Beyond What is Given

by Rebecca Yarros

  “First, you became my motivation.” I bent down to her ear. “Second, you play a mean game of strip 5&9,” I whispered and kissed the delicate shell. She shivered, and I tried to remind my dick that we’d agreed to no sex. Her lips parted as I kissed her gently. “And just because you weren’t here doesn’t mean you weren’t with me every day.”

  Applause sounded in the room, and we were dismissed to begin dancing as the music came to life through the speakers. Couples headed out to the floor, but I didn’t care. I was too busy kissing the woman I was completely and utterly in love with.

  “Gray.” Dad’s voice met us as we walked up the sidewalk to the house after the ball.

  I stopped mid-step, Sam tucked under my arm, wrapped in my dress blues jacket to keep her warm.

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  His gaze flickered to my friends, and he shoved his hands in his pockets.

  Paisley spoke up. “How about we all head inside where it’s warm?” The group mumbled assent, and Sam looked up at me.

  “Do you need me?” she whispered.

  “More than you’ll ever know, but I can handle this. Want to go wait in our room?” Our. Yes, I said it on purpose.

  “Okay.” She kissed my cheek and turned back to my dad. “It was nice to see you again, Mr. Masters.”

  He gave a genuine smile. “I am relieved to find you here, Sam.”

  I waited until she’d shut the door before I spoke to him. “Well?”

  “You graduate tomorrow.”

  “I am aware.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why do you make everything so hard?”

  “I get it from my father.”

  “Just because I don’t approve of what you’re doing doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, that I’m not”—his throat worked—“incredibly proud of you, and what you’ve accomplished. My worry doesn’t diminish that.”

  “You almost ended my career.”

  “For which I am incredibly sorry.” The apology was enough to stun me. “Look, Gray. I should have believed after the accident. I should have believed you when you told me you could handle flying. I should have trusted you, and I didn’t. I was so busy trying to protect you that I didn’t realize I was suffocating you. Did I want you to come home and work at the shop? Of course. Do I realize that Joey will probably surpass us both in boat design? Absolutely.”

  “Then let her have the shop.” The wind bit through the thin material of my dress shirt.

  “Grayson.”

  “You want my forgiveness? Prove you’ve changed, that you won’t hold her rightful place hostage.”

  “It’s still your place, too.”

  “It hasn’t been in years. Sure, I helped a little with The Alibi’s design, but it was mostly Joey, and you know it. You may want me, but you need her. Let her prove it to you if you don’t think she has already.”

  “How?”

  “Give her the reins at the Miami show. Let her hire a crew and race the Pineapple Cup.”

  “She’s softer than you think, Gray. It would crush her to lose.”

  “Joey won’t let you down. She doesn’t know how to fail.”

  He crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked off in the distance, a pose I knew meant he was deliberating. “Okay.”

  And just like that, I was free, the last tether chaining me to North Carolina cut. “Okay.”

  Dad cleared his throat. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I’m here, and I’ll be there tomorrow if you want me. There’s nothing in this world that could stop me from loving you. Whether you graduate first or last, I don’t care as long as you’re happy. I’ll…trust you to be safe.”

  It was all I’d ever wanted, but I still couldn’t stop thinking that Sam was upstairs. Time to make her my first priority.

  “I’m glad you’re here. I really have to go spend time with Sam, Dad. I only have her for a few hours.” I was sorry, but I wasn’t.

  “I understand.”

  I walked past him, but turned once my hand was on the handle. “Dad?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I want you there tomorrow. And I didn’t finish last. I’m first in my class.” I watched that sink in.

  He simply nodded his head. “I’m not surprised. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I watched him get into a rental car parked across the street and drive off, probably to the hotel Mom and Mia were at. Then I took the stairs two at a time until I got into my room.

  Heaven. Sam stood with her back to me, tugging at the zipper. She glanced over her shoulder. “Oh, do you mind? I’m borrowing a shirt and some boxers.”

