by Jane Shoup
“Dixie and Meredith told me.”
“Who?”
She shook her head. “Friends of Colleen. They followed me and told me.” She spoke as if the words were hard to get out and, suddenly, a silent stream of tears ran down her face.
He sat up straighter and drew breath to speak, but she beat him to it.
“I’m not . . . crying because I’m sad,” she rushed on. “It’s because I’m s-surprised and so . . . happy for you.”
Tommy shook his head. “I said no.”
Her breath caught and she blinked. “What?”
“I said no.”
Color flared in her face and the tears stopped at once. Em wiped her face with both hands. “What are you talking about?”
He was befuddled by her reactions. “She asked me to marry her but I—” Tommy could tell this wasn’t what she’d been expecting. She was shaking her head slightly and breathing faster. Her hands clutched the sides of the table. “What were you talking about?”
“You’re saying she asked you?”
Tommy nodded.
“She asked you,” Em said again.
Her disbelief was beginning to get insulting. Did she think he was so undesirable that no one would want to marry him? “Yes, Em. She asked me. Colleen asked me to marry her. Made a halfway decent case of it, too.”
Em swallowed. “I only meant . . . that’s not what they said.”
He stared, waiting for her to continue.
“Dixie and Meredith said you’d asked, or that you wanted to, but that you were—”
Once again, he didn’t know what she was talking about. “What?”
“They said you felt too obligated to me and to the farm. They asked me to speak to you. To release you.”
Release? As in to fire him? “I don’t know what they were talking about.”
The dinner bell started clanging, but neither of them moved an inch.
“So . . . you don’t feel held down by me?” Em asked quietly.
“Held down?”
She nodded. “They suggested you felt held down here. By me.”
“How are you going to hold me down? You’re not big enough.”
Only a small breathy laugh escaped her as she leaned back in her chair, but she was still trembling, and there was relief on her face. Sheer, joyous relief. “Oh, Tommy. I just had the worst afternoon.”
He tried to collect his thoughts, but his mind was racing. “Didn’t they like the cheese?”
“No, they did. They want as much as we can make. You were right about that. You were right about everything.”
Right. The word struck hard and emboldened him. “So why was it a bad afternoon?”
“Never mind,” she replied, averting her gaze. “It’s over now.”
Breathing had suddenly become harder to do. “Did you have trouble with the wagon?”
“No.”
“The ruts in the road?”
She shook her head.
“So why were you crying?”
“It’s nothing. Really.”
There was suddenly so much vigor coursing through him, he couldn’t sit still. He got to his feet and strode to the cupboard. “It was what they said? Those girls at Wiley’s?”
“Let’s just forget it,” she said, pushing back from the table and rising. She smoothed her skirt.
“Em!”
She turned to him, blinking in surprise. “What?”
“I asked you a question.”
She blushed harder. “I guess so. Alright? Yes. Now, can we please forget it?”
She’d been upset because she didn’t want him to marry Colleen. Was it possible?
“I felt foolish that I hadn’t seen it,” Em continued, trying to make light of it. “It just took me by surprise. That’s all. I shouldn’t have let it upset me. I guess . . . the excitement of the day,” she concluded weakly.
She looked so vulnerable. Didn’t she know how he felt? Was that even possible? “People don’t cry because they hear something that surprises them,” he said slowly.
She folded her arms again, clearly uncomfortable. “Sometimes they do,” she argued. She turned slightly away from him. “We should . . . probably go to dinner.”
“I don’t want to marry Colleen,” he stated. “I never wanted to marry her.” She bit on her bottom lip and avoided his gaze, and he suddenly knew that she’d been crying for him. He walked to her, taking deliberate steps. She looked at him again and, this time, her gaze didn’t waver. He moved in for a kiss slowly enough to allow her time to stop him, but she didn’t. In fact, her face was turning up to his, her eyes full of longing. The moment before contact seemed like a small eternity, but then his lips covered hers and the feel was as perfect as he remembered.
She put her arms around his back and pulled him closer, and he knew everything had just changed. His hands dropped around her waist and he caressed the tender curve of her back and pressed her tighter against him. It was perfect. She was perfect. He suddenly knew that the strength of their love could undo all the damage of their pasts. He pulled back to look into her eyes and the love he saw in her face bolstered his courage. “You’re the only woman I want to be with. I thought you knew that.”
She slowly shook her head. “But that’s how I feel, too.”
The power of the words robbed him of breath.
“I love you,” she said.
He closed his eyes and exhaled from the sweetness of the words. He’d waited all his life to hear them.
“When I thought it was too late—”
He leaned in to her, hardly daring to believe what he’d heard. “I never thought any woman would want to marry me.”
She shook her head and tears sprang to her eyes. “Were you ever wrong.”
Wrong. This was the way he was wrong? He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Marry me.”
She smiled with her eyes. “I wouldn’t marry anyone else in the whole world but you.”
He knew he wasn’t dreaming, but it didn’t feel real either. Her arms were wrapped around him, there was utter certainty in her face, and nothing in his life had ever felt so right. Was it him shaking or her? Or both? All he knew was that his entire life had just changed. The entire world had just changed. He kissed her again. “I love you, Em.” He could say it out loud, now. He could say it as much as he wanted to. “I loved you from the first second I saw you.”
