Master Over You

by Cerys du Lys

  "Noah," she says, staring at him.

  I do not think I appreciate the way she is staring at him. Noah is mine.

  "Calm the fuck down," Noah tells her.

  I like that. He is transferring ownership of her to me in a notable and commanding way. Yes, this is good, Noah.

  "Are you hurt?" she asks him. "Why is she here? Why did you help her?"

  "Listen up, you fucking bitch," he says to her. "If you hurt Angeline again, I'll rip your fucking heart out and shove it down your throat, you hear me?"

  She whimpers, confused. "She was hurting you, though," she says.

  "She wasn't fucking hurting me, love. She was..." Noah does not know how to explain. I do not know how to explain, either.

  "Your fingernails," my Chastity White says to him. "What about your fingernails?"

  "Fucking hell," Noah says. "You want to know about fingernails? Look, you stupid slut. Look at Angeline's hand." He takes my hand in his, holding it, and guides me closer to Chastity. "See? She's missing her pinky fingernail, too. I promised her a long time ago that I'd give her mine if I could, and she was just collecting. It's like payment, you know? Like a fucking credit card bill or some shit. That's all."

  "Really?" she asks him. She looks confused, and yet hopeful. "Did it hurt?"

  Noah turns to me. It is my time to answer.

  "Yes," I say. "It hurts. It hurts very much. I am sorry."

  That is all we say to one another now. The room becomes quiet and contemplative.

  Eventually, Noah speaks again. "I took you because I'm a fucking asshole," he tells Chastity. "No fucking joke, alright? This isn't some bullshit game, Chastity. I was going to hurt you. I know you seem to think I'm some nice guy or some shit, but I'm not. I was going to hurt you until you did everything I said, then I was going to sell you to some stupid fucking asshole for a lot of money."

  She looks at him as he speaks, remaining silent and attentive. I look at Noah, too.

  "I'm not a nice person, love. I don't care what you seem to think. I've done this shit a lot, and I'm sorry. There's too much to fucking tell you all at once, and you know what? I don't even know if I want to tell you any of it. Sorry about that, but too bad. What you need to understand is that I'm not nice."

  "That's not the end of it, though," he says. "Angeline's a crazy fucking psychotic bitch, too. She's not nice, either. She's not bad, though. She's just a crazy psychotic fucking bitch, that's all. So I'm an asshole and she's a bitch. Neither of us are nice people, and you're just going to have to learn to fucking deal with it."

  "No..." Chastity says. I do not think she believes what he is saying.

  "We're not letting you go. I'm sorry, but you can't fucking leave. You need to stay here. The thing is, you're a huge fucking bitch, too. I could smell the sex on you when you came into my room that one night. I'm sorry for hurting you then, but you've just got some fucked up priorities, you know? And apparently you're just fucking around screwing a bunch of guys like some slutty little college whore."

  "I wanted to help you," she says. "I... I thought if..."

  "I don't fucking care what you thought. That's not the point. Not only that, but you stabbed Angeline. Do you understand where I'm going with this? We're all shitty people. We've all done shitty things. That's that. If you calm the fuck down and cut the shit, screaming and begging and whatever the fuck, and you just realize that we're all shitty human beings, then maybe we can get along. I don't fucking know how. I don't expect that's going to work. It's up to you, though. Really, it's up to Angeline. It's her damn house, and you better fucking make her happy or else."

  I do not think I like Noah saying that I am not nice and that I am crazy and psychotic and a bitch, but perhaps that is not the intent of his statements. I do not know if Noah really thinks I am not nice. I know that I am not completely nice, but it is difficult. I wish that I could be nice. I do not know who to be nice to, Noah. You understand, right?

  Yes, I believe he does. I understand a little more now, too. My new pet, my Chastity White, is not bad, but sometimes she is not nice. Also, she enjoys having sex with my slaves. Do they enjoy having sex with her? I do not know. I do not wish to speak with them. Noah will ask them for me. I will find out.

  Perhaps this is good. Perhaps my new pet is very useful. If everyone is enjoying themselves, that is good, right? I do not know. I need to think about it more.

  "I'm sorry," Chastity says. She says this to me.

