Casting Off

by Nicole R Dickson

  “What are wedding favors?”

  “Gifts we give out at weddings. I was hoping Paddy could take me.”

  Annie looked at Paddy.

  “I’ve got things I can pick up there. Sure.”

  “All right, then,” Annie said. “What kind of gifts?”

  “These will be useful ones, to be sure,” Rebecca said, gazing up once again to the sky. “Because you know that can’t be trusted.”

  “What?” Annie asked, following Rebecca’s gaze.

  “That!” Rebecca pointed to the blue Irish heaven.

  Once in Galway, Rebecca searched several shops until she found acrylic paints in the exact colors she needed. She bought brushes, too, and then they had to stop by four different stores to find enough of the actual favors that she was going to paint. Before heading back, they stopped for lunch. On the return trip, Rebecca looked out at the water. Over her shoulder, she watched Annie and Maggie talk as the children ran up and down the deck. For the first time in her life, she could truly say she felt like she was going home.

  “Becky, you’ll be needing this!” Rose called, as she, Annie, and Maggie with their children climbed off Paddy’s boat. Rebecca turned and found Rose and Liz walking quickly down the street carrying large paper bags.

  “Don’t hurry yourself, there, Rose,” Rebecca said, walking toward the two women. Maggie followed.

  “We hear you’re getting married,” Liz said with a grin.

  “I am.” Rebecca laughed as she reached them.

  “Here.” The women held out the paper bags. Inside, Rebecca found spun wool.

  “What’s that for?”

  “It’s all the wool you spun for Fionn’s gansey.” The old ladies smiled mischievously.

  “Father Michael said you two weren’t to be trusted.”

  They laughed.

  “What patterns are you goin’ to use?” Rose asked.

  “I—I hadn’t thought about it.”

  “Well, you better decide and then we’ll help you knit it. You’ve not much time till your wedding day. Good evening to you, Becky,” Liz said, and arm in arm, the old ladies walked toward Rose’s house.

  The small car was parked in front of Peg’s house. As Maggie went inside to retrieve the keys, Annie helped Rebecca stow the wool and the wedding favors in the backseat. Rowan and Rebecca climbed into the car and slowly made their way toward their cottage.

  “Mama?”

  “Yes, Rowan.”

  “Do I have to call Fionn Daddy?”

  “I think you can call him what you want.”

  “I’ve never had a daddy.”

  “No, you haven’t.”

  Rowan rolled down her window. “I think I’ll ask Fionn if he wants to be called Daddy.”

  “If you’d like.” Rebecca watched Rowan’s brown hair dance in the wind.

  “Mama?”

  “Yes, Rowan.”

  “I don’t want to be a flower girl.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No. I want to play my pipe.”

  “Oh.”

  “Like when you walk down the aisle.”

  “I’m not getting married in the church, Rowan.”

  “Oh.”

  Rebecca flicked the blinker on and pulled onto the gravel drive.

  “Where are you getting married?”

  “On the church steps.” Rebecca chuckled.

  “Why?”

  “That’s complicated.”

  “Can I play my pipe as you walk up the steps?”

  Rebecca stopped the car and stared at her doorstep. Two small brown paper packages rested against her door. She turned the engine off.

  “I need a pipe.”

  “Okay, Rowan,” Rebecca replied absentmindedly as she opened her car door.

  “Can Sean and Siobhan play with me?”

  “I suppose,” Rebecca muttered as she climbed out of the car and crossed the drive. Bending down, she picked up one of the packages. It was square, as big as a small sofa pillow. Rowan picked up the other one, which was long and thin, like a jewelry box.

  “This one has my name on it!” Rowan declared excitedly.

  On Rebecca’s was written: For you, Becky, and Rowan and beyond!

  “Can I open it?”

  “Sure.”

  Rowan ripped the paper from her package and opened the box. Inside was a silver musical pipe.

  “A pipe!” she cried, pulling a little card from underneath it. “What’s it say?”