“Me, too. In the livery. Me, too!”
They both laughed, thinking of it. All the misunderstandings and the time they’d wasted. She’d always loved him, too? That meant the night they’d made love hadn’t been a mistake. She’d loved him, too. Why hadn’t he recognized it, especially when he’d felt it that night. He remembered thinking they’d started with love and made more. He’d thought it, so why hadn’t he believed it the next day?
Doll marched toward the house to give Tommy and Em a piece of hell for being late for supper again, but Wood caught up to her and grabbed her arm. “Wait a minute,” he urged. “I got a feeling.”
“You got a head full of cabbage, is what you got,” she snapped. “Now, how many times have I said—”
He held up a finger. “Just hold your horses, woman.”
Doll watched as he crept up to the porch and peered in the window. Then he turned back, grinning from ear to ear, and waved her over.
“Don’t go spying, you old fool,” Doll said loudly as she stomped up the front steps. Damnation if she was going to sneak up on anybody. “What is it?” But he didn’t have to answer. One look through the window, one glance at Tommy and Em locked in a lover’s embrace, and Doll flew back from the window as if she’d been stung. Without warning, she hit Wood squarely in the chest. “Well, why didn’t you say so?”
Wood placed both hands over the spot she’d pounded, but he couldn’t stop grinning.
“Come on,” she snapped, starting back down the steps. “Let’s get.”
They were halfway back to the chow hall when Doll let out a rich
chuckle of delight. “It’s about time, ain’t it?”
“I don’t want to wait,” Tommy declared.
His eyes were glistening an impossible blue. He was so beautiful, inside and out; she didn’t deserve him. “Me, either.”
“Let’s go tell everyone. You want to? I want the whole world to know.”
She was nodding and smiling. She felt the strain of her smile and yet she couldn’t wipe it from her face. It was absurd and wonderful. They walked hand in hand to the chow hall and Doll turned to them, scowling. “I only got one thing to say,” she began.
Em’s smile faded.
Wood stood, looking stern. “And I’m going to back her up on it.”
Jeffrey stood, too, and then smacked Hawk on the arm. Hawk shoved one more forkful into his mouth and stood.
“What?” Tommy asked, confused as to what they were all so put out about.
Wood grinned. “Congratulations!”
“It’s about time,” Doll exclaimed, slapping the side of her leg.
The room erupted in laughter and Em laughed with them and shook her head. “I didn’t know what we’d walked into.”
“But . . . how’d you know?” Tommy asked.
“Son, you don’t know the risk I took for you two,” Wood said.
“Oh,” Doll objected. “Go on with you now, you old fool.”
“Ya’ll didn’t heed the dinner bell,” Wood continued as he sat. Hawk and Jeffrey had already resumed eating. “And Doll lit out after you.”
“Picturing your scalps in her hands,” Hawk interjected, holding his clenched fists in the air.
“Oh, pipe down,” Doll scolded the men. “And you two, sit. Don’t listen to this nonsense.”
Tommy waited for Em and then sat next to her.
“Aren’t you the perfect gent?” Jeffrey teased with a wink. “Tommy looks like a ten-year-old boy who done got his first crush on a girl.”
Tommy chuckled. “It’s kind of what I feel like, too.”
“Leave him be and eat,” Doll snapped. “And you, Hawk, you’re doing dishes.”
“I don’t think she appreciated that scalp comment,” Wood said under his breath.
“I ain’t deaf, Wood,” Doll bellowed.
Wood looked sheepish. “Am I drying?”
“Hush and pass the food.”
“Wait a minute,” Tommy complained good-naturedly. “I didn’t even get to say it.”
“Well?” Wood asked.
“Em and I are getting married. She’s going to be my wife.”
Em felt tears close in. “I’m honored you asked,” she said in a thick voice.
He looked at her. “I’m the one who’s honored.”
“Hell,” Jeffrey said. “I’m honored to know you both.”
Again, there was laughter and it was good. Doll sniffed and swiped a tear from her cheek.
“Better eat now,” Wood said, heaping Em’s plate with a helping of greens. “Before Mama gets at you.”
For Tommy, the evening passed too quickly. After dinner, everyone helped clean up and then they played cards. Neither he nor Em could concentrate, which amused the others. Jokes went around and around and he didn’t mind a bit. He’d never been the center of attention before in a good way, and now he was there with the woman he loved. The woman who was going to be his wife. He still couldn’t believe it.
He walked her back to the house and they talked. He’d never been a talker before but suddenly he couldn’t shut up. He wanted to know everything she thought, everything she felt, everything she wanted, and he wanted to share just as much. When they finally kissed good night and parted, he walked back to the bunkhouse feeling a foot taller than before.
“You look happy,” Wood commented when he shut the door. The men were playing a round of poker.
“You need to play, Tommy,” Jeffrey stated. “’Cause you sure as hell don’t have a poker face tonight.”
Tommy took a seat at the table. He didn’t particularly want to play, but he was too keyed up to sleep. “I still can’t believe it.”
