Can't Let Go

by A. P. Jensen

  “Noon.”

  “I’ll see you then.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  “Grace?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.”

  She sucked in a deep breath to control the tears that threatened. “I love you guys. Tell Evie I’ll be there soon.”

  “I will. See you Saturday.”

  Grace crossed her arms over her chest and looked out over the city. Fog made New York City appear hazy from the balcony. She was exactly where she always dreamed she would be- in New York with a beautiful condo, money and a successful business. Her days were filled with work, social events, phone calls and emails. When she was with Mitchell she thought her life was perfect until Casey became pregnant and shattered her relationship with Mitchell into a million pieces.

  Since she left Mitchell a year ago her life turned upside down. What she cared about a year ago was nonexistent today. Guilt was responsible for the way Mitchell pursued her- to make right the damage he’d done but she didn’t want him to apologize or repair anything. What was said between them could never be made right and she didn’t want it to. Outsiders like Landon assumed Mitchell was in love with her but she knew better. If Mitchell had come to care for her at all in the two years they’d been together it wouldn’t have taken her a year to stitch together what was left of her heart. Why couldn’t Mitchell just leave her be, she thought savagely. If she bought him out of her business she could cut all ties to him but he refused. She was forced to send him emails, keep him informed of business decisions and sometimes, although it galled her to no end- ask his permission. Before the break up he wasn’t involved in her business at all but when she refused to speak to him he used business as a way of forcing her interact with him. He ceased being a silent partner and now wanted reports on the boutiques- in person. She ran a hand through her hair. She really wanted out of the city, away from Mitchell and the microscope of society. Once she left New York he wouldn’t be reminded of what he’d done and he would move onto someone else.

  “Grace?”

  She took a deep breath before she turned. “Did you get my email today?” It took an effort to keep her voice even, to look him in the eye.

  His mouth tightened. “About buying me out? Not gonna happen.”

  “I can pay you double-”

  “No.” He approached, towering over her. “What are you doing with him?”

  She stiffened. “That’s none of your business.”

  “You are my business.”

  “Excuse me?” Her voice was strangled. “The only thing between us is the boutique.”

  His hand slashed dismissively through the air. “It’ll never be just business between us. All these months of hiding and now you make your entrance with Landon? Are you trying to make me jealous?”

  “You think I brought Landon to make you jealous?” She said incredulously. “I left you, Mitch. We’re done.”

  “You won’t listen-”

  “I heard enough from you,” she said, the echo of their past screaming at both of them. The things he said to her were as clear as if he said them yesterday. They were burned into her memory and she was still trying to repair the damage he wrought on her confidence, her worth.

  “You won’t let me explain-”

  “Explain?” she exploded, throwing up her hands. “Explain what? How much you look down at me because of my background? How you never intended our relationship to go anywhere because of my mother? What is there left to talk about? I think that about covers it.”

  His eyes flashed. “I didn’t mean it.”

  “Yes. You did.” Her voice was suddenly weary. “Why are you doing this? What we had is gone. You told me what you think of me.” She wasn’t able to hide the pain. How could the things he said a year ago still hurt?

  He reached for her but when she jerked away he dropped his hands. “I’m not trying to upset you.”

  “Seeing you upsets me,” she whispered and felt her eyes burn with tears but she pushed them back. She wouldn’t cry in front of this man ever again.

  “You’ve avoided me for a year. You chose the battlefield, not me. When I come to company meetings you stay far away from me and make sure you’re surrounded by people. If you would respond to my emails, phone calls or texts we could have settled this a long time ago but you keep running.”

  “What do you expect me to do? Forget the whole thing happened?” She shook her head and tried to realign her thoughts. She didn’t want to go down this road with him. “I want to open a boutique in Texas.”

  He considered her in silence for a moment. “The boutique is doing well here.”

  “I know. I wanted to expand and I thought Texas would be a great place to start.” She wished he would move away. Mitchell had never understood her need for space and was always unconsciously pushing people to do what he wanted.

  “You mean you want to be where Casey is.”

  She stiffened. “Yes. Casey’s there and I don’t like leaving her alone-”

  “Bring her here,” he interrupted.

  She ground her teeth at his autocratic command. “Casey got into a lot of trouble when she lived here.” Not to mention she didn’t want Evie raised in a fast paced, dog eat dog city. She wanted to keep Evie innocent as long as possible. It was a luxury few kids had. It was something she and Casey never experienced.

  It irked her that she had to have his permission to do this, to do anything. Her success, her business, her contacts and her ability to support Evie and Casey came from him. She hated it. How many times in the past year had she thought of giving up the boutique, of leaving all her hard work behind and starting over in Texas? It was sheer stubbornness that kept her here, facing Mitchell and fighting him every step of the way but it was taking a toll on her. She wanted to be with Casey and Evie in Texas but she was the breadwinner and opening a new boutique would be a risk she wasn’t sure she could take.

  “I want Evie to grow up with values,” she said.

  His jaw tightened. “You think I don’t have values?”

  She leaned back against the balcony. “I want Evie to be around normal people who don’t expect her to be perfect. I want her to have a real childhood.”

