Adam and I would make up. Eventually. At least his coming clean was proof that he was interested in taking a different path than we had been on since…well, forever. As siblings, we had a long way to go if we really wanted to mend our relationship and make it into something real, but I couldn’t worry about us right now.
In this moment, the only thought on my mind was that Sawyer had come back for me. He had come back four years ago and I missed out on my chance. Again.
My anger melted into anguish. If fate really existed then she loved to fuck with me. No one should be forced to endure so many missed opportunities with someone they love. Or maybe fate just knew that Sawyer and I couldn’t be and was trying to spare me the pain. It didn’t matter. Any way I sliced it, fate was a bitch.
A sudden wave of nausea hit me. I slipped off my jacket and tried to get some air, blinking back tears. My skin hurt, my throat burned, my heart shattered. Everything was broken.
What if I had gone to Europe with Sawyer four years ago? What would have happened?
I hurt for the memories that never were; I hurt for the “what ifs” that could’ve been dreams come true; I hurt for an “us” that I had let slip by.
Six years ago. Four years ago. Yesterday…
I don’t remember how I made it to the entrance of the gondola. Probably by looking at the ground, shuffling my feet, and tuning out Maddie and Connor’s voices. However, as soon as my foot stepped over the threshold of the cabin entrance, someone grabbed me from behind and gently pushed me inside, shutting the door behind us.
“This ride is three miles long. That means that you’re all mine for the next ten minutes,” he whispered in my ear. “In that amount of time, I’m going to make you realize that you should be mine even after that.”
My skin prickled with excitement as I spun around to face the owner of that incredibly intoxicating voice. “Sawyer?!” The gondola began to move, throwing me off balance. “What are you doing here?” I asked, reaching out to hold one of the handle bars.
“I just told you what I was doing.” His green eyes blazed. “Trying not to repeat the worst mistake of my life: letting you go.”
“How did you know—”
“Where to find you?” He nodded his head toward the cabin behind us. “Maddie told me. I tried to call your cell, but you didn’t pick up. So I called her and she said you were in line for this ride and I had two minutes to get my ass over here if I wanted to see you.”
“But…” I was at a loss for words. “The qualifier.”
He took a step forward, filling the distance between us with his tall frame. “I was almost all the way to the event when I realized that there will be other qualifiers. Hell, hopefully there will be other Olympic games. But there’s only one you. I want you, Silver.”
“We can’t always have everything we want.”
“Then I need you,” he shot back. “Don’t you dare dispute my needs.”
“I’m just trying to spare you from making a mistake,” I whispered.
“Not being with you is a mistake. One I’ve made way too many times.” He dipped his head toward my face so that we were a mere inch apart and I could admire the amber flecks within his eyes. They were such a beautiful golden-green. I could spend an eternity losing myself in them.
“Six years apart was way too long,” he said. “We should’ve known better.” The intensity of his gaze made me melt. I just wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and collide into him.
He pressed his forehead against the glass window and looked out. “You have no idea how many times I was in California during your school-year or in Colorado during the summer.” He shook his head and frowned, looking as if he was trying to expel memories of a time long ago from his mind. “You have no idea how many times I had forced myself not to see you. You have no idea how many times I had convinced myself that letting you go was the right thing to do!”
“Going to that Olympic qualifier is the right thing to do,” I reminded him. Maybe this wasn’t the time to bring it up, but I was afraid that he would end up regretting the missed opportunity. I didn’t want to be the reason all his hard work got flushed down the drain. “I can’t be the reason you miss out on your dream, Sawyer.”
“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re the dream, Silver!” he growled, turning back to me. “You’re way more important that any Olympic medal. I don’t mind losing out on this for us.”
“Every tour is important. Every event. Every jump,” I recited what he’d told me before. Though there were numerous ways to earn points toward qualifying for the Olympic team, the competition was tough.
He shook his head. “There will be other chances for gold medals, but there’s only one you.”
“But doing well on each event is extremely important for your overall score.” I felt like I was arguing with a stubborn child who didn’t understand that what I was saying was for his own good.
Or maybe I was the stubborn child who was refusing to embrace the gift standing in front of me.
“Stop twisting that curl.” Sawyer took my hand and threaded his fingers through mine, pulling me to him. His other hand cupped my chin. “Stop biting that lip.” As he leaned in even closer, his breath caressed my lips. “Stop thinking,” he said. “You know we belong together. Everything else will work itself out.”
I felt the power of his gaze. Everywhere. His eyes kissed me so hard that my legs began to tremble. “I want you, Silver. I want to own you. I want to make you mine in every way possible. In all the ways I was too afraid to do before. I’ve never loved anyone else in the world the way I love you,” he said as I struggled not to cry. “Hell, aside from Lyla, I don’t think I’ve ever actually loved anyone. In any way. You’re the reason that I was able to survive losing her. If it hadn’t been for you, I would have died right along with her.”
“If it hadn’t been for you, my entire childhood would’ve been devoid of all color,” I admitted. “You helped me see the world in a much different light than I’d been brought up to see. You made me laugh, you made me want, you made me cry—you made me realize what it truly meant to be alive. And you made me understand how important that life was.”