  “ ‘For you, Rowan. This was Joe’s. His mother gave it to him when his was lost in a fury. Can’t break a silver whistle. I’ve held on to it and now I know who it belongs to. Joe would agree,’ ” Rebecca read.

  Rowan dropped the box and played a scale.

  Rebecca gently pulled at the tape that sealed the other package and as the brown paper fell away she found white lace wrapped in acid-free paper, exactly as she had left it with Father Michael.

  “What is it?” Rowan repeated.

  “My wedding dress,” Rebecca whispered.

  CHAPTER 44

  Double Zigzag/Basket Between

  Double Zigzag/Basket Between. 1. Double zigzag with a basket stitch knitted between. 2. A wedding.

  —R. Dirane, A Binding Love

  The day was shining as Rebecca stood in Father Michael’s kitchen, looking at herself in the mirror. Father Michael’s mother’s lace dress was just a bit too big around the waist and an inch too short, but Rebecca didn’t care. The apricot silk shell she wore beneath it warmed the lace’s whiteness and with Rebecca’s dark hair flowing about her shoulders, she could honestly say she had never felt so beautiful in her life.

  “You know you don’t have to go through with this,” Paddy said.

  Rebecca grinned.

  “Well, good thing someone knows he’s alive. I haven’t seen him since the day I asked him to marry me. I’d think he’d run off if there wasn’t invites on everybody’s doorstep.”

  “Oh, he’s not going anywhere,” Maggie replied. “He just didn’t want to have to confess again. He hates that part.”

  Rebecca laughed.

  “Sky’s so blue,” Paddy noted as he stared out Father Michael’s window.

  “Sure it is.” Rebecca smirked.

  “Well,” Paddy said, “are you ready?”

  “Never been readier,” Rebecca replied.

  Maggie opened the door and as Rebecca made her way down the steps, she saw Annie coming through the gate.

  “You’ve got quite an audience,” she said. Stepping out of Father Michael’s garden, Rebecca found a large group of tourists standing on the other side of the street near Hernon’s Shop. She chuckled. Just as they passed the gate, Rebecca heard Sean, Rowan, and Siobhan begin to play “My Lagan Love.”

  Rounding the corner, she found everyone in town in their Sunday best, holding a wedding favor and smiling broadly. Rebecca looked up the steps. Sharon stood on the right with Maggie, grinning from ear to ear, and on the left was Fionn, his beautiful red curls sparkling in the sun. Next to him stood his brother Tom and his best friend, John. A large gust of wind blew Fionn’s hair into his eyes, but he never took his gaze off of Rebecca. A shadow drifted overhead. Rebecca smiled at him and then down at Rowan, who played her pipe at the bottom of the steps with Sean and Siobhan.

  “Becky?” Liz whispered from behind Rowan. “What do we do with these favors?”

  “Keep them closed until you need to open them.”

  Liz nodded with a shrug and then passed the information to Mairead, who stood next to her. She then told Jim, and so a whisper flowed through the townspeople.

  “Who gives this woman to be wed?” Father Michael asked.

  Rebecca looked up and smiled wickedly.

  “Well,” Paddy replied, “I believe she gives herself, but the rest of us are not sure why she’d pick Fionn.”

  The townspeople laughed. Fionn slowly came down the steps and before he took Rebecca’s hand, she touched his sweater. Columns
of cluster ribbing ran side by side with diamonds/moss within. Double zigzags were knitted next to diagonal furrows as texture stitching where front met back. The sleeves were nothing but diagonal furrows, and in the central pattern Rebecca had stitched a row of Celtic knots. Between the knots were spirals, and sitting within each spiral was a small bird. Rebecca touched one of the mistle thrushes.

  “Nice gansey,” she said. “Your wife knitted that.”

  The wind gusted.

  “You think I’m beautiful,” Fionn whispered, bringing her up the stairs.

  “You think I’m beautiful,” Rebecca corrected.

  “Oh, I do,” he replied.