  “You could give her a life many kids never experience. You’ve done well for yourself.”

  She slashed a hand through the air and glared at him. “Money doesn’t have anything to do with this. Have you ever been around a baby? They care more about playing with empty water bottles than expensive toys and clothes. I want her to have the childhood Evie and I never had. Simple. Safe. I want her to be in a small city with people that care.”

  “So you want me to allow you to open a boutique in Texas. What about the boutique here in New York?”

  “Amy can handle it. I would travel back every week if I need to.”

  “I’ll think on it.”

  She knew he was lying. He wasn’t going to let go of the only hold he had left on her. Beneath his expensive suit he was primitive and barely civilized. Before it excited her and now it left her cold and wary because she knew what he was capable of if he thought he was being cheated.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” he snapped.

  She wasn’t sure what he saw on her face when she was filled with such conflicting emotions. “I want you to keep your distance.”

  “Not gonna happen.”

  She held his gaze for a few seconds before she let her eyes drop. She couldn’t look at him without remembering the sharp slap of his words. Her heart gave a painful throb and the shield she’d been holding onto cracked. “Please, Mitch. Just stop.”

  She walked off the balcony and he didn’t follow. Instead of walking into the ballroom she escaped down a hallway. She couldn’t face everybody. Not yet. She leaned back against the wall, eyes closed as she took deep breaths. Her breathing was choppy because sobs wanted to invade her throat but she refused to break down here.

  “What the hell are you doing here? Haven’t you done enough?�
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  The despair coursing through her went into instant boil. Her eyes opened and they were hot with rage and fury. She saw Ray standing in front of her, face twisted with disdain. She propelled herself off the wall and stepped right in front of him, barely resisting the urge to strike him.

  “And what exactly have I done?” Her voice was deadly soft.

  A year ago she ignored his taunts. She thought he was just some rich, prejudice asshole. Now she knew better and she refused to let him intimidate her any longer. In the past he cornered, insulted and battered at her confidence whenever he caught her alone. How many times had she tried to talk to Mitchell about these encounters with Ray which Mitchell dismissed? In the past she endured these confrontations with stoic eyes. Not anymore.

  “You’ve been driving him crazy. He hasn’t been the same since you left him.”

  “You wanted me to leave him. You made sure you told him about my background, how I would try to trap him. You made sure he knew all about my mother, didn’t you?” Her voice was harsh with anger.

  He took a step back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I always wondered how you knew so much about me and now I know,” she breathed and closed the difference between them. “You told Mitch all about my mother but you never mentioned my father. Why not? Why not tell him the whole truth?”

  He stiffened.

  “I’m not planning on getting involved with Mitch so you can get it out of your head that that’s why I’m here tonight. In fact, why don’t you do me a favor and convince him to let me buy him out so I can move on? Do what you’re good at- putting words in his ear to make his decisions for him.”

  Ray was obviously dumbfounded by this unexpected attack and Grace felt a spurt of satisfaction. She had the upper hand now and he knew it.

  “You’re just like Vicky,” he hissed.

  “If I was like Vicky I would be blackmailing you too and believe me, Ray, I don’t want anything you have.” Her voice was full of scorn. “I want nothing to do with you or Mitchell. If you want me out of his life, convince him to let go of my boutique. Otherwise, stay out of my way.”

  She tried to walk away but he jerked her back with a bruising grip on her arm.

  “You can’t talk to me that way,” he hissed, towering over her.

  She wrenched out of his hold. “I can talk to you anyway I want,” she retorted and then paused deliberately before she nailed her point home. “Dad.”

  His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides in helpless anger. “She tricked me.”

  It was an echo of Mitchell’s words to her and she shuddered. She looked into her father’s eyes and felt absolutely nothing for the man whose blood she shared. Grace was Ray’s worst sin in the flesh, parading in a world that he dominated. Ray couldn’t stand seeing her with his godson. Ray would never forgive Grace for being born… and neither would her mother.

  “Go back to your wife and if you want your life to go back to the way it was, get Mitchell a new woman.”

  His face worked furiously. “Vicky will pay for this.”

  Grace paused and felt a thread of pity for her mom. “You’ve been making her pay ever since she got pregnant.” It terrified her to think of how close she’d come to repeating her mother’s mistake.

  “How does she suffer?” Ray demanded. “I pay for everything she wants.”

  What could Vicky buy that would repair a heart that had known nothing but hate from the one man she had ever loved?

  “Just leave me alone, Ray,” Grace said wearily and left him spluttering in the hallway.

  Chapter Two

  Grace didn’t have time to compose herself before she turned the corner and came face to face with Landon. His eyes moved over her face and then peered beyond her into the dark hallway.

  “What happened?” he asked in a low voice.

  “Nothing.” She beamed up at him and tried to hide her anger.

  “Are you ready to go?” he asked.

  “Yes,” she said in relief.

  They said their goodbyes to Macy before they left. Landon’s car was at the curb when they walked out into the night. Grace was too exhausted to make small talk and ignored Landon’s gaze during the short ride to her building. When the car stopped Landon insisted on walking her up to her door and took her arm. She gasped when he touched the arm Ray had bruised. Before she could pull away, Landon pulled up the sleeve of her dress and stared down at the nasty purple blotch already forming.