We had been two broken kids, too mature for our own good, each fractured in our own way. Sawyer’s pain was a million times most severe than mine, of course, but without him by my side I wouldn’t have been brave enough to do half of the things I had accomplished over the years.
I wouldn’t have questioned the world. I was already too much of a goody-two-shoes when it came to my parents, but at least Sawyer had challenged me. I wasn’t afraid to stand up to them when I knew he would be there to catch me in the aftermath.
When he left, I’d stopped fighting. This past week with him had made me realize just how much I had given up after his departure. I gave up a part of myself. I chose not to live a fulfilled life and be the person I wanted to be.
“You came to my graduation,” I said. It wasn’t a question, but Sawyer nodded. “Adam told me what he did. What my parents did. I’m so sorry.”
“It was my decision not to see you in the end,” he replied. “After Adam spoke to me, I realized that if I went after you I wouldn’t be able to hold back.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Hold back? From what?”
“I would have told you how I’d always felt about you. I would have been a selfish prick and asked you to decline your acceptance to Stanford and come away with me. I’d missed you like crazy in those two years apart and didn’t want a life without you.”
“But you didn’t,” I said. “Say any of those things…do anything…”
He shook his head. “I couldn’t do that to you, Silver. Partly because it would have destroyed me if you’d said no, but mainly because I hadn’t wanted to be the one to shatter your dream of being a doctor.” Smiling sadly, he added, “It’s funny how we’re both so concerned about protecting each other’s dreams.”
“Pre-med at Stanford was my parents’ dr
eam, not mine,” I said. “I was so scared to say no to them, to follow my real dreams, but I’m not afraid anymore.”
Sawyer cupped my cheek, gently stroking my skin. “Does that mean what I think it means?”
“It means that maybe you’re right,” I said, nodding. “Maybe it’s worth taking a risk and trying to finally be together. It won’t be easy, but—”
He pressed his lips against mine, in a slow, sensual kiss that traveled from my lips all the way into my toes, slowly unraveling me. It reached the very depths of my soul, filling in for lost time and miles of distance, charging me with warmth and power.
“But we’re worth it,” he said when we pulled apart. “I promise you that.”
“I do have some conditions, though,” I murmured.
“Name them.” He caressed my bottom lip with the pad of his thumb. “As long as they involve more kissing.”
“For one, you have to let me drive you to the airport right after this ride is over. If you take the next flight out, maybe you can still make the tournament.” He was about to protest, so I pressed my fingers against his lips to keep him from speaking. “We both have to live out our career dreams to the fullest while we live the dream of being together,” I said. “Okay?”
Slowly, the tension in his jaw gave way and he nodded obediently. “What else?”
“As much as I would love to crawl into the safety of your arms and use you as my escape, I have to figure out my life on my own.” This was extremely important for me. “Sixteen-year-old Dylan would have had no problem using you as a crutch,” I explained. “I wouldn’t have hesitated in following you to the end of the earth and back.”
“Today’s Dylan doesn’t want to?”
“To tell you the truth, I want to. More than anything,” I admitted. “But this is my battle. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life without relying on your help. Or even Maddie’s. You guys have done enough to open my eyes and awaken my heart. This is on me now. I’ve been too afraid for way too long. I have to go back to Denver, stand up to my parents and figure out this mess.”
Then it hit me.
“No. Not mess.” I shook my head. That was the wrong word. “Figure out my life,” I corrected. “My beautiful, perfect life.”
“How do we not repeat the mistakes of six years ago?” Sawyer asked.
“We work at it. We work at it really hard even when things get tough.” My arms slid around his waist and I pressed my body against his. “When you left last night, I wasn’t trying. I was already thinking about the future. I was jumping to the last page of our book and trying to figure out how all this would end.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Baby, you need to start enjoying the present, because we won’t have an end. Our story will just keep going on and on. The book of Silver and Sawyer will span an entire lifetime. It will be longer than the freaking Iliad. Remember when you tried to help me get through that?” His smile morphed into a full-brown grin.
“As I recall, you never made it to the end,” I laughed.
“Rest assured that I’m going to read every single page of our book. I promise. Especially the dirty scenes. I’m going to read those over and over again.” In a span of a few sentences, Sawyer’s face had managed to transform from a sweet smile to a joking grin to an incredibly sexy smirk. For the life of me I couldn’t choose which expression I loved more.
Probably all of them.
Then he sobered and said, “I hope you know that I never want to stand in the way of anything you wish to achieve. Even if you decide that med school is your calling, know that I’ll be there for you every step of the way. I’ve already waited six years; I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to be mine. I want all of you—including your medical degree or photography business, or whatever you need to do and whoever you choose to be.”
“I needed to hear that,” I said as his lips grazed mine.
His words or his touch—I didn’t know which one was more intoxicating. My entire body hummed to life when he was around.
“Hell, even if you decide to join a convent I’ll still stay by your side.”
I chuckled at the absurdity of the idea. “In the convent?”
