This was true. I’d always wanted Thatcher and a part of me knew it was the right thing to do to take Thayer to see his great-grandfather while he was still alive because I knew how much he’d meant to Thatcher. More than his dad ever could. My earlier anger about why his grandfather would do this to me dissipated as I read the rest of the letter.
I hadn’t realized I was crying until Thatcher’s big thumb swiped at the corner of my eye.
“Don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry, Baby.”
All the anger and resentment left my body as I struggled with the truth that Thatcher’s father royally messed him up. His grandfather knew and agreed with me that Thatcher was a good man. That he could be a great father.
“This doesn’t change things, Thatcher. I’ve been doing my darnedest to get you to see how amazing you are and what a great father you’ve been to Thayer.”
“What can I do to change your mind? Tell me and I’ll do it.”
“Prove to me that you want us full-time – that you want me. Prove to me that you are worthy enough for me to tell Thayer you are his biological father. Prove to me that you won’t run away the second Thayer needs discipline.”
“So I’m just supposed to walk out of here and figure out a way to prove I love you?”
“Yeah. Cause my heart hurts, Thatcher. You hurt me. You lied to me.”
“I’m sorry, Abby. You see why I did what I did.” He pulled the papers off my lap and folded them, stuffing them into his pocket. “I’m not fucking proud of it Abby but I just want to live the rest of my life with you guys.”
He leaned into me and kissed my mouth. Slow and teasing at first. Then he dipped his tongue in and fire shot straight to my belly. A heaviness settled in my breasts and my nipples ached for his touch. The apex of my thighs cried for the familiarity of his fingers. Oh, what was I doing? My mind knew I needed Thatcher to believe in himself before he could be fully committed to us but my heart and my body second-guessed my brain.
He groaned as he ended our kiss and I was certain he could see the desire in my eyes. The gut-wrenching need to have him fill my body with love. My body screamed for him to take the comforter off me and please me with his mouth, his tongue. I knew if he tried anything sexual, despite how hurt I still was, I would let him. I sent a silent prayer up as we battled it out by staring into each other’s eyes, that he wouldn’t. I couldn’t show him the truth. If I did, he wouldn’t find the confidence in himself to realize how amazing of a man and father he was.
I had to put space between us for him to figure it out on his own.
“I will do whatever I need to prove to you how serious I am about all of this.”
“I have no doubt you will, Thatcher.”
Then he was gone.
He was gone but his presence gave me a second wind. I knew what I needed to do. For myself. Not my baby and not Thatcher, but for me. There was something I wanted to do – start grabbing life by the balls. I unfolded myself from the hotel blankets and jumped in the shower. I quickly got ready, swiped some lip gloss on my lips and walked the few blocks to Assisted Living Residences at Lone Star.
I was going to apply for a job.
Chapter Nineteen
Thatcher
Usually not one to pour out my feelings, I thought I did one hell of a job where Abby was concerned. Next on my list was meeting with the realtor in Deer Creek to put the building up for sale because she needed to do some measurements and snap some pictures. But somehow my truck took me to a different parking lot and as I shut my engine off I looked up at the sign, Prescott’s Fine Jewels and knew without a doubt, this was where I wanted to be.
After the jewelry store, I drove straight to my shop, worried about being late. A sleek black car, windows so dark I couldn’t see through them, was parked in the parking lot when I arrived. In the single handicapped space I had, well technically, she’d straddled the line between that space and another. I knocked on the car window to get this show over with. No answer.
“You were late. I took the liberty of walking around the building and taking a few photos before you arrived.”
I turned around and found that Arianna lived up to every rumor I’d ever heard about her. Taller than me, her high heels were unnecessary unless you considered how sexy they made her look. She wore a straight black skirt that came just above her knees with a white buttoned blouse which showcased her large, perfectly round globes and a very stunning valley of cleavage. In that quick glance, I’d already picked up on three things: She was of the fake variety, if I wanted to fuck her - she was interested and as stunning as she was, I wasn’t interested.
She wasn’t Abby.
“Sorry about that. I was meeting my girlfriend.”
The sparkle in her eyes dimmed and she held out her hand. I grasped her bony, cold fingers in mine, thinking how different she was from Abigail. Where Abigail was pure and wholesome, this woman was reckless and wild. I’ll have to ask Cap if he knew her. Possibly one of his lays at the Lazy Dog Saloon.
“Let’s go inside and have a look.”
I unlocked the door and held it open for her. Her jet-black hair whisked across my cheek as she passed and I caught a whiff of something…too sour. Ugh. I hope Cap did not. She looked around and took some pictures, making small talk as she went.
“Do you have any kids?”
“I have a son. He’s almost five.”
“Oh that’s nice. That means he isn’t in kindergarten yet, right?”
“Preschool,” I confirmed.
“I bet all the ladies just love seeing you volunteer.”
“No. Actually…” I started to explain the whole story and shut my mouth. “I don’t volunteer. At least not yet anyhow.”
“When you do, trust me, all the women – all the teachers, too – will swoon over you. Nothing sexier than a dad volunteering at school.”