  I stare at her, blinking, confused. "What?"

  "I'm sorry for stabbing you," she says.

  I do not know what to say to her. No one has ever apologized to me like that.

  "You are my pet now," I say to her. "Noah has given you to me. Do you understand?"

  "Are you going to hurt me?" she asks.

  It is so candid and innocent that it hurts me to look at her when she says it. Her eyes are watery. It is sad. I do not want her to be sad. She is not being rude now. She is being nice. She has said she is sorry. Is this good? I like her now, but only a little bit. I only like her a small amount. Not very much. It is enough.

  "I will not hurt you if you do not hurt me," I say. "If you hurt me I will hurt you. If you are good, I will try to be nice. I am not a good person, though." To Noah, I ask, "Will you help me, Noah?"

  "Fuck if I know what you're supposed to do, love," he says. "Just be gentle, I guess? How the fuck would you treat a little kitten? Treat the bitch like that."

  A bitch is a female dog, not a kitten, but I ignore Noah's confusing statements in favor of the general concept instead.

  Chastity White speaks soon after Noah finishes, too. "Can you take one of my fingernails?" she asks.

  I stare at her, confused. I am not the only one, either.

  "Are you on some heavy fucking drugs?" Noah asks her. "Seriously, what the fuck kind of question is that?"

  "I want to know what it's like!" she screams at him. "I know it's stupid, but she took all of yours, and someone took hers, and... I've never... I just feel like some sheltered, spoiled brat. I know that's dumb. I know it's stupid, but I want to be better and stronger. You're both stronger than me. Can I be like that? I don't know. I never knew anything like this existed before. It's only fair, too. I hurt her, so she can hurt me back, then we'll be even. Right?"

  I do not know. I do not understand if this is how it works. I have never considered it before. I have always thought that it is good or bad, and that bad cannot become good and good cannot truly become bad, but now I do not know. If my new pet thinks she is becoming bad, and she offers this to me to try and become good again, then it is my responsibility to help her, right?

  I look to Noah for confirmation, but he does not give me any.

  "I think she's fucking cracked," he says. "Yeah, Chastity White, I think you're one fucked up bitch. There, I said it."

  "It hurts a lot," I tell her.

  "If both of you did it, then I can do it," she says.

  *** Chastity

  Maybe I shouldn't have done this. I needed to, though. I didn't know why I needed to do it, but I did.

  This was so strange, but I couldn't stop remembering what happened that night. The night Noah took me was my birthday, but it was more than that, too. Who knew where it was now, but the fortune cookie I ate had a little slip of paper inside it that told me everything I needed to know.

  Today is a day of many changes.

  It was. It really was. So many things happened that day. It wasn't just about what happened, but how it made me feel. I felt new somehow. Different. I felt alive and real and rough. I liked my life before, but I kind of liked my life now, too. I... I thought I was going to help Noah, but maybe that was wrong.

  Maybe that day was a day of changes for everyone. Or at least a few people? What if we all changed, all of us in this room.

  It was me and that woman. Her name is Angeline. Me and Angeline and Noah. Noah said she's a bitch, but he said he's an asshole, too. I knew lots of people at college who
were bitches and assholes, but none of them would ever have admitted it. There was something oddly empowering about just saying it like that. It wasn't something I could do.

  I shouldn't have stabbed her. I shouldn't have had sex with those men, either. I didn't know what I was thinking when I did that. It seemed exciting in a strange way, like I was a spy or a tempting seductress or something. I wasn't. I was just Chastity. I mean, I liked having sex with them, because who doesn't like orgasms, but...

  I didn't like stabbing her. I thought I needed to do it, but as soon as I did it made me feel sick. Then when Noah slammed me into the chair, I felt even more sick. I couldn't stop thinking about it for days... I thought I'd killed someone. How could I kill someone? The idea of killing someone had never crossed my mind before.

  She was alive, though. She was alive and I hated her, or I thought I hated her, but I didn't want to kill her, which left me doing... what? It left me chained to a bed doing nothing, that's what. They brought me food and let me go to the bathroom, but that was it. Sometimes she came to me, but I just yelled at her.

