it down? Well, he must be sitting fat and happy now.
With Thayer dropped off at school already, I considered my options. I could shower. Go look for a job. Or I could crawl back into bed like I’d been doing every day once I took Thayer to school. I kicked off my flip-flops and burrowed back underneath the covers. I was not dealing with anything today. At least not until I had to pick up Thayer. My heart was still aching over Thatcher – would it ever go away? I managed to get comfortable when there was a knock on my door.
Shoot. I sat up in the bed with the comforter clutched to my chest. Who knew I was here? Mama was sworn to secrecy. Who could it be? Maybe they’ll go away. I relaxed back onto the bed and another sharp knock. Fine.
I got up and threw the door open. I went to shut it just as quickly but Thatcher’s foot shot out preventing the door from slamming shut.
“Go away.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Not until you hear me out.”
“I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“Fine. Just sit and listen to me then.”
I warred with my mind and my heart. He looked so damn sexy and so sad standing there. His normally kept mustache and beard was long and scraggly reminding me of my own appearance. Had I put deodorant on this morning? At least I brushed my hair before I took Thayer to school. Couldn’t be sure about the deodorant. Or if I’d brushed my teeth.
“Fine. You have five minutes. No. Three.” I made a show of looking at the clock on the nightstand.
I let him in and I went back to my nest on the bed. This was tough. I wanted to jump into his arms and tell him how much I’d missed him but then that damn paperwork with the glaring yellow marker popped into my mind.
“I miss you, Abigail. I need you back into my life. Both of you. I will do whatever it takes.”
No. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I knew he would say all the right things if I gave him the chance.
“How’d you find me? My mama was sworn to secrecy.”
“Daisy. She always had a crush on me in high school and when she came into the feed store, it didn’t take long to sweet talk it out of her. Course I had to promise to take her for coffee.”
I didn’t like how jealous I felt about him taking another woman out for coffee. Especially since right now I wasn’t in any position to claim him for myself.
“Great. Is she going to be another one of your women that you’re going to lie to?”
He sat next to me on the bed and I scooted up toward the headboard making sure my feet didn’t try to tuck themselves underneath his leg.
“No, she’s not another woman I’m doing anything with except coffee. You’ve ruined that for me.”
“How rude-”
“I meant that you ruined any other woman for me, Abigail, cause you’re it for me. There will never be another woman I want more than you.” He pulled some papers from his back pocket and set them in his lap.
“My grandfather knew about Thayer all along, which come to find out, you knew he knew. I was the only one left in the dark on that. Anyhow, he was trying to play matchmaker with his will. That is what you read that day that you screamed you hated me.”
His voice broke when he said the word hate and a chunk of my heart burnt away. Oh, gosh, how could I have been so horrible?
“He thought by dangling money in front of my face, it would get me to pull my head out of my ass where you two were concerned. And he was right. God, Abigail, I’ve been in love with you for so long, it fucking hurts. It’s always hurt me to watch you with Adrian. To see the two of you together raising Thayer; it killed me. I knew I had to live with the consequences of my choice though.”
“I never loved him that way,” I said.
“I know that now. I didn’t know it at the time. When there would be a party or something, and I had to see you two together. Why do you think I acted like an asshole to everyone half the time? Back to Grandpa though. My Deer Creek store was failing. That you already know. I figured if I could get his money, I could figure out how to make it break even, at least. And my feelings for you never went away, I figured it would be like a two-for-one deal where I would finally be able to get the girl and save my store.”
“Your three minutes are up.” Although neither of us made any move to put an end to the conversation.
“The guilt clawed at me every time I bonded with you or Thayer. Then after we made love in my bed that first time, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t take the money. So, I closed the shop up there and I wanted to tell you, please believe me, I did.”
I rolled my eyes at him even though my heart was turning soft. I had to look tough, right?
“There was never a great moment to say it. I was afraid you would say, I told you so, about all your worries of placing your trust in me, would be true. I know it looks like that on the outside, but I promise you Abby, you can trust me.”
He raked his hand through his chestnut hair and my hand itched to do the same. He was a wreck, like I was. Two weeks and we both looked like we’d been starved to death.
“I don’t know if I can trust you, Thatcher. You had my whole heart once, and you blew it. I gave it to you a second time and you blew it again. What happens the third time?”
“Third times a charm?” he gave me that boyish grin of his.
“I have Thayer to think about in all of this. He’s asked about seeing
you every single day since we moved out. He wonders why you and Adrian can’t volunteer to be the sidewalk crossing guards like his friend’s parents. I don’t want him to get hurt. It’s bad enough he’s been on the periphery of all this. And what about your daddy issues? Did that magically disappear?”
“I don’t have daddy issues.” He let out a deep breath, “Okay, I have some issues. Here. I want you to read this letter I got in the mail from my grandpa.”
“He sent you a letter?” I cocked my head in surprise. “How?”
“He wrote it before his death. He had the trustees of his estate send it once the deadline had passed where I couldn’t obtain the money.”
I didn’t realize I was shaking until I reached for the papers and my fingers pulsed against them. Thatcher’s warm hand unexpectedly gripped mine and he brought my hand up to his mouth. His warm breath flowed over my skin gentle as a baby’s touch. He mumbled against them and it sounded a lot like, let me love you. I couldn’t be sure.
I opened the paper and started to read his grandfather’s letter.
“Thatcher,
If you are reading this, my time has long passed. The first order of business I must say, is thank you for being my grandson. I’ve never gotten around to thanking you for all the hard work you’re always doing for me around the hardware store. Even at my place. I’ve appreciated you for a long time. I instructed my trustees to mail this letter to you if you failed to meet the terms of the will. I wrote two letters you see. One, in the event you met the terms and this one, if you didn’t.
I suppose it came as a shock to you to find out I knew about your son. You might know by now that I got to visit with him a few times. Once he came in to the hardware store when he was about two. Abby let me show him around. She also brought him to see me when I was in the hospital. She was a nice lady to have done that. Of course, neither one of us ever talked about Thayer being my great-grandson. We had an unspoken agreement.”
Wild: A Small Town Romance (Love in Lone Star Book 2) Page 18