“That’s funny,” Jeffrey said. “It didn’t surprise anyone else.”
Tommy looked from face to face, wondering if they were kidding.
Wood shrugged. “It’s been pretty clear to see . . . for everyone but the two of you, apparently.”
“That I loved her, you mean?”
Wood nodded. “And that she loved you.”
Tommy couldn’t believe his ears.
“It’s always hard to see when it’s you,” Hawk said.
“How would you know?” Jeffrey teased.
Hawk gave him a dark look.
The banter continued, but Tommy didn’t hear much of it. No one else was surprised that Em loved him. To him, it seemed nothing short of a miracle, but they didn’t see it that way. It was hard to process exactly what that meant, but it was something like they thought he was worthy of her. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good,” he said.
“Lucky?” Wood asked.
Tommy grinned. “Yeah.”
Wood reached over and rubbed his arm. “Maybe some of it will rub off on me. I could use it.”
Em paced around her room, unable to still her mind, and each round ended up with her at the window, staring out at the lights emanating from the bunkhouse. She heard footsteps and turned to see Doll appear in the doorway dressed in a faded pink robe.
“What is it, honey?” Doll asked.
“Nothing.” Em shrugged. “I can’t sleep.”
“Well, you’re going to worry a hole through the floor and fall through.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about the noise I was making.”
Doll waved her hand and walked over to sit in the chair next to the bed. “Come take a load off,” she said, tapping the bed, “and tell me what’s bothering you.”
Em walked to the bed and sat. “Did you ever think something . . . I mean, a thought occurs to you and then you can’t get it out of your mind?”
“What thought?”
“I’ve been . . . unlucky,” Em said quietly. “A lot.”
“You think?”
“Oh, I have,” Em stated matter-of-factly.
“Well, I know most of your story. Right? Is there much I don’t know?”
Em shook her head.
“Some unfortunate things have occurred,” Doll said reasonably, “no doubt, but you might ought to reconsider your thinking.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your folks die, which is a sad thing, but then Ben takes you in.”
Em nodded.
“Just think for a minute about how many children aren’t so lucky,” Doll added. “Some go to families that misuse them. Or they go to orphan asylums.”
Em looked down at her hands. “My aunt detested me.”
“And your cousins weren’t much better. But you had Ben and he had you, and you survived.”
Em looked at Doll searchingly. “Do you think it’s possible for one person to curse another?”
Doll made a face. “As in a voodoo kind of curse?”
Em shrugged and nodded. “Maybe because they hated them?”
Doll pursed her lips as she pondered the matter. “I don’t think so. And I’ll tell you why. Aren’t we all children of God? I mean, for one person to have that sort of power over another, it ain’t natural. No, I don’t think that’s possible. ’Course, that’s just my opinion, which obviously don’t count for much. You’re talking about your aunt?”
Em nodded.
“What put it into your head?” Doll fretted.
“Things happening. I don’t know.”
“Sonny Peterson?”
Em hesitated. “And other things.”
“Well, honey. Peterson was one determined man. Determined to have you. But he doesn’t have you, does he? He’s dead. The man you love and who loves you killed him. I’d say that was lucky.”
Em thought about it.
“I know that man hurt you, honey. I know
you’ve survived your fair share of rough treatment, but that’s all behind you now. You have a good man who loves you, and he’d no more allow somebody to hurt you—”
“But that’s just it. He’s so good.” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. “I don’t want to be stupid, but—”
“Em,” Doll rejoined, shaking her head.
“No, listen! What if it’s too good? What if I don’t deserve him?”
“You’re talking nonsense.”
“I’m not! Tommy is—”
“He’s a good man with a good heart and he’s not hard on the eyes. Yes, you’re a lucky woman. Say it,” Doll coaxed. “For goodness’ sake, speak the truth and shame the devil.”
“I know I’m lucky to have him in my life.”
“And he is lucky to have you, too.” Doll reached out and took hold of her hand. “You’ve had a lot of excitement tonight. That’s all it is. And maybe you’ve got a wound or two inside that’s not completely healed. But you’ve got time, Emmy. You’ve got time and you’ve got the man of your dreams and he loves you and you love him.”
Slowly, Em smiled. “Thank you.”
“Tomorrow, I’m going to have Wood and the boys start on a room for me at the far end of the longhouse.”
Em opened her mouth to object.
“No,” Doll said, beating her to the punch. “You and Tommy will have this as your home, and I’ll have the cutest little place you ever did see out there. It’ll be attached to the longhouse so I can come and go to the kitchen without having to go out in any bad weather.”
“Doll—”
“It’s what I want, so that’s that.” She stood. “Now, try and get some sleep.”
Em stood and threw her arms around the older woman. “Thank you.”
Doll patted her back. “You worry too much, Emmy. No more thinking tonight.”
Em pulled away. “Yes, ma’am.”
Doll smiled, patted her cheek and then left.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
April 4, 1882
Fiona couldn’t help smiling at how beautiful the chapel looked. It was filled with flickering candles and colorful wildflowers. Tommy looked so handsome, it was hard not to gawk. He also looked nervous. “Tommy looks a wreck,” she whispered to Doll, who sat next to her.
