Break Free

by Amber Garza

  “It’s fine.” Kyler grinned. “I don’t mind it. I just wondered if I passed.”

  “I’m not sure,” I answered honestly.

  “Will you let me know when you are?”

  Picking at a thread on my jeans, I nodded.

  “Fair enough.” Kyler stood up, stepping over Edgar who now seemed to be sleeping soundly. He grabbed his plate off the table and then reached for mine. I hated that he kept waiting on me, and it made me nervous. What would he expect afterward?

  Quickly, I hopped up. “Let me clear the table.”

  He shook his head, carrying my plate away from the table. After dropping the dishes in the sink, he made his way to the freezer. Pulling out an ice pack, he thrust it in my direction. “Here. You go relax and put some ice on that shiner. I’ll clean up.”

  Pressing my lips together, I took the ice pack in my hand. It was so cold it stung my flesh. As if reading my mind, Kyler threw me a paper towel.

  “Thanks.” I wrapped the paper towel around the ice pack, and stepped toward the family room.

  “Jade?”

  I whirled around.

  “I’m a hunter. I have a locked gun cabinet in my room.”

  My chest tightened. Why was he telling me this?

  “You’re safe here.” Without giving me a chance to respond, he turned his back on me, leaning over the kitchen sink. I watched him for a moment as he started scrubbing the plates with a soapy sponge. Earlier I hadn’t noticed how strong he was. His arm muscles bulged with each movement. His shoulders were wide and large. During dinner I had worried about being tucked away from the town, far from onlookers. Now I could see it for the blessing it was.

  His words replayed in my head. You’re safe here. My chest expanded as hope began to unfurl. Was I safe here? Was there any such thing?

  FIVE

  I was drowning. Water covered my body, thick like a second skin. Inhaling sharply, I sprung my eyes open and shot up. Taking deep, labored breaths, I took in my surroundings – the sleigh bed I sat on, the plaid comforter over my legs, the nightstand next to me. The moonlight peeked in through the slats of the blinds in the window. Reaching up, I touched my damp skin. Gross. I was drenched in a pool of my own sweat. Tossing off my covers, I fanned myself with my hand. The breeze I could manufacture wasn’t enough though. My body was burning up.

  Jumping out of the bed, I glided across the room until I reached the window. After pulling open the blinds, I unlocked the window and slid it open. The breeze blew through the screen and washed over my face. I sighed contentedly. Now, if only it could magically blow away my headache and the trembling of my hands. But I knew there was no simple remedy for that. Well, other than getting high that is. A prospect that was becoming more tempting every minute.

  My stomach lurched, nausea rolling over me. I doubled over, my mouth filling with moisture. Pressing my face to the screen, I sucked in a breath. The scent of the outside air and the cold wind seemed to make it subside. I swallowed hard and then exhaled. My battered cheek rubbed against the jagged screen, and I winced. It had started to feel better after I iced it, but now it throbbed.

  A clicking sound caught my attention. A continuous rapid clicking. It was coming from the other side of the door. Oh, god, I hoped Kyler didn’t have rats or something like that. We were out in the middle of the country. I’m sure there were plenty of creatures around here. But it didn’t sound like rats. Quickly, I made my way to the door. After unlocking it, I pushed it open with my palm.

  Kyler sat at his desk staring at the computer screen. Light danced on his face, casting an eerie glow. But it didn’t make him look scary. No, he looked good. Too good. He wore only his boxers and a thin t-shirt, and despite my best efforts I found my gaze lingering a little too long on his body.

  “Did I wake you?”

  I jerked my head up, embarrassed that he had caught me staring. I didn’t want him to think badly of me. Then again with my battered face and the way I’d been behaving, I was sure he’d drawn plenty of ill conclusions about me. I had never cared what people thought of me, and I wasn’t sure why I was worried about it now. What was it about this guy?

  “No…um…I was already up.” I brushed a sweaty strand of hair from my face, mortified. He probably thought I took a bath in my own sweat. Sniffing, I curled up my nose in disgust. The stench of meth was seeping from my pores. If he didn’t kick me out tonight I’d know something was off. No one in their right mind would keep me around at this point. “What time is it?” I squinted to make out the clock on the wall.