  Until today.

  Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to this. I knew I shouldn't have. I needed to, though. I was sorry. Angeline, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I was stupid. I'll try not to be stupid again. Maybe that was a stupid thing to think, but I just wanted to think it.

  Noah and Angeline seemed so much more real than me, more real than I could ever be, too. I wanted to be real like that.

  I was sitting in a chair in a room with tiled floors and pink painted walls. A soft, light pink. The walls were pretty. The table in front of me was made of wood, and she put a strange machine on it, then strapped my wrist to the table. I let her and I freely gave her my wrist. It wasn't a struggle. I'd agreed to this.

  Maybe I shouldn't have.

  She strapped my pinky finger in, too, and then did some things and tightened a wedge. The metal wedge pressed tight beneath my nail, pushing hard between my fingernail and my finger tip. I could feel it there, a constant reminder, forceful and persistent.

  I couldn't stop crying. No, no, no...

  Stop that, I told myself. You need to do this.

  "We do not have to, my pet," Angeline said.

  Was I her pet? What did that mean? I didn't really know. I liked the way she said it, though. She always sounded so harsh and atonal when she was talking to me, except when she said those things and called me that she sounded soft and gentle. It reminded me of love.

  I didn't love her, I just liked the way she said those words. I wanted to love Noah, but I didn't think that was possible, either. He was here, though. Oh, Noah, are you watching? I'm trying to be brave. I'm trying to be real...

  "No," I said. "Please. Please do it."

  She stood next to me, petting my hair. Her fingers ran from the side of my cheeks to back behind my ear, teasing my hair along the side of my head. I nuzzled against her hand, liking the feel of her touch. It reminded me of when I was younger and my mother used to brush my hair. She was always too busy now, though.

  I didn't even know if they were looking for me. I wanted to think they would, but I knew they wouldn't personally do it. My family wasn't like that. They were loving, but in an indifferent sort of way. They loved at their own convenience, when it was easy for them. They were sad for the same reasons. It never felt like any of the emotions they showed were real because of that. It never felt like they understood what being happy was, or what being sad was like, or how pain felt, or any of that.

  It never felt like...

  Angeline bent down at my side and kissed a tear from my cheek. I didn't know why, but I wanted to; I wanted to kiss her. I turned towards her and kissed her cheek, too. She seemed surprised that I did that. I didn't know why I did that.

  "It will hurt," she said.

  "No," I said. "I know. It's... it's alright."

  Noah just watched us from the side. He kept muttering to himself, but I couldn't hear anything more than a few stray words like "fucking..." and "stupid" and "crazy bitch."

  Maybe I was, but this was what I chose to be.

  Angeline rested her hand on my head softly, then moved to the other side of the table. This was going to hurt. Oh God, why did I agree to this? Who knew? I didn't. I couldn't say anything, though. I needed to. Just this one fingernail. They did it, right? They lost all of their fingernails, so if they could do that, I could do this.

  Angeline slammed her hand down on the lever, ripping my fingernail loose. I screamed. It hurt. It hurt so much. I couldn't see. I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't. I couldn't see anything. Pain blinded me. It hurt. This hurts. Please... please don't... No, I told you to. I wanted to do this, but please... no more...

  It stopped. She pulled my fingernail free and it came without resistance. That part didn't hurt much at all, to be honest. It was just a quick pull, small tug, and... snap, it was out. Not that this helped the rest of my hand. My finger felt like it was on fire and my entire hand kept shaking and spasming. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to cry but I couldn't stop.

  She unbuckled my hand and pulled it loose, holding it softly in her open palms.

  "Shh," Angeline said. "Shh, my pet. Shh. It is alright. You are a good pet. You are good. You are very good."

  In between sniffling and spasming, I somehow managed to speak. "I'm sorry I hurt you," I said.

  "Shh," she said. "It is alright. I am sorry that I hurt you, too."

  I opened my eyes and looked at her through blurry tears. She smiled at me. It was a strange smile, though. She looked sad. Why was she sad? I wanted to know, but I was too afraid to ask her.