“Anywhere you are, Silver.” I could feel his lips smiling as he pressed them against mine. “Though the whole convent idea may make certain things a little more difficult,” he said.
“Is that so?” I murmured into his mouth.
“Things like this…” He snaked out his tongue to lick my top lip. “…may be forbidden.” His hands glided down the curve of my back until they were cupping my ass. “And things like this are definitely forbidden.”
“Then I guess my lifelong dream of becoming a nun is out of the question,” I joked. “There’s no way that I could behave around you.”
“Good. Because the things I have planned for us definitely involve a lot of misbehavior.” My ear tingled when he whispered into it. His voice covered my body like warm honey, melting on my skin and seeping into my insides.
“Keep demonstrating,” I begged. Pressing my hips into his, my body suddenly filled with a warm, moist ache. It began as a tiny ripple in the center of my core then spanned out into every cell of my entire being, making me yearn for an explosion of release.
Sawyer’s eyes heated as he as he felt me tremble underneath him. “We’re halfway to the other mountain peak.” He glanced through the window. “How many times do you think I can make you scream out my name in five minutes?”
Oh, my God…
My knees buckled at those words. Sawyer steadied me, then slid his hands down to my backside, cupping me over my woolen dress.
“Another skirt. I like it,” he murmured, edging his way under the fabric. “But these stockings gotta go. Right away. Unless you want me to rip them off again.”
I kind of did. But I obeyed his request and helped him remove them. Once they were off, I slipped my feet back into my boots and off the cold floor.
Sawyer’s eyes drank in my bare legs as he treated me to a sultry smile. “Much better.” Sinking on the bench behind him, he reached out to grab my waist. “Come here.”
“You’re quite demanding today,” I said, slightly surprised by the intensity in his voice.
Not that I was complaining. Sawyer’s impatient hunger for me was a pretty big turn-on.
“We have five minutes before you send me packing, Silver,” he warned. “The more time we waste, the less time I’ll have to do this…” His right hand drifted down my hip to the inside of my thigh. Scaling up my heated skin, he looped one finger through the bottom of my thong and pulled me closer.
“Sawyer…”
“Looks like you’re not wasting any time either.” His voice dipped to a husky, low growl as another finger teased my entrance. “You’re already so wet for me.”
Key word—him. My body had never responded to anyone this way. It was as if I was conditioned to crave him and only him.
“Don’t think it’ll take much to make you scream. And melt.” Plunging inside me, he hooked his fingers and drew me to him so that I was straddling his lap. My thighs parted wide open, leaving me completely exposed to him.
And those skilled fingers…rubbing me, strumming me, penetrating me…
“Oh, God…Sawyer!”
Thankfully, the windows of the gondola were tinted. I just hoped the cabin was also soundproof. He smothered my cries with his lips, continuing his passionate assault on every nerve in my body.
The combination of his rapid, impaling strokes and his own arousal, pressing up tightly against me, sent me soaring higher than the mountain peaks we were currently ascending. It wasn’t long before I was tumbling over the edge, unraveling around him as I drenched his hand with warm, liquid bliss.
“We’ve still got four minutes.” His breath was blazing hot against my ear, smelling of sweet mint. Fire and ice washed over me simultaneously, sending excited shivers down my skin.
“Only four?” I whimpered, sl
owly tumbling down from my high. The realization that he’d be gone after that dawned on me.
At least this time, it wouldn’t be a permanent goodbye.
“Don’t worry.” A naughty grin tugged at the corners of his lips. “I’m going to break world records for both speed and style today, Silver. This is going to be one ride you’ll never forget. I promise.”
Before he’d even finished speaking, I was already unzipping his jeans. I wanted him so badly—the sudden, aching need pulsing through me was more powerful than anything I’d ever felt. I wanted to fuse myself with him, feel his presence on a deeper level than I’d ever felt before.
There were no horny forest rangers to help us out this time, but thankfully Sawyer came prepared. Upon sliding on the condom, he guided my hips over his length, filling me to the point where I was ready to burst. His name was already a moan on my lips as I dug my nails into his back, feeling him throb inside me. All before we’d even begun moving.
One hand grasping my waist and the other tangled through my hair, Sawyer set the rhythm—rough and hard and exhilarating all at the same time.
Green eyes claimed me, and though the position should have made me feel like I was the one in control, I completely lost myself in him. My desires for thinking, breathing—hell, even living—were completely swallowed up by my desperate need for pleasure and closeness. My entire existence was centered on this very moment with Sawyer.
Soon, we were both panting, breathless from the hurried tempo of our movements. I could feel the gondola swaying beneath us—back and forth, up and down, threatening to tear away from the cable holding it safely in place and plunge us both to the abyss below.
It only took a few moments for me to break apart again. Placing my palms against the wall behind Sawyer’s head, I cried out his name as my entire world exploded. Tremors continued to rock my body even as the pressure within me subdued, but Sawyer didn’t allow me to stop moving. Gripping harder, he pulled me down onto him, thrusting so deep he quickly set off a second earthquake within my already sensitive core.
Silver Heart Page 22