  “Two a.m.” He turned in his chair to face me.

  I glanced at his computer screen and saw a document open. A few sentences were typed on it. “And you’re working?”

  “I had a burst of inspiration,” he said.

  “At two in the morning?”

  “Creativity doesn’t only happen in the daylight hours,” Kyler explained. “My characters often bug me when I’m sound asleep.”

  Now I knew why he let me stay here. He was crazy. “You do know that your characters are fictional, right?”

  “Are they?”

  Yep. Definitely crazy. Certifiable even.

  “You’re a reader, right?” He tented his fingers and fixed me with an open stare.

  I nodded. What I should have done was hightail it out of this looney bin, but curiosity kept me here. Kyler intrigued me.

  “When you read a book do you feel like the characters are real? Do you feel connected to them? Do they stay with you even when you’re not reading?”

  My whole body flushed. It was like he knew me. “Yes.”

  “Imagine how it is for me when I’m creating them.”

  My head spun with the possibilities. I wished I could do that. If only I could create characters and worlds to escape into. The glazed look in Kyler’s eyes told me that he was still lost in that fictional world. I felt bad for interrupting him. “Well, I’ll leave you to it, then.” I spun around.

  “Jade?”

  “Yes?” I craned my neck.

  “The shower across the hall from your bedroom is yours. I have my own in my room. There are clean towels in the hall closet.”

  I didn’t know if it was a generous offer or a slam. Judging by how badly I stunk, I guessed the latter. “Okay,” I drew the word out slowly.

  “And help yourself to anything in the kitchen,” he added.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled before slipping back into the bedroom. With quivering fingers, I locked the door securely. My heart hammered so loudly in my chest, I could hear it in my ears. With my back flush against the wall, I slid down until my butt hit the floor. Then I exhaled in an effort to calm my nerves. I couldn’t figure Kyler out. What did he want with me? And more importantly, would I stay long enough to find out?

  The next morning I took a long, hot shower. In the bathroom I found lilac scented soaps and a bottle of shampoo that smelled like coconut. I wondered who had used them before me. They seemed a little too girly for Kyler. It felt good to stand under the hot water, allowing steam to rise around my body, cocooning me in warmth. I breathed it in, allowing it to soothe my scratchy throat and torn up nasal passages. Using the soap, I scrubbed my skin until it was red and raw, until I felt like I’d erased all the remnants of the meth that resided in my veins. If only it were that easy. If only I could wash away my addiction, allow it to swirl down the drain and disappear.

  When I stepped out of the shower, the steam escaped, fogging up the mirror. My bare feet sank into the plush mat on the floor, the thick reeds tickling my heels. I had brought my backpack in the bathroom with me, and it sat on the closed toilet seat. Reaching inside, I pulled out the only other outfit I owned. I tugged the t-shirt over my head and stepped into the faded jeans. The shirt said I LOVE NY on it. I’d never been to New York, but I found this shirt at a thrift store for a couple of bucks last year, so I bought it. The jeans I’d had forever, but at least they didn’t have holes in them like my other pair.

  I w
iped the steam off of the mirror with my forearm, and my face appeared in the glass. It mocked me with its ravaged features and purple bruises. Averting my gaze, I reached for my brush. I ran it through my soaked hair until it was smooth and shiny as it dripped down my back. After fishing out a half empty tube of concealer from the bottom of my bag, I swiped it under my eyes and over my bruises, but it was no use. There was no covering up what Heath had done. No amount of makeup could erase that. With a sigh, I put down the concealer and wiped some Chapstick over my lips. Staring at my reflection, I felt discouraged. I was no beauty queen that’s for sure. It made me wonder what Kyler saw when he looked at me. Probably the same thing everyone saw. A girl who was damaged, scarred and ugly. Not that I cared. I was better off anyway. The last thing I needed was to get involved with another man. All they did was destroy me.

  Picking up my backpack, I headed out of the bathroom. After depositing it in my room, I padded down the hallway in my bare feet. When I reached the family room I found Kyler in the exact same spot he’d been in at two in the morning.

  “Back at it already, huh?” I leaned my shoulder against the wall.

  “Never stopped.” Kyler ran a hand through his hair.