  A surge of possessiveness overwhelmed me at the thought of her in my clothes. “Not at all.”

  “Good.” She laughed. “Then get over here and unzip me.”

  I rubbed my hands together to warm my fingers and then pinched the small zipper between them. When it wouldn’t budge, I slipped the back of my hand inside her dress to get a better grasp, and the zipper gave.

  My dick hardened with every inch of exposed skin, and I groaned when the dress parted to the top of her ass, revealing the tiny bow at the back of a blue thong. “You’re. Good. All unzipped.”

  I ran my fingers up her spine and relished in her gasp. “Thank you.”

  My own clothes felt foreign as I handed her the shirt and boxers she’d pulled from my dresser and turned my back. Every muscle in my body clenched when fabric rustled to the floor. I crossed the distance to my dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants, quickly stripping to my underwear and pulling them on.

  “So you leave your clothes on the floor now?” Sam asked, already sitting on my bed.

  Stop thinking about how naked she is under those clothes. What the hell? She was always naked under her clothes. Everyone was. I rubbed my forehead. “Yeah, well, maybe I’m just anxious to join you.”

  “No sex,” she reminded me, sitting up on her knees.

  “Even if you beg,” I reminded her as I slipped under the covers, and then pulled her against me. She tucked under my chin perfectly and gasped when our hips meshed. “It doesn’t exactly stop me from wanting you, Sam.”

  She kissed the underside of my jaw. “Yeah, me, either.”

  Fuck, I wanted her. It had been so damn long, and now she was here, dressed in my clothes, pressed up against me in my bed. But if she needed to realize I wanted her for more than sex, I could make that happen.

  I just might be a corpse before morning.

  “Tell me about Colorado,” I said. She sighed, intertwined her smooth legs with mine, and then started to talk. She told me about the upcoming hearing, the other girls who had come forward, and that her transcripts had already been corrected.

  “Once the news got ahold of it, I had a hard time. They tried to keep our faces out of the story, but they haven’t exactly been successful.”

  “I’m proud of you.” I rubbed lazy circles along her back. “I know it wasn’t easy to come forward.”

  “We’re stronger together, the other girls and I. We have a stronger case, and I think I have a chance of getting back into classes after the hearing in January, even though I hit him.”

  My palms itched to do the same. “I want you in my life.” The words were out before I could stop them, and then it was like a stream of vomit I couldn’t contain. “I love you. This right here, holding you, tells me everything I need to know about my future, because this is where I want to be. I don’t care if I’m in Colorado, or you’re in North Carolina, or if we move to North Dakota.” I pulled back so I could look into those green eyes that I prayed would show up on our future daughters. “I know you can’t stay, and I can’t go. So I don’t know how, but we have to figure something out. I swear I can’t breathe when you’re gone.”

  Her lips found mine, and she gently stroked my lower lip with her tongue. “I know, and I feel the same. But I can’t walk out on what I’m doing right now. And as much as I miss you, and need you, I have to see th
is through on my own. The hearing will be over in January, but no college is going to take me until everything is cleared up. Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to graduate there.”

  “Look at you, all accountable.” I kissed her, but kept it quick. “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Just don’t walk out that door again without giving us a way. I almost didn’t survive last time.”

  Her fingers ran through my hair, and I arched into her touch. “Me, either,” she whispered. “We’ve been apart for months with almost no contact, and I still love you. I crave you every moment. I don’t see that changing while we work through all of this.”

  The tiny spark of hope that flared to life when I saw her at the ball caught fire, and I burned with need for everything she was. “Long distance? I can do it.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, you’ve proven yourself there. Grace?” Her expression fell. “I can’t help but feel like I ruined your miracle.”