  Careful and gentle, she lifted my hand to her lips. Opening them, she stuck my wounded finger into her mouth. Her tongue teased at the underside of my fingertip. If my finger didn't hurt so much, it might have tickled. She caressed up the side of my finger with her tongue, then gently licked at the blood where my fingernail used to be.

  It still hurt, but I liked this. It was like when my mother used to kiss it better if I fell and hurt myself. My mother never did that, though, I just wished she would have. She would only go and get antiseptic spray and then put a bandage on it. It wasn't soft and sweet and caring, it was clinical and necessary.

  Angeline continued licking my finger, but then she stopped. Careful, she pulled away from me, opening her mouth so as not to scrape her teeth or press her lips against my injured finger. She poked her tongue out after and lapped at some of the blood on my fingertip.

  "You taste good," she said. "I like it."

  "What does that mean?" I asked her.

  "Do you want to try?" she asked.

  I didn't know what she meant, but I nodded my head, yes.

  She kissed the tip of my finger, trailing blood across her lips. She was much prettier than me. It looked like she had bright red lipstick on. That was me, though; it was my blood. It made me feel accomplished for some strange reason.

  Then she moved in slowly and offered me her lips. I didn't understand at first. What was she doing? Suddenly it dawned on me, though. Oh. I tasted good? My blood did?

  It was kind of strange, but sexy in a way. Vampires were sexy, right? She wasn't a vampire, was she? Vampires didn't exist... did they? Probably not, but maybe. Maybe she was. I wished I could be something exciting like a vampire.

  Without thinking, losing myself to the moment, I offered my lips to her. She kissed me lightly. I didn't really think this was a kiss, though. Not a sexy kiss. We weren't making out. I licked at her lips and tasted my own blood. It... it was weird. It was different.

  I could taste her, too. Her lips tasted sweet, like cherries, and then I could taste the metallic tang of my blood mixed in, too. It was intoxicating in a different sort of weird way. I didn't know if I liked it, but I didn't hate it.

  "Come," she said. "Noah, will you carry my pet?"

  "The fuck?" Noah said. "I'm pretty damn sure she can walk on her own, love."

  "He's right," I said. I tried to
say that, at least. I tried to be strong. I tried to be real and exciting and unique, but I wasn't. When I went to stand, I almost fell over. My feet refused to stand up and my legs kept wobbling. The only thing I could think of was the pain in my finger. Oh, it hurt so much.

  I was good, though. She said I was. I was a good girl and she liked how I tasted. I knew it was strange, but I thought it was a nice thing to say.

  Before I could fall, Noah caught me. He strode to my side and put his strong arms around me and held me up. Before I realized what was going on, he had an arm around my back and one under my knees and he was carrying me around like a damsel in distress.

  I didn't want to be a damsel in distress. I wanted to be strong like Noah and Angeline.

  "We will go, my Chastity White," Angeline said to me. "Come with us. Noah will bring you."

  "Where are we going?" I asked.

  "If I let you in my room, will you be good?" she asked me. "Will you be a good pet?"

  "Holy fucking shit," Noah said. "Are you serious?"

  "What?" Angeline asked.

  "You just fucking told me a little while ago that you don't let people in your room," he said. "You seriously just fucking told me that."

  "I do not understand," she said.

  "Chastity White? She's a person?"

  She gave him a funny look. "Noah, do not be silly. She is my pet. That is not a person."

  "What the fuck am I? Am I not a person, too?"

  "You are Noah," Angeline said, giving him another funny look. "How is this difficult to understand?"

  "You're fucking crazy, love."

  I didn't hear anymore of their conversation. Noah's arms felt so strong and warm and tight and the pain hurt so much that I stopped thinking. I closed my eyes and slipped into unconsciousness.

  *** Noah

  I think I've said this before, but Angeline is seriously fucking crazy. She is psychotic. She is one fucked up bitch. I don't even fucking understand anything she does.

  First off, I didn't think we were making this Chastity Fucking White thing into a whole day affair. I thought we'd go see the stupid bitch, say something, get her to calm the fuck down, and then leave. I wanted to drag my crazy fucking psychotic bitch back to her bedroom, throw her on the bed, and ravage the fuck out of her.