Love a Foot Above the Ground

by Anna Burke

  “Come,” Connie whispered, “she will rest peacefully now that she knows you will support the dreamer and the dream.” With that she suddenly reached out and embraced me, tightly. “I only pray that your path will be happier than mine. My dreamer finally wanted to leave this family altogether. Perhaps I should have listened, but now it is too late. He is gone.” I would remember that look in her eyes, and wonder at the significance of her words later. That day I was mostly just grateful to leave there believing that I had done nothing to come between Guillermo and his grandmother, clearly already his ally. I hugged Connie as I left.

  “Thank you for your kindness, Connie, and for your prayers for me and Guillermo.” With that I dashed to the courtyard to meet Guillermo, nearly colliding with him. His father stood beside him.

  “We were just coming to find you, Bernadette. My father wants you to go with us for a walk. He wants to show you how we care for the cattle. I believe there are several to be given our brand today.” I wasn’t sure what to expect, but after that talk with Grandmother Consuelo, I thought it was important to learn as much as I could about the family business.

  “Thank you, that sounds informative.” I saw the approval in Guillermo’s eyes, along with his pleasure in my appearance. I had worn a deep rose-colored blouse, embroidered with green vines and gold flowers. A warm shawl, wrapped around my shoulders, was in an even deeper shade of rose and offered warmth against the cool air sweeping down from the mountains. His father’s eyes were on me, two shrewd dots that remained on me, much of the time, as we walked and talked. I felt I was being studied carefully by the man as a series of tests began. And then the leverage was applied.

  As we walked the half mile or so to the bunkhouse, outbuildings, and corrals used to manage the animals on the ranch, I mostly listened. When we got closer, we passed through mud that I felt my feet sink down into, almost reaching the top of my shoes. I tried not to call attention to myself by losing a shoe in that mud. The men wore boots so seemed not to notice.

  When we arrived at the pen where cattle were being kept for branding I got a whiff of manure—so strong and pungent it caused my eyes to water. Again, the men did not notice, so I acted as though I did not. They explained the layout of the outbuildings and corrals. I was shown an enormous bull they used for breeding. Other ranchers sought out this beast, too. When he pawed the ground then, huffed loudly, I jumped a little. I hoped the men had not seen my reaction. They were talking and pointing at other pens, and showed me the stables where the horses were kept. The odor of horse manure filled my nose, as we stopped to admire several beautiful horses.

  The most difficult thing of the early afternoon walk was not that bull, the mud or the odor, but watching the cattle being branded. Guillermo and his father both assured me that branding did not hurt the animals much. I watched the hot iron penetrate their coat, reaching the skin, to leave that mark. Their struggle caused me great pain. It’s not as though fish do not struggle against the line or net, so I tried not to find fault with what I was watching. I felt as relieved as the animals that bounded away when the ordeal was over. Of course, worse lay ahead for them. Like our fish, they were destined for a dinner table, eventually. In my mind I made the sign of the cross and offered a blessing for all the creatures sacrificed to feed us.

  As we walked back to the house, I tried to hide the remnants of my distress. I asked a few more questions about the work on the ranch. More alert to the mud, I avoided the worst of it on the return trip. I had already become nearly unaware of the odor from that manure, not hard to do after years of living around fishing boats and fishermen and the refuse of their catch. Guillermo’s father had stopped watching me so intently, perhaps no longer as interested in my reactions as he had been earlier. The whole time I had felt as though I was being put to the test, somehow; several of them, in fact. I must have passed.

  “So, Bernadette, how do you think you will like being the wife of a rancher?” Guillermo’s father asked.

  “Well, I’m sure I could be happy as long as the rancher was Guillermo,” I replied. Somehow, that struck both men as funny and they laughed. Guillermo winked, so I guess I must have said the right thing.

  “Tomorrow Guillermo is going to take you for a ride by truck and then on horseback so you can see much more of the ranch, and the land that surrounds it. I hope it will make an impression, more than today even,” he said.

  “Oh, today has made quite an impression, I assure you.” That set them to laughing again. I had started to worry that I would face another test tomorrow. One I knew I could not pass. “I am sorry to say that for someone who is to be a rancher’s wife, I know as little about horses as I do about cattle. I do not know how to ride even though I have been called El Pinto more times than I can count.” Now Guillermo and his father were both roaring with laughter.

  “Don’t worry, Bernadette. Tomorrow you will ride with me—sharing my horse. Later we will teach you to ride like the wife of a rancher. Your younger brothers and sisters have already been given a lesson, see? Look how well they are doing, already.” I looked up ahead and saw Maria riding alongside Guillermo’s younger brothers and sister as though she had been riding all her life—wearing breeches! Antonia and Pedro were being led by a ranch hand holding the reins, all of them followed by Connie, holding Izzy on the saddle in front of her. They all waved and hollered hello. Guillermo’s father shook his head sadly as they passed.