  “We’re not to that point in the Mass, Fionn,” Father Michael stated and pulled Fionn’s hand away from Rebecca. Rebecca looked up at the priest.

  “Almost there, Becky,” he noted, looking back to the church door. He returned his eyes to Rebecca, lifting his eyebrows.

  “Better make this fast, Father. Sharon seems a bit peaked. She just had a baby and traveled all of Ireland to get here,” Rebecca said with a smile.

  “All right, then.”

  The sky went dark. Father Michael looked up to heaven and back down to his book. Rebecca watched a raindrop hit his page.

  “I think, Rebecca,” Father Michael said carefully, “the Lord is inviting you personally into His house.”

  A raindrop hit Rebecca’s head.

  “It’ll be fine, Father. Did you get a wedding favor?” Reaching over to John, Rebecca took the wedding favor from him, opened the umbrella, and handed it to the priest.

  CHAPTER 45

  Casting Off

  Casting Off. 1. A fishing term used to describe the net or line being tossed into the water. 2. A boating phrase used to command the release of the ship from its mooring. 3. A phrase used to define the release of something that is no longer of any use. 4. The act of tying one stitch to another at the end of a knitted work, which releases the work from the needle. 5. An ending of one thing and the beginning of another.

  —R. Dirane, A Binding Love

  Sean peered up at Rebecca, standing like an apricot sunrise on the church’s steps. He studied the color of her dress and the brown shadow the lace made on the silken fabric beneath. He had seen that before.

  “Sean, look,” Claire whispered. Rolling over, he found Matthew suckling his mother’s breast, the apricot sunrise warming his wife’s skin, casting a brown shadow on his newborn son’s cheek.

  “Is he eating, Claire?”

  “Aye.”

  Sean began to weep, his tears falling on the pillow, and he touched his little boy’s head.

  “Matthew’ll be fine, Sean,” Claire said softly, touching her husband’s cheek. “He didn’t know what to do and I had trouble showing him. That’s all.”

  “I love you so much, Claire. You’re the beat of my own heart,” Sean whispered.

  “And you, mine.”

  “Sean.” The old man looked down and found Rowan gazing up at him.

  “Liz needs you.”

  Sean found Liz holding out a camera.

  “Can you take a picture of this, please, Sean? You’re standing farthest out.”

  A raindrop hit the lens. Sean frowned and looked around. He caught his breath. Taking the camera quickly, he trotted across the street to the large group of tourists who had gathered in the rain.

  “Can you believe it?” one man gasped as he clicked his own camera.

  Sean turned and held the camera to his eye. “I didn’t smell the rain,” the old man murmured.

  He centered the picture. There on the steps stood everyone in town, and in every hand was an open umbrella. Shades of green and yellow and red and apricot and periwinkle blue were brushed lovingly onto the nylon canvas—the painted patterns of Sean’s own ganseys.

  “I love the Irish,” a woman sighed.

  Sean rolled his eyes and chuckled.

  Author’s Note

  Rebecca did finish a book in completion of her grant and her life’s dream, but not the one she intended to write when she arrived on the island. Instead, she wrote Casting Off: The Fiber Arts and Fishing Tunes of Sean Morahan, recording all of his knitted work. Having achieved that dream, Rebecca settled into her next one and raised a family with Fionn.

  The epigraphs at the beginning of each chapter are from A Binding Love, a book Rebecca’s daughter, Rowan, wrote and published herself as an adult. In its entirety, the book explores the knitting patterns of the island and the history of the island’s people. Rowan came to know both so well for she is, after all, a woman of the western islands. But that’s another story. . . .

  About the Author

  Nicole Dickson resides in North Carolina, where she tends to her daughter, two dogs, and an unforgiving yard of acorns. For updates on Nicole Dickson, please visit her Web site at www.nicolerdickson.com.