She began measuring and I kept a respectable distance from her cougar-like eyes. I felt like I was a piece of fresh meat and she was a starving tiger.
I worried about her tits exploding out of her top every time she bent over to mark down the measurements in her notebook. But thankfully, nothing came out. Except a nipple. Oh, fuck. Seriously? I looked out the window at the semi-busy street in front of the building, averting my gaze from her blouse. Could she not feel the cool air on it? How does one broach this subject, alone with what most of Deer Creek thought of as a bombshell?
I cleared my throat, steeling myself to turn around, hoping it had only been playing peek-a-boo and was now safely hidden in the confines of her blouse. I dared a glance. Nope. Shit. I looked away again. My gaze scanned the window sill, the street, anywhere but there. I almost laughed at the irony of it all – being alone with one of the hottest women of Deer Creek and I couldn’t even get interested. Period.
I jumped at the tap on my shoulder, “Jesus! You scared me.” Arianna stood there with a perplexed look and thank the high heavens, the obtrusive nipple was gone.
“Sorry. Are you okay? You look scared to death,” she chuckled.
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Did you get everything you need?”
“I did. I will go back to my office and draw all the documents up and maybe we can meet here tomorrow,” she grasped my forearm, “Or I could drive down to Lone Star?”
“Can you fax them to me? I’m going to be really busy in the coming weeks. Here. Here is my fax number.”
I scribbled the number on her notebook and ushered her outside.
“Let me know when you send them.”
“I will. Thank you for your business! I look forward to doing more things for you in the future.” She winked as she unlocked her car and I waved and got the hell out of there as fast as I could.
Arianna hadn’t been a complete downer. She’d given me a great idea. I didn’t want all the women at the elementary school to swoon over me, but I wanted one in particular. An hour later, with a little time before school let out, I pulled into the parking lot of Star Falls Elementa
ry and went directly to the office.
The school hadn’t changed much from when I went there as a kid. Of course, they’d upgraded a few things, like the carpet and some of the cabinets that lined the office. They no longer had a typewriter sitting in the center of the room so some things had progressed with time at Star Falls.
Gracie was here somewhere although I didn’t know where. However, if certain things hadn’t changed, then the second-grade classrooms were still down the hall from the office and to the left.
“Can I help you?”
“Yes. I’m here to fill out a volunteer form.”
“Who is your student?”
“Thayer Murphy,” I ignored the double-take she gave me.
“Fill out this form. You’ll need to follow these instructions to submit a background check online.”
“Can I fill this form out here?”
“Sure. The background check will take at least twenty-four hours.”
“Perfect.”
Once I filled out the form, I handed it back to her and used my phone to do the background check.
“Thanks. You should get the information soon.”
I walked out the front doors where there were already parents milling around to pick up their kids. I said hello to the few I knew and was surprised to see Abigail. Not as surprised as she was to see me though judging by her expression.
“Thatcher. What are you doing here?”
“I had a few things I needed to take care of. You look nice.”
She glanced down at her sundress and flip flops as if she wasn’t sure how amazing she looked.
“Uh, thanks.”
“Hey, Abby. Would you like to go out to dinner with me? You and Thayer?”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah, tonight. We could go to The Tavern.”
“I’m sorry I can’t.”
It was stupid of me to ask. I should have anticipated that she wasn’t as excited about the prospects of me as I was with her.
“Maybe tomorrow though,” she suggested.
I nodded, “I would love that. I’ll text you.” Of its own accord, my hand reached out and my fingers trailed the delicate bones along her collar, noticing the flutters of her pulse on her neck. Not missing the undertones of desire between us. I started to walk away when she yelled for me.
“Yeah?”
“I’m looking forward to it,” she smiled.
I resisted the urge to pump my fist in happiness. Score for me. I smiled back and went home.
That evening I reread my grandfather’s letter another hundred times. I considered myself a good man. Fairly smart, loyal and crazy-in-love with Abigail. The idea of not being a good father or one like my dad was to me, was based upon fear. I’d never gotten over the way my dad treated me. It fucking hurt. Still. Why did I think I would be a bad parent? Abusive? A general asshole?
I sat in the quiet of my house, pondering these questions. I was a good guy. I made mistakes just like anyone else. Abby was on my side. I had to forgive myself. That has been the problem, too. I’ve regretted leaving Abby for so long, I’ve never had the chance to look ahead. I’ve never forgiven myself for being a screw-up where she was concerned.
It’s high-tail time I let the past go.
If I wanted to move forward, especially with Abby and Thayer, I had to get over my fears. Just like Abby told me, I knew I had potential. Parenting wasn’t perfect and I was not looking for that title. I thought of Abby marrying Adrian for the sake of gossip. She hadn’t wanted to be an unwed mother so she did what was necessary to do that. Was it the best move for Thayer?
Adrian was a good man as far as I knew. But with their divorce and then having to move in with me, Abby took everything in stride. She risked those choices because she was trying to be a good parent. In the past month, Abby has shown me more about parenting than I ever considered. Giving Thayer baths, helping him learn the alphabet and how to spell his name. She worked with him on saying please and thank you, how to put on his own clothes and zip up his coat. He hadn’t mastered most of that stuff yet, but damn, she kept persisting.