  “You’ve been up all night?”

  He nodded, lifting his fingers from the keyboard. The page that was open was completely filled with words. I wondered how much he wrote since I last saw him.

  “You must be exhausted.”

  “Nah.” He took off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he stood up, his chair rolling backwards. Throwing his arms out, he stretched and rolled his neck from side to side. “I just need a little pick me up and then I’ll be good to go for the rest of the day.”

  Pick me up. The rest of the day. His words alarmed me. Was Kyler a drug addict? Was that why he took me in? “Pick me up? As in drugs?” I squeaked out.

  Kyler chuckled, dropping his arms. “No, as in coffee. The only addiction I have is to caffeine, I can assure you of that.”

  “Oh.” I should’ve felt relieved, but I didn’t. What would he think when he found out about my addiction? Would he think it was a mistake to let me stay? I needed to make myself useful, so he would see that having me here was worth it. “Well, sit down and I’ll go grab you a cup.”

  “No, I can get it myself.” Kyler walked past me, making his way toward the kitchen.

  “But I thought you hired me to be your assistant.”

  “I did, and you will assist me. But I won’t have you waiting on me.” He motioned me forward. “You can join me if you’d like a cup.”

  Coffee sounded great, so I followed him into the kitchen. With his back to me, he opened one of the cupboard doors, his t-shirt riding up and exposing his pale skin. I wished he’d change out of those boxers and put some real clothes on. It was seriously distracting. Then again, he was used to living alone. I was sure Edgar didn’t care what Kyler wore. The muscles on his arm flexed as he pulled two mugs from the cupboard. After setting them down on the tile counter, he poured us both a cup.

  He handed one to me, and then pointed to a basket of bread on the counter. “There are bagels in there, if you’d like one.”

  “Thanks.” I brought the mug to my lips with a trembling hand and took a sip.

  Edgar bounded into the kitchen, barking and wagging his tail.

  “Hey, buddy.” Kyler set his cup down on the counter and bent down to pet his dog. His fingers ruffled the dog’s fur, causing it to stick out all over his head. “How ya doing?” I watched with fascination as he talked to Edgar as if he were a real person. The dog wagged his tail so violently I was glad there was nothing breakable nearby.

  Kyler peered up at me from where he knelt on the ground. “This guy pesters me all day and I can’t get any work done.” He didn’t sound too unhappy about it. In fact, he said it with a smile on his face. “So today I need you to keep him occupied. You can take him on walks around the property, or whatever you want. Just keep him out of my hair.” He pointed to some squeaky toys and a ball on the ground. “He likes to play fetch.” With his index finger, he pointed to the pantry. “His food is in there. You can give him one scoop in his dish this afternoon.”

  I nodded. “Okay, and what else do you need me to do?”

  “That’s it for today. Keep him busy.” He stood up, reaching for his mug.

  Shaking my head, I bit my lip. This guy was unbelievable. How stupid did he think I was? I slammed my coffee cup down, and glared at him. “Kyler, what’s the real reason you asked me to stay here?”

  “What do you mean?” He frowned.

  “It’s obvious that you don’t need an assistant. I mean, come on, you just want me to play with your dog? You could lock him in a room or pen him or something if you needed a break. Why hire someone and allow them to live in your home?” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I want the truth.”

  “It is the truth, Jade. I need help. I’m not going to lock my dog in a room or pen him. I want someone to play with him and take him outside.” Kyler glanced down at Edgar, and I could see that he was genuine. He definitely didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would be comfortable locking his dog up. They clearly had a special bond, even if I didn’t completely understand it.

  “I just want to make sure you don’t have some ulterior motive or something.” I narrowed my eyes at him skeptically.

  He held up his hands, exposing his palms. “No ulterior motive, I swear. Strictly pure intentions.”

  I wanted to believe him, but I wasn’t sure if I did.

  His gaze locked with mine, strong and steady. “Jade, if you’re uncomfortable here, you can leave at any time. I won’t force you to stay, but I hope you do.” His eyes shifted down to his dog who was nudging me in the leg. “Because Edgar likes you a lot.”