  CONVERSATION GUIDE

  A CONVERSATION WITH NICOLE R. DICKSON

  Q. Is the island in the story a real place?

  A. I write “place” as if it is another character. So there are three main characters in Casting Off—Rebecca, Sean, and “Island.” The Aran Islands consist of three islands and it would be difficult for me to write about a specific one. So, in building the character “Island,” I took pieces from two of them—the big fort from the large one, Inis Mór, and the size, both in land and population, from the middle island, Inis Meáin. Then I imagined what it would be like to be on a tiny stone speck of land facing the tempest of the Atlantic Ocean. That is how I built not the Aran Islands, but “Island.”

  Q. Casting Off deals with domestic violence. Why did you choose to put that subject into the novel?

  A. My intention in writing the novel was more as an exploration of love—what love is and what love is not. Love is binding but does not bind. It is freeing but is not free. And the first tenet of love? Love never, ever intentionally injures with thought, word, or act. Which doesn’t mean love doesn’t hurt. People are imperfect. But the intention is not to harm. As I look at domestic violence, it is this basic nature of love that is confused and then misused. In both Sean and Rebecca, we see domestic violence as the forced binding of another and freedoms taken away, not freely given up. It is in the learning of love that Rebecca and Sean, as two sides of the same coin, have found no resolution in the past, but resolve each other in the present.

  Q. How did you come up with Rowan as the name for the little girl in the novel?

  A. When I first started the story, I took my daughter’s middle name, Rowan, as a placeholder as I wrote. Rowan is an Irish surname and suited the character for the discussion with Sean about it not truly being a given name. While researching this novel, I happened upon a book on the Irish pagan traditions. In that religion, the rowan tree, or witchwood, has certain magical powers, and from it, wands are made to manifest those magical qualities into the real world. I thought long about the rowan tree and witchwood and the character Rowan. She is a conduit for change in the novel—like a little wand. The name was perfect for the character, so I left it. Serendipity.

  Q. Do you knit?

  A. Yes, my mother taught me. She was a great seamstress and home artist, though she wouldn’t have put it that way, I’m sure. She would say she just made things.

  Q. Do you spin?

  A. No, but I spent many an hour at the Puyallup Fair in Washington State watching women spin. There are groups of spinners who have demonstrations there and I would stand and watch them, listening to their conversation. Then I’d leave and get a corn dog and walk around a bit and return to watch them more, hanging around in the back of the crowd. I didn’t want them to think me odd because I watched and listened but never spoke with them. I’m not sure it worked.

  Q. Why does Fionn have red hair?

  A. I had Rebecca tell her daughter she would only marry a red-haired fiddle player. I think it funny to this day. It is sometimes so hard to discontinue a conversation with a child, and in this case Rebecca tries to do it
by describing a person completely improbable (redheaded, fiddle-playing Irishmen are not common in the current 6.7 billion world population). She thinks that’s the end of it. The last thing she expects is for that person to actually show up! So when he does, and in fact knows she made the comment, it seemed to be a good setup for a relationship. I’ll admit, though, that I got myself into several pickles with this particular point of the book. Every redheaded man I’d run across, I’d stare at, trying to get Fionn’s color. Several times, I unexpectedly found a man staring back—oops. Once, I found a man’s wife staring back—bigger oops.

  Q. So what’s your next novel?

  A. I’ve been working on several. Please feel free to visit my Web site at www.nicolerdickson.com for news.

  QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  1. Discuss how the gansey, in representing the person for whom it is knitted, also reflects the vision of the maker. How is this true in the case of Liz? And in Sean’s case?

  2. In the beginning of the novel, Rebecca is almost run down by bicycles and says, “Gotta watch the bikes.” Sean does the same as a parallel. They are so different in so many ways. But in what ways are they similar?

  3. What is Rebecca teaching Rowan when she has the raspberry ice cream conversation? What is the moment in her own past where she learned that lesson?

  4. Both Dennis and Fionn offer to help Rebecca upon first meeting her. What behavior in those scenes portends the relationships that form afterward? How is her reaction to their offers of help different, and what does that tell us about how she’s changed? By the end of the novel, she’s changed again. How do you think she’d react to offers of help in the future?