Ravenous

by L. L. Collins

  At first, I couldn’t read her text messages I was so angry. I still hadn’t listened to either of their voicemails. I wondered if they were together, laughing at the poor sap that I was to believe she could actually have feelings for me.

  Then I made the mistake of reading what she said.

  And the things Porter said.

  The two people I trusted most in the world wanted me to believe their ruse.

  It was just a coincidence it appeared that Raven just woke up in my brother’s house. You know, the one who refused to have women spend the night. Raven must be the exception to the rule. Yep, my anger wasn’t lessening.

  “Mr. Kingsley?” I lifted my head from my desk to see Chrissy standing in front of me. After I’d given my introduction speech on complete autopilot, I gave the kids an icebreaker activity to write about their favorite author, their favorite book by that author, and a quick review that would make others want to read it without spoiling the entire story. It would give me an indication of what things they liked to read as well as a good idea of their level coming into my class. It also kept me from having to get outside of my own head, because that wouldn’t happen today. I knew I was worthless, but I had to get it together. After losing everything in my personal life, I couldn’t let my professional life unravel as well.

  Chrissy reminded me so much of Raven. I dreaded this class all day because I knew seeing her would make my resolve to stay away from Raven even harder. And it had. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to get into my drawer and text Raven back, but that would be a dumb decision.

  I wondered what Chrissy knew about what happened, but it wasn’t appropriate to talk to her about and I knew that. I didn’t need any more trouble than I already found myself in.

  “Yes, Chrissy?”

  She smiled. “This is for you.”

  The second she slid the piece of paper across my desk and I picked it up, the bell rang, and the students began to gather their things. All I needed was some kid saying a girl left me a note to start the rumor mill, so I tucked it into my palm.

  I stood and faced the class, the piece of paper burning my hand like it was on fire. “Great first class. We will discuss what you picked tomorrow.” The kids all filed out until Chrissy was the last one remaining. She took her time putting her things in her bag, and I wondered if Raven put her up to talk to me. The second I thought it, though, I knew she wouldn’t.

  She smiled at me again before turning to walk away. I breathed a sigh of relief that she didn’t say anything, though the suspense over what the paper said drove me crazy. I willed her to walk out so I could see it. Despite being angrier than I could ever remember, I still wanted to know what it said. She paused at the doorway and turned back to face me, and everything in me froze. A sad smile took over her face, and it seemed like she may start to cry. If she did, I knew I would never be able to keep up my façade. I was angry; there was no doubt about that. But seeing her and knowing she rooted for her sister put a little chink in my armor.

  “Read the note, Mr. Kingsley.” Before I could acknowledge her, she was gone, the door shutting with a reverberating shake of the casing in the silent room.

  I was alone.

  I glanced down at the folded piece of paper, crumpled from my palm. I blew out a breath I didn’t realize I held and lay the paper on my desk. I reached into my drawer for my phone, slightly disappointed when I didn’t see a message from either of them. You’re getting soft, Breck. Don’t give in. They hurt you. Just because Chrissy came in here and gave you a scrap of paper doesn’t make it all go away.

  Maybe they finally gave up trying to convince me that what I saw was nothing and finally decided to come clean to me. I slid the phone in my back pocket and grabbed my briefcase. Thankfully, I didn’t have anything else to take with me, and since it was just the first day of school, I had no after-school activities. I wanted to go home, even though I knew they would more than likely find me there.

  I picked up the bag from my desk and knocked the piece of paper to the floor. I bent to retrieve it, opening it cautiously like a snake might strike when I unfolded it.

  Or the truth might come out. The thought popped into my head before I could stop it. The writing was loopy and bubbly, definitely not from an adult. That meant it came from Chrissy. I doubted Raven would ever tell her to do that, so she made that decision herself.

  She loves you. Give her a chance.

  She loved me. The thought of those words being true made my aching heart beat a little faster. No. There was no way it was true. She’ll tell you what you want to hear and hurt you. She left your house and went right to Porter. She doesn’t have a clue what she wants, and you can’t let yourself get caught up with someone playing games.

  I stuck the note in my pocket and walked out of the classroom. I hoped I gave Chrissy enough time to get to the car before I got down there. That was all I needed. I already doubted my resolve not to speak to Raven, but if I saw her, I knew all bets would be off. My already weakening determination had no strength to hold if I saw her in front of me.

  My phone rang as I descended the steps from my second story classroom. I paused to see who it was, knowing it would be either Raven or Porter.

  Porter.

  I’d ignored him for long enough, I guessed. “Hello.”

  “Breck! Oh, thank God. We need to talk.”

  “So talk.”

  “You have it all wrong, man. Really. She came to tell me she had feelings for you.”

  I stopped, the pain from his words shooting like daggers through my soul. “What?”

  “If your stubborn ass would’ve listened to anything we’ve been trying to tell you for the last few days, you could’ve saved us all a lot of heartache.”

  “But what about you, Port? You always get the girl. How will you ever let this go?”

  “Brecken. Listen to me. Raven is a wonderful woman. She’s perfect. For you. Believe me when I say, we worked everything out.”

