Wolfsong

by TJ Klune

  And then she came.

  She moved slowly, whether from grief or injury, I couldn’t tell. A shattered heart can be heavier than a broken limb. She was a wolf, which I selfishly was thankful for. A wolf’s face can only move so much like a human’s. The sorrow that etched on her face as a wolf was nothing compared to what it would have been had she been human.

  I didn’t think I would have been able to take it.

  I was cold.

  My teeth were starting to chatter.

  Carter had stopped rubbing up against Joe and was now nudging his father, making these sounds in the back of his throat as if begging for his father to get up.

  Kelly whined against his legs, trying to bury himself in his father’s scent.

  Joe breathed heavily, nostrils flaring, hands leaking blood from where his claws had cut into his palms.

  Mark stood watch.

  Gordo slumped against the tree, head on his knees, tattoos moving wildly. The raven flew up one arm and disappeared into the sleeve of his shirt. It appeared on his neck, wings spreading up to his ear.

  And Elizabeth.

  She didn’t move toward her husband. Or her children. Or her brother-in-law.

  She came to me. Slowly. Stiffly.

  She pressed her nose into my hand. My fingers curled near her ear. I felt it flick against my skin.

  She pushed harder.

  I looked down.

  I was wrong about being thankful she was a wolf because of the lack of humanity.

  Because her eyes were the most human of all.

  And they were stricken.

  I broke the silence.

  I choked out, “I’m so sorry,” because I should have done more to protect him. And maybe if I hadn’t let him drag me away, he would have been fine. If he hadn’t put himself between Richard and me, Elizabeth wouldn’t have lost her mate.

  She took my hand gently in her mouth, her teeth dimpling my skin. For a split second, I thought she would bite down. I thought she would spill my blood for allowing this to happen. And I would have let her too.

  Instead, she tugged on my hand, pulling me toward the others.

  I didn’t understand.

  But I went anyway.

  She didn’t let go.

  And she didn’t look away from me.

  She backed up slowly, step by step, eyes never leaving mine.

  I focused on her because it was getting harder to breathe.

  The sounds were getting to me. I could hear Gordo moaning, low and broken. I could hear Kelly’s whuffing sound as he shuddered against his father. I could hear what could only be considered sobs coming from Carter.

  Joe, though.

  Joe wasn’t making any sounds.

  At least out loud.

  But I could feel him.

  His horror.

  His anguish.

  His fury.

  And it was louder than the rest.

  I was overwhelmed by it.

  Consumed by it.

  But Elizabeth didn’t let me go.

  And I knew what she was trying to do.

  She whispered, PackSonLove.

  She whispered, you belong to us.

  She whispered, we belong to you.

  She whispered, i feel your pain. i feel your grief. we have lost. i have lost. but so have you.

  She whispered, please do not blame us. please do not hate us.

  She whispered, she should not have been taken from you. and he shouldn’t have been taken from us.

  I let her pull me. I let her words flow over me through the threads. Through the bonds. The others heard her too. They heard what she spoke. Even Gordo, who raised his head in surprise, staring at Elizabeth as she tugged me closer. Somehow, he’d become part of this. Of us.

  She reached her sons and her husband, her back legs bumping into Kelly, who didn’t open his eyes. She tightened her bite just slightly before she let go of my hand.

  I heard the telltale signs of a shift, and Mark made his way over. Elizabeth sat near her husband’s head, leaning down and licking away the blood from his face. Mark sat next to her, his wolf large and imposing, the biggest out of all of them.

  At least for now.

  Because even though it’d only been a short time, Thomas looked smaller than he’d ever been in life. I didn’t know if it was death or the fact that he’d died a Beta, but he was diminished now. Less substantial.

  Joe didn’t look different, aside from the way his eyes looked as if they filled were with blood.

  But he felt different.

  There was something radiating off him, something larger than he’d ever been before. I didn’t understand what it meant to be an Alpha. I didn’t understand what it meant to be wolf. To be connected to the territory like he was now.

  I wanted to touch him.

  But I couldn’t raise my arm.

  He hadn’t yet moved away from his father.

  Carter and Kelly lifted themselves up from Thomas. They stayed shifted and moved until they sat as Mark did, looming over Thomas. Mark sat at his left side. Carter and Kelly sat near his feet.

  Elizabeth pulled away from her husband’s face and sat near his head, her leg pressed against his cheek.

  Joe stayed at his right side.

  They were deliberately placed around him based on their position in the pack.

  They waited.

  I didn’t know for what.

  Until they all looked at me.

  Except for Joe.

  I thought about running away.

  Disappearing into the trees.

  Finding my mother’s body and lying next to her. I would close my eyes and sleep and when I awoke, this would all have been a dream. Even though there was pain, even though I could feel everything, this would be a dream because it couldn’t be real.

  But there was blackness in my head.

  There was murder in my heart.

  And it felt real.

  I couldn’t move.

  The wolves waited.

  Somewhere, a killdeer called out from the trees. An odd bird, it was. Singing at night.