  “What the hell happened? Did Mitchell-” Landon thundered.

  “No! It’s nothing,” Grace said and pulled away.

  “Someone told me he followed you outside but by the time I got there both of you were gone. If you’re covering for him-”

  “I’m not,” she said flatly. “It wasn’t Mitchell. I promise.”

  “I thought I saw somebody in the hallway,” he said, eyes narrowing.

  She grabbed the front of his jacket and shook him slightly. “It’s nothing. I’m accident prone.”

  He didn’t look convinced.

  “I can take care of myself,” she insisted.

  He cupped her face and leaned down and kissed her. She stiffened in surprise but didn’t pull away. On a night when her shields had been destroyed, she was desperate for touch, for comfort. When he pulled away they stared at each other for a long minute.

  “You worry me,” he said.

  “You make me feel safe,” she replied.

  “If you need help, you call me.”

  “I will,” she said and received another kiss.

  She rode the elevator up to her floor and walked quickly to her condo. As soon as she closed the door she let out a long breath and leaned against the door for support. She couldn’t stop the tear that worked its way past her defenses and curled around her chin.

  Grace woke before her alarm the next day and knew even without looking that her arm was in bad shape from Ray. She didn’t let that slow her down as she got ready for work, checking emails while she brushed her teeth. She was a hustler. It was tenacity and her determination not to be like her mother that forced her to push herself. She’d come this far and she was damned if she would let Mitchell take everything she worked for.

  She went to the gym in her building and worked out while she watched the news and set up meetings for the day. By eight that morning she talked to people in eight different countries and spent several hours on the computer before she headed to lunch to meet Amy. She wore a thin long sleeved shirt despite the warm day. Amy was at the restaurant early, as usual. She and Grace could have been sisters; they looked and acted so similar. Amy had been through the ups and downs of business with Grace and stuck by her side when she should have looked for another job. Grace and Amy embraced and were admired by many of the males taking in quick business meetings.

  “Gosh, it feels like months since we’ve done this. It’s always emails and phone calls,” Amy said as they sat.

  “I think we need to do this more often for my own sanity,” Grace said, still feeling unsettled by her encounter with Mitchell and Ray last night. Strangely, she was more disturbed with her encounter with Mitchell. She didn’t like the emotions he evoked in her. Just because she had loved him once upon a time did that mean that he would always have some power over her?

  Amy shot her a pointed glance. “You could have warned me.”

  “About?” Grace asked, knowing exactly what Amy was referring to.

  “You went to Macy’s party last night with Landon Gingrich.” Amy took a moment to savor her mental image of Landon. “And then Mitchell comes and things get heated between the guys. I heard it would have come to blows if you hadn’t stepped in.”

  “People exaggerate,” Grace said.

  Amy leaned forward. “Did you go with Landon Gingrich?”

  Grace folded her hands primly in her lap. “Yes.”

  Amy’s eyes were wide. “Why?” When Grace didn’t answer Amy tapped her lips thoughtfully. “You
couldn’t avoid going to the parties any longer so Macy’s are usually the most influential so it would be a good intro back into society. You need a date to let people know you’re moving on so you go with Landon. Did you think he would keep Mitchell away? Even I could’ve told you that was the wrong move! Mitchell’s as possessive as they come.”

  Grace raised a brow. “Next time I’ll consult you.”

  Amy clucked her tongue. “Getting involved with Mitchell has been the best and worst thing you’ve ever done.”

  “I think I’m going to keep a low profile for the next couple of weeks.”

  “So are you dating Landon?”

  Grace rolled her eyes. “Landon’s just like Mitchell. I think the only reason he asked me out in the first place was to irritate Mitchell.”

  Amy wagged her red brows. “And it worked from what I hear.”

  “He just won’t give up.”

  The anger in Grace’s voice wiped all amusement from Amy’s face. Amy was the only one who knew the true reason behind Grace’s break up with Mitchell. Grace spent more time than she cared to admit crying on Amy’s lap, incapable of doing even the simplest tasks because for the first time in her life she had been completely and utterly lost.

  “It’ll pass,” Amy reassured her.

  Her temples throbbed. “When? It’s been over a year. And Ray was there.”

  Amy tensed. “What did he want?”

  “The usual. For me to keel over and die,” Grace said dryly and inwardly winced when she gestured with her injured arm.

  “He’s a horrible man,” Amy said darkly and faltered.

  Grace shrugged. “It’s true. Neither of my parents are saints. Why do you think I never had kids? What if I turned out like my parents? I can’t take the chance.”

  “You know you’re nothing like either of them,” Amy interjected.

  A little voice inside her said that she was identical to her mother in that they had both fallen in love with men in a different social bracket. Vicky had never recovered from the heap of scorn Ray heaped on her when she accidentally became pregnant. Her mom had never moved on from Ray. Was she going to be like her mother? Was she destined to live the rest of her life with a broken heart because she couldn’t get over Mitchell Price? She refused to live that way. She would get over Mitchell. She would move on.