  “Edgar does, huh?” I reached down, patting the dog’s head. Honestly I had no desire to leave. And Kyler did seem sincere. I may have been an idiot to trust him, but for some reason I did. “Well, in that case I better stay. You know, for Edgar’s sake.”

  “Of course.” A small smile played on Kyler’s lips as he bent down once again in front of Edgar. His palms slid over Edgar’s fur, and for one brief second I imagined his hands touching me like that. But then I willed the thoughts away. What the hell was wrong with me? “You want to spend the day with Jade, Edgar? Will that be fun?”

  The dog barked in response, and Kyler laughed. I’d never been around someone who laughed as often as Kyler. For being such a reserved person, he did seem happy. At first it was unnerving, the sound reminding me of nails on a chalkboard. It was foreign and irritating. But now I was getting used to it. I liked it even.

  When Kyler stood back up, he flashed me a quick smile before heading out of the kitchen holding his mug of coffee in his hand. While he sat back down at his desk, I stared at Edgar. “Ready to go play?” I asked him, and then felt silly. Was I really having a conversation with a dog? It was like Kyler was already rubbing off on me. My life sure had gotten weird in the last couple of days.

  SIX

  I dreamt of getting high. When I awoke my nose burned, my heart raced, and my body convulsed. I missed the adrenaline rush from the drug pumping through my veins, and the feeling that I could do anything. That heady feeling I got when I was high, like I could take on the world. But mostly I missed how it made me forget.

  It had been a week since I arrived here. The withdrawals seemed to be waning, but I still had some pretty brutal moments. A couple of nights ago I woke up in a cold sweat. The desire for a line was so strong I couldn’t fight it. I packed up my stuff and headed out of my room, fully intending to hit the road and find some place to score meth. But I froze when I heard the familiar clicking of Kyler’s fingers as he typed on the computer keyboard. I felt the heaviness of his book in my backpack. And then I knew I couldn’t leave. Kyler was giving me a chance at a different kind of life, and I’d be a fool not to take it. So I fought against the desperation I felt. I forced myself to sta
y in the bed, even when my need for the drug screamed inside of me and burned through my body. I endured the sweating and shaking until eventually morning came. The sun shone in the window, reminding me that it was a new day.

  Sitting up in bed now, I sniffed and wiped my nose. When I pulled my hand back it was covered in slick red blood. Shit. Nosebleed. Cupping my hand over my nostrils, I leapt out of bed. I made it to the door in two large strides and then quickly unlocked it. The minute I stepped into the hall I walked right into Kyler’s chest. My hands instinctually shot out, and I smeared blood on his white wife-beater tank.

  Holy crap. He was wearing nothing but a tank top and boxers. Didn’t the guy own real pajamas? Momentarily stunned, I stopped moving. Blood dripped from my nose, running down my face toward my chin. Shaking myself out of it, I reached up and held my nose again, trying to stop the blood from getting on my shirt. Since I only had two, I sort of needed this one to stay clean.

  “Oh, my god. Are you okay?” Kyler asked.

  “Fine,” I said in a nasally voice as I pinched my nostrils together. It’s not like this was the first time I’d had a nosebleed. When your hobby was snorting drugs up your nose, it’s sort of expected.

  “Here. We need to stop the bleeding now.” In one fluid movement, Kyler pulled off his tank top. My heart stopped, and I was pretty sure I ceased breathing. I always thought drugs would kill me, but now I was pretty sure Kyler’s body would. He gently pushed my hands away from my nose and held his tank top up to it. I caught a whiff of his woodsy scent as the thin material covered my nostrils. Kyler’s bare chest was right in my face, and for a writer who sat inside on his computer all day, it wasn’t half bad.

  “You’re ruining your shirt.” My voice was muffled.

  “It’s ok. I have more.” He pressed on my nose. “Am I hurting you?”

  I paused. Never before had a guy asked me that. Not in a concerned way, that is. “No,” I finally said, and I could feel my heart cracking open. My nose didn’t hurt, but my heart did. I had kept it closed off for so long, it was physically painful to allow someone else inside. I winced, trying to stop it. I didn’t even know this guy. How could I let him in? But even as hard as I fought it, I knew it was a losing battle. Kyler was slowly breaking me apart, one jagged piece at a time.