  I shook my head. “You’re all I see, all I want. No one else has this effect on me.” I dipped my head and kissed her, running my tongue along the seam of her lips until she let me in. The kiss was slow but full of so much love that I couldn’t help but sigh. “Sam, you’re right. I got my miracle, but it wasn’t Grace. It was you. You kick-started my heart and brought me to life the minute you opened your mouth and dished my own shit back at me. You gave me something to fight for, a reason to see beyond the shit hand fate had given me, and start to imagine a future. And when I think about my life, you’re all I see. You’re it. You are my miracle.”

  Her eyes shined, and her lips trembled as she kissed me lightly. “Okay. We’ll figure this out. I don’t know how, but we will.” Her eyes lit in a way I hadn’t seen since before Grace woke up, and her smile was enough to bring me to my knees, if they weren’t already tangled with hers. “Oh, and I brought you a present.”

  “You did?”

  “I figured graduation was a brownie kind of moment.” She rolled out of my reach and brought a box between us, then handed me the chocolate square. “So I baked while I was at Morgan’s. Hopefully I got it right.”

  I bit into it and closed my eyes in ultimate surrender. They were perfect, with that special hint of something I could never define. My eyes popped open. “These are my mom’s. I’ve been after this recipe for years.”

  She shrugged. “She taught me that day she invited me over.”

  “She swore she would never give it to me until…” When you grow up and realize what’s good for you.

  Sam squeaked when I knocked the box to the floor and pulled her underneath me, chocolate still smearing her lips. “Kissing is fair game, right?” I asked, grinning.

  She nodded slowly, her eyes darting to my lips.

  I looked to the clock. “We have to be at graduation in seven hours. I’m going to kiss you every single minute of it.”

  By the time we showed up at graduation, our lips were swollen, and her neck was irritated from my now-shaved scruff.

  Samantha pinned my wings to my chest with a silver set she’d had engraved with my initials. My dad even smiled. Pictures were taken, lunch eaten, and I took her to the airport.

  “You’re mine?” I asked, my arms wound around her waist at security.

  “As much as you’re mine,” she answered, her fingers locked behind my neck.

  “We’ll find a way.”

  She leaned up on her toes and kissed me. “We’ll find a way.”

  I watched her until she’d gone through security and waved.

  Then I went back to finish packing. I would find a damned way. I was done leaving my life up to fate, done waiting for things to work out, and done waiting to be with Sam. I’d find the way, or I’d fucking make one.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Sam

  My footsteps were sure as I walked toward the administration building, never faltering despite the ice beneath me. I made it to my seat in front of the disciplinary board, passing by Harrison and his wife, a slender woman with a beautiful face and a bitter mouth. They’d already been fired. He was here as my accuser, and she was pending trial for criminal charges for what she’d done to us, but her only purpose today was to see what my punishment would be for hitting her husband.

  My phone buzzed, and I took it out of my pocket.

  Grayson: Thinking about you. I hear the weather is gorgeous today for a verdict.

  My heart swelled to the size of the Colorado sky.

  Sam: I’ll call you after. And blue skies would be perfect for flying, just saying.

  Grayson: You make Colorado perfect. I’m so proud of you.

  Missing him had become the status quo the last month, but it struck even harder right now. I got out one last text before the board walked in.

  Sam: I know I said I needed to do this alone, and I did. But I really wish you were here right now.

  I slipped my phone into my purse as they took their seats. This would be my only opportunity to speak…to any of them. If I could keep lunch in my stomach, it just might work.

  Dean Miller, flanked by equal parts faculty and student disciplinary committee, cleared his throat before speaking. “Ms. Fitzgerald, we’ve spoken at length both about your offense and what you have suffered since. Is there anything you’d like to say before we discuss your future?”

  I nodded my head and stood, holding on to the corner of the table with my fingertips. Don’t puke. “What I did that day was inexcusable. I’m not asking for consideration for the circumstances. I struck a member of the faculty, and I’ll accept whatever punishment you decide. Colorado is the only home I’ve ever really known. I came to UCCS so I could stay here, in what I love as my hometown. I’m just asking that you allow me to finish my degree here.”