  I thought the whole forest could be holding its breath.

  From behind me, Gordo said, “They’re waiting for you.”

  I didn’t turn to look at him. I couldn’t. Not while the wolves were watching me.

  “You’re part of them,” he said. “You’re part of this.”

  That little voice, that mean little voice whispered in my ear again, saying I never really had a choice in the matter. That if they’d just stayed away, none of this would have happened. And I wouldn’t be feeling as guilty as I was.

  And my mother would be in the kitchen. Popping soap bubbles on my ear.

  Carter whined at me, soft and low, ears drooping.

  Because he could probably feel what I was thinking. Maybe not in so many words or specifics, but he would get the gist of it.

  They all would.

  So I swallowed it down and let it slide down my throat. It burned.

  I felt Gordo’s hand on my shoulder.

  Out of the corner of my eye, his tattoos pulsed and writhed.

  “You feel it too,” I said.

  He sighed. It was the only answer I needed.

  I shrugged off his hand.

  Took a step forward. And then another. And then another.

  Until I’d taken my place. Next to Joe.

  I knelt down beside him. My shoulder bumped his. He was stiff, unmoving. He stared down at his father, bloodred eyes glowing in the dark.

  Something settled when I took my place next to him.

  It wasn’t much, especially not in the face of all that had happened.

  But it was there.

  Because he was my Alpha now.

  And I was his mate.

  “WHY DO you howl?” I’d asked Thomas.

  He dug his bare toes into the dirt and grass and leaned his back against a tree. The sun was shining overhead.

  He said, “In the wild,
wolves call to each other. It can be meant as a warning for others encroaching on a territory. It can be a rallying cry, to bring the pack together. It’s used in a hunt. To show location. And sometimes, they howl together. To show happiness. To make them seem like a bigger group than they are. It’s called group howls, and it’s a beautiful thing to hear.”

  “And that’s why you do it?”

  He closed his eyes and smiled. He was amused by me. I was enraptured by him. “I think we do it just because we like to hear the sounds of our own songs. Narcissistic creatures, we are.” The smile faded slightly. “Though sometimes, the songs are meant to sing a pack member home. It’s easy to get lost, Ox, because the world is a wide and scary place. And every now and then, you just have to be reminded of the way home.”

  We didn’t speak for a long time after that.

  I WASN’T a wolf.

  I didn’t think I’d ever be. Not by choice.

  But two members of my pack were lost.

  I tilted my head back.

  My eyes stung.

  The stars blurred above me.

  I said, “Ah god.”

  It came out rough.

  I cleared my throat as it tried to close.

  I thought of my mother.

  I thought of Thomas.

  They were lost to me now.

  I needed to sing them home.

  And so I did.

  It was a broken sound, cracked and splintered. It wasn’t very loud, and it grated against my ears. But I put everything I could into it even as I realized I maybe wasn’t quite the man I thought I was as my cheeks became wet, my breath hitching in my chest.

  My howl died out quickly.

  I took another breath.

  Mark howled with me, his voice melodic and heartbroken.

  Carter and Kelly harmonized along with us, mixing in with our song.

  Elizabeth picked up the song as we breathed in, her howl high and long. The song changed because of her, because of what she’d lost, and the wolves took her song and made it their own, their voices inlaid with hers, octaves above and below.

  I felt Gordo on the periphery. I felt his hesitation. His awe. His sadness. He didn’t howl, but his magic sang for him. It was in the earth below us. In the trees around us. He didn’t howl, but then he didn’t have to. We felt it, just the same.

  Joe shifted next to me.

  It was smoother than any shift I’d seen him do before.

  One moment, he was a sad boy, lost and bloody, and then he was a wolf, bright white in the darkness. He was already bigger than he’d been before tonight, his paws maybe twice their original size. Where he’d come up to my waist before, he would now probably be up to my chest if I’d been standing. He wasn’t as thick as his father had been. He was bigger, yes, but still wiry. I thought that would change with time as he got older.

  The others let their songs echo and fade into the forest as they waited.

  Joe looked at each of us in turn. His eyes lingered on me the longest.

  His song was deeper than it’d ever been before. I felt every single emotion (hurt pain love oh god why why why) he put into it and it was all I could do to keep from flying apart.

  There in the forest, under a new moon and stars that lied, we sang our pack home.

  THINGS MOVED quickly after that.

  The next three days were a whirlwind, the Bennett house filling with people I’d never seen before. They went with Joe and Mark and Elizabeth and Gordo into Thomas’s office and disappeared for hours, wolves all. They whispered quietly to each other, the ones I didn’t know. They eyed me as Carter and Kelly lay curled around me, still shifted, whining piteously as their feet kicked in whatever dreams they had. I didn’t let these strangers intimidate me. I stared right back.

  I only got bits and pieces.

  Richard had gone underground.

  Robert Livingstone hadn’t been found.

  Osmond, though.

  Osmond had been a surprise. No one had expected him to switch sides. He too was gone.