  “Yes, it is too bad you have so little time to learn all that you need to know about ranching. Not just about riding. Grandma Consuelo is eager to get you into the kitchen to show you how to cook Guillermo’s favorite dishes. The way he likes them, of course. Then, there is the care and organization of the household to learn about, meeting with other ranchers and their families, as well as introducing you to those who help us with the sale of our cattle, legal matters, and so much more. We will do a little while you are here, but there is so much more. It could all happen more easily, of course, if you and Guillermo planned to stay in the area. It would also be wonderful to build you a beautiful house of your own, but that makes no sense if you are in California for years and years,” he was shaking his head again. “I don’t know why any young woman would want to wait so long to start her life with the man she claims to love.”

  I could feel Guillermo’s arm tense where I held onto it. He had known something was up with that first shake of his father’s head and reached out to place my hand around his arm at that point. I felt like one of those poor animals caught in the pen about to be branded, trying to think of something to say. I was growing angry, too. This was such a transparent effort to leverage my love for Guillermo against him. It was no wonder to me that it had not worked with Guillermo, if done as clumsily.

  “Thank you for speaking so frankly. I am eager to marry your son. I am also overcome by your generosity. It had never occurred to me that you might build us a house of our own. In fact, I had not presumed to think that far ahead about our living arrangements here on the ranch. Guillermo and I have talked a little, but wished to secure your blessing for our marriage, and obtain my father’s consent, before planning much more than that. What kind of wife would I be to your son if I put my own interests ahead of his? Or if I failed to support his dreams even if they are ambitious and take time? It is a sacrifice, but I am willing to wait until his schooling is complete, if that’s what must happen. I’m sure you would not ask that of your son unless there was no other way. You love him as much as I do. You have held Guillermo close to your heart for much longer than I have, so I trust you are as earnest about your son’s happiness as I am.” I stared at the man, eye to eye, until he blinked.

  “That goes without saying,” he said. “I’m sure we can work something out.” Guillermo squeezed my hand that he had covered with his own, as I spoke those words. I looked up at him and he gave me another of those small winks. I felt like unleashing El Pinto, but held on tightly to Guillermo instead.

  Shortly, we arrived back at
the courtyard and were immediately swept up in the whirlwind of family. Everyone, it seems, was getting along well, and had good things to say about the activities of the day. That lifted my spirits and I was soon pulled into an almost celebratory mood. When the little ones returned from their adventure in horseback riding we all dressed for dinner. That night we would be eating in the formal dining room. It seems that, despite that round of tests I had been put through, including the effort to get me to take Agustìn’s side against his son’s ambitions, the decision about our engagement had already been made.

  12 wedding bells in san felipe

  “Did you get engaged that night, Bernadette?” I asked at that point. Then, I was so thrilled by that outcome I hardly thought about the family dynamics or the discomfort that it caused Bernadette. Years later when I married, I had a much better understanding of what it took to juggle everybody’s interests and preferences, just to get through the ceremony. I never felt put to the test in the same way Bernadette described, but even without that I marveled that she had faced all of the daunting challenges of getting married at fifteen! I was in my twenties and still wanted to take off like El Pinto on any number of occasions before the big day arrived.

  “Yes, it was just as Guillermo had said it would be. We were all assembled to eat dinner in that amazing dining room. The high ceiling was supported by great wooden beams, lit by two large iron chandeliers hung overhead. Wall sconces around the room cast more light, making the polished wood on that table gleam. A long lace table runner ran the full length of the table, with centerpieces of candles that also cast a glow. The table was set with china and crystal and silverware, all polished so that the whole room seemed to sparkle.”

  “Were the three witch birds at the table?” I asked with apprehension. Bernadette laughed at my question, but answered me with relief in her voice even all those years later.

  “That’s a very good question, niña. No, thank goodness. This was a more private, family dinner, rather than that big gathering the first night. Juanita and Carlos had gone to visit with friends. I think, perhaps, to one of the homes of those other two witch birds!”

  “Did Guillermo get down on one knee and ask you to marry him?”

  “Not down on one knee, but he did offer me a beautiful engagement ring after our fathers each gave us their blessings. Guillermo was quite formal, standing stiffly at my side. I had never seen him more serious than he was as he offered me a lovely ring and asked me to marry him in such a public way. When I said yes, and he moved the promise ring to my right hand, he put the engagement ring in its place. Then he bent down and kissed me, before taking his seat beside me. A round of applause broke out. He reached over and squeezed my hand that I had dropped in my lap. Then, he held it up so all at the table could see that ring on it.

  “My little El Pinto cannot escape me now!” he said to laughter and another round of applause.

  “He must have read my mind, sensing my urge to bolt earlier that day, several times,” Bernadette pawed the ground and tossed her head. I can remember how it made me laugh to see her in El Pinto mode.

  “Even now I get the urge to bolt, thinking about that day. And I still didn’t know all that I was dealing with in that family. There was more to come as we planned our wedding.”

  ****

  That long day, after being tugged one way and then the other by members of Guillermo’s family, I was ready to climb into that soft bed and sleep. Dinner was served late again, and I had never developed the habit of taking a nap in the afternoon, not that I had been given time to stop and do so. I was exhausted by the time we moved out to the courtyard after dinner, sipping more chocolate by a roaring fire. The men were off to the side smoking cigars and drinking something stronger than hot chocolate. I was so full from dinner that I didn’t know how I was going to finish my drink, but I did not want to be impolite.