  My stomach tightened, regret washing over me with the force of an unbreakable tidal wave as I turned to face the back of the room where the Proctors sat. Michelle raised her chin, hatred evident in the set of her eyes. “I’m truly sorry for the pain I caused you,” I said to her, ignoring Harrison. “I never knew he was married, and if I could take it back, or take some of the pain away from you, I would. You don’t deserve what happened to you.”

  She tore her gaze from mine, blinking back tears. What she’d done to me was reprehensible, but there was a small part of me that understood, and an even bigger part that already forgave her.

  I turned back to the committee and remained standing.

  Dean Miller gathered himself with a deep breath. “Ms. Fitzgerald, we do find that you struck a member of the University faculty. While there are extenuating circumstances, we feel that were we not to impose a punishment, it would be a detriment not only to you but to the university itself. However, we are not willing to lose a student like you. So we ask that you provide twenty hours of community service to the University, preferably by tutoring the lower sections of freshman math, while you finish your degree here at the University of Colorado.”

  My eyes burned, and my throat closed. I managed a nod of my head and a broken “Thank you,” before the committee filed out.

  It was over. I was free. I would graduate from CU.

  The chair caught my weight as I collapsed, braced my elbows on the table, and let my head fall into my hands while I sucked in deep, gulping breaths. Then I folded my hands and sent up a heartfelt prayer of thanks for my second chance.

  By the time I pulled myself together, the room had emptied completely. I slipped my arms into my coat, grabbed my purse, and closed the door on my way out. The sound was crisp, like the sound a book made as you shut it after the last page.

  The sunshine welcomed me as I stepped out onto the walkway. The air tasted cleaner, my soul felt lighter. I started down the path and pulled out my cell phone.

  Sam: I’m in. I have to tutor, but they let me back in!

  Grayson: I knew they would. No one’s stupid enough to let you go.

  With the burden of the hearing behind me, and my future open, the full weight of missing Grayson hit me. It was two fifteen p.m
. on a Friday. If I went straight to the airport, I could make it to him by tonight and spend almost a week with him before classes started.

  Yes. That’s what I’d do. Screw packing new clothes, I’d just wear his all week. I opened my internet browser to search for flights. It would eat up a chunk of my savings, but it was worth it. This month had been entirely too long.

  Grayson: You seem pensive. What are you thinking?

  Sam: That I miss you, and I’d do anything to sleep curled in your arms tonight.

  A giddy smile took hold at the thought of surprising him. I walked a little faster.

  Grayson: Funny. I was thinking the same thing.

  Sam: Oh yeah? Just sleeping?

  Grayson: Well, I’d love to slide my hands up that red skirt, but someone said no sex.

  Sam: Maybe I could rethink the no sex thing…

  I hit send, and then paused mid-step. Red skirt? Slowly, and so scared to be wrong, I lifted my eyes from the fabric of my skirt, skimming along the path until it converged with the one that led to the parking lot.

  My eyes landed on a pair of black Doc Martins, then ran up a set of muscular legs encased in a pair of jeans that made my mouth water. He slid his cell phone into the front pocket of his black ski coat, and I made my way to his face, to the slow smile that lit up the darkest corners of my heart and chased the shadows into oblivion.

  Grayson.

  The thirty feet that separated us was all at once exquisitely painful, and I broke into a dead run, ice and all. I slipped the last couple of feet, but he lifted me into his arms before my balance could even register the danger.

  My arms looped around his neck as he held me eye level. “You’re here?”

  “I’m here.”

  My eyes skimmed over his features, needing to memorize every single detail of this moment and file it away for the nights we were apart. This was why I loved him, this overwhelming feeling that defied all logic. There was just no way this much emotion could live within me.

  “Why?”

  His eyes looked almost silver in the sunlight, lighter than I’d ever seen them. “On the off chance you sent a text that you needed me. I knew today would be tough.”