  “You’re not going to pursue her?”

  “I’m not going to pursue her. I promise.”

  I took a deep breath. “I don’t have to worry about you lusting after her?”

  Porter sighed. “I deserve that, Breck. I do. But no. And one more thing.”

  “What?” The anger dissipated from my voice. I quite possibly ruined everything, and nothing even happened. She went to his house to tell him she had feelings for me.

  She has feelings for me.

  “I’m sorry about Dahlia. I’m sorry about everything. I’m a selfish jackass who has taken advantage of you our entire lives. You’re the only thing in my life that’s right, Breck.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to him, it was so monumental for him to bring all of this up now.

  “When Raven came to my house, it was just to tell me that things couldn’t ever go any further with us because she had feelings for you. Nothing happened with us, Breck. Please forgive me, brother. I love you and I want to see you happy.”

  I let his words digest, thinking about everything that happened that morning. I had to believe it was true because my heart wouldn’t let me deny this anymore. “I love you, too, Porter. I forgive you.”

  “Now stop being a moron, and go get your girl. I have the feeling she’s waiting for you.”

  I patted the note securely in my pocket. “I have to go, Port.” I ended the call and jogged the rest of the way to the parking lot.

  I saw no sign of her as I made my way to my car. After waving to a few coworkers, I stepped off the sidewalk at my vehicle. And stopped abruptly, my mouth gaping as Raven came from behind my Jeep like an angel dropping from heaven.

  “Breck.” Her voice saying my name made my knees wobble and my resolve break into a million pieces, just like I knew it would. “Please, Breck. Just hear me out.” The way her voice cut out on the last syllable made me want to pull her into my arms and tell her it was okay, but I couldn’t make myself move.

  She was my weakness. From
the second I saw her until now, I stood powerless against her.

  “Raven, what are you doing here?” I forced the words to come out stronger, more assertive than I actually felt.

  She stopped a few feet away and appraised me as if trying to decide if I was safe. I couldn’t help but notice she wore a flowered dress that hit mid-thigh and strappy sandals that wove around her trim calves. Her hair was on top of her head in a messy bun, and a few tendrils had come loose, framing her face. She wore her favorite sunglasses, but I didn’t like them because they covered her amazing eyes.

  As if reading my mind, she lifted her sunglasses and put them on top of her head, and I almost groaned. She knew what she did to me. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, making my heart clutch. Porter’s apology and explanation swirled through my muddled brain. I wanted to do nothing more than pull her into my arms and kiss the hell out of her, but something stopped me.

  I slid into the driver’s seat and put my key in the ignition, needing a moment to decide how to proceed. She stood next to the door, watching me, more than likely wondering if I would start the car and leave. Again.

  The ignition clicked and nothing happened. Of course. Today would be the day for my battery to die. I gripped the steering wheel, not knowing what to do or how I felt or what I should say to the beautiful woman in front of me. It was time to come to terms with everything, right here and now, and I couldn’t be more confused.

  “I just want five minutes of your time, Breck. Please.” When she touched my arm, I jumped. “Look at me.” Her soft voice pleaded with me.

  The second I opened my eyes and drank in the sight of her so close to me, I lost my ability to be a dick anymore. God, I loved this woman. My chest ached with the pain of needing her, wanting her so badly it hurt. My body relaxed into the seat.

  Raven noticed the change in my demeanor immediately, and her body language changed. She leaned into me and allowed her breast to press against my arm.

  “I went home after I left your house,” she said. “I couldn’t sleep. I kept wishing I was with you, in your bed. I kicked myself all night for not staying. Finally, I decided to get up when I saw that Porter had texted me. I needed to talk to him, so I went to his house.”

  I shifted my body I faced her, and she stepped between my open legs and rested her hands on my forearms. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to pull her closer and take what I wanted from her. What I needed.

  “I don’t know how much you know about the past with Porter and me,” she continued. A cold shudder coursed through my body at her words, but I was too frozen to respond. “Before, he propositioned me to be exclusive with him. He wanted to pay me double to be with him wherever he needed me. Including his bed. But a no-strings kind of thing. No relationship. I thought about it, Breck. It was a lot of money. Money I could save for Chrissy.”

  I saw red. The interior of my car felt like a vice closing in on me. I couldn’t breathe.

  Raven blocked me from moving, sensing my anger. “Listen to me, Breck. It’s not what you think. When he helped me the day my car broke down, I hadn’t seen him since the night I attended the hospital function with him. It was after that he asked me. He knew we slept together, but he didn’t know there was more there.

  “I told him no, Breck. Even though the money was tempting, I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. Then I saw you at the school, and we spent the night talking, and I knew I had to tell him why I said no. I had to make sure he knew there wouldn’t be anything with us because of my attraction to you. I wanted to see where things would go with you, because you made me feel things I never thought were possible.

  “He didn’t realize what I felt for you, or how things had progressed with us. We just talked, Breck. Porter thought he was in love with me. You want to know why?