  It rankled them, the wolves. To know now that they’d had a traitor in their midst. Especially one as high up as Osmond. I didn’t blame them. But I certainly didn’t trust anyone I didn’t know in the Bennett house. I got the impression they were having a hard time trusting each other.

  Elizabeth wouldn’t let me go back to my house. She said it wasn’t right. Not now. Maybe not for a long time. I stayed in Joe’s room. In his bed.

  But Joe was never there.

  They said it was a burglary gone wrong. That my mom had come home and interrupted someone at the house. I had an alibi, of course. I was with the Bennetts. The Bennetts, who everyone respected. Who everyone was in awe of. The town might not have understood them, but they understood the way they looked. The wealth they had. The things they’d done for the town.

  The coroner said it looked as if my mother’s throat had been slit with a serrated knife of some kind.

  I told the police we didn’t have anything of the sort.

  It must have come from the intruder.

  And where is Thomas? the police asked.

  Away on business, Elizabeth said. Out of the country. Will be for months.

  Later it would be said that Thomas died of a heart attack overseas.

  But for now, he was just gone.

  When will he be back? the police asked.

  Hopefully soon, she said.

  Somehow, her voice remained even.

  Outsiders couldn’t see the cracks.

  But I could.

  MY MOTHER was buried on a Tuesday.

  There was nothing special about Tuesdays, but it was the first day we were able.

  The town mourned her along with us.

  With me.

  The preacher said placating things about God, and the mysteries of his plan. We might not understand why these things happen. All we can do is hope to know that things happen for a reason.

  The sun was shining when she was lowered into the ground.

  The pack never left my side.

  Joe held my hand through it all, but we never spoke.

  Tanner, Chris, and Rico were there. They pushed everyone out of their way and didn’t even bother trying to shake my hand. The three of them wrapped themselves around me and held on for dear life. There was a little flare of something from them that I felt crawl along my skin, but it was lost under the weight of what I faced.

  Jessie was there too. She waited until she could stand in front of me. She whispered something I didn’t remember. Her lips pressed against my cheek, lingering and sweet.

  Joe watched as Jessie squeezed my hand.

  He looked away as she left.

  Later, after I’d stood in line and let people cry on me and shake my hand and tell me how sorry they were, I stood above the hole in the ground where my mother lay. It wouldn’t be filled in until everyone left.

  The pack stood away, amongst the trees. Waiting.

  It wasn’t fair. None of this was.

  I said, “I’m so sorry,” and thought about the day we’d lain on our backs, her in her pretty dress with the blue bows, and watched the clouds go by.

  THOMAS WAS burned on a Tuesday night.

  There was nothing special about Tuesdays, but we’d already buried my mother that afternoon, and it was better to have it all said and done.

  Those same people that had filled the house in the days that followed Richard’s attack now filled the forest. Some were in human form, but most had shifted into wolves. My pack had all shifted, aside from Gordo and myself. But we walked with them, Elizabeth and me on either side of Joe. The others brought up the rear. I curled my hand on Joe’s back and held on for all that I was worth.

  No one spoke about God and his infinite plans. In fact, it was near silent as we watched Thomas’s body atop the pyre constructed in the clearing in the woods. The wolves gathered around me. My wolves. Everyone else kept their distance.

  It was Gordo that started the fire.


  As he approached the pyre, I wondered if Thomas had felt him as part of the pack before he’d taken his last breath. If he’d felt the witch come back at last. We hadn’t spoken about it. About what it meant. About what would happen now. I hadn’t even tried. There was a small resentment that they’d kept me out of that office, those secret meetings, but I pushed it away.

  He placed both hands on the pyre.

  His tattoos came to life.

  He bowed his head.

  There was a lick of fire underneath his fingers.

  It caught the wood and the fire spread.

  I stood there and watched him burn.

  Joe led them, after.

  It’s called a chorus howl, Thomas whispered to me. The harmonies allow any tricksters to think the group is bigger than it is.

  And they did. They sounded like they were in the hundreds, rather than dozens.

  Gordo had muffled the territory so no one in Green Creek would know. His magic was useful when he wasn’t trying to deny his place.

  Still, I wondered if people in town could hear it. Or, at the very least, feel the passing of one king to another. They lived in the territory, after all.

  I felt it. I felt all of it.

  The fire was hot against my face.

  The songs howled around me were as loud as I’d ever heard them.

  They hollowed me out. Made my skin brittle and tight. I was a shell compared to what I’d been only days before. I didn’t know what to fill the space with. I didn’t know if there was anything to fill the space with.

  The fire died down, eventually. Until it was nothing but ember and ash.

  It’d be spread later throughout the territory.

  But for now, the strange wolves left.

  Our pack remained.

  We inhaled the smoke and it filled our lungs until we coughed it away.

  Gordo left then. Hands in his pocket, head lowered.

  Mark was next. He headed away from the Bennett house, deeper into the woods. We wouldn’t see him again for two days.

  Carter and Kelly left with their mother, one on either side of her, holding her upright as she stumbled, legs weak.