She didn’t give up. She just kept trying.
That is what I had to do if I wanted to be a good father. Hell, if I wanted to be a good husband.
This ring was burning a hole in my pocket and I took it out and admired its beauty. It was low-key. Nothing flashy but beautiful in its own right. An eternity band, the jeweler had called it. Small diamonds were set all the way around the white-gold strip making it a full eternity band as opposed to a half-eternity band where the diamonds didn’t make a full circle around the band. The sides were intricately designed into a type of antique scroll, elevating the ring from ordinary to extraordinary.
Much like Abigail.
It was going to be hard but I was determined to do it. I could be a great father. Recognizing all the ways my father had treated me when I was younger, fuck, the way he treated me now, was the first step in knowing how I wanted to treat people who were important to me. Shit. I already knew how to treat people. I was nothing like my dad. The good, the bad or the ugly. He and I came at life from such different places, it was a wonder that I was even related to the guy.
Talk about a revelation! How could I have ever thought I would be anything like my old man? Where Walter Patterson was a pessimist, I was looking at the glass half-full. When he wanted to star in the war, I was looking for a ceasefire. While he got off on being superior over everyone, I didn’t mind riding in the back seat. Most importantly, I didn’t resort to passive-aggressive violence in order to get what I wanted.
It was surreal how right Abby was. I couldn’t believe it’d taken me this long to figure out all the ways in which I wasn’t like my father. All the times I was sure I was going down the rabbit hole of parental traits and bad parenting habits and I wasn’t even close. Hell, as far as similarities between my dad and I, the only thing we had going for us were our looks and those weren’t that noticeable either.
I twirled the ring along my pinky finger, wondering what Abby would say when I asked her to marry me. Her anger was fading but I knew, I could feel it underneath her fake façade of trying to keep me at a distance, that she loved me as much as I did her. That she wanted us to be a family.
As I lay in the quiet of my house, realizing I even missed that damn ugly turtle, I’d changed. Abby was able to help me see the real me. The me that I’ve always been but had convinced myself I wasn’t. She made me a better man. What had I done to deserve her? Breaking her heart was number one on my list of regrets and number one on making sure I spent the rest of my life making it up to her.
And Thayer too.
I wanted to be the one to watch his first basketball game, to be the happy dad cheering form the sidelines. I wanted to be the father who showed him how to fish – maybe Adrian already did that – but I was going to be the dad that took him on fishing trips for the rest of our lives. I didn’t need a piece of paper saying I was his dad. If I could teach him how to shoot hoops, drive a four-wheeler and do all those father-son things that my dad never did with me, I would be complete.
I would be a father. A real one this time around.
Which is exactly what I told Abby as we ate dinner the next evening at The Tavern.
“You’re unbelievable. You know that right?”
“Where you’re concerned, I have no boundaries. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“I see that. You’ve already come a long way, you know?”
“In what way?” I asked.
“Well, you’re already doing a much better job talking about your feelings. A month ago you could hardly explain what you felt.”
I stretched my arm across the seat of the booth we sat in. “Such is life as a father.”
Her lips turned up in that smile of hers that I’d been missing for days now.
“It sounds good, doesn’t it?”
“Saying that I’m Thayer’s father? Yeah. Pretty fucking good.”
�
�Guess what?”
“Y’all are moving back in with me?”
Crimson spread along her face and I desperately wanted to get out of this place and go somewhere where I could make love to her.
“No. I applied for a job at the nursing home. I figured life was giving me a chance to start fresh what with all that’s happened to me. Now was as good as time as any to reach out on a limb and see if I could get hired there. I only have admin experience obviously. But I’m hoping they’ll find a place for me and who knows,” she shrugged her shoulders, “maybe someday I can take some classes or something to become a CNA. Something that would put me closer to working with the residents.”
Her eyes shined bright and my heart expanded in my chest at her obvious happiness. I grasped her lithe fingers into mine and squeezed them together.
“I’m proud of you. I know they’ll hire you, Baby.”
“I hope so. This is my first step at living,” she chuckled nervously.
“Nah. I think you’ve been living all along, just not the way you envisioned.”
Chapter Twenty
Abigail
I was beyond shocked when I walked Thayer to school three days after my dinner date with Thatcher, to find yours truly holding up the red and white Stop sign at the crosswalk in front of the school.
He looked beautiful wearing a green and blue plaid shirt and blue jeans. His scruff had been trimmed and shaven. He didn’t need a stop sign. His looks were enough to stop any person dead in their tracks. My heart swelled as I watched him interact with the children and some of the parents as he allowed them to cross the street. Those dimples of his flashed when he spotted the two of us.
“Good morning!” his deep voice rumbled over me, caressing me like a light breeze.
“Thatcher!” Thayer squealed. He ran into Thatcher’s outstretched arms and I caught a glimpse of our future as Thatcher picked our son up.
“How’s it going little man? I’ve missed you.”
Wild: A Small Town Romance (Love in Lone Star Book 2) Page 19