  The younger children had already been taken to bed. My mother and sisters were chatting with Guillermo’s mother and her daughters. I was sitting at the outer edge of that circle of women, next to Connie.

  “You must be very tired,” she said, looking at me kindly.

  “Yes, I am, aren’t you? Keeping up with Izzy must take a lot of energy.”

  “Yes, but so does outmaneuvering members of this family,” she said in a low voice. I could not help myself and laughed. “So far, from what I have heard, you have done a very good job. Somehow, everyone is happy, for now, at least. Grandmother is happy that you want Guillermo to go to college. My father is happy that you care so much for Guillermo, even if you have to wait to be married. I believe he figures he will still find some way to persuade you to bring Guillermo to his senses.”

  “How could that be?” I asked.

  “Perhaps, my father imagines that, after he has been away at college for a year you will grow weary of waiting for the dreamer to grow up.”

  “Why does it matter so much to your father that Guillermo gives up his dream?”

  “My father is a man who fears change. He and my grandfather fought about the ranch until the bitter end. It was my grandfather, not my father, who had electric power lines run out here from town. They fought about the cost and the dangers of electricity, even though it has made life much easier for us. There were many similar disputes until my grandfather passed. I know this because my husband told me about them before he disappeared.” She smiled and looked around the courtyard brightly, as though to cover for the dark subjects she spoke about. I took note of the deception she practiced.

  “Here is what I would do, if I were you. I would leave this place, marry Guillermo in your small town, and go to the United States with him. Then, never let him come back here.” I sucked in a little air and tried to hide my shock. Partly because some of what she said was so close to what Guillermo and I already planned, I wondered if Guillermo had shared our plans with her. Most shocking was the part about never returning to the ranch.

  “I don’t think I understand,” I said, trying to hide the outward signs of dismay as she was doing.

  “It is what I should have done and I might still have a husband and a father for my daughter. If he left me it was most likely because of the trouble he ran into with my father, and my brother, who disagreed with my husband’s position on politics in Juarez and elsewhere in Chihuahua. My husband was supportive of discussions about free trade zones and bringing the maquiladora industry to this area, hoping that we could open a meat processing plant to handle the cattle being raised here on the ranch.” I struggled to understand, hearing terms that were new to me, not to mention more about family disputes.

  “I am afraid I don’t know anything about the issues you are talking about.”

  “It was my husband’s dream, Bernadette. When he realized the opposition he faced, he suggested we move away from Chihuahua, close to his family in Guadalajara. Then, for a time, he believed he had gained Roberto’s support. Something must have gone wrong when they made that last trip to Juarez. When they came back my father and Roberto were unified in opposition to the idea of a processing plant. The matter was closed and my husband was gone.”

  “I am sorry, Connie. Is there nothing you can do to find him?”

  “I have tried, but without luck. When a man has lost his dream, and no longer wants to be found, what can a wife do? My father brought me and Izzy back here so at least we have a way to live, even if I might as well be a widow.” Tears had started to form in her eyes. If she spoke much longer I feared I was going to break out into tears and we would both be sobbing.

  “What you need to know, Bernadette, is that no matter how much my father pressures Guillermo to come back here, he is not needed. My brother Roberto is eager to take on the role my father tries to force on Guillermo. He and father see eye to eye about most things, so there will be much less disagreement around here than there will be if Guillermo returns. It is only stubborn pride on my father’s part. A desire to assert his will that forces him to ignore the wishes of his second s
on by trying to destroy the dreams of his first. Tell all of this to Guillermo and maybe he will listen to you. Get away and stay away—that’s what I should have done.” With that she stood and spoke to the others in the courtyard.

  “Goodnight everyone, I need to go check on Izzy and Grandma. I will see you all in the morning. Bernadette, Grandmother expects to see you in the kitchen tomorrow. She has a few things to show you.”

  “Only in the morning, Connie, because I have promised to take Bernadette, Paolo and Tomàs, on a drive around the ranch, tomorrow. Then, we have planned a ride up into the mountains, on horseback. Bernadette must see snow while there is some still on the ground in a few places.” I looked at him, hoping he could not see the distress I felt. That sounded like another long day ahead but it might give us some private time to discuss the things Connie had told me. At that point everyone said goodnight. Guillermo walked me and my sister Theresa to our room. I was quiet and Guillermo must have sensed my mood.

  “It is wonderful, Bernadette, that our engagement is formal. Now we can get down to the matter of planning our wedding. I have already been speaking with Grandmother about making the arrangements. She loves the idea of a Christmas wedding. What do you think?” I was so relieved to hear those words I could not stop tears from falling. Theresa was walking with us. “Take care of your little sister, Theresa. It has been a long day for all of us. Tomorrow will be easier, I promise.” With that he kissed me and wiped away my tears as Theresa and I went into our room and shut the door. Once inside the tears flowed more freely.

  “Shh, shh, it’s going to be okay. Guillermo is right. It has been a long eventful day. You are to be married, Bernadette, and to a man who loves you very much.”