  “He looks up to you so much, in your capability to love and care about others, that he thought if he mimicked that with me, he could have it, too. He never loved me, Breck. He wanted me because he wanted to feel something again—something you do that he can’t. When you got there, I heard your voice and came out. Nothing happened between us. All we did was talk. I promise.”

  “You didn’t sleep with him?” I knew what Porter said, but I had to hear it from her.

  “No, Breck. It’s just you, baby. Only you.” Baby. The term of endearment clawed its way into my chest and resided there.

  “You don’t want him in any way?”

  Raven shook her head. “No.”

  “But you did at one time.”

  Raven blew out a breath. “Yes, Breck. When I first met him, absolutely. Since then? Yes. But not since I realized that things with us were more than I bargained for.”

  “You thought about letting him pay you to be his girl?”

  She nodded. “I did. But it wasn’t because I thought I wanted him long term. It was just for fun and for the money. For Chrissy. I was scared, Breck.”

  “Scared of what?”

  “Scared of what I felt for you. I never thought of myself as someone who was girlfriend or wife material. Porter told me you were a forever kind of guy, and I knew there was no way I had a chance with you. I realize that my attraction to him, while it started out as being attracted to him, turned into me deflecting my feelings for you. I thought being someone’s arm candy and bed warmer was as good as I could be, because that’s all I’ve ever seen, Breck. But you changed that about me.

  “You won’t understand what I’m about to say, and I don’t expect you to, but it’s the truth. You showed me what it’s like to be respected and cared for by a man. My entire life was a mess. My mother wasn’t a mother. She cared only about drugs and whatever she had to do to get them. I never had a healthy understanding of men or sex. It wasn’t until I met you that I actually thought I might deserve the respect you gave me.” She paused. “I’ve used my body, but not in the same way. What I’ve never used my body for is to show love. And while we’ve only been together one night, I saw the way you looked at me—into me. The way you touched me. And I knew it was different. I didn’t know what it meant, but I knew it was something else.”

  I couldn’t even be mad she’d laid all this out for Porter before me, because of what else she said. She chose me. She felt something for me. I buried my head into her chest, and she ran her fingers through my short hair. Her heart thumped against me, and I tightened my grip on her.

  “I was so mad at you,” I whispered. “And I hated Porter. But I talked to him on my way down here today. He told me everything—well, a condensed version…but enough.”

  “What you saw was nothing,” she whispered back. “It was me sticking up for you with Porter. Helping him see how he’d hurt you your entire lives.”

  “I believe you.” I took in a ragged breath and jerked up. “And wait. You did what?” I leaned back so I could see her again.

  “It was the main reason I went there that morning. I wanted him to understand why I wouldn’t ever be that girl for him, but also to help him see what he did to you all those years ago.”

  “Raven.” I stood and peered down into the dark eyes of the woman I loved. The one who never ceased to surprise me. The one who fought for me and wouldn’t give up until I listened to her. No one had ever done that for me before. “You came here to fight for me?”

  She grinned. “I wasn’t letting you go. I unhooked your battery so you couldn’t leave.”

  “The battery? That’s why my car wouldn’t start?”

  Raven nodded. “It was Porter’s idea. He’s been trying to help. He loves you, Breck.”

  I laughed, throwing my head back. The feeling was so freeing I continued to laugh until Raven joined me. “You took my battery cable off so I couldn’t leave. Damn woman, you never cease to amaze me.”

  “I hope that’s always the case,” Raven said. She stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine. “And I have one more surprise for you, if you want it.”

  I gripped her hips. I wanted all sorts of things with her.
My fear dissipated, and my anger was gone. Raven came here for me. She refused to let me go without a fight, and that was more than I could ask from anyone. I was still angry with my brother, but that was something I could deal with later. Much later.

  “I’m sorry I acted like a petulant child,” I said. “I should’ve listened earlier.”

  “Yes, you should’ve. But I understand. The other thing you need to do is talk to your brother. What if we go talk to him after this?”

  I leaned over and nibbled her neck. “No way. I have other things in mind that do not include my brother. No way, no how. No matter how much he may want them to.” Raven giggled, and I fought the urge to put my hand under her dress in the parking lot of my school like I did at the beach. “Now what’s my surprise? It better not be something that will get me fired. You know I’m still at work.”

  Raven smirked. “Nope, not going to get you in trouble at all. Are you sure you want it, though? I could always wait and give it to you later.”

  “You’re killing me,” I said against her lips.

  “Okay.” She hesitated for just a moment and her eyes softened. “I know it’s crazy, and probably too soon. But…I love you.”

  I froze, gazing directly into her wide eyes. She blinked, waiting for my reaction. Her surprise was to tell me she loved me first.

  “I never knew what true love was until now. I’ve read about it, I wondered if it would happen, but I never thought it was in the cards for a girl like me. You turned me upside down and inside out from the second I knew your name was Brecken Kingsley. You’ve done more for me than I can even explain in words. So I wanted you to know that because of you, I know what true love is. I’m young and inexperienced. I’ll mess up and do things that make you crazy. But if you’re willing to stick it out with me, I promise I’ll love you for as long as you let me, but even then, I still will. I’ll love you until I take my last breath.”